After a two-year absence from our screens
Idols South Africa is returning to M-Net.
The search for the next South African Idol kicks off with the audition tour, which begins this month (June).
Auditions for the show begin in Johannesburg on Saturday 23 June, before the road tour travels to Cape Town, Margate and Knysna, ending in Centurion on 18 July.
Notice - no Port Elizabeth ("I can't wait to get started - especially since we're not visiting Port Elizabeth this year," says returning judge
Gareth Cliff), no Bloemfontein, no Durban - it's all either coastal resorts or Gauteng, with not much in between.
Interesting strategy - perhaps we'll find some nymph from Knysna who's been singing to the whales since the age of 2, living in the forest, somewhere up the estuary. You get those sorts down there, or so we're told. Spooky forest folk.
If the coastal plan goes horribly wrong there are still the over-made-up brats from, like, Jozi and a Bulls fan or two from Centurion whose friends convinced them that singing along to "Liefling" on a cold Saturday afternoon at Loftus is an obvious step towards career advancement as a South African superstar.
Mark our words - if there isn't at least one blue-faced idiot with a horned helmet at the Centurion auditions, we'll eat our laptops.
Now - there's always a channel bigwig with a statement, and this time it's Carl Fischer, Head of M-Net's Original Productions.
"We are excited about the improved audition process that will allow even more South Africans to become part of Idols," he said. "We will visit big cities as well as smaller towns to find South Africa's new Idol."
Which is pretty much what we were just saying, Carl, but we had woodland nymphs thrown in for good measure. It would be 1-0 us by now were it not for the fact that you brought back Idols, which naturally makes it 100-1 to you.
Find us someone who can actually sing this time, preferably without a gangster for a boyfriend, and we'll concede defeat.
Until then - nymphs, dude. Woodland nymphs.
Back to the serious business - this year there is no registration process. It's a come one, come all scenario - prospective Idols simply have to turn up at the five audition venues throughout the country in June and July and sing.
Hopefully sing well, although we don't mind our duffers.
Idols is open to all South African citizens between the ages of 16 and 30 as at 22 June, 2007. Proof of age, like an ID document or a birth certificate, will be required.
Auditions for Idols 4 start in Johannesburg on 23 June. Jozi Idols must report to the Standard Bank Arena on Saturday, 23 June. The gates open at 09h00, so get there early.
In Cape Town, the auditions start at the River Club in Observatory, on Friday, 29 June.
In KZN, this year the Idols Auditions Roadshow will visit the coastal resort town of Margate, and those auditions will be held at the Main Beach on Thursday, 5 July.
Then it's on to Knysna, just in the time for the Oyster Festival. The Knysna auditions are at the Oakhill School on Tuesday, 10 July.
Back in Gauteng, the final audition opportunity for Idols 2007 will be at Supersport Park in Centurion on Wednesday, 18 July.
The usual Idols team is back, with
Dave Thompson,
Randall Abrahams,
Gareth Cliff and
Mara "Sasko" Louw in the judges' seats.
The host is once again
Colin Moss.
This season marks his third stint as Idols presenter. "I am thrilled to be back," he says, "especially since our audition rounds this year take us to such picturesque places as Knysna during the Oyster Festival!
"I can’t wait to see the talent that we will unearth."
Sure, sure, Colin - it's all about the talent with you, isn't it? Doesn't have
anything to do with little Knysna forest hotties, would it? Of course not.
Dave Thompson has been an Idols judge since the very first season back in 2002. Currently the Director of Marketing and A&R at Sony/BMG Records, Dave's career in the music industry started in the retail side back in 1975.
"South African Idols has an enviable track record of contributing lasting talent to the South African music scene," he points out. "I have every confidence that this season will again introduce some exciting new personalities.
"And apart from enjoying the whole talent search, I also always have great time with my fellow judges and the Idols crew..."
He's just saying that last bit to impress Carl. Ignore it.
Randall Abrahams, whom M-Net's publicity chickies refer to as "Idols' own Dr. Evil!" (yeah, right, girls - he wishes) is also back for his fourth Idols season.
Randall has spent most of his career at various radio stations and knows (or
thinks he knows - yeah, suck that, Randall) exactly what it takes for an artist to make the hit parade.
Nowadays he works as an independent consultant to the digital and PR industry, in between flitting off mysteriously to Malaysia to the set of
Survivor South Africa, getting
plied with booze by TVSA's own Tashi Tagg and delivering more dirt than an entire cabinet of South African politicians.
Nah, just kidding. He bought his own booze.
Radio jock Gareth Cliff returns for his third season, and if his earlier quote is anything to go by we're going to have him dishing out way too many sly references to Port Elizabeth, as he seeks to build the hype of the (non)joke.
That's alright though - Gareth Cliff is the reason there's a mute button on every single handheld remote control device that has ever been made, right around the world.
The horror of hearing the man speak was something those original remote pioneers were very, very mindful of when designing remote control units.
And then of course, there's Sasko Louw, who - according to those woefully misguided M-Net chickies - is "one of South Africa's most beloved entertainers."
That statement is entirely, irrevocably and horribly incorrect. It should read "is, without a doubt, South Africa's most-loathed Sasko-ho".
Mara has been singing since the age of 10 and has graced international stages on numerous occasions, alongside some of the world's top performers.
She allegedly has perfect pitch, which is sometimes hard to believe based on the astonishing praise she heaps on some wannabes.
"Apart from God-given talent, it is work ethic and a humble attitude that makes a star," she says, "and that is what I will be looking for."
She forgot to add: "...and I'll be doing it all with this here big bag of lovely Sasko baking powder."
So there you have it folks - all you need to know, except for one important detail of course: Idols 4 launches on M-Net on Sunday 19 August, at 17h30.
Any TVSA readers going to give it a shot? If so we'd love to hear all about it. Better yet - if you're going to audition, feel free to send us a video of yourself singing before you go, or post one up in your own TVSA blog.
The TVSA readers will give you a good idea of what you can expect from the judges, so be prepared to take criticism with the praise.
No blue faces and horned helmets, please. If you'd like to get in touch with us, use the
Contact Form.
Thoughts on the new season?