Before we start some health professionals would say I should ask “would you date someone who is HIV+ or has AIDS? instead of "would you date someone who is HIV/AIDS+?". I think everyone gets the point of my question without having to go all technical, besides I am not writing a thesis.
This is very simple in my opinion,
HIV is a virus which leads to
AIDS. The two are intricately linked.
Would you date someone who is HIV+ or has AIDS?
It’s a question that I have been thinking about lately and since a reader suggested I do a blog about the matter. I was further encouraged by my commitment to Bloggers Unite which provided good reasons for me to put together this entry. I decided to observe as usual and show’s like Scandal offer a very cleaned up form of the reality. On the AIDS side, Angels In Americas was a television event which bravely showed us the downside of HIV/AIDS. Soul City, Isidingo and many other shows address the issue.
Although I think it’s more common these days to find couples where one of them has either AIDS or HIV, it is not without a constant reminder. But then those couples are always with HIV+ individuals who are taking very good care of themselves. This brings me to the packaging ideology which people seem to have and a direct function of the human relationship system. When someone goes to gym and looks great, you tend to be willing to understand their HIV+ condition as opposed to someone who looks like they are going to drop dead any second. Same as when you meet a person who does not have the disease but doesn’t pay as much attention to how they package themselves.
The issue: You do not have HIV/AIDS but you are presented with a possibility of dating a person you really like, but that individual is HIV+ or has /AIDS. Do you continue dating them or do you run as fast as you can?
Or you date someone you like and you find out they are either HIV+ or have AIDS. What do you do? Ask them point blank or just make up excuses and break things off?
You may think it’s an easy decision to make, but take a moment to think about this situation. You meet someone you really like and everything is going so well, you feel as if you are on top of the world until at date number four when, after obvious heated sexual attraction, he or she tells you that they are HIV/AIDS positive.
What do you do? Cry if you are female? or Storm out when you are male? This is after your face goes cold from the instant rush of blood away from you face.
When you date someone who has Cancer or any other medial disease which is long term, we are almost always very compassionate and very loving. However with HIV/AIDS we immediately think twice and stay clear, when you’re newly found boyfriend or girl friend tells you that they have the disease. This is the disease that has torn families apart and destroyed the fabric of man kind not to mention created a new level of lies and deceit.
I personally think it’s critical that you tell me on day one, so that if I continue with the relationship I now exactly where we stand. If my
last blog is anything to go by, we already know that the relationship game is riddled with secrets and lies. Someone can look into your eyes and tell the most amazing bunch of horse *bleep!* and you believe them in the hopes of finding Mr or Miss Right.
The question here folks is…..would you date someone who is HIV+ or has AIDS?
Comment #1Honestly, I was a nervous wreck, even after doing my research. We're educated about protecting ourselves from the virus in healthcare, but not much is said about having a relationship with an HIV+ person. Mentally, I was not prepared. My heart would be pounding as I lay in bed at night while he slept beside me snoring. I was so scared thinking about the "what ifs". At times I could tell he was nervous because he would say that he didn't want be responsible for harming me. There are medications which an HIV- person can take which may be preventative. However, it's still a virus that is not very well understood and there is no 100% fail proof method of prevention.We are no longer dating- but for other reasons. Would I do it again? I don't know... you have to be a strong person. Mentally strong to ignore your fears, strong enough to ignore the cultural "stigma" that surrounds the virus and strong enough to be safe, consistently - all the time. It hurts to hear my friends make ignorant comments not knowing that I was dating someone who was HIV+. But I was also one of those ignorant people at one time.
Comment #2I am not disputing the fact that people with HIV aren't nice people and I am sure most were dealt a very bad hand. However, I don't think comparing someone dying from cancer can stack up against someone with HIV. You can't catch cancer, but you can contract HIV from a partner. I would like to think of myself as an open minded person and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I am also a very honest person and I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I couldn't knowingly date someone that is infected.
Comment #3To be honest, I don't know. I would have to say that being HIV+ wouldn't be the only factor in dating or not dating a person. If we have similar likes & dislikes, interests, hobbies, & outlook onlife, I would say that no, HIV would not prevent me from dating that person. For me dating doesn't mean having sex. Dating to me is the "Old Fashioned" definition, getting to know someone beyond the surface. If it ended up becoming a relationship, down the line, I would already be emotionally into the person & HIV status wouldn't prevent me from continuing the relationship.
Comment #4I'm just being honest. If the person confirms that he/she is HIV+ I absolutely would not be interested in any romantic or sexual relationship with that person. No exceptions. I don't care how interesting or attractive they are.
Now that you have formed an opinion, think about this. Do you think you would deal with dating someone with Genital Herpes better than the one who is HIV+ or has AIDS? Keep in mind that there is currently no cure that can eradicate herpes virus from the body.
On
Scandal, that couple ended up marrying each other. Would you do that?
I think this is the most important question you could ever ask yourself in the pursuit of your own happiness especially when it comes to companionship. Some of you have never even thought about this and sadly you may be faced with this question the day you meet the person you like.
What happens when you find your negative partner and you get married, have children and he brings the bug home? How would you deal with that?
It’s happening to a lot of married couples. Some expect it to be the guy but increasingly women are also spreading.
This is a very sensitive subject for a lot of people. If you are not HIV+ or AIDS, you can never fathom what those who are positive go through emotionally and physically. I also have no idea, what I have observed thus far is enough to put me off sex for a long time. But then I remind myself that a simple mistake with blood at a local hospital (even if its a private facility) can see me become a statistic.
What scares me the most…..are the stories of the condom breaking during sex! This is a source of my nightmares, since I started investigating this blog. Can you imagine, there you are mourning in ecstasy hitting your sexual notes of pleasure like a pro that only you are, and all of a sudden the joy ride is cut short because the sentence; ”*bleep!* baby….I think the condom broke”….. come out of your partners mouth with such urgency and concern that your BP “blood pressure” goes from HOT to EXTREME COLD in nanoseconds.
Then comes the question…
.what happened?….well hello…. pleasure Queen…we have been having sex and you kept saying I should go harder! …Can you imagine! A true source of sleepless nights!
All of a sudden the entire week seems like eternity as you make plans to go for tests and having to think relentlessly about what you should and shouldn’t have done. The sad part is that your stress will always show the HIV positive partner your true feelings, no mater how much you try to hide and he would feel guilty that he put you in danger.
I had a pleasure of meeting a lady who cared for her husband who had AIDS and she was faced with an arduous task of feeding him, bathing him, dressing his sores, changing his nappies, giving him medication and a laundry list of stuff including going to work to earn a living to continue paying bills. The husband’s family did not lift a finger, although she knew she was also infected she loved her husband till the day she buried him. When she showed me pictures of the guy in that condition, I could not go past picture seven. I would not want to say I can never do what she did, since what she did was a commitment to the loving she had for her husband, and even if the hubby loved her and left her with a ticked to join him. She really loved him.
I found the story very hard to deal with, especially when I asked, “Did you ever talk about him infecting you?, she cried and quickly calmed herself down like a pro and said with a very strong face. “He knew that I found out and at the time, I just needed to look after my husband. The people who gave him the disease where not there at all hours taking care of him in his child like state, I was alone” She continues by saying “I loved him and our family. I had to be strong for our child and no one was there to help. They all came to check if he had died”. I then ask her to stop!
Would you date someone who is HIV+ or has AIDS?
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