As underwhelmed as I am about the voting out nowadays thanks to Copout Island, I did feel a bit sad to see Vanessa get voted out. Not very mind you because she still gets to live in the Limbo of Copout Island and has a possibility at coming back.
I had written her off strategy-wise last week as a result of offering to quit in the place of Mzi getting voted out but she made a bit of a comeback and fought hard to stay in the game. Good on her.
After the tear-fest in which Mzi was voted out, he was zipped off to Dead Man’s Island much to the delight of sunbathing and starving Brigitte. “Waiting for Mzi to come was the only thing that was keeping me alive,” Brigitte claimed most dramatically.
You’d think she had been waiting for him for two years living on nothing but sand fleas and her own urine the way she spoke of her near-death encounter, and not the two or three days she really waited. And I thought it was the thought of getting revenge on Jacinda that kept her alive those many hours.
With her renewed will to live, Brigitte and Mzi immediately launched into a bitchfest about having been voted out. Mzi made the first truly dumb statement I’ve heard from him as he talked about how voting him out was just a bigoted thing to do.
Hear that, Rama??! You disgusting creeps are threatist, voting out the biggest threat among your opponents. You make me sick, all of you. Voting someone out based on nothing but their strength, smarts and adeptness at the game. You should be ashamed.
Before all the respect I’d gained for Mzi could pack up and migrate, the show quickly cut back to Bourbon Beach where Vanessa was pissed off with the smug Ramans. She laid into them about their ‘honour’ and their smugness and “blah blah blah, shut up”. Heh. Bitchy Vanessa rocks.
She talked about how her attitude had shifted from the previous night and now she was willing to fight hard to keep herself in the game. Of course, the Aguileran definition of “fighting hard” up until that moment had been to hope really, really hard they weren’t voted out so I wasn’t about to celebrate yet. Let’s see some proper strategising from these Aguileran folk.
Back to DMI, my man, Mzi (he did not make a ridiculous accusation of bigotry. These are fabrications ands lies spread by his enemies and I refuse to believe them for the sake of my sanity) and Brigitte bonded with more Rama-bashing.
Mzi called Zayn spineless (that’s an insult to invertebrates being compared to Zayn) and pointed out that obviously Lezel was in control of the game. Whoops, looks like that real-power-behind-the-figurehead thing Lezel has going on is way more transparent than anyone thought.
“She’s not very smart,” Brigitte said of the lawyerly Lezel. Let’s no go down that road, Brigitte because you haven’t exactly shown yourself to be a MENSA member yourself. “I realised she wasn’t very smart when she asked Aguila one time if there was more fish on our island. I was like ‘duh, there’s no fish on the island. All the oceans are the same’.”
In Lezel’s defense, I think the question wasn’t very well-put but it’s very possible to interpret it validly. She was probably asking about how good the fishing was on Aguila Island compared to Rama Island. It was definitely worded badly but none of these English-mangling people, least of all Brigitte, should be ragging on someone for that.
Dammit, Brigitte, stop making me defend bloody Lezel.
At the Reward Challenge, which was a boring puzzle challenge (do I even need to put that it was boring? Isn’t calling it boring redundant by now?), Mark noticed a bandage on Lezel’s leg and asked her about it.
“It was a spider-bite,” she confirmed. I don’t know what was sadder – the lack of footage of this noble spider biting her or the fact that Lezel there wasn’t a single Heidi-esque mention of how the bite affected her athleticism or intelligence.
Now which boob is Athleticism and which is Intelligence again?I’ve come to gather that Vanessa is supposed to be the puzzle maven – she was the one who solved the numbers puzzle for her team and she made a comment last week about how she should have won the RC – so it came as no surprise that Vanessa won this one. Even if it was more of a ‘stack blocks and hope they don’t fall’ challenge than a puzzle challenge.
The reward was a night away at a fancy schmancy resort sipping cocktails and the like. Vanessa decided she would try and get Gareth on her side and chose him to accompany her. Said convincing didn’t actually appear to be that convincing but hey, it was worth a shot.
While on the reward, Gareth shaved. I cannot tell you how pissed off I am at this. Call me a nitpicky purist with a stick up my ass but what a *bleep!* travesty to have him be able to shave. Why not just let him wash his clothes or pop ‘round to the local village and buy new clothes? Maybe he can go for a chest waxing while he’s there.
Sure, it doesn’t affect the game but it’s symbolic of the careless, *bleep!* way the production crew have approached the show. The male castaways’ beards are symbolic. The skinnier and hairier they are, the harder they’ve played and the more they’ve suffered. I don’t want to watch a final TC where the guys have a few days worth of stylish stubble like they’re Sawyer on goddamn Lost.
I get that it’s not a real castaway situation. I get that the chicks never seem to get underarm hair and that the contestants get food rewards every couple of days. But the beards are permanent, at least for the duration of the show. They are an integral part of the illusion. Don’t *bleep!* with the illusion or else just come out and rename the show “Idiots Living On A Beach Drinking Coffee”. It’s not as catchy as Survivor, granted, but it will fit a helluva lot better.
The show once again cut away from what was pissing me off and attempted to appease me by having Vanessa talk about the part honour and integrity played in the game: “Honour and integrity is nice and all that but it’s called Survivor”. Damn right it is. She seems to be one of the few people who Get It and I love her for it.
Not to be outdone, Lezel had a glorious, wonderful, fabulous talk with Zayn in which she called him on his self-righteous ‘morals and ethics’. Zayn once again tried to paint himself as the martyr and talked about how he had no part in Mzi getting voted out.
Lezel said exactly what I was thinking, only with a lot less swearing and eye-rolling than I would have used. “That’s a copout. You have to take responsibility for your actions.”
Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou, Lezel. That is exactly what the sanctimonious bitch needs to hear. Whatever differences we may have had in the past are behind us. I am printing up my “Team Lezel” T-shirts even as we speak.
"Bitch, please!"At DMI, Mzi caught a fish and proceeded to do an adorable fish dance and song. Dead Man’s Island my ass! They’re eating better there than they are at Living Man’s Island. Where do I sign up to be dead because I want some of that.
Appropriately, the IC involved catching the most fish in half an hour. Sure,
now they have the challenge that Mzi could not have possibly lost, one week too late. Thanks a lot,
show.
Gareth used his chiselled, clean-shaven jaw to entrance the fish and caught several thousand, followed distantly by Vanessa and Jacinda. The stench of self-righteousness emanating from Zayn proved to be too strong for the fish to bear and they escaped easily except for one stupid one without a sense of smell.
As Gareth’s horde of fish flopped around his box, Vanessa urged them to jump out into hers’. Hee! Why the hell did the editors not give this woman her fair share of airtime until now?
Mark handed Gareth the necklace once more and took up the boxes of fish to give to the local villagers. Don’t worry, Bourbon got to take home the bait – some nice, juicy snails. Garçon, a plate of your best Escargot si vous plait.
Surprisingly, Zayn did not object to the thought of eating fellow creatures without a spine and tucked into the snails. He thought they were sif.
They’re giving you expensive French delicacies and you complain? Philistine.
Elsewhere, Vanessa’s last hopes were dissipating as Gareth and Jacinda made a final two pact. Then Jacinda exhibited, I kid you not, a flicker of emotion when she talked about the emotional difficulties of getting to final four and how she sometimes felt it might be easier to quit. What’s happened to our little White Witch of Narnia? I almost miss her cold, emotionless detachment.
TC was not nearly as dramatic as last week’s. Mark asked them about their complete inability to fish and Gareth babbled some excuse about how they didn’t have a boat and only had one hook. I wasn’t aware that when Mzi left, he took their invisible boat and all their hooks.
You know what they say: Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he still won’t even begin to approach the awesomeness of the fishing god, Mzi.
Vanessa sounded as if she’d been crying recently (did Gareth perhaps take her aside and inform her of her fate before TC?) and provided a perceptive summary of the game. She talked about how in this game, people are going to get hurt, and if you wanted to get to the final two, then you had to be prepared to deal with that hurt. Beautiful in its simplicity and oh-so-true.
With these parting words, she was voted out by the Rama alliance. Jacinda once again found her shit-eating smirk as she voted and Zayn actually winked and pointed a finger gum as he voted. Tool.
Three people wait on DMI, ready for a shot at a return. How the hell is it final four already?