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hahahahaha!! Funny! Funny! Funny!

Written by Tholi from the blog In the Mood on 24 Nov 2009
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Eish guys i feel so sad today, I need to laugh!!! hahahahahaha!!!! kwakwakwakwakwa!!!! bhuaaaaaaaaaaa hahaha!! yep thats much better!

Guys feel free to post any joke here.
u can even post something from your inbox as long as its a JOKE!

Eyewitness

A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, "Did you see me
rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did

Manto Shabalala Msimango!

COPE and ANC

Juju baby!

Helen Zille

Thabo Mbheki and Manto

OK, Bloggers This is AYOBA!
Let's do this!!!!

Pics: Zapiro

36 Comments

Tholi
24 Nov 2009 10:35

HAHAHAHA!! Can't wait to laugh at your jokes guys!

magg
24 Nov 2009 11:10

KWAKWAKWAKWAKWAKWAKWA

blueroze
24 Nov 2009 11:30

i love the way Zap does his work
event if he was t odraw them without speechbubbles we would know who is who

thanks tall girl
it is gunny esp juju
why is he not wearing a disposable nappy?

Authentic views
24 Nov 2009 11:39

Ha ha ha ha ha ha..................................thank you Tholi, I'll still resond to my blog.

felfel
24 Nov 2009 11:41

The deaf book-keeper
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney
replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers?

Tholi
24 Nov 2009 11:56

kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha!!! OMW! felfel, wangibulala!

Sslave
24 Nov 2009 12:01

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men; he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women; she loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart :

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official sounding voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right way."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While carelessly handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least ..

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

madleza
24 Nov 2009 12:06

one day the couple where driving after long argument then the man saw a pigs and say baby are you those your relatives pointing the pigs then wife sad yes i am married to the family

Ava
24 Nov 2009 12:22

Nice one Tholi

November 10: While carelessly handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. kwa kwa kwa kwa i can just imagine what went on in the clerk's head.LOL

Okay here is one i got from my inbox(sorry if it's too big):

Diary of a New Bride ( aka lobola wasted)
Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately ". Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing". So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them. I think it was the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe, which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice". So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kind of silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday: Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, and then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work; I'll try and be supportive.

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it". Beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again; it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday.I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and its little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute.When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "Why me? Why me?"

It has to be his job.

Strolicious
24 Nov 2009 12:29

LMFAO....Ava u finished me sana

Pooky
24 Nov 2009 12:46

WELL THIS IS KIND OF AN OLDY..BUT STILL FUNNY NONE THE LESS....oh and its not in english...sori

*Awu bandla ingane kaMa, **ave **izithandela emuculweni wothando.*

*Sawubona Msakazi*

*Msakazi ngicela ukukhonzela umkhulu wami olaphayana eNtuzuma. Ngisuke*

*lapho ngiye kubaba wezingane zami lena emayini eGoli. Ngithi baphile
bo.*

*Ngibacelela ngengoma engiyithanda kakhulu msakazi, lena ka Lion*

*Rich(Lionel Ritchie) ethi "Pennis Lover". (Penny Lover). Uma
ungayitholi*

*Leyo msakazi ikhona le yeTKZ ethi "vele kuyabhejwana" (Uphondo
lukabhejane)*

*Noma lena eka Peddy Pendegrass ethi "In Natal " (In my time)*

*Bese ubavalelisa ngalena kaPesi Smedge (Percy Sledge) ethi " Cape Town
to Nowhere" (Take time to know her)*

*Ngiyabonga,*

*Yimina*

*Ntombifuthi Ntombezinye Nxumalo** *

Tholi
24 Nov 2009 13:04

kwakwakwakwakwa!!! u guys r something else!

Mpums
24 Nov 2009 13:12

Hhay Liyabhubha bakwethu!!!!!!!!

Xhosa
A conversation between the smoker and the lady street hawker:
Smoker: "Molo sisi, nivuka njani"?
Hawker: "Hayi noko bhuti sivukile yaye siphilile"
Smoker: "Ndicela I loose wethu sisi - draw ibenye.hawker hands it
over.."
Hawker: "Yi R1 bhuti"
Smoker: "Awu! Ingathi ulibala ukundinika umlilo (lighter) njena? Uthi
ndilayite
ngantoni"?
Hawker : "Bhuti! Xa uthenga i-condoms egarage, bayakunika ikuku? Ngoku
kutheni undithethisa ingathi icigarette i-phuma nomlilo"?

ZULU

A couple is having a phahla-phahla and their 6year old catches them,
Son: "Neeenzani"???? Ask the son.
Father: "Ngithel'unyoko ipetrol".
Son: "Haauu haauu! Ukush' ukuthi i-engine kamama iyayidl'ipetrol,
nobab'uZwane umthelile izolo".

Mother fainted!!!!!!!

English

A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to buy

drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered: "You must DEMAND
cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay..

Classic..
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.
In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your
honor see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?
The boy whispers,
"Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!"

Now that you've smiled, don't be stingy with the smiles share them
With friends

tyoksie
24 Nov 2009 13:31

Making a baby...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted

zimbo 09
24 Nov 2009 13:58

To my dear wife :

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your
54 years can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and value you as a
good wife. therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly
interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old
secretary in the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed. I shall be
back home before midnight."
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining-room
table :
"My dear husband : I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I
would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years
old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I
will be in the Hotel Fiesta with Michel, my tennis coach, who like your
secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your
excellent knowledge of Maths, you will understand that we are in the same
situation ... although with one small difference :18 goes into 54 more often
than 54 goes into 18 .... and therefore I won't be back before lunchtime
tomorrow !
A big kiss from your wife, who really understands you.

Tholi
24 Nov 2009 14:06

He Said To Me!

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing
to put in it
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit
on the sofa and do nothing but fart

He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money
I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends. ( Brilliant!!!)

He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every
night?
I said. . . A widow.

He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the
fridge.

Tshd21
24 Nov 2009 14:17

Am sorry if you don't understand, and it's a bit long... got it ka e-mail.

THAPELO YA LEFETWA!

Ntate ya matla ohle, Ntate wa dikgutsana, Ntate wa bo-nkgono ba rona, re kopa tshwarelo ka seo re se entseng, seo re so se etseng. Re a tseba hore re bana ba hao, ka ho bua, ka ho etsa empa re kopa o be le mamello hoba e hole nako ya ho kgunama ka mangole. Ke kopa monna oo ke tla phedisanang le yena bepholong bohle ba ka.

Motho ke kgale a jewa ke banna ha ba qeta ba nyamalla ba tshaba. Ntate ke bula kuku gore mangole aka abe a kgome ditsebe ebile ke etsa le dunudunu e fela lenyalo ga leyo. Pele ba nja ba mpolella maaka bare ke motle ebile ba mpitsa baby, sweety, lovey, honey le ona maina a mefutafuta a monate ha ba qeta ho nja baja fatshe.

Ba njetse di toilet, mabitleng, di sofeng, dikoloing, dibeseng, di truckeng, mabjaeng, di mmetseng, dioffising, hodimo ha matlapa, dikhoneng tsa dintlo,di fleteng, di town houses, di mansions, di buting, di hoteleng, mekhukhung, dizozong ebile ke kgathetse le matheka ka dipipi tsa mefutafuta. Ke kgathetse ke di ''one night stand''

Mmele wa motho ke tempele ya hao, empa ka tsela eo ke bonang ka yona bae kgwathakgwatha tempele ya hao. "Ramasedi neng kapa neng" ho Adama le Efa ho ne ho se taba ya One Night Stand empa jwale ho etswa jwalo ha ho ntho enngwe. Re kopa ho wena Mmoloki ka lebitso la hao feela e seng la e mong, ha eba ho teng ho re tshwanelang ho etsa???

Phoso ya rona Ramasedi, ke hore hare batle ho kgathatswa ke banna. Ke tlohela enwa kajeno ke fumane e mong ho se fete le beke, e re beke e fela ke be ke jewe ke enwa e motjha. Kuku ya ka e jewa ke merafe ka merafe le di married men tsa mefutafuta e utlwile ebile ke tlwepetlwepe, ke bua tjena ea hlohlona. Ke ba le dihlong ha ke nahana banna baa robetseng fubeng sena saka le kwae tse ke di momonneng empa lenyalo hale yo.

Ke kopa lenyalo, ke ngwana wa hao Mmalefetwa. Ke a dumela hore fahleho saka sa puzzaface oa se tseba, le nna ke a dumela hore ke otlwa ke lefatshe, ha se ntho e ke e thabelang. Mphe lenyalo ntate kea ho kopa kere mphe lenyalo kea ho rapela. Ke bua mahlo ake a tletse dikeledi kere mphe lenyalo hle ntate!

AMEN!!!

Nokia 5110
24 Nov 2009 14:27

Tsh21 dats not fair!!!!!!!!! why sotho only

Tholi
24 Nov 2009 14:39

ESIBHEDLELA SAMAHLANYA!!!!

Mpongo: ..sengikhumbule ekhaya manje.

Nesi: Ukhumbuleni nje ekhaya?

Mpongo: Ngikhumbule umkami.

Nesi: Hhawu! Kanti uganiwe feleba?

Mpongo: Ehhe! Uthini lo?

Nesi: Yini, ukhumbuleni nje ngomkakho?

Mpongo: Sesihleli sobabili kamnandi phandle, sishaywa ngumoya.

Nesi: Yilokho nje?

Mpongo: Bese ngimthatha ngithi asingene endlini.

Nesi: Bese?

Mpongo: Ngimuse ekamelweni lethu lokulala.

Nesi: Bese?

Mpongo: Siqabulane, uyazi nawe.

Nesi: Ya, qhubeka.

Mpongo: Ngimkhumule iphenti.

Nesi: Bese?

Mpongo: Ngilithathe, ngiphume nalo ngibaleke!

mathata
24 Nov 2009 14:45

lmao kwa kwa kwak waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,i dont want botox but after this i have to try one oh my lord

@tsh21,pls can you email it to me pls my love,i just want LMAO for the rest of my life ,this is good for the morning,pls email to tttmatsie@yahoo.com

o lebetse ha ke letjena hekeena le cente ya otla ntja, bangwalla ditcheke ha ke fitlha benke magowa bare ke gutlele ho baas

Sis Dolly
24 Nov 2009 14:45

This email always cracks me

Three prisoners are waiting to be executed and they are asked
what they wish to have for their last meal.
The Italian responds, "Pepperoni Pizza."
The warden serves him his Pepperoni Pizza, and then escorts him to
his execution.
The Frenchman requests Fillet Mignon.
The warden serves him his Fillet Mignon, and then escorts him to
his execution.

The Xhosa Man requests a plate of strawberries
"STRAWBERRIES???"
"Yes, strawberries."
The warden replies, "but they're out of season!"
"So, ingxaki iphi?" replies the Xhosa Man, "Ndizazilinda"

mathata
24 Nov 2009 14:46

@sslave,where are you based ?bcs you talk about wal-mart.

Tholi
24 Nov 2009 14:51

Motho ke kgale a jewa ke banna ha ba qeta ba nyamalla ba tshaba. Ntate ke bula kuku gore mangole aka abe a kgome ditsebe ebile ke etsa le dunudunu e fela lenyalo ga leyo. Pele ba nja ba mpolella maaka bare ke motle ebile ba mpitsa baby, sweety, lovey, honey le ona maina a mefutafuta a monate ha ba qeta ho nja baja fatshe.

KWAKWAKWAWAKWAKWA!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Wampulaya Tsh21,

Nokia 5110
24 Nov 2009 14:51

@ sis Dolly u are fishing me with ur xhosa men .

Tshd21
24 Nov 2009 14:55

tl tl tl tl tl @ Mathata, I just e-mailed it to you!!

Askies Nokia 5110, That was a copy and paste, it came in Sesotho. And translating would just take the funny factor of the way they played with words out of it. But anyone is welcome to try?? Askies tlhe

mathata
24 Nov 2009 14:58

thanx my love,i have to go.

blueroze
24 Nov 2009 15:01

o lebetse ha ke letjena hekeena le cente ya otla ntja, bangwalla ditcheke ha ke fitlha benke magowa bare ke gutlele ho baas

buuuuuuuuu waaaaaaa kakakakakakakakakskkakakkaka
mathatha o mathata ngempela

Olwethuthando
24 Nov 2009 16:25

Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed
him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.
She smiled and went about her work.

A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back
to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said,
"He should have thought about that before he joined my church."

Olwethuthando
24 Nov 2009 16:39

1st

Teacher asks: "Tim, why is your cat at school today?"
Tim says (crying), I heard my daddy tell my mommy "I'm gonna eat that pu$$y after the kids leave"
........................

2nd

UYesu wathandazela imfama yomSuthu = yabona...

Wathandazela nomZulu osisiqhwala = wahamba...

Wadibana nomXhosa osisithulu...

Wathi apho esondela ngakuye wakhwaza enomsindo umXhosa wathi kuYesu: “hayi hayi mfondini, ungalinge undithandazele mna, uzondiphelelisela nge grant plz maan!!!...”

3rd
He was fired by his manager, Mr. Kirsten, after failing to follow the following simple orders:
"Shabalala, go to the hotel get me some butter and cheese and make it snappy, it's almost tea time.

On your way out grab some money on my desk over there."
Shabalala takes the money, catches a taxi, goes to the hostel calls his two friends. The three of them return to Kirsten's office.
When they are there Tshabalala says to his friends:

"Madoda kudala nginitshela ukuthi umsebenzi ukhona lapha."
He then turns to Kirsten and says, "Sir, here is Mbatha and Shezi."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

> A MAN IS DYING OF CANCER AND HIS SON ASKED HIM
>
> "DAD WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE
> DYING OF AIDS"
>
> DAD REPLIES "SO WHEN I'M DEAD NO ONE'S IS
> GOING TO F**K YOUR MOM".
........................................................

A girl looks at a man's tattoo's:
>
> NIKE on his arms,
>
> REEBOK on his legs.
>
> She screamed when she saw AIDS on his manhood.
>
> "RELAX" said the man.
>
> When it erects, it will read
> "ADIDAS"

i'll be back for more.....

Olwethuthando
24 Nov 2009 16:42

Who's worse.... the Zulu or Xhosa?

ZULU

Judge: "Mr Mkhize, tell me exactly what you want me to do for you?"

Mkhize: " Your honour, I want you to help me to get rid of this woman!"

Judge: " On which grounds do you wish to divorce Mrs Mkhize?"

Mkhize: " Sir, I don't care about the grounds, it can be Ellis Park,

Kings Park or the FNB stadium, the only thing I know is that I don't

want this woman.

XHOSA

There was this Xhosa guy working in a farm in Transkei. One day, while

busy with his work... the farmer came to him with a pair of binoculars

and said to him, " Look through these and see how your friends are busy

stealing my sheep". When looking through the binoculars, he saw his

friends stealing the sheep, and he started to whisper, " Hey Zizi,

Mqocwa, Qwathi, nawe Tshawe, balekani bafondini, lo Mlungu uyanibona"!

Olwethuthando
24 Nov 2009 16:44

*Hearing*

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

A university student goes home for the holidays and warns her parents that she's bringing her new boyfriend along.
The guy is a dwarf and so the student asks her parents to please make sure her little six year old sister understands. The mother calls the little girl one side and says to her: "Baby your sister is coming home this weekend and her new boyfriend is coming as well. He looks different to us, but you can’t ask him any questions and you must not stare at him." The little sister understands totally and agrees to be on her best behaviour.

The student and her boyfriend arrive home and the little one can hardly contain her excitement.
The family sit down to dinner and Little Sister avoids eye contact with the boyfriend and remains silent throughout the meal.

When the main course is finished, the parents and big sister carry all the dirty plates out to the kitchen and go prepare desert, and Little Sister is left alone with the boyfriend. An uncomfortable silence ensues but eventually the little girl cannot contain her excitement any longer and she asks the boyfriend ... "Do you know Snow White?"

Mambox
24 Nov 2009 16:59

This still cracks me up!

The best speech ever

Mr Socikwa’s nephew passed away; on the day of the funeral he makes the following speech:

"Mawetu, size apha namhlanje ukuzongcwaba umtshana'm, uCharles, obeligqwetha. Uzalwa ngumfo wakuthi ongugqirha, umama wakhe uyi-CEO, izelanami zakokwabo azikho zoke namhlanje ngoba ziphesheya kwezilwandle on a mission.

On Monday, I got a call on my Nokia, le inecamera, niyazibona mos, jah, bandixelela ukuba, noh umtshana'm ufumene i-accident. Xa ndijonga i-Rolex yam, ndafumanisa ukuthi man!- it’s still early, about 6H00 ekuseni.

Then I called my wife, because ebehambenge Compressor eye e-Monti the previous day. Unfortunately she was still in East London so ebengekavi nto. Since there was no flight available sathatha i-Jaguar, ukuyobona ukuba kwenzeke ntoni.
Xa sifika, safumanisa ukuthi noh, iJeep yomtshana iwile, wasweleka ngoko nangoko. And so we started the funeral arrangements.

Sisokole ukufumana icoffin.I made a lot of calls, but to no avail. Besifuna I coffin ya at least R100 000. I was about to give up, saying I'll just postpone the funeral. Then I got a call from Germany, this guy said he's got a coffin for me for just R150 000, free delivery. I was so relieved.

Anyway, sizokwenza so, those of you abengana transport, ii-Veco zam ezi-eleven zi available. Xa sibuya emangcwabeni, kukhona i-set up yee tables, just allocate yourselves a seat. Nizakufumana ii-menu, eat and drink as much as you like.

And xa nihamba good people, those of you that come from Mafikeng nase JHB, you'll see just xa ningena kwi highway, kukhona ii-filling stations ezi about four, ningagcwalisa your tanks there ngoba zezalapha ekhaya.

Nina abavela eDurban, you'll see xa ningena ku N3, kukhona i-Shell garage, do likewise. Those of you abangena transport, iiVeco zam zizakunigodusa.

I thank you !

Lela
24 Nov 2009 17:43

Lol dat is so xhosa man.

sthini
26 Nov 2009 10:38

SORRY TO ALL JULIUS MALEMA FANS...WAKAKAKAKAKA MALEMA: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. MALEMA : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game. MALEMA comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying 'Parking Fine' He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.' How do you recognize MALEMA in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board. Once MALEMA was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot. MALEMA is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?' MALEMA : Why are all these people running? Commentator: This is a race, the winner will get the cup MALEMA: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running? Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense MALEMA : The future tense is 'u will go to jail' MALEMA says to his servant: 'Go and water the plants!' Servant: 'It's already raining.' MALEMA : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

Lushi
28 Nov 2009 13:32

Utat'uDlamini wayelungisa imoto yakhe engaphantsi kwayo ngelixa kufika uMr Tau ezofuna uncedo kuba naye onakalelwe yeyakhe imoto
Tau: Dumela ntante
Dlamini: uzuyidumise nje inditshayise uzakunya

myname
15 Nov 2010 15:41

Im in stitches Lushi hahahahaha.

I am coping this one

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