Thought Load Shedding

GQ
10 Jun 2008 07:46

Hey bloggers I'd really like to know what your thoughts are on this "new world order". Kwenzakalani kanti?

BestAchiever
10 Jun 2008 08:10

Great view GQ and loads of questions that will never ever be answered with a straight answer . It is actual difficult at times to be right or wrong when it comes to love and relationships it all depend on what an individual is thinking ...people get into relationships for different reasons, some want to get married, others are there for fun, for money, security or for plain fear of being alone so it is never simple to tell a straight answer Not unless it is about you.

Strolicious
10 Jun 2008 08:19

Wow GQ.............i just read da first pharagraph,coming back with my comment.

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 08:20

Eish, a bit too cloe to home, so NO COMMENT *for now*. Very well written hey GQ, nice one!!

Toxic
10 Jun 2008 08:24

A joke to share:

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," replied his mother

Cande
10 Jun 2008 08:24

GQ i know what you mean, believe me I KNOW..! and funny enough i have learnt to accept it...

GQ
10 Jun 2008 08:28

No straight answers...cool i can live with that but i'd really like to get your views on atleast one thing. e.g., why women consciously & willingly agree to being the side snack

Strolicious
10 Jun 2008 08:30

i fuly agree with you BA ,no 1 will ever ansa those question,it's up to an individuals................How many of you have been in situations where you’ve been out with your boyfriend and his friends and one of his friends has brought along “the other woman”?.........mina i ask u uphi ubani,if i knw ur galfrend and u've introduced me to her dat why i dont make frends with theirt galfrends,unless i realy like you or our personality click,coz i must be forever smiling

Fluffy Head
10 Jun 2008 08:32

Eish ppl: Off topic for real.
I just put up a blog and its gonna be interesting (I think)...please support by reading. I'll update it on a regular basis...pouring out my thought and all...
Heres the link
http://blaqueness.wordpress.com/

GQ
10 Jun 2008 08:35

Cande why are we accepting this as the status quo though or as the new world order? We are worth so much more yet we short change ourselves. It's as though there's a glitch in our DNA that makes us accepting of even the dumbest of things.

I've witnessed friends and I too have done this plotted on how to hook the "unavailable man" (married or steady) without even once considering that man's partner and her feelings.

Eish mara y sinje yeh?

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 08:38

OMG Fluffy, I don't know what's worse, u promoting ur blog on another person's very interesting blog or Rebecca aka Sis Ribs promoting her new album at Vuyo Mokeona's funeral, uphi unembeza bantu????.........LOL........just kidding let me go and check out ur blog!!!!

Fluffy Head
10 Jun 2008 08:43

Nonny: Ndizakukhaba uyeva!!! Check it out...But be warned, its not for the faint hearted (jokes there is only one article).

Toxic
10 Jun 2008 08:43

Yazi'ni GQ. I am not saying it's right and neither am i saying it's wrong. all i'm saying is that it won't stop happening whether the reasons are that the men/women ratio is distorted or society has lost its values/morals.

I don't believe in the idea of soul mates or that one person is meant for another. i believe there'll always be something that you get from someone other than your significant partner and most people are only as loyal as the strength of the temptations that present themselves to them.

That said, i have noticed a growing trend in ads that still show men 'checking out the goods' e.g the KFC ad; storylines that focus on the temptations...isidingo& generations with the Khethiwe/Adam/Parsons story; society accepting what happened with the brangelina thing and i am not saying that men are so simple that they would need that to influence their decisions to cheat or not to cheat-they'll do it anyway. However, it would be a refreshing change to read about couples that have stood the test of time and to see ads for deodorants that are really family-focused (think Axe in reverse).

As to the reasons why women allow themselves to be the other woman?

We should not take a simplistic view on this and assume that most of them are aware that they are the "other woman" before they give their hearts away. And most times, by the time u realise you are the other woman, u're in too deep and just can't let go.

Then there's the other one who has repeatedly failed to find the ONE FOR HER that just about anyone will do.

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 08:45

WOW Fluffy, it's good I read it, I was just too lazy to subscribe and be able to comment, I love the line where u said: "I’ll take it from 1994/04/27. [PS: If you don't know why this date is important, you do not deserve to be proudly SA'n] This is the day that marked the beginning of blaque as a culture."........way to go gal!!!!

faraimagic
10 Jun 2008 08:46

tha - bang
10 Jun 2008 08:49

OMG Fluffy, I don't know what's worse, u promoting ur blog on another person's very interesting blog or Rebecca aka Sis Ribs promoting her new album at Vuyo Mokeona's funeral, uphi unembeza bantu???
lol like double lol kwa kwa kwa.my friend pulled a number liek this once, brought a girl we did not know.we were all too shocked to say anything.my girl was not impressed it took her a longtime to ever accept my friend again.i think it was all due lust,selfishness and greed.but hey thats me

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 08:49

"We should not take a simplistic view on this and assume that most of them are aware that they are the "other woman" before they give their hearts away. And most times, by the time u realise you are the other woman, u're in too deep and just can't let go."
WOW Tox, u hit it on the nail yazi, and sometimes as the other woman u may find that the love and time that the man u are with has for u is sufficient enough for u to accept that sharing is taking place.

Cande
10 Jun 2008 08:51

January i was in a party with Married guys, and only 1 out of 7 was with his wife...me and the other girls were just bomakhwapeni...After that i told myself that i never want to see this man again,I started ignoring him until he got the message...
right now i am involved with a guy who has a gf in another province, although he makes me feel loved i still do not feel safe...
At the beginning i thought i could handle it, but now when you start developing feelings for the person its not that easy...
I don't even know why i put myself in that situation, i guess it is because he gave me hope that 1 day i will have him all to myself....LoL
Am still lokking for a guy who is single, they are hard to find this days maara ke i have a little bit of hope....!

Strolicious
10 Jun 2008 08:52

Nonny no Fluffy nibolile.nishoda ngephunga.

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 08:53

Sometimes, the wife even accapts that u are a part of her mans life and that u are somehow holding their marriage together. I know it sounds strange, eish but sometimes wives can be isicefe *pain in the A$$* and indoda needs that person on the side just to equalize izinto.......LOL

Toxic
10 Jun 2008 08:54

and sometimes as the other woman u may find that the love and time that the man u are with has for u is sufficient enough for u to accept that sharing is taking place.

yes!!!!!!!!! He's meeting your needs, your standards, your expectations so what if you're the other woman? What's the alternative?Self-respect and self-love coupled with loneliness? Most people would rather not like themselves much...

Sdakamiswa
10 Jun 2008 08:56

How many of you have friends/relatives/sisters in relationships with men who are married or in relationships with someone else?

I know a couple of married guys who have “oomam ‘omncane” that’s what they call them…. Ish im gonna get into trouble for giving this info away…. And “oomam ‘omncane” know they r that and they don’t have issues with that

How many of you have been in situations where you’ve been out with your boyfriend and his friends and one of his friends has brought along “the other woman”?

I know of a situation where guys have made a pact that, the first wives club shall remain that…. No mixing of oomam’ omncane with the 1st wives….. guys have com close to breakin this rule but they’ve been chased away at functions were it became apparent that the rule will be broken…..

Why are these men cheating on their wives/girlfriends and why is it that it’s happening so often?

Men cheat for different reasons; mostly I will simplify it as, iNandos everyday just doesn’t cut it ,sometimes u want KFC, sometimes amaspare ribs….. bt seriously ukusa nokurhala… most of these niggas who cheat have good women and have happy homes, at least that’s what they say & show when u visit their love nests…… so I cant give a simple strait ansa

Even with all this, people continue to pursue these doomed relationships-for what? It can’t possibly be for love now can it?

I wrote a blog about this, titled THE REAL REASONS……for my thoughts on the issue….

Eish it is true that women are/become easily available these days, u never get a challenge, which can be quite boring, the fact that anytime u can get her…..

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 08:56

Nonny no Fluffy nibolile.nishoda ngephunga.
Thank u for the compliment we Stroh.......LOL

Sometimes wives are nags and they are too worried about their monthly expenses kanti omakwapheni go with the flow.

GQ
10 Jun 2008 08:57

Can we please not OFF TOPIC on my BLOG it's rather rude.

Back to u Ms T. With my statement on willingly and consciously agreeing to be side snacks I meant just that.

When the woman knows fully well that this is someone else's man. When the man has said it from the onset that sisi nginomuntu wam' and they carry on as if nothing's been said. I've got to give to men though coz lately they put it out there and give you a choice of either staying or going. It's the staying part I don't get-resilience maybe?

LOL @ anyone will do...kunzima man

Cande
10 Jun 2008 08:57

WOW Tox, u hit it on the nail yazi, and sometimes as the other woman u may find that the love and time that the man u are with has for u is sufficient enough for u to accept that sharing is taking place.

Sometimes, the wife even accapts that u are a part of her mans life and that u are somehow holding their marriage together. I know it sounds strange, eish but sometimes wives can be isicefe *pain in the A$$* and indoda needs that person on the side just to equalize izinto.......LOL

Nonny, why do i have a feeling uguthi you are "the other woman"...LoL

Mambox
10 Jun 2008 08:59

ulisho uliphinde Stro!!! Nonny no Fluffy aniyekeni lomkhuba eniwenzayo!!

@Cande Please go to church love...ngeke ngeke ang'vumi!

sjura
10 Jun 2008 09:03

Toxic
10 Jun 2008 09:04

Sometimes, the wife even accapts that u are a part of her mans life and that u are somehow holding their marriage together

This has an element of truth though. Man leaves home in the morning really stressed and resenting wife, gets to office, has quickie with secretary, goes home in a better mood appreciating that his wife is not quickie material (cheap and easy) and gives her a hug, apologises for being a bastard and MAKES LOVE to wife at night and silently vows to never leave this woman who has borne him kids, keeps the home warm and clean, irons his clothes, cooks for him and has this quiet gracefulness about her. You check?

There are so many examples of how extra-marital/long-term relationships help out an existing relationship and as many that don't.

Like BA said, you won't get a straight answer GQ but i'm having fun trying to unpack this!

i was once the other woman. guy was married. found out late in the game (he didn't wear wedding ring and was ALWAYS available when I needed him). Relationship lasted a good (for me) 4 years AND his wife knew about it. We even met and sometimes spoke on the phone about this.

carino
10 Jun 2008 09:05

I can so relate.....
But im too emotional to comment now. maybe tomoro.

Mambox
10 Jun 2008 09:05

Nonny ngeke kukhona okunuka santungwana...ngeke sisi uwumakhwapheni yini?

Cande
10 Jun 2008 09:05

@Cande Please go to church love...ngeke ngeke ang'vumi!

Mambox, what i like about the situation is the man is here in GP...he takes me to work, takes me back home, take me wherever and his gf is there taking taxis...
I do not even allow him to speak to him on the phone when i am around, he steals himself to speak to her...
But at the back of my head, i know its almost impossible to make him leave her for me...

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:06

Nonny, why do i have a feeling uguthi you are "the other woman"...LoL
U are still guessing Cande, I did say this matter was too clos to home.......*hint hint*........LOL........*everytime I try to leave something pulls me back, so I have made peace with this and vele I am fulfilled!!!*

sjura
10 Jun 2008 09:07

@ Tox.........i agree with u these married man are available as much as we "the other women" are available.

Cande
10 Jun 2008 09:07

We even met and sometimes spoke on the phone about this.

Haiybo Toxic, LoL

Cande
10 Jun 2008 09:08

We even met and sometimes spoke on the phone about this.

Haiybo Toxic, LoL

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:09

Nonny ngeke kukhona okunuka santungwana...ngeke sisi uwumakhwapheni yini?
Awungiyeke we Mambox.......LOL.....tryna convert me hey?

Toxic
10 Jun 2008 09:11

When the woman knows fully well that this is someone else's man.

desperation, loneliness, lust, infatuation, competition.

When the man has said it from the onset that sisi nginomuntu wam' and they carry on as if nothing's been said.

cute, cash, car...the C factor. I like him cause he's cute, drives a fancy car and has cash that he's willing to give away.

I've got to give to men though coz lately they put it out there and give you a choice of either staying or going. It's the staying part I don't get-resilience maybe?

Remember that relationships based on LOVE are in the minority these days. U will never truly know why people are in the relationships they are in. it works for them, whatever it is.

LOL @ anyone will do...kunzima man

FO SHO!

GQ
10 Jun 2008 09:13

I'd like to thing singontanga lana so it's quite interesting for me to get views (objective) from people either than my friends who probably share the same views as me. We all have different backgrounds and have been socialised differently. It's always great to hear other people's take on things especially people with who have experienced these things personally

thinLine
10 Jun 2008 09:14

Eish this is too close to the heart for me, won't comment for now.

andi01
10 Jun 2008 09:14

I dont know how some1 would knowingly accept to be number 2. I wudnt. This guy that I have started dating now, has a girlfriend, i know her very well we grew up together. So a week into the relationship I told him, i have left my ex and he is the only guy in my life and I expect the same, if he cant he must let me know. To cut a long story short, he told me he has stopped phoning his other girlfriend (thats his way of breaking up with her). 4 weeks into the relationship he showed me messages that were sent by that woman asking why he doesnt call anymore, but he didnt respond. So what I did is i took his phone, phoned that woman and introduced myslef to her (though I didnt tell her my real name). She was so rude on the phone and so was I. The bottom line is he says he is over and done with her and I have proof, then and only then I decided to commit to the relationship.

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:14

Guys call me sick, but if a woman is rude to me about leaving their man *u knwo the swearing and calling constantly type*, I piss her off even more by being with her man as much as I want to, but if she is sweet about it, I will consider hiding this away from her or even perhaps eventually ending it with her man!!!! Yeah yeah I know it's crazy but that's how I feel.

faraimagic
10 Jun 2008 09:17

ag shame...Love dont make no sense!...tHEN WHY FALLING IN IT?

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:24

"When the woman knows fully well that this is someone else's man.
desperation, loneliness, lust, infatuation, competition."

@ Toxic, sometimes it's the thrill that inspires u to do such a thing. In most cases u tell urself that this is nothing serious and u will end it ASAP *whatever that means* but then all of sudden things get hectic and he fulfils u and u are with him more than he is at home *yah those fake business trips and those late nighty at work or sometimes just a lie* and all of a sudden u seem to get a satisfaction from the relationship that u have. I know it's wrong, but sometimes it's just beyond ur control *ok it isn't but ke u tell urself that*, u all know that hearts lead us astray and sometimes u are just following ur heart, even though u know u will be hurt and u will hurt a family (wife and kids) in the end. But ke if u are like me, I beleive in the saying that: "never resgret anything that made u happy"........so ke kunjalo kunjalo!!!!! And besides not all woman are desined to be someone else's wife, so manje senze njani if the one we love is married, and what if teh wife has accepted ur meaning contribution to her marriage?

thinLine
10 Jun 2008 09:28

Becareful Andi01 he myt end the r/s with u the same way he did to that other woman...

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:29

I meant - what if the wife has accepted ur meaningful contribution to her marriage?

mstick
10 Jun 2008 09:31

................errrrr...........its getting hot in here.......will comment 2moro....bye bye

zolx
10 Jun 2008 09:32

what if teh wife has accepted ur meaning contribution to her marriage - a wife who thinks like this needs to have her head checked. Noone and i mean noone likes to hear their partner is also doing someone else - married or not. If its not okay for your man to date someone else when you guys arent married why would make you think a wife would be thankful to another woman for sleeping with her man

Argghh, anyway this is dejavu and i'm just gonna lean back & read what other bloggers think.

Bye, its hometime - sien julle more!

GQ
10 Jun 2008 09:33

Iyo kusezoba nzima ke mos. I get the exciting aspect of it. Wanting what u can't have & the chase....

But what happens once the novelty has worn off and u aren't interested anymore and the poor dude yena has fallen for you and decided to leave his girlfriend/wife for you? Do you then feel obligated to stay with him coz he sacrificed and chose u?

Or do you move swiftly along to the next victim who has the 3 Cs-Cash, car and is cute?

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:34

I was in a "other woman" situation and I entered the relationship knowingly, but ke I am out of the situation now...........I just hope it will last coz I am tired of the guilt even though the satisfaction is phenomenal but ke sekwanele.

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:38

Bloggers just pray for me to walk away and never look back.Yazi after reading zolx's response from the blog titled: "The other woman" by Segololo I also reasured myself that no more turning back, kodwa ke it's not easy I tell u, especially if u have been doing this for years!!!!

Brown Shuga
10 Jun 2008 09:46

Tjo, Nonny ignore my PM, you answered my question....at 5:34pm.

This is an interesting topic. Men are bastards!

andi01
10 Jun 2008 09:49

Becareful Andi01 he myt end the r/s with u the same way he did to that other woman...@ thinline, if he did i would be happy believe me, bcoz to me once a guy stops calling for about a week when he used to call everyday, i do smell the roses and find my own exit. it cud have been hard if he had phoned her and dumpued her

andi01
10 Jun 2008 09:56

@ Nonny Bloggers just pray for me to walk away and never look back

We mzalwane Qina
Qina
Wemzalwane Qina
Qina
Wemzalwane Qina, QIna, who ungahlehlelemuva.

Nonny
10 Jun 2008 09:59

LOL @ Andi01 ngizoqina shem.........LOL

Mambox
10 Jun 2008 10:09

@Nonny oh vele kanti usuyiskhokho...hhay khona mase sikhuluma iqiniso ayikho yinhle lento...

LM
10 Jun 2008 10:09

Yah, it is really hot in here....this topic really hit home, GQ. See I'm going out with someone who has a steady GF of more than 8yrs and a 7yr old daughter. He told me this from the onset but I guess he lied to me when he said they are breaking up (Feb 07), and yes you guessed right, they are still together. I hv broken up with him atleast 6times so far but something always pulls me back to him. I always tell myself that should I meet someone I will leave this guy ASAP but it seems like as long as he's still around he kind of repells the other suitors. Sometimes I ask myself what am I doing in this sham of a relationship...I guess I'm living in hope that he will one day leave iregte for me....he always ask me to be patient as he could not just up and leave; and besides he apparently told the lady that she musn't expect a ring from him, so bayahlalisana....eish this is a very long story..have to cut it short and go home...Deep down I'm not happy or satisfied or enjoying this situ I'm in.

Guys, are there still single, unattached , decent men (30yr +)out there??...phela I'm in the very late 20s and kunzima to meet these very single male species.

sjura
10 Jun 2008 10:25

@ LM.sisi this man will neva leave his woman bcoz he has seen that u have accepted the situtaion he wil keep on making these empty promises just so u dnt leave him.mayb he does luv u but not enaf to leave his galfrend of 8yrs. so i suggest you start looking else where this one is not for u. sori if v been insensitive but i have been in that situation until i realized that i am just wasting my time and neminyaka iyahamba.u r getting old now and b4 u knw it ul be a magogo with no man of ur own..LOL!

Mambox
10 Jun 2008 10:35

@ LM Guys, are there still single, unattached , decent men (30yr +)out there??...phela I'm in the very late 20s and kunzima to meet these very single male species.

love just listen to metro fm on sunday midnight

Toxic
10 Jun 2008 10:43

Guys, are there still single, unattached , decent men (30yr +)out there??...phela I'm in the very late 20s and kunzima to meet these very single male species.

Funny you should ask this. There;s an article in the Lifestyle supplement of the Sunday Times on this. Are they an endangered species....i think it's called. will read through it and summarise it for you 2moro-if that's fine with you GQ!

Dimago
10 Jun 2008 11:15

Sho guys this is scary and interesting. I'm afraid of karma, so I do my best to stay away from anyone that's attached.

Segololo
10 Jun 2008 11:40

When I had a conversation similar to your topic with King K, he said to me that the people that is an idiot is the woman accepting such a raw deal... The woman has the power to say, I don't want to be a part of this and walk away - may hurt and may bruise the ego - but nike (just do it)

Most men will not and do not leave their wives even if you shag him 7 times a day and he shags his wife once in 6 months. SO women think that if I shag him enuff and play on his ego he will leave her - unfortunately he wont and doesn't...

THE POINT he was making was - THE WOMAN HAS THE POWER TO LET IT GO AND SHOULD .... the man just reaps the benefits of the relationship but will never, most likely leave hus wife

sweetie my baby
10 Jun 2008 12:00

this situation always ends up in either bitterness or tears for the woman - i have a friend who devoted 4 years of her prime, flyest years to some married man - then left him when she realised it wasn't going to change.

she's now married, happily, with kids, but STILL cannot get over the fact that she 'wasted' 4 of her 'best' years on a guy who was basically lying to her, stringing her along...

my dad has this theory that low self esteem is the reason for all the worlds problems - we used to laugh at him, but when you analyze the situation, it makes sense - like why would you knowingly choose being 2nd best in someone's life?

why isn't your first instinct to go for what's best for yourself? i know that emotions get in the way, and complicate ish, but where's that feeling/passion/focus on number 1 - that is YOURSELF????

for as long as women agree to be mistresses, men will have a little something on the side - it's just like that.

Cande
11 Jun 2008 00:45

and funny enough this guys do not want to let their "other woman" to see somebody else...
Mina 2 months into the relationship i asked the guy to tell me exactly what he wants and who we wants...He gave me these "only time will tell story"
Told him im going to start looking somewhere else, and he didn't look impressed..
Now if i get a man who will buy me out of this deal, im walking out....right now i have candidates....!

BestAchiever
11 Jun 2008 00:58

Tjo Cande i dont believe you, you cant walk away without bail even if you know that this isnt going anywhere. No Cande!

i cant knowingly be the other woman ... My pride doesnt allow me to do that!

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 01:29

and funny enough this guys do not want to let their "other woman" to see somebody else...
@ Cande, I know, they are so freaken possessive and they want u all to themselves, I mean WTF how do they expect u to do that, when they can't do it?

But guys I must tell u that men that know that u know u are the other woman make sure they excel in whatever they do to u and for u, becoz they know that u have the ability to walk away anytime. So that even makes u stay even more coz they go all out.

Guys, are there still single, unattached , decent men (30yr +)out there??...phela I'm in the very late 20s and kunzima to meet these very single male species.
@ LM - Funny enough, mina I am in my so very early 20's and I have more than enough candidates to choose from but somehow I keep getting drawn back to the one who is taken *even when I am with someone else, I can't help but compare them to unavailable man and how he is so much better*, I mean no matter how many times I walk away, something pulls me back, tis sad yazi, pehaps I need to be hipnotised so I can move on foerever now!!!!!

GQ
11 Jun 2008 01:51

I think it really is an esteem, self respect /love issue that we women grapple with. Defend it all you like, I'm not judging though, I've also been there a number of times and still feel like I haven't completely learnt the lessons I should have.

To be honest like some bloggers have already said, no self loving and self respecting person would ever agree to being second best in any situation. You should always be priority number one coz if you're not you open yourself up to hurt and disappointment. There's absolutely no one to blame here but ourselves when we knowingly get involved with these men with attatchments whether you find out b4 or after the fact.

As harsh as this might sound I honestly think asizithandi enough. After all your responses some for and some against this practice what comes out loud and clear is that these men have no intention of leaving the one's their with -hence the 1st wives club and the side dish brigades.

Harsh but true...

Dabs
11 Jun 2008 02:01

@ sweetiemy baby, she's now married, happily, with kids, but STILL cannot get over the fact that she 'wasted' 4 of her 'best' years on a guy who was basically lying to her, stringing her along...

Your friend should not dwell in the past, but she must know that there are plenty of woman ready to pounce on her husband just like she did to the other woman.

Cande
11 Jun 2008 02:03

Some people are scared of commitment GQ that is why they do people who are taken...

felfel
11 Jun 2008 02:05

How many of you have friends/relatives/sisters in relationships with men who are married or in relationships with someone else?

My friend has two boyfriends, one is married and the wife is in another province in their house and the other lives with his girlfriend in another province. She’s in the same province as the married one. The wife knows about her but doesn’t know that she’s in the same province as her man cos they both moved for jobs. The man is paying for her cellfone contract and the statement goes to the address where the wife is and she opened her those statements and saw that the husby is maintaining her….called her and cursed her out and she cursed back. Husby says he’s not happy with wifey and wants to leave her but is scared she’ll get half his assets (plus they got two kids).
The other boyfriend with a live-in lover has a baby with his girlfriend but he’s her main love and she wants to marry him and have kids with him. He visits her in her province but goes back to his family at the end of the day.

I frown upon all this. I’ve never knowingly been with someone who has a girlfriend at all!!! And its very rare that I’ve left someone cos I discovered he’s with someone. I remind the men I’m with that if you are with me, you are with GOLD, I am wife material, will make a good mother, know how to take care of a man, smart, knowledgeable and I’m looking for someone who wants someone exactly like me. I haven’t met him. I am dating right now two men, they both know that and it ain’t my business if they don’t value they own selves to say I won’t be ur second man.

Best-Achiever
11 Jun 2008 02:08

Some people are scared of commitment GQ that is why they do people who are taken...
@Cande .... i dont get it, how can u be scared of commitment and be brave enough to open yourself to hurt ...opting for someone who is taken should scare everyone enough more than commitment ..at least that's how i think

GQ
11 Jun 2008 02:17

"opting for someone who is taken should scare everyone enough more than commitment ..at least that's how i think"

@ BA that's what we'd all like to think but the reality is something totally different.

@ Toxic, gal where's the summary? I can't wait

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 02:18

I am dating right now two men, they both know that and it ain’t my business if they don’t value they own selves to say I won’t be ur second man.
@ felfel - gal u make me feel so much better, atleast I'll have smart &funny people like u that I will burn in hell with.......LOL

Mambox
11 Jun 2008 02:19

@Nonny I mean no matter how many times I walk away, something pulls me back, tis sad yazi, pehaps I need to be hipnotised so I can move on foerever now!!!!!

Every time I try to leave something keeps pulling me back (me back)
Telling me I need you in my life
Every time I try to go, something keeps telling me that (me that)
Everything gon be all right
Every time I try to leave something keeps pulling me back (me back)
Telling me I need you in my life
It was meant to be, you were meant for me
So that means we gotta make it work

i feel like ushaya lengoma sisi.....

felfel
11 Jun 2008 02:27

@ felfel - gal u make me feel so much better, atleast I'll have smart &funny people like u that I will burn in hell with.......LOL

LOL ...I'm still on a quest Nonny to find the one that's looking for me, cos even if you are with a generally good man, you discover that he's not exactly looking for someone like you and he's also on a quest (hence, no commitment after a few years).
Plus, people love people they just don't like, you gotta like somebody to trully love them.

Mathaz
11 Jun 2008 02:34

Husby says he’s not happy with wifey and wants to leave her but is scared she’ll get half his assets (plus they got two kids).

That's what they always say but in reality they never leave their families. Being the other woman is wrong and there's no justification for it. There are still handsome mature men available, ladies you just have to think outside the box. Good men are all not taken, the rotten ones are.

Fluffy Head
11 Jun 2008 02:35

Mambox: ulisho uliphinde Stro!!! Nonny no Fluffy aniyekeni lomkhuba eniwenzayo
Senzeni na, senzeni na senzeni na...Seeeenzeni na senzeni na senzeni na...senzeni na senzeni na senzeni na...seeenzeni na, senzeni na senzeni na..

I my ribs voice

Cnglemother
11 Jun 2008 02:41

Ladies I am around 2day but nje this topic is bringing tears to my eyes, so GQ forgive sisi I will not comment but listen my wise sisters doing what they do best.

Cande & LM ndiyaniva bosisi bam and understand u very well.

GQ thanks for the topic.

Simmone
11 Jun 2008 02:41

Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

Dabs
11 Jun 2008 02:42

Husby says he’s not happy with wifey and wants to leave her but is scared she’ll get half his assets (plus they got two kids).

Thee's always a reason why they won't leave their wives. Tells you how unhappy he is. How long is he gon keep on worrying about his assets. The longer he stays with wifey the less she takes????

I really don't get the reasoning behind this.

carino
11 Jun 2008 02:45

Then you get those girls that are just a bit too confident with their men....

She brags and thinks her man is an angel with fluffy wings. She's just irritating how she clings on to him...

That's the kinda girl whose man I go for mina...

Just to shake her up a bit. To bring her back to earth.

GQ
11 Jun 2008 02:53

@Simmone "Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions"

Amen sister friend. Amen!!

I think I should use this as my mantra the next time some attached man child tries his luck with me.

Dabs
11 Jun 2008 03:02

Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

Nuff.... said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

andi01
11 Jun 2008 03:02

@ Carino That's the kinda girl whose man I go for mina... Just to shake her up a bit. To bring her back to earth. but how long will u live ur life doing that, is your life soo miserable that you have lost interest in urself and find interest in hurting other people because they are confident and modest about whats theirs. Look in the mirror Carino and see who gets hurt here, you are. You get in the relationship with someone you dont love just bcoz he's girl is too confident, isnt that too low for a smart woman liek uself. U waste all that time "bringing some bi**h u dont care about to earth", shudnt u b wasting all that energy to some men u love and loves u back.

Gorgeous!!!
11 Jun 2008 03:10

Mmmmmmmmm...thank you GQ for the good blog
I just can't help not feeling sad about all this cheating business
i think it's a curse, which needs prayer.

GQ
11 Jun 2008 03:12

Eish Andi01 gal u making a whole lot of us reflect right now...

"ngenzenjani na ukuzu bona ukuthi mina, i am the one for you" -Bongi Dube jah neh... it's a quest to find the one who wants u and only u and not you and a million others.

Kuyafiwa guys...thathani cover

Cnglemother
11 Jun 2008 03:17

Nonny eish wenza kanjani to get out of this mess vele?

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 03:19

GQ, phela nna ne ke emetse permission from wena....joking.

Was completely tired after The Amazing Race and uGugu no Andile to read it. Tomorrow, i promise.

GQ
11 Jun 2008 03:22

Permission granted Ms T...

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 03:27

Guys, are there still single, unattached , decent men (30yr +)out there??...phela I'm in the very late 20s and kunzima to meet these very single male species

being divorced 3 years ago with one child, I find that I get attracted & attract guys 30 & above who have never been married, no children and live alone.
the moment a guy says I have a girlfriend or married..it is such a turn off.

however, I find that these guys are very indecisive, it's like they've dated all kinds of women, even me,a divorcee, but the longer they stay single, the longer it takes for them to make a decision to commit themselves... I find it hard to dump these guys even if they can't make up their minds, but the ones with girlfriends even if I discover at a later stage of dating, hhayi I do find strenght to end it somehow...

Best-Achiever
11 Jun 2008 03:29

Amen Andi01 Amen.

There are people who are busy waisting their lives over hurtig other people and not taking time to live their own lives forgetting that there will ever ever find satisfaction in that ... and cry misery and hurt everyday.

and confidence and pride plays a huge role in that!

peaces
11 Jun 2008 03:31

Mna shame I can't share qha ke!I told my husband that If ever I found out he was cheating,I would burn him with these ingredients;boiling cooking oil with,a pintch of salt,vinegar,and car battery acid.I told him I'd burn his thighs so he wouln't be able to show his mommy.

LM
11 Jun 2008 03:32

Guys I must admit that I'm very naive, trusting and always give a person the benefit of doubt....In this situ I'm in, my first mistake was to believe his story when we met because all the drama, disappointments and heartache that followed came when I was already head-over-heels inlust/love...and it is hard to move and never look back especially when there's no potential cand int he vicinity...am not justifying what I'm doing but it is the truth. As old as I am, this is my first experience in bng the other woman and next time I will know better. Bloggers, thanks for being honest and harsh in your opinions or views without judging because if you hv never been in this situ before u'll never understand...whether it is because of our ''stupidity, low self esteem, desperation or lack of self love'' to be iin this mess, well you will never know, maybe we developed feelings/love for this men n being stupid has got nothing to do with this, besides it's not a matter of just walking away because going cold-turkey doesn't work for everyone.

One thing I know is that should I meet someone I will be out of this mess very fast because the only thing I get from this is a shag that I enjoy verrryyy much.
Toxic, where is the summary kanti.

I will check this Metro midnight thing, but gals hook a sister up assemblief.

carino
11 Jun 2008 03:33

@Andi01. but how long will u live ur life doing that, is your life soo miserable that you have lost interest in urself and find interest in hurting other people because they are confident and modest about whats theirs.
No, my life isnt miserable... I've just learnt to prioritise. I've realised that at my age, there's a lot of other more important things that take priority, like my career and the love for and of my family... meaning.. mama, baba, sisis and buti..... more that i live life very light when it come to relationships....

You get in the relationship with someone you dont love just bcoz he's girl is too confident, isnt that too low for a smart woman liek uself.
I dont get into a relationship with the guy, Andzz, I just show the woman that I would take him if i wanted to... just so she realises that men are animal and hers is no exception.

U waste all that time "bringing some bi**h u dont care about to earth", shudnt u b wasting all that energy to some men u love and loves u back.
No time wasted, Andzz.. Its a psychological exercise. At the end of it... the woman knows that she should be confident about herself... not about the fact that she's with that guy. There are a lot of women out there, like Nanah who think they'd die if their men were to leave them... I'm merely showing them that we dont need men, actually... we are just having fun with them.

Look in the mirror Carino and see who gets hurt here, you are
To be honest with you... i dont get hurt doing this. I feel good and helpful.
Besides there are too many other things going on in life that I should be investing my time in, other than men and relationships.

And here's a lesson on Girl Pride, cyber sisters...... You should never be desperate. A man should want to be with you.... Never, ever... try to keep a man... they are sexual beings and they pu$$y is their daily bread... They dont care if its Albany or Blue Ribbon... To them it's just bread.....

Cande
11 Jun 2008 03:34

People go out for different reasons, sometimes its not because you love the guy but because you want money from him..that is why it wouldn't bother if he is taken or not...

Best-Achiever
11 Jun 2008 03:35

meant never ever

myname
11 Jun 2008 03:35

Morning Guys jhoo this is hectic & true. LM i feel u dear. Its so hard to find those people & i just told myself that Maybe i will die alone lol .....

Cande
11 Jun 2008 03:41

Peaces, we all say that before we in that situation...!
You will be ready to forgive him i am telling you, especially since you are married to him...

If you going to dump your husband or boyfriend because he is cheating, then you will dump all the men in the world because most of the men do cheat...

Look in the mirror Carino and see who gets hurt here, you are
To be honest with you... i dont get hurt doing this. I feel good and helpful.
Besides there are too many other things going on in life that I should be investing my time in, other than men and relationships.
I lavh you so much Carino for this, who said we want to ge married to this men or commit to them...besides if and when an opportunity of getting a real man for myself comes my way i will grab it with both hands...

Best-Achiever
11 Jun 2008 03:55

If you going to dump your husband or boyfriend because he is cheating, then you will dump all the men in the world because most of the men do cheat...
@Cande ... i did dump my first BF when i find out he was cheating after a gud 4 years of what i believed to be the best first and last relationship ever with a man.

time passed by and i met my now BF ..whom we have so many plans together that includes marriage and starting a family but i promise you, i can dump him if i can ever find out he is cheating.

Mina i'd rather die alone that being with someone who takes me to be his second or third best or plain popayi to satisfy his body disires..... Never

GQ
11 Jun 2008 03:57

What's with this mentality that if you leave a cheating man then you're end up chopping and changing so much coz most men cheat...well mina I feel that it should never be about how many people you end up with. Rather be happy alone/ in search of what you want than to stay with a dog who'll keep f**ing around while u sit at home and keep forgiving his sorry ass.

The next thing that will happen is that this person will end up ruining your life aletha things like Aids into your home while u hold on for dear life for the sake of being married

zolx
11 Jun 2008 03:57

who said we want to ge married to this men or commit to them. - but guys why is it so difficult for the 'other women' to see that they're messing with the man's family life. What about the wife, the kids? Why do you want to play part in destroying his family. Does it feel good??? IF you want to play shag why not find a single man - someone who's actions wont hurt the ENTIRE family. Its wrong people so stop justifying it. I've never been the other woman to a married man but its a choice. YOu guys choose to stay with someone who's taken. I felt like saying AMEN watching Isidingo on Monday when maAgnes told Thandi that "Parsons is not for you to love". same goes for all married man - they are not for you to love. ANd some say they enjoy the 3 c's that come with married man - this is prostitution. You might not be standing in a street robot with a short skirt on but dating a married man just becos you like what you get in return after just giving him a shag is prostitution. Yes, some people are in it for the shag..Argggggg

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 04:03

A man should want to be with you.... Never, ever... try to keep a man... they are sexual beings and they pu$$y is their daily bread... They dont care if its Albany or Blue Ribbon... To them it's just bread.....

true!

Cande
11 Jun 2008 04:08

BA & GQ
Never trust a man....just because you do not know it doesn't mean he hasnt, he is not or he will never cheat..
Relationships are sooo overated, its sad...!
Men are plain bustards and that is that.

Cande
11 Jun 2008 04:11

Zolx if there is still single men out there, please send him my way..i am struggling to find one.

Mathaz
11 Jun 2008 04:16

@zolx, i could not have said it better, but as you see most ladies here are the "other woman" and they are fine with it so however hard you try to peruade them otherwise, they have accepted being not second best coz in most cases the guys have kids so they are fifth best.

Bottom line: they will never love you as much as they love their families.

carino
11 Jun 2008 04:19

Relationships are sooo overated, its sad...!

I'm sooo with you there Cande... and girls just like feeling sorry for themselves.

zolx
11 Jun 2008 04:22

Zolx if there is still single men out there, please send him my way..i am struggling to find one. - so Cande pls make me understand this, becos you cant find yourself a single or unmarried man out there it makes it okay for you to sleep with someone else's husband, whom i might add - you might not even intend on staying in his life for long. You there for the fun of it - doesnt matter whose life your actions shutter in the process.

I know cheating of married people (yes females as well)has been here for a loonngg time & its one of the things we cant change, it'll be here for decades to come. But i believe the one person that i manage to get through her head then that's enough. Why do you (personally) want to play a part in making some wife or kids life HELL becos of a man you werent even so much that into. What about the consequences!!! ANd again would you not mind if this was done to you, your mother or sister?

zolx
11 Jun 2008 04:26

Relationships are sooo overated, its sad...! - for you maybe but for the wife its not. They (married couple) wouldnt have got hitched if they took their relationship for granted.

girls just like feeling sorry for themselves - its called instilling values and self-love in our fellow humans.

Cande
11 Jun 2008 04:33

ANd again would you not mind if this was done to you, your mother or sister?

It is happening nje, it was done to me...I lost a 5 yr old relationship because of cheating...
It happened to my aunts, couzins even to my own mother...

I do not even understand why people still get married anyway?? I get sad when i see people getting married because i know 5 years down the line they will thinking of divorce...women bring themselves AIDS by trusting these men...

I wish there was another way of making babies, coz i do want them but i am not ready to trust any man enough to make babies with them...

andi01
11 Jun 2008 04:34

A friend of mine is the "other woman". The man promises her heaven and earth and gives her only the d**k, with huge black balls of course. 4 months into the relationship he is making up stories.
1.His couzin told him my frend is cheating on him
2.He had an STI & its her fault
3.Afrend of hers is tellin de wife about their affair
4.The wife is gettin suspicios, so we need 2 take things slowly

So tell me is that some1 that loves u, i dont think so,

Toodecent
11 Jun 2008 04:36

Interesting read indeed.....!

Brown Shuga
11 Jun 2008 04:37

<<<Your friend should not dwell in the past, but she must know that there are plenty of woman ready to pounce on her husband just like she did to the other woman>>> LOL Dabs.

As my friend put it so bluntly to me, all women have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with.

The choice is yours...

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 04:37

Husby says he’s not happy with wifey and wants to leave her but is scared she’ll get half his assets (plus they got two kids).

I really think though, there are men and women who are really unhappy in their marriages...bt because there are too many people involved or who stand to get hurt if a divorce takes place, children, families, relatives, church, etc...it's better to stick it out otherwise I do believe people fall out of love

carino
11 Jun 2008 04:37

Relationships are sooo overated, its sad...! - for you maybe but for the wife its not. They (married couple) wouldnt have got hitched if they took their relationship for granted.

The problem here, is...the other girl has got nothing to do with their relationship.
If a man decides to walk out of his marriage and do some floozzy.. it's not the floozy's fault. It's the man that has got issues.
Married women just tend to overlook this and blame the other woman... whom did nothing wrong... besides, she's not part of their lives.

My advise to married women & stable girlfriends out there....
When a man cheats its not the other woman's fault and neither is it yours. It's your man that needs 'n klap. He's confused and he doesnt deserve to be with you.

peaces
11 Jun 2008 04:39

Relationships are overrated?Yeah right.If they were you wouldn't be in one.And yes If my hubby cheated I would leave him.Before him I had a life and I was fine on my own,so even after him I will have a life.That's why I don't depend on him,I want to be ready for the unexpected.And even if I forgave him cande,pain would have been inflicted.

andi01
11 Jun 2008 04:42

@Cande Even if there is one available out ther for you, he will just walk right pass you coz u are busy occupied with someone elses’s man, how will you recognize yours and give him a chance to meet you. And also if that special someone comes by what are you going to do with him because you believe that relationships are overated

zolx
11 Jun 2008 04:42

It is happening nje, it was done to me...I lost a 5 yr old relationship because of cheating...
It happened to my aunts, couzins even to my own mother... - what i'm trying to figure out here Cande is was it nice. Is it nice to be at the receiving end of all this. Yes it happens but does that mean you should also hurt someone the way you were hurt.

do not even understand why people still get married anyway?? - that is very personal and should not be reason for your actions.

women bring themselves AIDS by trusting these men... - and you dont stand a chance of getting AIDS becos you arent married????oh ja, how can i forget - you use a condom!!! *spalm slap myself on the forehead*

Clearly we never gonna be "on the same page here" even thou at least as you say you know the feeling of being cheated on. SO lets agree to disagree.
//ends.

thinLine
11 Jun 2008 04:43

Mathaz: Bottom line: they will never love you as much as they love their families.

This Bottom line is a very strange one, because the pple who r hurt the most are the wife and sometimes the kids, bcos most of the time the other woman is in this for fun and not expecting commitment or some kind of a miracle at the end.

And pse remember main woman your hubby/perfect boyfriend went out of your relationship to be with the other woman, this alone should tell you something. deal with the root cause.

Fluffy Head
11 Jun 2008 04:44

Nonny: get yourself over there (u know where) there's a new article up!

Cande
11 Jun 2008 04:44

Zolx do you mind if i asked how long have you been married?

andi01
11 Jun 2008 04:45

Reading replies from the people who openly admit that they are or don’t mind being the other woman, I sense that they do want to be in loving relationships where they know the men are commited to them only, but they just don’t believe it can happen to them. I think the root of this is self confidence or rather lack of.

Fluffy Head
11 Jun 2008 04:48

As my friend put it so bluntly to me, all women have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with.

The choice is yours...
Amen, and I like your friend already

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 04:49

As my friend put it so bluntly to me, all women have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with.

so true!!

andi01
11 Jun 2008 04:50

@ Carino My advise to married women & stable girlfriends out there....
When a man cheats its not the other woman's fault and neither is it yours. It's your man that needs 'n klap. He's confused and he doesnt deserve to be with you. True this, my problem lies with the women who deliberately go out with guys just to piss off or hurt the woman in his life also with woman who commit to being the sidekick knowing well the man is married. I just don’t understand how can a person sell herself that low.

LM
11 Jun 2008 04:52

Bottom line: they will never love you as much as they love their families.This statement is not always true, it depends on individuals.

Yazi, this (topic/discussion of ours) is like trying to understand why a woman stays in an abusive relationship or why a woman decided to have an abortion when you hv never been in their shoes. I sense that this discussion is gonna get very personal very soon....Neway, what is this second, first, fifth best thing anyway....you make people feel like they are worthless in these 'sharing relationships' and it's not always like that, generally speaking. You make it sound like as long as ur the regte or wifey and the man still go out there and have his cake and come back to you is fine because afterall you are the first best (whatever that means) and special. To me once a man start looking for pleasure (4 whatever reason) outside his relationship boundaries, he no longer considers you to be special otherwise he wouldn't have done it. So ladies in marriages or 'regte' rlationships whith cheating boyfies of hubbys are in the same boat with us; why don't you also move on once you discover that they are lying to you??

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 04:53

A man should want to be with you.... Never, ever... try to keep a man... they are sexual beings and they pu$$y is their daily bread... They dont care if its Albany or Blue Ribbon... To them it's just bread.....

one woman who had been married for more than 40 years said the secret to her long lasting marriage is: when her hubby feels like giving up she is alway there to keep the marriage going, if she feels like giving up hubby pulls her through..

Yes, a man should want to be with you but we all get distracted now and again, and sometimes quiting is not always an answer...especially if you know the person loves you, it's just that they might be going through a phase..

Cande
11 Jun 2008 04:53

okay gals, i get you but ja i think like Zolx said lets agree to disagree coz its all within YOU as a person as to what you want in your life.

zolx
11 Jun 2008 04:55

Zolx do you mind if i asked how long have you been married? - yes i do mind and do not see the relevance of this on the topic at hand.

LM
11 Jun 2008 04:59

@Thinline: This Bottom line is a very strange one, because the pple who r hurt the most are the wife and sometimes the kids, bcos most of the time the other woman is in this for fun and not expecting commitment or some kind of a miracle at the end.

And pse remember main woman your hubby/perfect boyfriend went out of your relationship to be with the other woman, this alone should tell you something. deal with the root cause. Couldn't agree more. Ke laka leo.

As my friend put it so bluntly to me, all women have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with. So so true. This is reality, whether you want to believe or not.

Cande
11 Jun 2008 05:01

True this, my problem lies with the women who deliberately go out with guys just to piss off or hurt the woman in his life also with woman who commit to being the sidekick knowing well the man is married. I just don’t understand how can a person sell herself that low.

Sometimes these men tell you they are in the process of breaking-up/divorcing, its not always the case that you want to deliberately hurt someone...

Please people i never said i will sleep with/date a married man..i tried and chickened out...
But a guy who is seeing someone else i will/am doing it...!

candybabe
11 Jun 2008 05:04

To cut a long story short, he told me he has stopped phoning his other girlfriend (thats his way of breaking up with her). 4 weeks into the relationship he showed me messages that were sent by that woman asking why he doesnt call anymore, but he didnt respond. So what I did is i took his phone, phoned that woman and introduced myslef to her (though I didnt tell her my real name). .......And01

Hayi undixolele mina bt i just dont think ur guy is honest with himself or he is a coward in a way.how certain are you about this break up?Just bcoz he let do his dirty work by calling his galfrend and now u are convinced that its over......!!
For all i care he could be calling her behind ur back coz if he knows that he no longer love the gal,then i see nothing difficulty in calling her and dump her......
By not calling or not responding to any of her messages does'nt mean a thing,i mean the guy angamshayay-shaya this gal (coz tha's what they are gud @ and we ol know how easily the women gets fooled by men) and get back 2geda again.One other thing,what goes around comes around.....................!!

Just dont get me wrong gal i'm saying this bcoz i've been to this kind of relationship.@ first i did not know that the guy had somebody in his life and in a couple of months after we started dating,ol kind of rumours started arising as well about him.I asked him about them and he tried justifying it by this "BABY MAMA" tip.Anyway from my side i was already inlove with the guy so it was hard to let go and he ASSURED me that there was nothing more btwin them anymore and that he was olny taking care of his kid.
As we speak now the guy has another kid with the woman he claimed he does'nt want and love anymore............
Throughout the period deep down i knew that was bound to happen and i vowed there neva to trust what these bastards are saying anymore.........and neva to mix up in the same situation again!!!!!!!Coz no matter how gud you can be to the guy,he still will cheat on you and as for me,like Changing Faces say,"i cant be the other woman"...!!!!!!!

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 05:04

Just got out of a meeting, f@%k I hate staff meetings. Eish and I've got another one in a hours times........yerrrrr let me read and catch up for now.........

peaces
11 Jun 2008 05:04

We can dissagree the whole day but ke at the end izinto ozenzayo will come back and kick you in your face.If ruining lives and being called makhwapheni is your kind of thing then,cool.When you're alone and thinking,you're the one left crying and feeling used.But ke bosisi sinenkani.We like denying what we know is true nhe?

andi01
11 Jun 2008 05:06

A man seeks pleasure outside the marriage, I think its naïve for the “other” woman to think he is what the man has been looking for for all his life. I think the other woman is just “pleasure” nothing more nothing less. The man realizes that there is something wrong in his relationship, he doesn’t try to fix it, but rather tries to ignore it by having a sidekick thinking it will go away. Yes of course there is something wrong when the man cheats, but not with the wife, but with the man who is stupid enough to think that another woman will automatically be the “woman” he met sometime ago and decided to commit to. And the other woman who stays there thinking that the man will leave some1 else for her if he can have her whenever he wants. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. But if he still has hope that one day his marriage will go back to normal, he will use any excuse not to leave his wife (i.e, losing 2 much, kids, church)

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 05:08

CARINO:Married women just tend to overlook this and blame the other woman... whom did nothing wrong... besides, she's not part of their lives.
My advise to married women & stable girlfriends out there....
When a man cheats its not the other woman's fault and neither is it yours. It's your man that needs 'n klap. He's confused and he doesnt deserve to be with you.

TRUE TRUE TRUE...I wish women can understand this.

This goes deeper into how men were brought up, in the background and environment that promoted cheating at a young age. actually a man with one girlfriend in our society is ridiculed by other men in their circles...

like Brown Sugar's friend said

you have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with.

if you can't beat them join them - ladies do what makes you happy...we are being realistic here and truth hurts...

for me, every situation has it's pro & cons...whether you are a wife or mistress, you choose which side to focus on...

carino
11 Jun 2008 05:11

Bottom line: they will never love you as much as they love their families

The bottom is, there are no bottom lines in relationships.

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 05:11

You make it sound like as long as ur the regte or wifey and the man still go out there and have his cake and come back to you is fine because afterall you are the first best (whatever that means) and special. To me once a man start looking for pleasure (4 whatever reason) outside his relationship boundaries, he no longer considers you to be special otherwise he wouldn't have done it.

*applause*

Once the man looks elsewhere for pleasure then where is coming FIRST in this relationship? If i'm with a married man who probably got married way way way before he met me, why would i think i'm second best? Like i said he meets MY needs-whatever they are- and therefore the relationship works for me.

Love doesn't come by like a taxi after you've missed your bus. WHEN it does come by your way though, it seldom matters what it's packaged in. i have never experienced love like i did with the married man i went out with. Not once did i feel like i was 4th best cause when we were together, that was all that mattered to me. Not his wife, not his kids, not his extended family....just me and him.

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 05:16

Nonny eish wenza kanjani to get out of this mess vele?
Eis Cnglema, nami ngishaya ama back and fourth okwamanje, but ke as soon as I am completely out, I'll write a book about khona nawe uzothola usizo........LOL

As my friend put it so bluntly to me, all women have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with.
@ BS - Ur friend is very clever, I think option 2 is better than 1!!!!!

In Zulu they say, "oyibambile akakayidle, oyidlile udle icala".......plz somebody translate this!!!!!

thinLine
11 Jun 2008 05:16

the problem starts once wifey or main lady thinks she's better than any1 in this planet n start calling pple abo 2nd best.
if your hubby cheats on you do u still think that u r his 1st best??

Cande
11 Jun 2008 05:17

We like denying what we know is true nhe

Ja, like the fact that most men cheat..! coz that is the truth.

and we ol know how easily the women gets fooled by men.. True this..!
I feel you Candebabe
Nna i had a guy tell his ex in front of me that he doesn't want her anymore and that he doesn't love her anymore...that was 3 years back...as we speak they are back together and living happily ever after..

As my friend put it so bluntly to me, all women have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with.

The choice is yours...

choice no 1 is too painful for me, whereas no 2 is where the fun is...

I like a disagreement that doesn't insult other people because they differ with you in opinions..please..!

zolx
11 Jun 2008 05:18

it also has a lot to do with morals, self respect, values that each person has as was said in the beginning of this blog. For the hundredth time, if you love yourself enough you wouldnt be someone else's second best. What do you think is best for you as an individual. My reasons for getting married are that, mine. If your sleeping with a married man & messing up family lives is what you good at - then good for you. But bottom line is - you are messing with other people's lives and i'm just wondering what you (other women) see when you look yourself in the mirror. An ambitious, successful, young lady who only wants the best for herself, perhaps????

Cande
11 Jun 2008 05:22

if your hubby cheats on you do u still think that u r his 1st best??

ask again..!

Cnglemother
11 Jun 2008 05:23

Wow girls! I am loving the harsh but honest approach. Truth hurts bafethu.

mstick
11 Jun 2008 05:24

errrr.........no comment

carino
11 Jun 2008 05:25

@Andi01 my problem lies with the women who deliberately go out with guys just to piss off or hurt the woman in his life also with woman who commit to being the sidekick knowing well the man is married. I just don’t understand how can a person sell herself that low.

Please allow me to correct you on this..seeing that im the one that brought it up...

Its not to piss die regte off...but rather.... to wake her up.... (at least that's my reason)

In the case that i was referring to, she doesnt commit to be the sidekick...she's merely landing a helping hand. And she's not a sidekick... she also has her life full of other commitments...she's merely promoting girl pride.

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 05:27

The bottom is, there are no bottom lines in relationships.
clap clap Carino!!!!

"Love doesn't come by like a taxi after you've missed your bus. WHEN it does come by your way though, it seldom matters what it's packaged in. i have never experienced love like i did with the married man i went out with. Not once did i feel like i was 4th best cause when we were together, that was all that mattered to me. Not his wife, not his kids, not his extended family....just me and him"

I can sooooooorelate Toxic to ur above paragraph, as I said in the morning, married men are loving and caring *if not the most, perhaps that's why they are married.....LOL* I tell u they make sure that u are happy becoz at the back of their mind they know that Nonny can leave me any day because she knows that I have a "so called" life commitment to someone else. So the man tries actually if he is good he doesn't ry he achieves it in every manner to make sure that u never get an opportunity to feel insecure and feel less of a woman. Ur "package" with him makes u happy becuas he satisfies ur needs and even wants. So plz don't tell me mistess' aren't happy. It depends on what happiness means to u. And don't evn get me started on the TIME they have for u, it's phenomenal, u even forget he actually has a wife to go home to!!!!

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 05:30

We can dissagree the whole day but ke at the end izinto ozenzayo will come back and kick you in your face.If ruining lives and being called makhwapheni is your kind of thing then,cool.When you're alone and thinking,you're the one left crying and feeling used.But ke bosisi sinenkani.We like denying what we know is true nhe?

I always say women forget that most probably they also took that man from someone else.

some mistresses are really well taken care of and happy....they get hurt but is the wife always happy? nope! at least mistresses don't have to do his laundry and breakfast after he slept out or attended Chris Rock with them

yes children and wifey get hurt but women forget that a man is an adult that should know right from wrong...

Cnglemother
11 Jun 2008 05:35

@Love doesn't come by like a taxi after you've missed your bus, hi-hi-hi! LOL! LOL!

where is o-thabang & sponono when we need them? men input asseblief.

mstick
11 Jun 2008 05:36

Just got an email fot i shud share

There is a saying dat says 'a perfect match can only be found btwin a blind wyf and a deaf husband, bcoz de blind wyf cannot c de faults of de husband n de deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of de wyf'.........

zolx
11 Jun 2008 05:38

I guess the mistresses get to have the last word. Well, from me - well done - carry on doing on what makes you happy without the consideration of others. *Clap clap* to your happy-married-man-dating. YOu're happy right......so why should you worry about the consequences. Go ahead guys...its clear that empathy is not on any mistresses' mind..

i rest my case

Mambox
11 Jun 2008 05:41

What has this world come to? I'd do not belive what i'm reading...Ya'll need Jesus seriously!!!

Simmone
11 Jun 2008 05:45

@ Cnglema…………..you took the words right from my key board. The male bloggers help shed some light in this one.

Brown Shuga
11 Jun 2008 05:45

If my name was Richard Bezuidenhout from Big Brother Africa 2, my comment right now would be....

"Zolx, take it easy dawg, take it easy."

I know exactly where you're coming from love. Life is a damn b!tch!

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 05:46

I always say women forget that most probably they also took that man from someone else.
So true Poshspice, it's so rare to fid a man hat was sittle and twiddling his thumb without any one and just waiting for u.

"some mistresses are really well taken care of and happy....they get hurt but is the wife always happy? nope! at least mistresses don't have to do his laundry and breakfast after he slept out or attended Chris Rock with them"
kwa kwa kwa, so u went with someone's man to the Chris Rock show hey Posh?.......LOL......kodwa ke akusenani!!!!

Talking about gouing with someone's man to the Chris Rock show, tell me why is it that wives hardly attend these kind of events with their husbands? It's always the mistress that's around and then the poor nagging wife will be phoning every two minutes to ask the husband when is he coming home. I mean really what's up with that?

peaces
11 Jun 2008 05:46

Ja,like the fact that most men cheat...!coz that is the truith.Uhm...daaah,who said it wasn't?We all know that nje.poshspice like I said sisi,If thats your thing and you feel its good for you then,Okay.

andi01
11 Jun 2008 05:47

@candybabe the reason I told him not to call the girl himself is that, I kinda felt sorry for her, I knew that, that would hurt her very much as it would hurt me and besides she was with him first, so I thought it wouldn’t be fair to her. After speaking to her she did admit that he no longer calls her (and she says its my fault), like he told me, so I do trust him. One other thing,what goes around comes around, I considered this, and that’s why I called myself course I would rather have a b***h breathing down my neck about his man, than the person who once promised to love me forever, telling me that its over, on the phone nogal.

GQ
11 Jun 2008 05:47

No one has addressed this yet:

Something else that’s got me thinking is the increasing number of young couples (the 20 to 30yr age group) who’re divorcing. The biggest revelation that’s come to me in most these cases is that one or both parties were usually unsure of their partner yet they still went ahead and said “I do”. There are always stories of women or men saying I should have seen this coming when she/he did A B and C.

Your thoughts?

Do any of you know of couples in this very situation or who have experienced it first hand. Please do share....

Brown Shuga
11 Jun 2008 05:48

<<<The male bloggers help shed some light in this one.>> Isn't GQ a guy?

felfel
11 Jun 2008 05:53

Clearly asifani, we all different here. For me its not even the fact that i respect another girl or the wife (i don't have to , i don't know her) but ndinesidima ngesiqu sam to be a second girlfriend. I wouldn't be able to bear the thought that when he's not next to me he's with her or when he's not taking my calls he's with her. I'm sooooo inlove with myself i don't mind being alone, i've spent many winters alone with just a heater and a hot water bottle and believe me in the midst of all that coldness and sleeping alone, i rest smiling, respecting myself even more and aware of my value than to grab anything that walks and attached. I'm selfish in love, i want you all to myself cos i got so much to bring into a relationship. I chop and change men, not becos i'm a player but when i discover something that just doesn't go with i'm looking for or my values then i let you go with an open heart.

I've never been with a married, its not attractive to me at all. I have a phobia for married men period. Plus, ndiyamoyika umfazi womntu.

Renegade
11 Jun 2008 05:58

Tsho, really interesting discussions. I think all that can be said has been said. So i'll just sit this one out.

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 05:59

I know exactly where you're coming from love. Life is a damn b!tch!
hhhhahahahaha, guys take it easy ngempela, life is a b!tch indeed. I'm off to another meeting.......*eish I will see ya'll later*

LM
11 Jun 2008 06:03

Something else that’s got me thinking is the increasing number of young couples (the 20 to 30yr age group) who’re divorcing. The biggest revelation that’s come to me in most these cases is that one or both parties were usually unsure of their partner yet they still went ahead and said “I do”. There are always stories of women or men saying I should have seen this coming when she/he did A B and C. It might be because they got married when they are both too young or in their prime when there's still a bit of puppy love in them....what you consider as a good quality on a man or woman when you are in 20, 23s or so, might not have weight when you reach 27/28/29.

carino
11 Jun 2008 06:04

Pholani, bahlali... pholani... Life's a ride...

PHOLA!

GQ
11 Jun 2008 06:06

GQ is female Brown Shuga very very female...read my profile you'll c. Aint nothing masculine about me except that I have the sexual energy of a man. So I've been told. LOL

Enzee ways could the brothers please speak up I'd love to hear what u think about all this and is it true what these ladies have said???

andi01
11 Jun 2008 06:11

@felfel, Bravo, well said girl

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 06:15

kwa kwa kwa, so u went with someone's man to the Chris Rock show hey Posh?.......LOL......kodwa ke akusenani!!!!

I went with a girl friend

poshspice like I said sisi,If thats your thing and you feel its good for you then,Okay.

I don't do married men and those who tell me straight that they hav a galfriend. it's a personal choice, but I don't judge those who decide to do it, if they can handle it, it's their baby.

It is difficult to defend the institution of marriage nowadays because husbands are hipocrites, including their families and friends who cover up for them. Hence, I don't blame anyone anymore, kukamalume, kuyacanaswa vele, let's all do what pleases us.

thinLine
11 Jun 2008 06:17

Your boyfriend cheats on u day n nyt, n then asks u to marry him, u jump up the roof n say YES YES YES bcos u have that I'm the main lady thing in your head n now that hes asked 2 marry u, u 4get abt the past n focus on 2day n 2moro. and then when he cheats again while u r married u start blaming A B and C kodwa they've always been there wena u just chose to ignore them...

GQ
11 Jun 2008 06:20

A brief summary

The cheating man
He cheats on his wife for the following reasons:
1. Boredom
a. tired of KFC now wants Nando’s
b. tired of fast food and wants to wine and dine
c. tired of getting home to a woman wearing the same old tacky “home clothes” and wants his senses to be awakened by someone fresh smelling and visually enticing.
d. Tired of the routine of doing it in bed before bedtime and wants the excitement of doing it on the kitchen counter/shower/public places/car/ on the floor/from behind/woman on top….
2. He Wants
a. an intellectual equal (why he married an intellectually inept woman in the first place beats me)
b. to show off to his buddies that he’s still got game/wants to prove to himself that he’s still attractive to the opposite sex
c. the thrill of the chase and the excitement that comes with it
d. wants an easy target…no commitment, no strings attached just a great and easy lay that’s always available at his convenience. He just has to call & she avails herself. He rocks up in his triple C-ness and voila. Or rather she goes and delivers herself (with or without charge) like a true Mrs Delivery minus the!
3. He’s simply tired of driving his Jaguar and wants to try something faster/leaner and meaner like a sports car (Porsche).

Cheating woman:

Similar reasons to the men really.

It all bowls down to satisfying sexual urges, belonging to someone, not wanting to be lonely and having some fun.

Your thought?

Ngizothatha icover for this post…ayeye

carino
11 Jun 2008 06:22

Clearly asifani, we all different here. For me its not even the fact that i respect another girl or the wife (i don't have to , i don't know her) but ndinesidima ngesiqu sam to be a second girlfriend. I wouldn't be able to bear the thought that when he's not next to me he's with her or when he's not taking my calls he's with her. I'm sooooo inlove with myself i don't mind being alone, i've spent many winters alone with just a heater and a hot water bottle and believe me in the midst of all that coldness and sleeping alone, i rest smiling, respecting myself even more and aware of my value than to grab anything that walks and attached. I'm selfish in love, i want you all to myself cos i got so much to bring into a relationship. I chop and change men, not becos i'm a player but when i discover something that just doesn't go with i'm looking for or my values then i let you go with an open heart.

LM
11 Jun 2008 06:24

I don't do married men and those who tell me straight that they hav a galfriend. it's a personal choice, but I don't judge those who decide to do it, if they can handle it, it's their baby. Thanks Posh. I was reading and enjoying the responses when words like stupid, low self esteem and fifth best started creeping in and kancani my blood started to boil...just a little.

Cande
11 Jun 2008 06:30

I don't do married men and those who tell me straight that they hav a galfriend. it's a personal choice, but I don't judge those who decide to do it, if they can handle it, it's their baby.

It is difficult to defend the institution of marriage nowadays because husbands are hipocrites, including their families and friends who cover up for them. Hence, I don't blame anyone anymore, kukamalume, kuyacanaswa vele, let's all do what pleases us.

A.M.E.N..!

Cande
11 Jun 2008 06:34

was reading and enjoying the responses when words like stupid, low self esteem and fifth best started creeping in and kancani my blood started to boil...just a little.

Eish i am glad there is people like me who like clean disagreements without any insults because the world will be a boring place if we all thought alike...!

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 06:34

Something else that’s got me thinking is the increasing number of young couples (the 20 to 30yr age group) who’re divorcing. The biggest revelation that’s come to me in most these cases is that one or both parties were usually unsure of their partner yet they still went ahead and said “I do”. There are always stories of women or men saying I should have seen this coming when she/he did A B and C.

one morning I was listening to Stone's new song (of Bongo Maffin) on radio..he is basically apologising to the wife or girlfriend for hurting her and not being with her during pregnancies or giving birth, traveling the world..and I thought...man at that age that's exacle what you was supposed to be doing, travelling, finding yourself, having fun, creating wealth for yourself not making babies or being a father..

the problem we marry too young and broke..I say from 30 years start considering settling down, you would have discovered who you are fully, your likes and dislikes, taken risks,settled in you career and had fun.rather date for a long time....cause marriage is definitely different from dating.

candybabe
11 Jun 2008 06:35

Big ups for you Felfel...LOL..!!

I mean yo rather be safe than sorry and its a nice way of calling it a "phobia"
Plus,ndiyamoyika umfazi womntu..! not olny this thing is rong,there are other facts that one shouls think about.I mean abantu abacingi ngokufana.Omnye umfazi can do some nasty stuff to you once she finds out about this whole affair thing.So i guess its still gud for ppl like Toxic who still have a chance to meet the "Wife" and chat over the phone.....hhe!hhe! i give you that one Toxic!

My advice goes to those who have'nt tried it,stay away coz its not a cool thing to do and to those who have.....well,enjoy it while it last!!!Mina i wont stand to be referred to as a "Swiping card"!!!

Best-Achiever
11 Jun 2008 06:36

Men are plain bustards and that is that.
@Cande ... i beg to differ my sister ... MY DAD isnt that and i believe he is the reason i can trust a man until he gives me a reason not to.
And for the record, i am and still gonna trust my BF until he gives me a reason not to and i wont conclude that everyman is like him.

Cande
11 Jun 2008 06:42

okay B.A i take back my words
maybe NOT all of them but most of them..

mathata
11 Jun 2008 06:55

men.men likes bitches because you can chew it for the whoole f*** day still smells peach hm,soo some men dont cheat bcz their wifes are bitches in bed,sometimes when we are dating everything it so smooth,once we stay together we are always tired(n im always tired)so men they miss those days.

So one thing i learn is that no matter married or not,you must treat your men like boyfrnd,Ga lejola you always giveit all,so men n women we musnt loose that energy

candybabe
11 Jun 2008 06:56

U know reading throughout this blog 2day,we have all been blaming one side.....
ppl you will be surprised of whats going on out there.Ja ndiyavuma men are popular in this game bt women nabo are doing the same thing........
Bliv it or not there are married women who are cheating on their husbands,so sithini ke ngalomba.?

I would really like to hear male response side on this one whereva you may be,cum on guys i dare you!!!!

Miss K
11 Jun 2008 07:00

I was reading and enjoying the responses when words like stupid, low self esteem and fifth best started creeping in and kancani my blood started to boil...just a little.....maybe the truth makes the blood boil hey? Im with u Felfel 100%

Cande
11 Jun 2008 07:03

Bliv it or not there are married women who are cheating on their husbands,so sithini ke ngalomba.?

this one is very rare, because women know men don't easily forgive..once you cheat you are out..!

Cande
11 Jun 2008 07:06

maybe the truth makes the blood boil hey
Your truth and her truth might not be the same truth...but calling people names and insults like stupid, and blah blah blah are not so on..
If you disagreeing with me, it doesn't mean you have to disrespect me...

candybabe
11 Jun 2008 07:12

I fully agree with you mathata,thats axactly what i tell my friends in this cheating issue and i think thats a perfect recipe to prevent your partner from cheating.......

To add on that....we tend to get acquinted to one another once we get married as if now we are now brotha & sista.....Yes once you marry it means that your partner is your best friend,soul mate,shoulder to cry on,basically becomes everything to you,bt that does'nt mean you should stop doing most of the things you used to do while dating.Kumele usibethelele ngakumbi isikhonkwane,especially in your sex life and by doing that your partner wont even have thoughts about trying KFC coz he's tired of nandos.........bcoz you will be fulfilling whatever that he wants from a woman by ol means.......
I also bliv that communication is a way to go in a relationship,coz i see no reason not to tell your partner when you are not satisfied with something in him.........that is where you can sort your minor problem b4 it spreads out to the world..!!!!

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 07:21

this one is very rare, because women know men don't easily forgive..once you cheat you are out..!

it's not in this day and age...temptation is all over for married women too, they travel a lot, attend work functions, things that happen during those trips leave much to be desired

Its between married people who left their spouses behind and what makes it interesting is that you both have a lot to loose, so no one will dare tell. you both don't wanna be called after hours,etc..it works out perfectly..

LM
11 Jun 2008 07:24

maybe the truth makes the blood boil hey
Your truth and her truth might not be the same truth...but calling people names and insults like stupid, and blah blah blah are not so on..
If you disagreeing with me, it doesn't mean you have to disrespect me: Thanks Cande. Miss K, a person can make a point without throwing insults around. If you read my reply properly you would hv understood the meaning in it: I enjoyed the bloggas' honest, pure views but I got irritated when some started elevating themselves and throwing insults around.

Miss K
11 Jun 2008 07:29

If you disagreeing with me, it doesn't mean you have to disrespect me.....Oh i wud never call another person stupid and i definately do not disrespect individuals, just their belief systems.

Cherrie on top
11 Jun 2008 07:41

You know what , we all hurt someone whether we know it or not in the name of love, guys normally dont say anything to the "other woman" until she is hooked.

Thats what normally happens or They lie and say there's some1 and he's not happy in the relationship and is considering leaving.
A guy once told me that men usually wont leave their current unhappy relationships until he gets a replacement from someone else who makes him happy .
I have yet to see a man who leaves a woman because their relationship is not working out and theres no other person in his life. In other words he chooses to be single and doesn't have any booty calls before he gets " the one " again.

Eye Candy
11 Jun 2008 07:42

But ladies you know that we chicks always think that the grass is greener on the other side,actually not just us but guys as well & guys tender to act on those feelings more than we do....I think the best thing that anyone can do for their own well being is to just buy a vibrator<lol> or a cuffy pussy...what do you think....that way you wion't get diseases & you'll always know where it is,unless you use while drunk & misplace it,then the only person you can rightfully blame is yourself!

mathata
11 Jun 2008 07:46

@candy,my husband is older than me,so last time he was telling me ,imno loger going anywhere with him but the time we based in sa i used to go any where with him ,so he was complaining,

so love ,sex is a giving take,if men cheat that means he want more attention,if women cheat she want attention n money,so we must figure out to play the rule.

before i get married me n my frnd we used to play this trick ,that if he doesnt call his mama,look ugly,bite his mouth that ,you didnt give it all,

can we look at Angelina joolie u can see shis just bitch in bed ,but jennifer shis darling,so all of us we want parkage

sanas
11 Jun 2008 07:50

@Carino -I'm sooooo inlove with myself i don't mind being alone, i've spent many winters alone with just a heater and a hot water bottle and believe me in the midst of all that coldness and sleeping alone, i rest smiling, respecting myself even more and aware of my value than to grab anything that walks and attached. I'm selfish in love, i want you all to myself cos i got so much to bring into a relationship. I chop and change men, not becos i'm a player but when i discover something that just doesn't go with i'm looking for or my values then i let you go with an open heart.

All is said sisi- LUV YA!

"Yehlisan'umoya, yehlisa'numoya maan" in Arthur's voice

GQ
11 Jun 2008 07:51

so love ,sex is a giving take,if men cheat that means he want more attention,if women cheat she want attention n money,so we must figure out to play the rule.

before i get married me n my frnd we used to play this trick ,that if he doesnt call his mama,look ugly,bite his mouth that ,you didnt give it all,

@Mathata, gal i'm so confused...please explain.

Cnglemother
11 Jun 2008 07:57

eish Thatas i was wondering where were for this topic, how is yo hubby manje?

that if he doesnt call his mama,look ugly,bite his mouth that ,you didnt give it all, what are u talking about here? I am lost.

mathata
11 Jun 2008 08:07

what im trying to say sometimes people cheat because they dont get what they want,maybe sex or money,is not only men cheat or want sex,is 50/50,

So the trick im talikg about,we used to say girl giveit all(sex)if he didnt do that you didnt giveit all,(we where just joking)

@GQ, some people they are not open with what is going on with their life,they just say my bfrnd cheat,we must ask why he cheat,why i cheat,i dont think people can cheat with no reason

Dabs
11 Jun 2008 08:12

Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.......

This is a motto that I live by.

Dabs
11 Jun 2008 08:16

@ Mathata, a man can never be satisfied. You can be all those things, but he will still cheat on you. He needs to be satisfied with himself first before any woman can satisfy him.

mathata
11 Jun 2008 08:22

Cngllemother,even stive wonder he can see what iv been writing about,
what im trying to say have sex with you bfrnd like is your last day in this .@DABS im with you.

im not perfect how long i we going to blame people,EXAMPLE if somebody hate you ask your self what wrong have I done

Pooky
11 Jun 2008 08:26

reading this blog made me think of this song by Shirley Brown:

Hello, may I speak to Barbara
Barbara, this is Shirley
You might not know who I am
But the reason I am
Calling you is because

I was going through my
Old man's pockets this morning
And I just happened to
Find your name and number

So woman to woman
I don't think it's being
Any more than fair to call you
And let you know where
I'm coming from

Now Barbara, I don't know
How you're gonna take this
But whether you be cool or
Come out of a bag on me
You see it doesn't really
Make any difference

But it's only fair
That I let you know that
The man you're in love with
He;s mine

From the top of his head
To the bottom of his feet
The bed he sleeps in and
Every piece of food he eats

you see I make it possible
The clothes on his back
Ha ha, I buy them
The car he drives
I pay the note every month

So I'm telling you these things
To let you know how much
I love this man and woman to woman
I think you'll understand
How much I'll do to keep him

Woman to woman
If you've ever been in love
Then you know how I feel

And woman to woman
Now, if you were in my shoes
Wouldn't you have done
The same thing too

Oh, oh, woman to woman
Can't you see
Where I'm coming from
Woman to woman
Ain't that the same
Thing you would've done

Woman to woman
Now should I just step aside
And let her take
What's rightfully mine

Oh, oh, woman to woman
Was I right or was I wrong
I ain't gonna let you
Break up my happy home

Now woman to woman
I don't want no trouble now
I hope you understand
I love that man
And he's mine

I'm talking to you
Woman to woman
You should be woman
Enough to understand
That man, I love that man

Woman, woman
Woman to woman, he's mine
And I ain't gonna give him up
My baby, I ain't lying....

Addictv
11 Jun 2008 08:26

I beg to differ mathatha ...some people cheat becoz there's somebody willin to cheat with them... regardless of wat state their current relationship is....they like da feelin of being attractive to other ppl...they jus wanna hav their cake & eat it...so to speak

I think most people's faithfullness is directly proportional to da options at hand....not how unsatisfied they are with their partners....coz u cud bend ova backwards tryin to be da ideal bf or gf...bt if yo partner is da cheatin kind....u beta believe he will cheat....so u cnt blame yourself 4 dat.

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 08:27

mathata are u saying that if a man doesn't call his mother, if he is ugly and if he bites his mouth, then you didn't have sex with him? according to the game u played back then?

Cnglemother
11 Jun 2008 08:29

Cngllemother,even stive wonder he can see what iv been writing about - hi-hi-hi! LOL! you finished me with this line - cheers my dear.

GQ
11 Jun 2008 08:30

True Dabs. Women need to stop blaming themselves for their partner's shortcomings. You can be everything and then some but if he wants to go sample next door- he will. Nothing will stop him, you can be the proverbial bitch in the bedroom, lady in public and a chef in the kitchen. He might not leave you because you satisfy him but it still doesn't guarantee that he wont cheat.

If you are going to love someone just love with no reservations, that way when things don't work out you know you've given it your all and you'll be able to accept that you just weren't "the one" that he was looking for and not that you were lacking in any way.

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 08:32

Pooky, why does uShirley not leave her cheating man? Why cling to someone who cheats on you cause you buy his clothes and pay for his car? A kept man? in this day and age? Hayi no thanks!

zo
11 Jun 2008 08:33

eish, mathata!

zo
11 Jun 2008 08:34

eish, mathata!

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 08:37

OK I've arrived and I see the topic is still hot.

Now what I wanna know i why all this hate speech is directed to teh other woman? She's not the married one, she's not the one breaking her marriage vows, therefore it's her prerogative to do what she enjoys and finds fulfilment from, afterall she's single!!!!!

Cande
11 Jun 2008 08:39

Oh i wud never call another person stupid and i definately do not disrespect individuals, just their belief systems

Was not referring specifically to you, but to other resposes here..
There is too many Candy's here..Welcome bo bitso...

Simmone
11 Jun 2008 08:40

The thrill of the chase is more exciting than finishing the race itself even though the reward at the end of the race is much greater than the thrill of the chase. That’s what a friend of mine said about cheating and why he would never leave his wife for his mistress.

andi01
11 Jun 2008 08:44

Mathata, habe bothatha keng ka oena man, hobaning do u always write something un-understandable, eish sani

andi01
11 Jun 2008 08:47

mathata are you still in Canada dawg, might be coming over sometime soon, would like to hook up.

mathata
11 Jun 2008 08:49

this thing is like one sided,im tired of ding examples.
Toxic,example hle nnake
iYoo banna ba batho,they cheat wrong people,esp TVSA bloggers

Addictv
11 Jun 2008 08:50

but Nonny she cant be blameless coz she is contributin to da problem by her willingness to have someone else's man (esp if she does it knowingly)....dat said am not excusin da man at all...bt it takes 2 to tango...

men wudnt be called da cheatin bastards they are if it werent for da women who fuel their need to cheat by providin da opportunity...so da blame is shared equally

Cande
11 Jun 2008 08:51

Andi, your Sotho is improving..i am impressed

Pooky
11 Jun 2008 08:54

sadly Toxi you do find those women who sing the same tune Miss Shirley Brown is singing no matter how many times her husband has cheated on her, ngaba bazibetha isifuba telling themselves ukuthi okusalayo He's My Man,From the top of his head
To the bottom of his feet
The bed he sleeps in and
Every piece of food he eats...... and instead of confronting the man they choose to turn a blind eye and go after the woman..........sad but true

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 08:59

@ Mathata and Andi01, when u guys do hook up, can I be ur translater and go with u to Canada Andi01 coz mina I understand both u and Mathata very well?.........LOL

andi01
11 Jun 2008 09:04

@cande kealeboga girl, I am trying my best, maar sesotho hasibonolo ausi, impa lewena watseba mos.

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 09:09

yeah this thing is really two-sided. We should also be asking why the women that are being cheated on not leaving? What's so comfortable about a hot seat? sisters are fighting each other while the men just move from one to the next..nc nc nc

Men are getting away with MURDER bathong!

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 09:12

but Nonny she cant be blameless coz she is contributin to da problem by her willingness to have someone else's man (esp if she does it knowingly)....dat said am not excusin da man at all...bt it takes 2 to tango...

men wudnt be called da cheatin bastards they are if it werent for da women who fuel their need to cheat by providin da opportunity...so da blame is shared equally

I don't see blame shared equally here, Nonny is right, women are more harsh towards women. what are about your men, no one puts a gun on his head to do this. he willingly leaves you at home and financially support the mistress with your family money...and you blame a woman????

diamond
11 Jun 2008 09:16

Eish MaBlogger la bua waitse?

Let me go back to read all your responses before I give my 2c worth

Gorgeous!!!
11 Jun 2008 09:18

Exactly ma thoughts Felfel...

It was neva been w/ a married man on ma case, but it felt as if it was...
It's not nice @ all to be 'the other woman'

I'd rather be alone than being unhappy...itsho nengoma

Enye into, it's not nice too to be harrassed by the 560s, esp, when being cheered by their friends. Abold amantombazane outside, just imagine the wife???

Gorgeous!!!
11 Jun 2008 09:19

Exactly ma thoughts Felfel...

It was neva been w/ a married man on ma case, but it felt as if it was...
It's not nice @ all to be 'the other woman'

I'd rather be alone than be unhappy...itsho nengoma

Enye into, it's not nice too to be harrassed by the 560s, esp, when being cheered by their friends. Abold amantombazane outside, just imagine the wife???

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 09:23

"I don't see blame shared equally here, Nonny is right, women are more harsh towards women. what are about your men, no one puts a gun on his head to do this. he willingly leaves you at home and financially support the mistress with your family money...and you blame a woman????"

I agree Poshspice, I mean if the blame is not 50/50 it should certainly lie more on the one who is married whether it's the man or the woman. Coz at the end of the day they are ones being unfaithful. So in actual fact the blame shouldn't be shared equally, it's the man who is more to blame coz wena as the mistress u aren't the married one and therefore ungadliwa noma ubani omuthandayo or othanda akudle......PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 09:29

coz wena as the mistress u aren't the married one and therefore ungadliwa noma ubani omuthandayo or othanda akudle......PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!

What's 560 Gorgeous?

poshspice
11 Jun 2008 09:30

I get approached by Patrice Motsepe, he promises me heaven and earth, i am a single chick, it's gonna be a no strings attached. I did not go out looking for him,he approached me. I bring up the moral issue, naaa Patrice says, baby I am in love with you, I want to take care of you, he is such an understanding guy, a gud listener, what the wife saw in him, is what I get attracted to...and he is very persistant,good looking.I say yes, am not seeing anyone anyway...he gives me a story about being unhappy at home....

AND 90% YOU BLAMES A WOMAN FOR THE AFFAIR....come on....

mathata
11 Jun 2008 09:36

andi n nonny you are welcome as long lese mashodu

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 09:42

LOL mathata!!

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 09:42

Thanks Mathata, Candada here I come!!!!!

Pooky
11 Jun 2008 09:44

the people shall share...LOL

Nonny
11 Jun 2008 09:49

AND 90% YOU BLAMES A WOMAN FOR THE AFFAIR....come on....
@ Poshspice - It's not fair that's why if u are not nice I tell u straight that: "Listen here, leave me alone, keep the ring and I'll keep the man"

mathata
11 Jun 2008 09:50

here we go Candada

Toxic
11 Jun 2008 09:50

lol Pooky. eish i don't know why i'm 'caretaking' this article....bouncing!

andi01
11 Jun 2008 09:58

as long lese mashodu, what does this mean, and Mathata where abouts are you ??, cant wait to see you Nigga

Snonoza
11 Jun 2008 11:33

My husband has been cheating on me since before we got married, that's like three years ago. At first, I went ballistic, I couldn't believe he was doing that to me...after all, I'd been a virgin when we got married.

At the time, he was cheating with the mother of his child. One day, I went literally crazy and called the other woman..Yho, it's as if she'd been expecting my call....she told me where to get off and called me all sorts of names...saying she'd never leave my husband and that i should stop raving on like a scratched record.

By the time I ended the call, I was both humiliated and regretted ever making the call in the first place. I vowed never to call the other woman again. Now there are a lot of them ....i just don't bother. When he wants to stop, he'll do it.....all am doing is be a good mother to my son...no, am not about to divorce him...but just to be safe, I told him we should use a condom....we've been doing that since two years ago although we hardly make love at all.

Brown Shuga
11 Jun 2008 11:47

Oh my lawd Snonoza!! How do you do it?

Bra Bizza
11 Jun 2008 11:52

tjo...tjo...tjo....go a fisa kamo mos

Lady D
11 Jun 2008 12:06

We keep on saying men are bustards,but then what are we?????Cheating.....human beings are never satisfied nor completely fullfilled,therefore cheating is not gonna stop anytime soon.

Brown Shuga
11 Jun 2008 12:12

This blog (replies and all) definitely gets my nomination for Non-TV Blog of The Year. Thanks guys for your interesting and very informative responses.

mathata
11 Jun 2008 13:22

Snonoza just play your part,n ignore anything negative as long you use CD you are fine,

you done the good thing to stop calling this lady even i will tell you where to get off,she didnt call your husband,just blame your men

shem go tla loka neh

Snonoza
11 Jun 2008 16:03

@BS ....Oh my lawd Snonoza!! How do you do it?
I can't tell you myself, bt i've been doing it for such a long time it seems kinda normal to me now. I stopped blaming myself a long time ago and decided my happiness comes first and of course my son gives me strenght to go on...

@Snonoza just play your part,n ignore anything negative as long you use CD you are fine
Thanks luv, i have no intention of doing it any other way.

mathata
11 Jun 2008 16:53

be strong n dont let any negative comment drag you down,those things they do happen to anyone,is just a test,whatever you are doing your son is going to be proud of you,one day you are going to thank yourself.

You didnt act like a victim,you took it n learn from itYOU GOOOOO GIRL,i LOVE YOU N IM PROUD OF YOU,N YOU MUST KNOW YOU ARE NOT FIRST N D LAST

Cande
12 Jun 2008 00:58

What's 560 Gorgeous?

uMakhwapheni Toxic, Goegeous must be from CPT..!

Dabs
12 Jun 2008 02:26

tjo snonoza,why do you do that to yourself? I know that deep down you are dying inside. Why can't you be a good mother away from him? He really does not deserve you. You will not use a condom for the rest of your life, especially if the guy is next to you 24/7. Please snono, do it for your child. I beg..............

Sdakamiswa
12 Jun 2008 02:38

Guys you are forgetting the 80/20 rule, the wife is there to provide the 80 & umam’omncane the rest, its all a balancing act, no man can survive with only the 80, umam’omncane is there for a reason/purpose, rite or rong, no man can leave the 80 just for the 20, cant we all just get along……

sjura
17 Jun 2008 05:30

@Gorgeous u 560 is the "'main galfriend".

KeleFabulous
18 Jun 2008 02:39

damn this was one off the hook blog!

GQ you've done it again! i know it's a little late but i'd also like to add my little 2 cents story. i was once seeing this guy for about a month when one day out of the blue i got a call and this woman was...not sweet but she spoke to me like i was her equal. there she goes and asks me if i know X and how do i know X. i told her what was going on (by that time i had already figured out she's the gf/wife he hadn't told me about). i was honest and upfront about what was happening between X and i and she told me she was the soon to be lobola'd gf and she had a feeling something was up with X and decided to call me. she then thanked me for my honesty and hung up.

and what did he say hwen i asked him about this? he was going to dump her for me anyway but was waiting for me to get as serious about him as he was about me....sigh sigh sigh. men are bastards. but we can't live with them...oh and according to him, she ended things with him. i never really knew the real deal of what happened then because i chose to cut my losses then. i would rather a man is honest and tells me from the start if he's with someone else than for me to find out at a later stage.

Cnglemother
18 Jun 2008 02:50

@he was going to dump her for me anyway but was waiting for me to get as serious about him as he was about me,

what's up with that vele? they pull that line on all of us, they are never happy at home. I just attract them waya-waya, another tried over the weekend and he went on to say "yes i know i am married but you dont know how unhappy i am, and you look like someone who can make me happy if you know what I mean", and he was staring at my ass. Kfab the comments on this blog really knocked some sense into my head i must say.

Cande
18 Jun 2008 03:00

ooh Kele, you remind me of two years back when i called this woman..
She told me that she has been dating the guy for 7 years...We were polite to each other and she even suggested that i shouldn't break-up with this guy...
she told me he thinks he is smart, and i should just stay there to see where all his lies are going to end-up..
I am what i am today because of that relationship...Hectic stuff happened there and i told myself that never again shall i trust a man...

monwy
18 Jun 2008 03:07

che, ka nnete a ke tsebe

belz
18 Jun 2008 03:35

how did i not see this blog? LOL!!! monwy!!! i must say after reading y'all replies, i've learnt a lot!!!

As my friend put it so bluntly to me, all women have a choice in THIS life.
1. Be the wife/galfriend who is cheated on
2. Be the one he is cheating with.

The choice is yours...
And i'd rather be the second one thank you, you dont want to be in pisition 1, no!!!! luv your friend,she is a wise woman. I think most men and women are bastards nje! so i'd say do what makes you happy, noma yini nje that satisfies you.

GQ
19 Jun 2008 07:01

Thanks mabloggers. I’ve learnt so much from you guys-you’ll never know just how much. I couldn’t access the article for the longest time and I wanted to add that through all this cheating, can the sisters stand together against this type of betrayal. If your man is cheating please don’t harass the makhwapheni deal with your man. Address the issues in your relationship & if you’re not ready to leave yet then please bite the bullet & bear it.

Even if everyone in this world were married, the married people would cheat with each other. We always want what we can’t have and are never ever satisfied.

It’s human nature to cheat-it’s a horrible fact to accept but I’ve come to realise that it’s true-It’s what you do with this urge or impulse that sets you apart from the rest.…If you have never cheated I truly applaud you and if no one has ever cheated with you then you too are one of a few.

Ta

Toxic
19 Jun 2008 07:04

If your man is cheating please don’t harass the makhwapheni deal with your man. Address the issues in your relationship & if you’re not ready to leave yet then please bite the bullet & bear it.

Jah-mon!

Cnglemother
19 Jun 2008 07:08

GQ you are welcome it was powerful dear, trust me it got people thinking and taking actions.

Cande
19 Jun 2008 07:33

GQ you are welcome it was powerful dear, trust me it got people thinking and taking actions.

It definitely did Cinglemom

Toxic
19 Jun 2008 07:40

who took action Cngle???? LOL

Madamzee
02 Oct 2009 09:00

ya talk about being confused even more after reading the replies

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