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How to let go...

Written by Tshd21 from the blog Tshd21 un-edited on 05 Dec 2007
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An sms at exactly 5:39 on Saturday the 17th changed my life, I found out that my sister (God bless her soul) passed away. I read the message again and again...and couldn't believe it, until my mother called a few seconds later. Of-course I still could not believe it, so I called my sister's phone which was answered by a sobbing aunt...

Sometimes you look at people and assume that they will always be there...You just don't see them disappearing on the face of the earth. This experience has left a thousand questions in my mind. Questions that I know, I will not get answers to, but still can't help wrecking my brain cells. How do I let go? I know and have delt with things that I had to let go of in the past.

eg. Ending an abusive relationship... I stayed in the relationship longer than I should have but one day, decided enough was enough and kicked him okay okay, hypothetically speaking! out of my life. Back then, I chose to end the person in question's existence in my life, not God. That experience taught me that sometimes in life, you are going to have to let go of people you love...Not because you stopped loving them, but because you know that their part in your life has passed and the longer you let them stay, you are only hurting yourself. You realise that with them in your life, no matter how much you love them, you are only moving backwards. So, you end up having to let them go.

But this time it is different...my ex did not die on me...We did NOT talk on the phone and plan how and where we are going to party, get drunk and flirt like hell while at it during the festives, only for him to die just before we get there.

My current breaking-down-crying-even-at-work healing process was the painful inspiration behind this article, with a few questions on letting go of-course.

1. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where letting go was harder than expected? (Relationships, betrayal, death)?

2. How long did it take you to go through the whole process?

3. How did you do it?

4. Ba ba marapo a tiileng bare time heal old wounds. I know that the pain will never go away, but in time, I will learn to live with it...learn to remember without crying and being sad, but while waiting for Miss Thing to fabulously clock her thing, what do I do?

I'm sorry to send u guys back to ur supposedly forgotten sorrows, but we have become a family and I believe that helping one another we should. Your experiences, however painful, will help other bloggers going through the same predicament, including me. Pls share :(

Okay, time to go cry a bit...










59 Comments

Tshd21
04 Dec 2007 11:15

Paragraph 4...We did NOT talk on the phone blah blah blah.....

Tdc: I disabled this article because I was still working on it but was shocked when I saw it active, hence all mistakes! Have no idea what happened, or even why it is under tv...worst of all, I can't seem to edit it....sori!

Okay ma bloggers, simply help a sister out...Waiting...

witty lady
04 Dec 2007 11:38

Girl, sorry about your sister and I understand exactly where you are coming from.
When I broke up with my first boyfriend "first love" I thought there wasn't a pain in the world that could beat that until a friend of mine, close...we were like sisters passed away.

Iyoo I have never felt anything like that in my entire life, there's a huge difference when you know ukuthi the person will never come back. I cried for weeks, I couldn't even delete her e-mails, kept reading them over and over.

There was this pain inside of me, that wouldn't go away and you feel like there's something thick stuck in your throat it doesn't hurt but it's there, couldn't eat, couldn't enjoy anything, but with time I learned to live with the fact that she's not coming back. It is not easy at all..... I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to lose a sister.

DJ Why why
04 Dec 2007 11:56

Eish, I see what you meant when you said you were dealing with some deep ....Time is indeed a healer sisi. And yazi it helps to think of all the good times you shared and rather be grateful for the scenes/moments God had cast her in your movie.

1. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where letting go was harder than expected? (death)? Lost my best friend and i was never the same again! I am talking total personality change, i used to be a spoilt snobbish brat. When he died I was forever crying my flatmate would just sit at the bottom of my bed and sigh! *Sniff, sniff* memories!

I cried all the time everywhere until denial surfaced. Was in denial for 5 months and then had a major breakdown. That is when i was forced to talk to someone about it. I have nt bottled anything in me ever again. 

2. How long did it take you to go through the whole process?
Forever !about 3 years of tears ....i keep wondering how things would be if he was still around. During my falling apart period i was at a new job and cud nt be seen as the new girl with mathata! So i wud steal miself and have a bowlful of tears. I was even thinking, what if they made a mistake and he is living somewhere like hlala kwabafileyo??? 't was also car accident.

I then appreciated the extra-ing he used to do in my movie. I model my boyfriends to the way he used to treat me. Actually what attracted me to my now- boo was a quality he used to have.

Tshd21
04 Dec 2007 12:06

Thanks for understanding Dj...Sori for ur loss gal
U too Wl...

And I know it's still early and I have a long way to go, but the pain keeps getting worse..and I keep crying more.. I'm still wondering where I got the courage to even write this article from, but I will get there eventually! 

I'm knocking off, ckeck u guys kamoso

Cande
04 Dec 2007 12:50

Tshidi ngwana ko gae 'lala ka ntho madi a tshologe'. Death is something we can never get used 2. Only time will heal you. I lost a father in August, i stil thnk abt him everyday. Its even worser that i am back at home 4 the 1st time after his death. It feels like he wil just walk through da door afta work, its worse my lil brother asks about him. the 1st step i think is to accept it, take it a day a time and let time heal you.

Brown Shuga
04 Dec 2007 14:15

Tshidi, my deepest condolensces to you love. It's not easy letting go and I haven't really bought 100% into the saying that 'TIME HEALS"....
I lost my dad in 1998 but it still hurts like it was yesterday! I'm sorry for your loss.

sesikavincent
04 Dec 2007 14:42

1. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where letting go was harder than expected? (Relationships, betrayal, death)? 
Yes, my mother passed away in 2002 and i just automatically blocked away all the pain.......i was just numb( i didnot feel anything) until the following year on my birthday my ex was late for out outing and i never cried like that in my life.....i cried the whole night and wished she was there to comfort me ...... still miss her 
2. How long did it take you to go through the whole process?
I will never ger over her......still miss her but now i dont cry as i used to
3. How did you do it?
talking about the loss helps a lot and when they say time heals its true believe me you it gets better with time

sweetie my baby
04 Dec 2007 14:47

big hug sweetheart. yeah, the pain is crazy. i lost my fiance/best friend in 2002, and i remember when i heard the news, i headed straight for the window to throw myself out of it (2nd floor flat) and escape into death myself. my sister (who had the horrid job of breaking the news to me) and good friend had to restrain me...

time - puts things in perspective. that's been my experience. i am the walking wounded, and i don't know that these scars will ever completely heal - but i have a 'big picture' understanding of life, and the sad fact that death is a part of life.

there are days when i wake up feeling like death, and wishing my man was with me, all these years later. last night, for eg, i watched 'a mighty heart' - that movie about a journo whose husband (also a journalist) was killed by terrorists in Pakistan - it actually happened a few months after i lost my fiance. and the scene where she finds out her husband died - how she screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed  - it brought back so many painful memories, i found the tears just rolling down my face....

heysh. death - a month later i lost my 3 year old niece, then my grandfather, then a cousin, then a good friend who i'd shared a flat with. when it rains, it pours....i just wanted to die.

but here i am, still standing, loving life, and understanding that it's actually better to love and lose, than never to love at all. stay strong, sweetheart. life is a beautiful struggle - sorry to pour so much out - your article opened something in me and got me thinking/blogging/talking....those who love you, NEVER leave you. i honestly believe that.

Nanana
04 Dec 2007 15:06

fIRSTLY,MY CONDOLENCES.

1. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where letting go was harder than expected? (Relationships, betrayal, death)? 
 
PUT FAITH AND CONFIDENCE INTO YOUR PRAYERS AND YOU WILL LEARN TO GO PAST THE GRIEF AND LIVE WITH THE MEMORY OF YOUR LOVED ONE.UNTIL TODAY YOU MAY HAVE BEEN BADGERING URSELF WITH QUESTIONS FOR WHICH THERE SEEMED TO BE NO ANSWERS.JUST FOR TODAY,ALLOW THE QUESTIONS U ASK YOURSELF TO TEACH YOUR MORE ABOUT YOURSELF AND WHEN YOU KNOW MORE,YOU WILL SLOWLY HEAL,BUT DONT RUSH THE HEALING PROCESS

2. How long did it take you to go through the whole process? 
YOU WILL DECIDE WHEN YOU ARE PAST YOUR GRIEF,THERE IS NO SET TIME

3. How did you do it? 

"Whatever the information, whatever our perceptions, we will get what we need to learn in order to do better. That is the universal law."

 I of mine own self can do nothing, it is the Father that dwelled within me that does all the work." 

put God First and he will healeth thee.God be with you.

TSHD YOU LOVED ONE IS NOT FOREVER GONE FROM YOUR LIFE.JUST FOR TODAY,BE DEVOTED TO BEING A LIVING REFLECTION OF THE DREAMS AND LOVE YOU SHARED WITH YOUR SISTER.





Bra Bizza
04 Dec 2007 15:25

my condolences once again....death can be a moffa at times....it comes in different ways in which we do not understand and i think the more you try to make sense of it the deeper it hurts...so one doesn't actually have a cut and paste solution to this thing... for me i still call his number and listen to his voicemail and whenever i visit his younger brother i would see his portrait and just think all the crazy times we had especially at this time of the year cause he was my license to madness...and there's some playstation game that i still can never play cause memories are still fresh after this time and and its been more than a year.. so YOU HAVE to try and remember as much about her as possible cause trying to forget is not gonna work...well lets say it doesn't work for me

FancyPie
04 Dec 2007 23:55

pullie
05 Dec 2007 00:34

my condolences Tshd, time heals in a kind of way but not really- i'v realised u learn to accept as time goes on & b able to live without them.
much luv babes, it will b okay!

SHEZ
05 Dec 2007 00:53

My condolences Tshd21, the bible says all things work together for good to those who love the Lord.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where letting go was harder than expected? (death)? 

I lost my dad 2004 and I never in my life felt so much pain in my life before, I felt pain and thought of ending my own life because I felt like I have lost the most perfoming part of my body, cause me and my dad were friends, but God refused because he knew the purpose of my life and he was there through my sorrows .

How long did it take you to go through the whole process?
 I never did it hurts still today, but I trust in the Lord and kept my faith in him
How    did you do it?
I trusted in the Lord and put my faith in him.                                                                                                                                                                                        

spice
05 Dec 2007 01:02

; Close the door
Shut the world away
All the fights gone from this wounded heart
Across the floor
Dreams and shadows play
Like wind blown refugees

Call the man
Who deals in love beyond repair
He can heal the world
Of hearts in need of care
Shine a light ahead
When the next step is unclear
Call the man
Hes needed here

I close my eyes
I remember when
Your sweet love filled this empty room
The tears I cry
Wont bring it back again
Unless the lonely star should fall

Call the man
Who deals in love beyond repair
He can heal the world
Of hearts in need of care
Shine a light ahead
When the next step is unclear
Call the man
Hes needed here

Needed in the chaos and confusion


THIS SONG GOT ME THROUGH THE DEATH OF A VERY SPECIAL PERSON

spice
05 Dec 2007 01:06

OKAY DELETE THE FIRST REPLY THE LYRICS ARE INCOMPLETE
Close the door
Shut the world away
All the fights gone from this wounded heart
Across the floor
Dreams and shadows play
Like wind blown refugees

Call the man
Who deals in love beyond repair
He can heal the world
Of hearts in need of care
Shine a light ahead
When the next step is unclear
Call the man
Hes needed here

I close my eyes
I remember when
Your sweet love filled this empty room
The tears I cry
Wont bring it back again
Unless the lonely star should fall

Call the man
Who deals in love beyond repair
He can heal the world
Of hearts in need of care
Shine a light ahead
When the next step is unclear
Call the man
Hes needed here

Needed in the chaos and confusion
From the plains to city hall
Needed where the proud who walk the wire are set to fall

Call the man
Who deals in once upon a time
Maybe he
Can mend this broken heart of mine
Shine a light ahead
Now the future isnt clear
Call the man
Hes needed here
Call the man
Hes needed here

Hes needed here
Hes needed here
Call the man

Hes needed here
Right here right now

belz
05 Dec 2007 01:14

My condolences once again Tshidi, i think that there is different ways people deal with death, so if you wanna cry, just cry, cry a lot it helps. and if you like talking about it, do that.

Toodecent
05 Dec 2007 01:34

My condolences to you Tshidi gal....! Letting go is always a hard thing to do my great Grandmom died in 2002 ke tlhomamisiwa and she wasnt there to see me graduate it still hurts even today cause sometimes i feel like i can talk to her like we used to. I admired her a lot she was everything to me ... but thats how it is.

While on that bloggers pay for me... am going for a course ka 12 and i have a hangover eish...! to make matters worse i have to drive maself there...!

Toodecent
05 Dec 2007 01:34

My condolences to you Tshidi gal....! Letting go is always a hard thing to do my great Grandmom died in 2002 ke tlhomamisiwa and she wasnt there to see me graduate it still hurts even today cause sometimes i feel like i can talk to her like we used to. I admired her a lot she was everything to me ... but thats how it is.

Toodecent
05 Dec 2007 01:37

zozozo
05 Dec 2007 01:39

Jah! neh TDC i can see what u talking about.........hangover &headaches.....LOL

belz
05 Dec 2007 01:40

Ungazosidakelwa wena tdc, hawu ekuseni kangaka!!!!!

Toodecent
05 Dec 2007 01:45

Oh no did I do that..? Nna ka tsamaya....!

SHEZ
05 Dec 2007 01:50

Tshd21 let me say, "Do not lose your hope!" If you are hurting right now due to a loss in your life, I want to tell you that a new beginning is in front of you. You may go through some things that you’ll never understand, but trust God to work them out for your good. What Satan intends for your harm, God can turn around for your good!

2cool EC
05 Dec 2007 02:51

2. How long did it take you to go through the whole process? 

3. How did you do it? 

These are the questions I keep asking maself and need answers to everytime I think abt ma dad who passed away in 2004, one would say its been long but it seems like only yesterday. It hurts so bad

@ Tshd21 hang in there gal, my deepest condolences to you. I feel your pain believe me, I know excatly what u going through and evantually u will find a way to deal with ur sister's death as it will never go away, I dont wanna lie to you.

Mathaz
05 Dec 2007 02:53

If you had not experienced death of a loved one. then you had not felt pain.  I lost my Dad in 2005 but have managed to let it go.  What helped was talking about him, how jovial he was.  We all knew that we were loved by him.  We fully mourned and both my younger sister and I went to therapy.  Talking to a professional helps a lot.  Time indeed is a healer.  There is this song by Katie Melua called Faraway voice and it goes like:

Are you over those hills?
Do you still harm the old melodies?
What i would give to be next to you,
And i would walk with you, talk with you
ooh ooh ooh

It's a very soothing song. 

myname
05 Dec 2007 03:08

I lost my father when i was 13 and i was daddys little girl.I never cried & everybody was surprised. I was lost & i couldnt believe my dad will leave me soon. I believe that people you care about, most in life are taken from you much 2 soon thatswhy u shuld always leave loved ones with loving words, it maybe the last time u see them. And Tsd21 no matter how bad your heart is broken, dont forget she is watching u

Sdakamiswa
05 Dec 2007 03:37

Dealing with death of a loved is always tough, nothing ever prepares you for it…… Surrounding yourself with people who share your pain and understand your situation helps only a bit……. People always advise you to pray, pray and pray, but even that becomes difficult , especially when someone gets taken away from you whilst they are still very young…..its been 11 yrs since Nomi passed on and I still dream about her and it is still painful…With Joe (a tight buddy) he passed on in 2002, I still dream about him & the pain just wont go away….. I have tried counselling and that hasn’t gotten me very far……. maybe nothing ever will, this is tough…..

Unik
05 Dec 2007 04:12

  Iyoo I have never felt anything like that in my entire life, there's a huge difference when you know ukuthi the person will never come back. I cried for weeks, I couldn't even delete her e-mails, kept reading them over and over. 

@ witty lady -
this is exactly how are feel right now ..in jan I lost ma grandma who raised me since birth and by that time I was highly pregnant, I thought that was the worst thing that has ever happened to me ..I still cry to the thoughts of her not being able to see my baby boy and the fact that she missed my gradation as she was looking forward to it with pride.

recently I lost the father of my baby boy when he was 6mnths, 2mnths ago and the worst part is that he shot himself.That time he was begging for forgiveness and I said NO bcoz of what he had put me through ...now I am forever feeling guilty and wish he could come back and give him a second chance.The hardest part is that I have mixed feelings about the whole thing...I feel guilty for his death, at the same time I am sooo angry that after what he did to me he just died and again I am going to be a single mother .....I am telling you everyday is a struggle and I think I am in denial coz I always hope he cud call and asked me to rescue him, hes alive ..I cry everyday in the truest sense and every sentence I say ...he is in it and everything I do I think of him as we were best friends regardless of his behavior ....I feel helpless but glad I have my baby ,he is my strenghth to live each day with faith and hope....
sorry for the long story this is spot on to what I'm going thru .

lepogo
05 Dec 2007 04:58

I declare this blog the most honest and painful ai have come across.Hav losttoo many ppl in my life,some for better and some for ever.So I relate fully with everyones blog.

In fact I always share this narration with everyone who I come across:that for a child,nothing is as painful as losing your favorite toy.You go grumpy,the heart wrenches and the soul is haunted by the images of the lost toy.The memory lingers for long,till it fades into a mere episode.Until,by chance someone finds it and gives it back to you.Will you still love it the same way you used before you mourned for it?How

lepogo
05 Dec 2007 04:58

I declare this blog the most honest and painful ai have come across.Hav losttoo many ppl in my life,some for better and some for ever.So I relate fully with everyones blog.

In fact I always share this narration with everyone who I come across:that for a child,nothing is as painful as losing your favorite toy.You go grumpy,the heart wrenches and the soul is haunted by the images of the lost toy.The memory lingers for long,till it fades into a mere episode.Until,by chance someone finds it and gives it back to you.Will you still love it the same way you used before you mourned for it?How will

lepogo
05 Dec 2007 04:58

I declare this blog the most honest and painful ai have come across.Hav losttoo many ppl in my life,some for better and some for ever.So I relate fully with everyones blog.

In fact I always share this narration with everyone who I come across:that for a child,nothing is as painful as losing your favorite toy.You go grumpy,the heart wrenches and the soul is haunted by the images of the lost toy.The memory lingers for long,till it fades into a mere episode.Until,by chance someone finds it and gives it back to you.Will you still love it the same way you used before you mourned for it?How will you

lepogo
05 Dec 2007 04:58

I declare this blog the most honest and painful ai have come across.Hav losttoo many ppl in my life,some for better and some for ever.So I relate fully with everyones blog.

In fact I always share this narration with everyone who I come across:that for a child,nothing is as painful as losing your favorite toy.You go grumpy,the heart wrenches and the soul is haunted by the images of the lost toy.The memory lingers for long,till it fades into a mere episode.Until,by chance someone finds it and gives it back to you.Will you still love it the same way you used before you mourned for it?How will you value

lepogo
05 Dec 2007 04:58

I declare this blog the most honest and painful ai have come across.Hav losttoo many ppl in my life,some for better and some for ever.So I relate fully with everyones blog.

In fact I always share this narration with everyone who I come across:that for a child,nothing is as painful as losing your favorite toy.You go grumpy,the heart wrenches and the soul is haunted by the images of the lost toy.The memory lingers for long,till it fades into a mere episode.Until,by chance someone finds it and gives it back to you.Will you still love it the same way you used before you mourned for it?How will you value it this time

lepogo
05 Dec 2007 04:58

I declare this blog the most honest and painful ai have come across.Hav losttoo many ppl in my life,some for better and some for ever.So I relate fully with everyones blog.

In fact I always share this narration with everyone who I come across:that for a child,nothing is as painful as losing your favorite toy.You go grumpy,the heart wrenches and the soul is haunted by the images of the lost toy.The memory lingers for long,till it fades into a mere episode.Until,by chance someone finds it and gives it back to you.Will you still love it the same way you used before you mourned for it?How will you value it

KeleFabulous
05 Dec 2007 05:00

Gal i'm sure all the words of encouragement have been said and really i don't know what more to say as i have no idea of what you're going thru - neva had someone that close to me die before. but ke i guess there's a time for everything, this was your time and your sister's time and your family's. ours i guess is still coming. and u know what they say - EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

lepogo
05 Dec 2007 05:05

I declare this blog the most honest and painful ai have come across.Hav losttoo many ppl in my life,some for better and some for ever.So I relate fully with everyones blog.

In fact I always share this narration with everyone who I come across:that for a child,nothing is as painful as losing your favorite toy.You go grumpy,the heart wrenches and the soul is haunted by the images of the lost toy.The memory lingers for long,till it fades into a mere episode.Until,by chance someone finds it and gives it back to you.Will you still love it the same way you used before you mourned for it?How will you value it this time around?

All who come into our lives are there but for a moment.We cant help but mourn,cos its the way we deal with loss as grown ups.Sure it hurts,but theres no other way around it,you go through it whether you prepared for it or not.

But we grow through it,we heal,not in spite of it,but through it.Grief is a tool to help us understand other ppls importance in our lives,never to take them for granted and appreciate their presence in our lives.

One love

belz
05 Dec 2007 05:11

Oh Lepogo, you always say the most meaningful things, Peace my brother.

zozozo
05 Dec 2007 05:22

Guyz, i've been reading all the replies from the minute this article was posted, and i didn' tknow what i should say coz i neva lost sum1(not by death anyway)whose close 2 my heart. But from what i've gathered from u, it's very sad and painful, u just reminded me huw fortunate i am to have all my family around, to stop fretting about the little things in life. My heart goes out to u all bloggers. Thanks Tshd21 4 sharing ur pain, i hope when u read these replies u will realise that u r not alone.

@UNIK - I know this may sound mean 2 u coz ur heart is hurting so much right now, but gal u are a better person than other single moms coz u know where ur baby daddy is. 

2 u all bloggers, i can't pretend to know what u going coz that's my greatest fear(waking-up 1 day without 1of my family members), but all of u guyz are very strong than u think.

Let's keep the luv going

J-Girl
05 Dec 2007 05:36

I am sure as hell that there really was a reason that I came across this website becoz since day1 it has been part of my life, literally, 
Now as I go through my usual stuff lined up for the day, blogging is obvious activity. I could not believe my eyes when I read this.
Now the big thing is not too long ago there was an article I'm not too sure who it belonged to but it was abt fathers that dont take care of their families or something to that effect and I posted a reply telling y'all abt my biological father who said I must go play family with my family; that being my stepdad and my mom, well yesterday evening I got a phone call to say he has passed on...
I was like "Ok...I'm not sure how to handle this..." coz eish lomtu lo andikho sure ngayo,
last nite as I lay in my bed I was just mixed with all sorts of emotions, anger,pain, mixed with some sort of relief (coming from the fact that I knew now nobody would ever be able to hurt me as much as that man did)
I cried and I cried and I cried, and every now and again today I got to the ladies and weep a little and I want to kick myself for feeling like this. 
Why do I feel like I've lost something when infact I havent lost anything, he was nothing to me but the fact that it was his actions that made me exist today make me feel some sort of attachment to him.
How does 1 feel in this kind of a situation? Do I hold on to the feelings of resentment or do I pretend as though he never existed like my mother does? 
How I feel is; for her it was just another failed relationship but for me its part of me its part of who I am.
Is it wrong for me to feel like this? 
Would he have felt the same had I passed on before him?

Tshd21
05 Dec 2007 05:36

Hi u guys...Wow...It's amazing that most of us here have gone through this painful thing named death, and yet we are all still trying to deal with it.

When I wrote this blog, it was a way of dealing with what I am going through and sharing it with you, also knowing that most people here have gone or r still going through the same ordeal. Somehow I knew that we would be able to help one anothere in some way..Iwas right.


Moderators, pls help...Why is this article so big, it fills up my whole screen, somebody tell me how to fix it please...

spice
05 Dec 2007 05:50

There was  a certain  man who lost his beloved daughter he couldn't believe or accept that her daughter was no more cause  he loved her so much  ,so being so rich he decided to travel the world  in search of traditional healer who can bring back the dead ,"all you have to do is search for a family who has never been cheated by death (someone from the family die) go to their house and pick up the soil on their ground bring it to me I will definetely bring your luved one back to life " thats what the traditional healer said to the man

J-Girl
05 Dec 2007 05:56

@spice - and then?

Tshd21
05 Dec 2007 05:56

So did the man do it Spice? How is it possible to even bring back someone who has passed on in the first place? Pls finish ur story?

Sam2say
05 Dec 2007 06:01

Tshidi, I know ecxacly what you going thru, 2004 I went thru the same thing, lost my beloved sister, Im actually wrighting this with tears rolling down my cheecks now, coz all the memories are flooding back.

All the pain is coming back again, however, I know for sure that she's everywhere i am, everything I do in my life, I am doing it fo her, I wish she could see how much I've grown and achived in my life now.

She showed me life and I actually believe that God sends you ANGELS to guide you thru life, they come in flesh and the do not have wings, what I'm trying to say here is, love the once you are with coz there can never be  better one than them, cherish them, cerish the time you spend with them, coz really life has got no guarantees.

Hold on sisi, it is going to be fine.

Tshd21
05 Dec 2007 06:05

Le nna ke santse ke emetse Spice gore a fetse J-Girl...

spice
05 Dec 2007 06:05

No because there is no such family and no such house with no such soil (we all lost or are bound to loose someone  in our lives what we need to do is be strong accept and try to move  on ,though it might feel impossible at the moment   its the only way  ) take this to your heart tshidi

Sumone who luved me  told me this story when I lost sum1 very close to me

Sam2say
05 Dec 2007 06:07

All the pain is coming back again, however, I know for sure that she's everywhere i am, everything I do in my life, I am doing it fo her, I wish she could see how much I've grown and achived in my life now......

Infact, I know she sees all the good I have achieved, and she is a happy sister now, I just wish to see the expressions on her face now.......

Tshd21
05 Dec 2007 06:10

Thank you so much Samsay...and the intention of the article was not to make u cry hey? I just wanted us to share our experiences and in return, help one another. U also stay strong, and blessed!

Spice *screaming my lungs out!*

Tshd21
05 Dec 2007 06:10

Thank you so much Sam2say...and the intention of the article was not to make u cry hey? I just wanted us to share our experiences and in return, help one another. U also stay strong, and blessed!

Spice *screaming my lungs out!*

Feza
05 Dec 2007 06:13

The loss of someone close by death is a journey that we are all going to travel at some points in our lives. It is unavoidable. 

Tshd21, you are never gonna "let go" of your sister. You won't let go of her memories, you are gonna treasure her photos and her smile and the words she used to say are going to echo in your ears at night and during the day. You are going to hear her laughter. You'll even hear as if she's calling you at times.

In the Mall, you'll see someone up the escalator and looking at them from behind she will look like your sister. You will even make your sister you imaginary friend, you'll talk to her as if she can hear you, or even worse, as if she will respond.

You are never gonna let go of your sister. its impossible. She is your sister. 

The most powerful word that i'm gonna say to you is "ACCEPTANCE".

Acknowledge that she is no more, weap all you need, cry at the top of your voice until you feel emotionally drained. Cry my dear. Cry all you must, I say.

ACCEPT that your sister is Gone. That much you can do, and then leave the rest to God. One day you'll wake up and feel that you are way stronger than you were today.

I'm so sorry that you had lost your sister. And as much as I would claim that I know how you feel right now, the truth is i don't. But one thing that i have experienced and know for sure... is Pain. It's the same Painful past that makes me cry as i type this right now. I cry in pity for my painful past, I cry in imagining of what you might be going through.

I know how painful pain is, especially that of losing someone. You are going to look around you at times and ask yourself...  "I wonder how things would be if she were around". 

You can let go of a lost toy, you can let go of an abusive relationship, you can let go and walk away from a fight, you can let go of a friend who won't talk to you because of her own selfish and self-righteousness reasons, you can let go of anger and bitterness, BUT you cannot let Go of someone you sulked from the same breast with... Someone who came from the same woumb as you did...Her memory shall live in you for as long as you live. You were closer than friends, what tied you was stronger bond than that of friendship -- That is what makes it impossible to let Go of her.

ACCEPT my sister.
ACCEPT Tshd21 ... ACCEPT. 

Leave the Rest to God. 
He knows better. 
He will give you strength 
And as time Goes on, you will feel better, i promise. 

spice
05 Dec 2007 06:14

why are you screaming at me tshidi I was only trying to help (trembling)

Tshd21
05 Dec 2007 06:16

Ke a leboga Spice, I get it now..And the thing is, sometimes you might think that you have problems and that ur world can crumble any time, but all you have to do is open you eyes and ears, you will see that a lot of people are also going through the same things, if not worse...


Sori tlhe Sam2say hi-hi

Baby-A
05 Dec 2007 06:29

Yho... th elove in this house is amazing. I cant believe i'm crying like this. Guys, i read each and every reply and i seriously have tears running down my cheeks right now. 
I've never lost anyone close to me through death. I have my whole familyand i'm thankful to God everyday for keping us. 

But this blog really hit home, guys... i just smsed my half brother, i've always wanted to get to know him, spend more time with him and have  a proper simbling relationship. This blog has made me realise that i need to connect with him before it's too late. 've laways feared losing my parents, but i've just now realised that if i fear that so much when i've spent almost my whole life with them, how much more will it be if my half brothers would just disappear. How am i going to fill the void. I've been encouraged to cherish life and appreciate the people in my life, kusengoku. we never know, nyani, when it will happen. 
 
Tshidi...like i said, i've never experienced loss, so i have no idea what it feels like. All i can say is, do not hold back... cry as much as you can. Dont pretend that you ae fine, when you are not. Let yourself deal with this, no matter how long it takes, at least it will be dealt with. Other than acting strong now, only to be faced with reality sometime later. Cry, baby.....and cry hard. Do not try to forget her, coz its not gonna help. As much as you want to stop having images and replaying memories, let yourself think back, so that when you are done crying you'll be at peace.

A me a kalo... Talking about it like you are doing now, is good. and i like the fact that you are not trying to suppress your feelings. Dont, dont try to suppress them. Letting them out is the best remedy.

We love you, o a utlwa?

tshepiso
05 Dec 2007 06:52

Tshidi I am very sorry ka se se go tlhagetseng. ke kopa o amogele le ge go le thata. ka dinako tse dingwe o fihlele motho a sa itse gore a ka gomotsa jang, or o reng se se sa kgopising. 

be strong my friend for everyone who is around u.

FIKZO
05 Dec 2007 07:09

My deepest condolences You will never let go of your loved ones,my father passed away more then 10 years ago. but i still found myself think about him a lot.The only thing that keeps me going is always talk about him laugh at the things he use to say. And the moment i try or tell myself that i have to let go there will be just something that will remind me of him.You have to firstly tell yourself that you will never see that person again,but dont ever try to forget him and plz dont blame yourself as we always do and always have maybe's, what if,why's.And as long as you have god on your side he will always lead you and he will never leave you

edgards
05 Dec 2007 07:16

when vocab,
when words,
when tears,
when all fails us,

questions like
why me lord?
how did this happen?
why now?

when everything does'nt make sense
when the black cloud refuse to leave our site
when it feels like a terrible dream that refuse to end

when we wish we coud turn back the hands of time
when we realize that the is no turning back
when reality hit you hard

when sorrow makes it hard for us to want to face tommorow
when we look for someone to blame
then GOD BECOMES OUR ENEMY.

Life is like a roller coaster,today we are happy, tommorow  sad and everything.
No matter how hard it is,no one seems to understand and God is the only answer i have for you. 

Toodecent
05 Dec 2007 07:23

Ok now am sober after all and jaanong ke ikutlwa ke tshikinyega maikutlo. This past weekend I was telling someone very special that I intend on hunting for my half  sister and actually staying with her. Saturday was with the little one who dad died and left and whenever she sees me I bring back dad to her....! Its very sad for a child to feel like that mara gotla loka deep down i can see she misses him a lot even though nna it doesnt matte cause he wasnt there nje..! 
Gotla loka Tshidi nnaka....!

siza mzansi
20 Dec 2007 10:52

the nothing as hard as lettin go of a luved 1 &  knowin u wont b able 2 c them again hurts the most. my life is tru been hell but i know god is there watchin all of us & at sum point we have 2 move on withn our lives. it saddens me dat i have 2 lose my cousin who was killed at power park earlier dis year & nearly lost my sista who was shot by her boyfriend, but with suppport 4rm my family i was able 2 lift my head & recover.

Lex
14 Feb 2008 06:14

Tshidi,ke gone ke bonang this article,and damn girl...I hope u r coping well after your sister's death.This article took me thru some painful memories.I lost my best friend/fiance ten years ago,and even now when I think of him,I have a sad feeling within me.But I'm also glad that in my life's journey I met him.At least now the pain is not as extreme as before.With time,it does get better.On the 10th of June this year,it will be his 10th anniversary since he departed this world.And guess what the first thing my dad did after he heard of Kgosi's passing...He hid the keys to the house safe where he keeps his gun (LOL),coz he knew I was gon blow my brains out.So sister girl,keep your head up and pray hard.


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