So Sally is gone and La Mana has been all but pagonged. How very predictable. Sigh.
I was pretty much resigned to Sally’s doom so I’m not rending my clothes in horror. The show did strive to give me false hope by having everyone rattling on about the hidden immunity idol and how Terry could possibly give it to Sally but I’ve been watching this show long enough not to get fooled.
The episode began with Terry talking it up bigtime about his achievements at the naval academy. “Yadda yadda planes yadda yadda flying yadda yadda Iceman yadda yadda take my breath away,” he bragged as the Casayan guys and Sally listened in awe.
A few metres away, the Casaya chicks were less than impressed. “How any normal American supposed to beat a fighter pilot?” Courtney asked. As if she can possible call herself a normal American with a straight face. It’s a pity none of these ladies ever got to meet Dan. If they think Terry’s boasting about his job is bad, I can’t imagine the eyerolling that would’ve taken place over Dan’s faux-humility about his space days.
Danielle revealed that Top Gun Terry had claimed to have the immunity idol and shown her something “small and furry” as proof. The chicks all raided his bag to see if he had it but found nothing hairy.
They reported their findings to Aras who asked him to send him to Exile Island if they had a chance. That way, he could search for it and make sure for himself because naturally he’s so smart that he can determine whether the idol is there or not over his tribemates who have already been on the island.
I don’t know what he expects to find. A giant hole in the middle of the island with a sign saying “The idol wuz here”? Or a handy post-it note Terry left on the fridge saying “Found the idol, don’t bother looking. Also, out of milk”?
Ah, but I suppose Aras would have an advantage in finding the idol since his head is both small and furry itself.
All thoughts of strategy were briefly shelved at the RC which was the awwww-inspiring loved ones challenge. Jeff brought out videos of all the survivors’ nearest and dearest and showed a short snippet. As always, there was enough crying to fill a chick flick and plenty of love for the family pets.
Terry and Bruce both spoke their dogs’ names in reverent awe before remembering their families were going to get to watch this in the future and teared up over their wives and kids as well. Danielle’s teeth did not appear to be a family trait but her accent definitely is.
Courtney’s mother looked like a suburban housewife but her talk of love signs and candles revealed she was as big a hippie as Courtney. They probably go on mother-daughter chanting sessions as bonding experiences. Aras’ father is also left of centre and lives in a teepee. Am I the only one envisioning a romantic comedy starring Aras and Courtney’s crunchy parents?
Shane teared up at the thought of seeing his loved ones on tape. He broke down and wept when he realised that he wasn’t going to get to see his beloved Dunhills again but would have to settle for his son, the unfortunately-named Boston Powers. “I grew up with him. He’s my brother,” he sniffled. “He’s my son! He’s my brother!
He’s my son and brother,” he continued as Jack Nicholson came out from behind the trees and slapped him.
Sally’s video featured her sister and parents. Hey! I thought her parents had disowned her! Shouldn’t they be sending her bible verses detailing how she’s hellbound instead of video tapes? Does Hallmark make cards for this kind of thing? “Though we’ve renounced you as our child / And know you’re going straight to heck / We hope you do well through this trial / And if you win, can you send us a cheque?”
Jeff pretended he had forgotten Cirie for a moment but grinned and gave her her video tape in the end. “Like I could ever forget you, Cirie,” he impishly told her. Yeah, because you know she could beat your ass if you pissed her off. Don’t make her sit on you, Probst.
The winners of the challenge would get to see the rest of their video as well as dine on peanut butter sandwiches and milk. They’re really raising the bar after last week’s soaking wet bed. They’re totally going to have breath-mints and ice as next week’s reward.
The survivors were divided into teams and had to swing one of their members to collect flags. Aras, Cirie and Shane found themselves swinging Danielle while Bruce, Terry and Sally had to swing Courtney. They chose Courtney over Sally? Odd, I would’ve thought Courtney’s hair alone would be heavier than Sally. I suppose Sally would be a much better choice to play an active role than Courtney though so it all balances out.
Aras kept knocking over flags Danielle had already collected (there’s that ego of his getting in the way again) so his team lost. He got his wish and was sent to Exile Island. Bruce, Sally, Courtney and Terry set off on their peanut butter reward as the other slinked dejectedly back to camp.
Either I came back from the ad a little late or there was absolutely no footage of the reward whatsoever. Boo! How could they not even show us a little bit of the survivors watching their family members? Was it really that boring? Were we spared such awful videos as Sally’s parents giving her a long lecture on the sanctity of marriage and Courtney’s mother engaging in a very special nude fire dance?
Instead we got to see what was happening back at camp. Shane had a small problem to show Cirie – there was a rash on his Little Shane so he dropped trou in front of her. Someone better tell Danielle that’s not the small and furry thing she saw in Terry’s bag.
"...and to top it all off, it was this big!"Cirie won my heart forever when she burst out into hysterical laughter, as you do when you are confronted by a sight as comical as Shane’s balls. In between bouts of laughter, she breathlessly informed him that he had something like nappy rash on his penis.
I never thought I’d say anything positive about anything involving Shane nekkidness but words cannot describe how flippen perfect this scene was. I spent a good few minutes laughing along with Cirie because it was impossible not to. I think it was her trepidation-filled “yay” that was the best bit.
Bestest scene this season! Feel the Cirie love!
Over on Exile Island, Aras stared dumbly at the clues as if they were in a foreign language. So much for his vaunted wit. “I can’t seem to wrap my mind around these clues,” he said, because we all know how hard those Survivor clues are. Those rhymes have claimed another victim!
The reward winners returned from their unseen peanut butter orgy with their luxury items. Terry’s luxury item was a giant US flag (what, you were expecting a Green Day poster?) and Courtney’s was some swinging fire balls thing she uses in her fire-dancing show. I guess this makes her literally a flaming idiot.
"Cirie saw it and she says it's only this big. Can you believe it?"
Even though Sally’s doom looked imminent, a brief glimmer of hope appeared when she and Terry thought up how to use the idol. They realised that if one of them had the individual immunity necklace and the other one the hidden immunity idol, all they had to do was get two people to vote for them and then Aras would be the one to go home
Yes, that’s exactly what I was hoping they’d do. Use it as a strategic tool instead of just a one time deal. Unfortunately, they weren’t so good at the execution. Instead of just approaching two people on the downlow and convincing them to go to final two. The fools approached pretty much every Casayan except Shane and Aras.
Also, even though Terry had already shown the damn thing to Danielle and ended up showing it to Bruce as well, the Casayans were still confused about whether he had it. Do they think that Terry finagled a fake one out of a dead rat he found and is just messing with their heads? Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Promise each person their own immunity idol if they join with him and not tell anybody and then he gives them all dead rats. Someone like Bruce would be great at making his own fake ones with those artistic skills of his.
"Everyone keeps saying it's small but it's not. It's actually this big."
The all-important IC that would make or break Terry and Sally’s plan came upon them. Jeff offered anyone who would sit out as much burger and chips as they could eat as the challenge was taking place. Most of the cocky Casayans took him up on the offer, with only the vulnerable Aras choosing to face Sally and Terry.
Intercut with shots of the cocky Casayans stuffing their faces like participants in a speed-eating contest, Terry took yet another victory. Hooray! This meant that he would put his plan into motion and save Sally, right?
According to Cirie, this would be one of the stupidest moves ever if he gave up the idol. I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. If he pulled off his plan, it would actually go down as one of the smartest.
It looked like there might even be a chance of that happening as Courtney interviewed how Aras was her biggest thread and she would love to go up against Terry in the final two. I know this is probably an unnecessary question but is she high? Why would you want to go up against Captain America? She would lose against anyone, I think, but she would be totally creamed against Terry. It would be Tom vs Katie II: Now With Firedancing.
Since Aras felt so vulnerable, it might actually be best to approach him for a final four alliance instead of everybody else ever. Play on that fear of using the idol and get him to vote someone else out. He’s the power behind the psychotic alliance after all.
For all the negotiations and deals that had gone on, TC made it abundantly clear that nothing had been achieved. Cocky Terry had apparently been taking eye-rolling lessons from Cirie because he was in fine form. He basically came out and said his plan was to win every single immunity challenge from thereon out. Not the words of someone who’s managed to get some Casayans on his side.
Honestly, I know he’s an immunity monster of killer proportions but this sounds like a monumental task. Not even Colby or Tom managed to win every single immunity ever. This was his last chance to win the game strategically and it’s passed.
Time to vote. Poor, doomed Sally voted for Aras, saying something about how she was a little bit sick of the six Casayans. Me-ow. Can’t wait for her vicious, bitter jury speech where she sternly points a finger at them and calls their gameplay not very nice. All six Casayans voted for Sally. A moment of suspense fell upon the island when Jeff asked her if she had the idol but turns out it was still nestled safely in Terry’s pants.
Sally left to watch Lost DVDs and pig out with Austin at Loser Lodge. The good news is that because Terry’s safe from at least one TC, I will finally get to see one of those bloody Casayans get what’s coming to them next week. The bad news is that with the crap way the votes have been going, it’s going to turn out to be Cirie.
"For once and for all, this is how big it is. Trust me, I had to touch it."
In her last words, Sally totally insulted all her tribemates in a slew of profanities and gave the camera her middle finger. Just kidding. Actually, she was a good sport about it all and wished Terry luck. I kinda miss the bitchy exit speeches. You never know how much you appreciate them until you’re faced with 77 variations of “No hard feelings, what a great experience. Marry me, Terry.”