(Originally published: 27 June, 2007)
Jack Bauer's thankfully-dead brother Graem in 24 was so fugly it was too unrealistic to believe he and Jack could be related.
I know there's the whole thing of every gorge sibling has an ugly one (ie Frank and Sly Stallone,
Owen and Luke Wilson, Eric and Julia Roberts, Don and Patrick Swayze, Matt and Kevin Dillon, the Baldwins etc) but still, when it comes to a world that producers create I'm not interested in the examples of it being true.
They did such a good job of making us dislike Graem that they stressed me out too much - like I kept feeling freaked that Jack has his genes - espesh in shots that included Graem's hair. That creepy-monk hairstyle of his is
the worst hair
any man could ever decide to wear.
Argh! I just realised this very moment - Dr Phil has hair like that too - which just goes to prove that he knows zilch about how things are.
If he and Graem had any suss about the rules of sexiliciousness they'd have shaved their dregs off and gone bald years ago. Bald is just so so sooo much better there are no words to describe how much more.
What they obviously don't get is that bald gives men a take-me-now appeal that any hairstyle needs to work hard to beat.
To prove that this is 700% true, here's my Top 10 List of those who've taken the plunge and steamified themselves as a result.
(Please note - reasons are given in instances where I need to explain in case you don't see why)
1. Carlo Rota
Morris in 24
I suspect his hair would be exactly like Graem's if it weren't shaved.
2. D.B. WoodsidePresident Wayne Palmer in 24
4. Telly Savalas
Kojak in Kojak
He's way too seventies to be properly perve-able but he's got a very important place for being the first person to fully realise and stand up for the ultimate cool in bald.4. Ving Rhames
Kojak in Kojak
As you can see, Ving in Holiday Heart proves with out a doubt that he's done the right thing:
5. Mark Pilgrim
Host of Big Brother
I know he needed a slap during Big Brother but he's on the list 'cos of what his bald head means. As you may or may not know Mark had cancer and lost his hair during it. He managed to beat it and has since kept his head bald to remind him that he's alive - which is cool.
6. Leonard Roberts
DL Hawkins in Heroes
7. Jesse BrinkleyBoxer in Contender 1
I hope he's still in - I recorded Friday's episode and still need to watch but I'm sure he must be - his name in combo with his smile, bald head, tatoos and the fact that he boxes really blows my hair back.8. Rockmond DunbarC-Note in Prison Break
9. Armaury NolascoFernando Sucre in Prison Break
Blade in Blade
My all-time Top of the slurpy cool Ten 'spesh when he said: "You ain't nothin' but another crazy-ass vampire."