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In-laws or is it out-laws

Written by zolx from the blog Inner view on 06 May 2008
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No matter how much we hate our in-laws, they're here to stay. I'm sure all of us here have come across difficult in-laws in our relationships.

My first experience was when i was still involved with my ex boyfriend. His cousin who was also a girl and who i'd been friends with in my childhood, irritated the *bleep!* out of me ever since i started joling with her cousin.Boy did i hate her. Whenever she saw me chatting with someone (male) she would threaten me by saying she'd tell on me and make it sound as if i was cheating by talking with another male who was my/x's family member. And alas, my relationship with my then boyfriend ended when another cousin of his (a man this time) told the ex that i was cheating becos he saw me talking with a man. Not that i'm crying over that relationship now- its a good thing that we broke up, it did me a lot of good.

Now years later, all grown up and married i still see myself having to deal with difficult in-laws again, now posing more serious problems. Cos before i got married i didnt care what my ex's family thought of me but when you're married it matters what they think of you...but to a certain extent - i wont go to a psychiatric hospital becos of people i hardly even kno...Hell No. They sometimes pitch at our doorstep with bags and staying for weeks without even telling/ at least asking if it suits us if they come. They meddle so much in our business that i sometimes feel like strangling them with my bra strap.

So i want you guys to share some of the things that irritate you about your in-laws or your previous in-laws. YOu dont have to be married to comment/ hate on them out-laws.

31 Comments

zolx
06 May 2008 01:49

come on guys let's share..

tshepiso
06 May 2008 02:09

ag shame Zolx

Dabs
06 May 2008 02:18

Hey, I know my inlaws don't like me and they have never liked me. Maybe because I'm not your typical boring wife, all you do is cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids. I am slim and very beautiful and I rock my weaves and make-up. Well when I go there I just sit and watch TV the whole day. I don't do anything but my nails. I know it irritates the hell out of them because they have this thing of calling me barbie, I just embrace the nick name from my in-laws because I know that it's jusr because I don't fit in to the "normal' wifey role. My husband loved me for who I am and if they don't like it they can all jump in the lake. But one person who still accepts me the way I am is the mother, she is very strict but she has shown me so much love. I really love and respect that woman. It's the sisters that have a problem, did I mention that they are huge fatso's. And what makes it worse is their fake smiles!!!!!!!! I really just act like barbie then and buy the whole act.

PhlyLady
06 May 2008 02:28

LMAO Barbie....

zolx
06 May 2008 02:38

Oh Dabs...i can relate girl. THing is in-laws (well my ones) expect me to behave like rural wives used to 2 decades ago. Well helloooo...this is 2008 and i will wear my pants, throw away the doek and show a little skin of my legs cos that's what their son saw in me. He liked what he saw hence he married me so hiding all my 'assets' that he so values and loves wont help our marriage. why do we get crap from in-laws - just leave abantwana babantu alone maan...

Fluffy Head
06 May 2008 02:42

You guys talking about cousins... (Sorry to overtake your blog Zolx)

Have you ever experienced a cousin who is in love in with their cousin...Like has a serious crush on him, and you can see that if it was'nt for the fact that they are cousins she would gun for him
I had this friend of mine, we were like tight...well that was untill I saw the cousin. Brother maan is hoot adn we instantly hit it off...We had a lot in common and I kinda liked him. I promise you if my friend was not jealous I'ld be with that boy now...(Isandincitha nangoku lonto to be honest) Eish sista gal did everything in her power to subbotage any chances of me and her cousin getting together. I mean tell lies about me and all that kind of shait. I could see it, even me and some of our friends used to tease her simkhuze_sithi hayi sisi ungakhohlwa ukuthi ngubhuti wakho..
None the less we are no longer friends and I bet if I have to do a black brother that will be the one...I still like him a lot.

Eish out laws and cousins

McDee
06 May 2008 02:50

Hi people.
I have been married for 4yrs and the first 5months of my marriage i had to kotiza. i livd with my mom-in-law and the squezas.I tell u it was hell. They expected me to do everything (which i didn't). I didn't mind cooking, i luv cooking but everytime i was in the kitchen cooking supper my mamazala would always be there to keep her watchful eye on me.I don't know whether she thot i would put "muthi" in the food. I ended up not cooking.I wud come back from work, go warch tv in our "granny flat" come into the house once she's cooked and dish out for my hubby and go back to the flat n sleep.

Ngqesta
06 May 2008 02:55

Sjo zolx....what an appropriate topic.....ngendikubambi'sandla mnt'am, qha ukude! Am actually on the verge of writing of my mom-in-law off my life COMPLETELY. We used to get along SO well that I began to naively think that mom-in-laws are not that bad.....until she started 'exclusively' discussing stuff with only her son. I mean I'd call the woman ON MY CEL (y'all know how expensive a 30 min conversation on cel is), make up conversation, getting the girlie thing going, she'd then phone the son couple of hours later, ask where I am, and discuss whatever she wanted to talk about which would typically be about baby mamas calling her house, sending pictures of kids whose paternity is still under question, this is done with her encouragement of cause. The last straw was when over the past weekend, we were visiting the in-laws in another town, she LITERALLY waited for me to go take a bath, then called the son to show her the 'latest pics' sent.......I mean how divisive is that, not forgetting tha she went through the same baby mama $hit when after she was married dad-in-law.......so she should know better. I mean all am asking for is open-ness. Did I mention that when she was visiting the other day, she asked me to help her send and sms on her cel, unfortunately for her the number I was meant to send to was just above the baby mama's number which I had not idea why she would see the need to keep! From then I decided to DRY up, no more benefits from me, no more KFC when 'going home', if the son does not buy, then I won't, no more outfits, or throw-overs, you know I'd buy her such stuff when buying myself........eish, things we do.

Any way dear bloggers, apologies for the long blog, am just disappointed and irritated!

zolx
06 May 2008 02:57

@ McDee... did you get away with no cooking. I mean i'm lazy, ndibolile as my granny would tell me - i especially dont like cooking but xa ndisemakhaya i have to grin and bear for the period i'm there, a week or 2. Living on our own in a city isnt helping either....eish

zolx
06 May 2008 03:02

no more KFC when 'going home', if the son does not buy, then I won't,- tlol hat's really funny ngqesta. mna & my mother-in-law asisathethi, its been months - 8 months to be precise we do not talk to each other. Reason being she said i was forcing my child (whom i got out of wedlock) on them in-laws. She practically asked me to hide him...like WHAT THE F***!!

McDee
06 May 2008 03:08

the mamazala wud pass comments like " ufika esephaka nje kodwa engazi ukuthi kupheke bani". but she wud always make sure my hubby wasn't around and i seriously did not care what she thot anymore.

Strolicious
06 May 2008 03:09

Dabs>washisa keep ro0cking them weave my luv.....am slim and very beautiful and I rock my weaves and make-up. ......gal power,dat da spirit........LMAO Barbie....why dnt u use dis name as ur username...LOL

Dabs
06 May 2008 03:15

@ Strolicious, it's just got such a bad connotation to it. To tell you the truth I hate it. It's too common.

belz
06 May 2008 03:22

hahahahahah ngqesta, no more kentucky, shame mamzala!!! auuw shem zolx, one of the reasons i dont want to get married!!!! my ex boyfriend's family wanted to do the same, ngabatshela straight, angingumakoti wabo mna, anditshatanga!!!! and they hate me for telling them in their faces, till today!!! shame my ex, he was so embarassed!

staccylicius
06 May 2008 03:25

hi guyz i'm new on the site such a hot topic hey, this is my story, me & my boyfriend have been going out for 7 years & are busy planning to get married & live 2getha, we are both working & I earn more than he does so most of the time I help him out with money of which I don't mind. Now usethole omunye umsebenzi which pays better and feels ukuthi he has to support mommy dearest because ubaba wakhe does't give umama imali and worse of all ubaba is a successful business owner odla imali yakhe with abo magosha now I have to suffer. I think our partners are the ones abenza ukuthi sizonde our in laws so much guyz. Im so angry about this but i didn't show him.

Ngqesta
06 May 2008 03:29

@staccylicius....our partners are the ones abenza ukuthi sizonde our in laws so much guyz. ..........so true it hurts just thinking about it!

Strolicious
06 May 2008 03:33

Welcome Staccylicius.......u've been 2getha 4 7yrs,swity why wait dis long ,my man know after 3 yrs anganyakazi he must 4gt abt umshado,Is ubaba no mama married.

zolx
06 May 2008 03:33

welcome to tvsa staccylicius (feels good to be the one welcoming newbees ..whoo hooo). shame gal i feel you there and the thing nomazala is even if you are married with their sons banikana imali behind your back. I feel like if his mom needs money then she should call both of us. Its not like i'll say she wont get money but at least it would make me think that they not only see me as his wife but also acknowledge the part i play in my husband's life. I've learnt to let go when it comes to money matters ndidle eyam imali qha.

Strolicious
06 May 2008 03:39

Ngqesta >everytime i see ur name i think of iculo le shana.

ongitshele wena sthandwa sami
phakathi kwami nabangani bami
wena uthanda bani

ongitshele wena NGQESTA,

Ngqesta
06 May 2008 03:46

@Strolicious...ongitshele wena sthandwa sami
phakathi kwami nabangani bami
wena uthanda bani
exactly baby girl, one of my favourite songs.......that's actually where the inspiration came from.

Best-Achiever
06 May 2008 03:55

@Zolx ... im nt married yet but have been to two relationships in my lfe

1. My x- we met in high school .everybody in his home liked me, i never met his parents(i always refused, was actually scared) but he did show them my pictures, his mom used to call me and ask how i was doing and if his son is still taking gd care of me and behaving .... we broke up and the mother still kept on calling (his son didnt tell him we broke up neither did i) aftre a year i asked my x to tell his mum, he did and the mother insited on getting us back together but i refused, i then met mr 2010(2 yrs after my first break up), she kept on calling and i asked her to leave me alone and ask his son we broke up ...did she listen NO ... this december she asked to meet me ... i went there with mr2010 aggreement(driving my car, it was her first time to know that i have a car), i told her the whole story and the fact that i'll never get back together with her son ... and the mama cried, i cried and then left ... she than sent me an sms telling me that she still prays that i'll he her daughter-in-law

mr2010 .. unfortunately he doesnt have a mother so i'll never know how she wud have felt, he does have sister but they r staying with his dad and a step mother and he seldomly go there .... so far they all liked me, the mamezala called me "her last-born" am actual younger that other gals there ... dont thing it will be much of a problem ngoba he is not staying with them, he has his house far away from them 5hrs drive from them

Dabs
06 May 2008 03:55

Ha shem, Staccylicious. Your poor Mamazala, let him help her. I mean she is going through a tough time. H ecan't tell you about everything that he gives her. Your husband will be blessed, and it's not like wena you don't have your own money. He has agood heart look t it like that. He' snot selfish and always look on the positive side of things instead of the negative.

Anyways you are right when you say that they make us hate their families, because minw I didn't like my mom-in-law becaus eof all the things my husband used to say about her. He made me think that she doesn't like me. But actions spesk louder than words. She showed me that she loves me and I appreciate that love. i really don't know what my husband was trying to achieve.

Dabs
06 May 2008 03:59

@ Best-Achiever, shoo that is so sad. She must be a sweet woman. I also wish you could be her daughter-in-law. That must have been sad. ........ Please pass me the tissues..........

jazzyree
06 May 2008 04:08

Yho BA you are a BA fo sho

zolx
06 May 2008 04:09

in-laws can be mean guys. If they see uba you're trying to please them they'll take advantage and like you bt the minute you stand up to them and disagree then their claws come out. everything was fine while i was still dating my husband but very soon after we got married - their true colours showed. But i've learnt to not take them seriously or else i'll die young and i know so many people wouuld miss me if i'm gone (LOL) so i ignore them and only visit when i have to. I'm also trying not to let some of the things they say bother me becos if it does then i want to answer back and ke ndiyazazi i have a loud mouth once i start its not easy to stop.

This one time we're all chatting about church and the son hasnt gone to church for a long time and same goes for me.But she insinuated that i was the cause of him not going to church anymore and how she had raised him in church. I told her noone told him not to go to church & i was also raised in church and i choose not to go. And i told her by going to church every Sunday that doesnt bring you closer to God. I could be closer to God than she is even tho i dont go every Sunday and that subject never came up again. Ndamlungisa..rha

Best-Achiever
06 May 2008 04:09

@Dabs ... it was such an emotional thing ...but ke i'll never be able to honour her wishes her son messed all that and there is no way we cud ever get back together ... he is that chapter of my life i closed and burnt a long time ago.

Muntuza
06 May 2008 04:43

@BA-I feel you gal, my ex-mother inlaw still fones me still sends beautiful smsz & so much wants me to visit her I feel guilty sometimes but hey!!!!!! his son used a knife with me twice after I told him we stop jolling coz we've wasted enough 9yrs already so I can't besoek, coz if I find him there as well maybe with nu galfrend not that it wud bother me but u-X bese ethi I'm cozing trouble for yena & his gal & use the knife again, hhayi khona. Truth is I don't wanna befriend my current inlaws but I will treat them with respect dis al. I still love my ex-mother inlaw, she's a darling & never changed from the 1st time I met her until today. She was a mother I didn't have anymo.

Best-Achiever
06 May 2008 04:48

@Muntuza....This can be hard at times ... i also cry over her sms's and calls and i asked her to stop doing it but she hasnt yet

Weiss
06 May 2008 05:05

@Muntuza....This can be hard at times ... i also cry over her sms's and calls and i asked her to stop doing it but she hasnt yet

Oh shame this place is so emotional! OH! SHAME MAN!! I think I need a box of tissues as well.

Segololo
06 May 2008 07:05

I just am curious - devils advocate, I guess, but could the wives be the problem? and if so, what are they doing wrong?

No-one falls off a tree like an avocado but how much "involvement" should in-laws have in a marriage? Whose responsibility is it to deal with their family?

Segololo
07 May 2008 04:04

Hey Daughter's in-law, I wrote this just for you...

http://www.tvsa.co.za/default.asp?blogname=Ohmoments&ArticleID=7872

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