SURVIVOR FINALESomeone please save me from the suck-fest! After weeks and weeks of investing so much belief and lurve into Terry and Cirie I've been left an empty vessel of
nothing.
Not for a moment did I imagine things would come down to both of them getting whacked before the final two and it happening was just too terrible to see.
Every moment of the Finale just kept getting more gruesome from the first second when Cirie lost her fire to Danielle, then all that hatred directed at Terry after he won the Reward of a comfy bed, and
then the carefully set-up, manipulated assassination plot by the show to make sure Terry didn't win final Immunity on those pathetic balancing platform things.
I've got a serious conspiracy going on. It impossible not to when you consider that for the first time in the history of Survivor they decide that the final challenge is suddenly all about weight and body size instead of endurance and it just so happens that Terry's bigger and less nubile (is there such a word?) than the two twigs.
If you ask me it was all a ploy to ensure that the Curse Of The Car lives on forever.
This is how the build-up to Aras's win began - with Cirie losing to Danielle's 's flashy boobs in the cliffhanging challenge from last week and Terry being annihilated in the final Immunity showdown.
Of course Terry leaving too wouldn't have happened if Danielle had chosen to keep her rubbishy
promise by taking him to the final two.
As she stomped around in Cirie's white flipflops going on about being an indecisive Gemini I had the sinking feeling she was going with Aris. Her writing on her think-ballot was
such a sign.
None of her reasons were a justification for using Terry and then stabbing him so brutally.The ultimate irony was that if she'd been braver and chosen him she would actually have been more popular - as was revealed at the Reunion. That's the thing - sometimes it's way better to do battle against your most fierce competitor 'cos if you win, the victory's so much sweeter.
I got the distinct impression that she wasn't convinced her decision was the right one and that both her and Aras thought that Terry deserved to be at the end much more than either of them.
There was something about the way they responded to being the final two when they got back after it happening that wasn't the same as it always is. Their celebration of their victory wasn't filled with the cheery joy most Survivor final-two's have. Plus that fall of Aras's was obviously a psycho-somatic Catholic self-flogging at the fact that he was drinking champagne instead of Terry.
I reckon this is why they both droned on and on about how much integrity and honesty they have - puhlease. I couldn't believe that they managed to use those words as many times as they did wihtout dying of cringe.
The one groovily surprising thing that it all resulted in was that for the first time ever I was fully on Shane's side and chuckled away happily with every word that he had to say to them. He was the best and most jurious of the jury by far and him simply getting them to choose between the numbers was excellent.
Cirie's question to them about why she should vote for their competitor was fab too. She was looking gorge wasn't she? Their answers to it were predictably crap though with Danielle using positive words to describe Aras and him saying she took care of him when he cut himself - as if anyone wouldn't in that situation.
As for the rest of them, I was very disappointed. Sally Socks was looking glam too but didn't impress me with all the hearty congratulations she kept giving them.
Same thing with Bruce and his question about how they're going use the "responsibility" of the bucks. It's the most annoying and unecessary question ever - it really is none of anyone's business how someone spends their cash. The fact that he actually believed Danielle's sales pitch for work as a motivational speaker and ended up voting for her was even worse.
After everyone cast their vote, Jeff did a cool no-fuss trip from Panama to New York, the Survivors fattened up and got smeared by the bad make-up artist and Jeff snapped right into reading out the results.
I liked how quickly they got to them and how speedily Danielle lost. As much as I'm not an Aras fan, out of the two he deserved it more and I reckon he was being sincere about his ego taking such a blow. Speaking of which - Courtney - she's unbelievably beamed herself further up into space!
At the start of seeing her on the jury I suddenly softened towards her a bit and thought maybe she isn't so bad but then all that preachy drivel that she sprouted was even more alienating than when she was in the show.
Shane's face was hysterical when she pushed and shoved him in the jury, as was his outfit at the Reunion Show. Clearly he knows what an arsehole he is and enjoys every moment. It was a relief seeing his Bird wife - if they're still married. It didn't sound like it did it? He kept calling her his son's mother so I reckon they must never have been married.
As always there were a bunch of Survivors I've never seen in my life at the reunion and I couldn't cope with Tina. The whole thing with her was upsetting, uncomfortable and not right for what the show is. Honing in someone's grief like that doesn't do it for me.
I also didn't like how aggressively she responded to Cirie. The first time she made a scene about Cirie being responsible for her being out of the show by flinging her hair around was okay but the second time, when she stood up and pointed at her - there was something about it that gave me the creeps.
Luckily Cirie didn't notice and was surrounded by people who were genuinely thrilled that she was voted the favouritist out of everyone. The car couldn't have gone to anyone more deserving - even though it unfortunately double-proved that the Curse is true.
Misty was looking as sweet as she always looked and Bob Dog did the best Dead Survivor commentary any Survivor ever has when he said: " I just wanted to smackdown some fools," during the remembrance of Survivors and the burning of the skull.
It's amazing how season after season they ensure a balance between schmoozy sentimentality and humour.
And so it is, another season of Survivor's over and, despite the way things turned out, it's been a humdinging season. I suppose what it does highlight through both Terry and Cirie is that sometimes you can be the best and not win the ultimate prize. Terry's physical and mental strength and perseverence and Cirie's masterful social strategy have been two of the most zinging battles we've ever enjoyed yet neither got rewarded with the million for it.
Sometimes this really is the way of the world and while it's difficult to accept, it's reality, which is what Survivor's all about.