Never did I think that anyone could make
Ray McCauley look like an angel - but it's happened, because Ernest Angley is way more terrifying than McCauley could ever hope to be.
I had absolutely no idea that such a thing was masquerading as a person on our TV screens until I spotted him in the early hours of Saturday morning while channel hopping. I ended up nearly having a heart attack.
The show's called Ernest Angley Ministries. It's on eTV between 00h00 and 02h00 on Saturday morning and it's the most hectic thing ever. The man has to be the devil - not only because of the *bleep!* he delivers to get people to send him money but also because he's seriously undermining Aids education.
This is what freaked me out with an intensity that makes me wish I could actually just see you directly, because I can't write fast enough to express how I felt when I saw what he's up to!
When I started watching the show had been on for a while. There were four people on the stage singing and a huge audience of people singing along. The billboards on the stage had the name Ernest Angley Ministeries and something along the lines of "USA-Africa".
Because I didn't see the full show I'm not sure which African country it was all happening in - I think it could have been either Swaziland or Tanzania.
Whatever the case it was clear that he's using the Aids pandemic to make as much money as possible, promising people that they and their entire families can be healed of Aids through him.
And now I can kick myself because a little while ago I remember seeing something about a controversial minister going to Namibia and I see Angley's been there too - I'm thinking it has to be him.
I honestly don't know how any country can allow him in - let alone allow him to preach, let alone allow him on TV - because what he's doing is just so wrong. I mean, it's so wrong the only way to remain sane just thinking about it is to laugh hysterically.
This is exactly what I did - especially when it got the end of the show with him in a studio and he thrust his hand forward and said:
"Neighbour, it's time for you to come to the television screen if you can get there. If not just tip your hand toward heaven, because I'm going to pray for you who have death diseases - you who have Aids, Aids virus, untold thousands have been healed through this Jesus ministry.
"The Lord taught me this - medical science hasn't found the cure - but in the meantime God's healing Aids, Aids virus, going and coming, healing whole families and the God of miracles lives and the Lord loves you and nobody's ever loved you like Jesus loves you. Nobody's ever cared for you like Jesus cares.
"Lord I bring those people with death diseases with Aids, Aids virus, cancer, sugar diabetes, heart trouble, leprosy, lung trouble, matters not with you - heal!! - "
This is the point at which I nearly had the heart attack, because it was the most gobsmacking thing ever. It's impossible to explain the full extent of the horror when he said "heal", but trust me when I tell you that it's exactly the way I imagine the devil would be if he existed.
The only thing to top it was right at the very end when he finished by saying:
"Write to me: Ernest Angley, Akron, Ohio 44309 USA. Remember now - send in that offering (mumbo jumbo I can't work out) and let God bless you and he will do it - he will - he promised and he keeps his promises."
Can you believe the audacity?! All this coming after the way he'd just been manipulating thousands was altogether too much to cope with.
As I said, when I tuned in there were loads of people - everyone in the audience was singing, they stopped and then he started preaching with an interpreter by his side.
He looked out into the audience and said things like:
"There is a grandmother here - you have lost three people with Aids, haven't you? You have two grandchildren that you're helping to raise. When you came tonight you brought them in your heart - they both had Aids - they have now been cleansed says the Lord. No more Aids."
The thing is - there was no grandmother anywhere, because unlike the movie Leap Of Faith - where they actually called people up onto stage - he just looked out into the audience in a vague general sort of direction and didn't speak directly to anyone.
It took me a few minutes to work out what he was up to because I couldn't understand what was going on when he first started. I thought he really was focusing on someone and I was finished when I realised that he was just using big broad strokes, describing stereotypes of people in the audience as he expected them to be.
How can such a thing be allowed?! I mean, there wouldn't be thousands of people at his rallies if they didn't believe him, which means there are people who believe that Aids can be cured through him and that sending him money is a wise thing to do.
How can he be allowed to undermine the Aids message in this way? I just don't understand how he can't be arrested for it and I sooo wish Michael Moore would do a job on that face of his because I reckon it would tell the story absolutely as it is.
I've been browsing the Ernest Angley Ministeries website and these are the first words that greet you as you arrive:
"Time is running out; Jesus is coming soon. If you are not a partner in this Jesus World Outreach, become one today and send in your financial help each month."
From there follows what he'll do in return and a report on their most recent outreach in Lesotho and Namibia.
Sooo - what do you think? Is he a devil in pastor's clothing?
Spirituality archive