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Who wants to be the next Mzansi shlebs???

Written by VI 2 the P aka VIP from the blog Luving the Real Goboza on 09 Jul 2007
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A story that disturbed me the most this Sunday was the "Dineo Ranaka once psycho" story. Please help me in finding the purpose of that story. More over please make me understand why a woman in her "right-mind" would voluntarily go to Sunday Sun offices and bear all like she did? 

Yini sisi, has the fame bug bitten you already? 

She and others have shown that a claim to fame is not a walk in a park, it’s actually A STEP ON THE GRASS (ha! ha! ha!)… it’s EASY

SO…

Is it your dream to be famous?
Do you have sleepless nights wishing you could appear on our TV screens?
Do you fantasize about being in the VIP area? 

Well.... DREAM NO MORE, because IT'S HERE. The EASIEST way to become a shleb in Mzansi. No more waiting in long queues, YOU have a spot on Sunday newspapers reserved specifically for YOU and YOUR NAME will appear on entertainment blogs. 

If this method doesn't work, you get your money back, no questions asked. (ha! ha! ha!)


HOW??? 

Lets go back to the books of shlebriology (study of shlebs). The Chapter is “How to become and remain famous”. These are the 6 MAGIC STEPS:

1- Find, nope, HUNT down any already famous shleb and tag along.
2- Tag along so much, that you end up being a side kick, in whatever manner possible.
3- No matter what happens, be on TV. Be a dancer, an extra, video girl, yeck even if your thumb appears on TV, it counts.
4- Go to the newspapers with a lame story and ensure everyone knows that "it's the girl whose thumb appears in such and such a soapie".
5- If your first story doesn't work, make up another one and another one, until you get recognised.
6- If all fails, marry a multi-millionaire, bare your breasts to the public, say you are looking for a man (that will get all the pervs excited) and you will be on next weeks newspaper (can't guarantee first page though).

You don't believe this theory? Shame on you….
 
Let’s do a case study to prove this theory. (Man, I should be paid for this.)

*Mandla Mthembu - how did he become famous? He followed the 6 MAGIC STEPS (minus the last one). Lucky him, he only went up to step 5. Mmmmmh… he learns FAST!!!
*Kelly Khumalo - no one knew who she was, actually no one cared. The album was not selling either. Sooooooooo, she followed the 6 MAGIC STEPS. This is a classic example of when step 5 fails - move into step 6 ASAP.
*Chomee - how did she become famous? Her singing? Please… that's if she could. Without a talent she followed the 6 MAGIC STEPS. Look at her now... She’s even invited for the Shrek 3 premier. LOL.

Need I say more?

The secret is out and now a lot of us can be shlebs.... NOT!!!

Wonder why Kedibone Mkhabela doesn't follow suit, because she's drier that biltong lately. Days must be very hard if she has to settle for "yellow make-up". kwa! kwa! kwa! I think she should hand-cuff Zama (SABC1 continuity presenter) to her arm. Who cares if she's Kede's junior, atleast she doesn't have to lie about running a non-existent hair salon. 
Now, tag along girl and follow the 6 MAGIC STEPS as in YESTERDAY!!!

So bloggers… Anyone fancy being famous?





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