One of the great things that Big Brother does is to open up conversations and insight into other African traditions, cultures and norms. Uti’s father’s passing is the latest lesson.
When Uti’s father passed away and he opted to stay on in the game, I was shocked. As much as it is none of the addicts business, we were involved. To me, I could not understand how the game could be more important than a family “crisis”.
Uti did mention that his father gave him the blessing to go into the game even though his father was frail from a long Cancer battle. I was still not happy that he should stay so I asked contacts that through my biggie motherland blogging had been cyberly introduced to me. I knew they could offer me a mountain of information to help me ease my mind and also allow me to learn about the different norms, cultures and traditions of a Nigerian funeral.
I will be quoting a lot of what I was told in this article as I do not have firsthand experience and am not Nigerian. I do encourage anyone who may know more to also comment and provide information to us who are willing to learn. Kindly refrain from attacking those that may not understand and also if you do not agree with the information – clarify but don’t attack.
Nigeria is a complex country with a lot of tribes; this then multiplies the cultures, norms and traditions. It is a “country with more than a 150 Million people” very diverse in everything but united and a “complimentary tradition in the diversity”. “
There are 9 main languages in Nigeria and more than 300 dialects; there are also different religions - the two most prominent being Christianity and Islam (approximately 45%/49% of the population respectively)”.
With the Islam faith – when someone dies; they are “buried within 24 hours (all things being equal) -irrespective of the age, status or wealth of the deceased. It does not matter where the children of the deceased resides (USA, Russian, China, Jericho, end of the earth, etc); the corpse will not be kept for their arrival; it must be buried with the Islamic prescribed time in the Koran of within 24 hours.
"All things being equal" means that the circumstances 0f the death are not a murder case or any other foul play that may require the corpse to be kept for further investigation. But the celebration is the same especially if the person is older than 70 years”
“In Christianity, there is no time frame for burying the dead, thus this can take up to a year or more (in some cases) to bury the deceased; and people can truly go to town on this.
Here tribe, tradition and culture does play critical roles. The length of the burial time depends on the following:
1. The Tribe (Igbo, Yoruba, Efik, etc)
2. The age of the deceased (older than 70 years);
3. A "TITLED" person (titled meaning state president (former or current) king, chief, or other high accolades that the person had been given based on their contribution to their community, the nation, etc;
4. Male or female (this is very important especially in the Igbo society where mothers are held in very high esteem. Every tribe respects their mothers, but the Igbos especially.
5. Number of wives/husbands that the deceased had as everyone would want to come and pay their last respects to the deceased (divorces plays no part in this);
6. Number of children, the more prominent and wealthy children the deceased have the longer it would take to bury him/her;
7. Status in the society, wealth and their residential location of the children;
8. On the totem pole of children, your number in the line of children; If you are a last child, you have less responsibilities (unless you are the wealthiest).
9. And a multitude of other determinations that are too numerous to list.”
When the deceased is older than 70; has grown children, prominent and wealthy. The children will not wear black; they will wear bright colors (preferable the deceased favorite colors) and wear white to the church service. The party is to celebrate the life and achievements of the deceased.
This is where the children will show off all their achievements which would all be attributed to the good upbringing of the deceased. Congratulatory obituaries (full pages) will be taken out in the newspapers - obituaries are very big business.
Examples to google
1. The President that died in office recently
When President Umaru Yar-Adua who was 58 years old (16 August 1951 to 5 May 2010 ) died earlier this year; as a devout Muslim, he was buried within 24 hours with not much fan fare as prescribed by his religion. As a President, he it was a State Funeral; there was ceremonial functions held; but it was low key as Muslims are not showy people, it was not a showy affair.
He was considered young since he died at the age of 58; not the 3 score and 10 (70 years) as stated in religious books as the years prescribed by God. So there would not have been great feasting and merriment for him but mourning.
2. Former Western State Premier
When Chief Obafemi Awolowo died (March 6 1909-May 9 1987) at the age of 78; as a Christian and a very prominent Citizen; he was embalmed and put in a sitting position in a Mausoleum. His funeral took several months to organize.
He had children who are prominent in the society and wealthy; some were living abroad and they all had to come home for the burial; so he could not just be buried as if he was a pauper. He was rich not only by his personal wealth; but by the number of prominent and wealthy children that he had.
There was great feasting and parties as it was considered that he died in old age.
3. Death of the first President of Nigeria
When Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe (16 November 1904 - 11 May 1996) died at a ripe old age of 92. His corpse was embalmed and kept in the Mortuary for over a year. As a Titled man, the first President of a country with several prominent and wealthy children and grand children scattered all over the world, his funeral had to be meticulously planned.
It was a celebration of a life well lived rather than mourning. There were traditional dances, masquerades, etc for an entire week leading to his burial and after. His children and grand-children must show that it was a life well lived
UTI’ S CASE
“As you well know, Uti is the last born of his father, so he has very little or no responsibility especially since his father has male siblings alive (Uti's Uncles); even his older siblings have less responsibilities. It is the responsibility of the Uncles to bury their brother.
Uti not leaving BBA All Stars to go home for the arrangement of the funeral is a non-issue really because there is nothing that he would be required to do other than stand around and twiddle his thumb waiting for the funeral day.
Being in the house is actually helping him emotionally to deal with his loss. But if it was his mother that died, Uti would have had to go home (irrespective of the fact that he is the last born).
Now it would have been a different case entirely if his father was healthy (not suffering from any illness) when he went into the house; then suddenly he died. There would not have been any discussion whatsoever, Uti would have left immediately. The family knows there is nothing he is expected to do regarding funeral arrangements.
All children of the deceased, especially prominent and wealthy families must be present at the funeral and all ceremonies. Families have been known to fight bitterly and even stop talking to each other for life due to burials being conducted without the presence of all immediate family members.
It is a very serious issue in Nigeria; you dare not bury someone if all his/her children or siblings are not around or did not give their permission. This is why sometimes, corpses are embalmed and left in the Mortuary or Funeral Homes for months on end.
Uti’s father was in his sixties when he died; that is considered young in the Biblical (even traditional/cultural) standards of 3 score and 10 (which is 70 years). His grand children are still very young (non are grown-ups) and Uti does not even have a child. So there is nothing to celebrate, but a lot to mourn because he was cut down before his time. That is the sentiment of early burial (except Muslims)
The actual funeral activity in each of the cases described above (except Muslim) is four days as follows:
Thursday for the coming together of all family members and finalizing on who does what;
Friday for the wake-keeping which is an all night affair of singing dancing, crying, drinking and all out merriment (if deceased is old);
Saturday for the actual funeral; then an all night party afterwards; and
Sunday for church service to close the funeral/burial celebration; then another partying after church..
Several streets are usually closed for these celebrations (off course with written permission from the municipality).
If it a king dies, the whole community will be involved in the preparations and if Uti was from a Royal family (a Prince), there would have no discussion of leaving; he would have had to leave the show and go home.”
I hope this clarifies Uti’s situation better with regards to his father’s funeral taking long, his stay in the game after the passing and traditions and norms of the Nigerian people.
Remember the golden rule – read and learn, comment and do not cause harm, teach/clarify and do not attack.