Does it really matter if you grew up without your dad?

Written by chitty from the blog Life puzzles on 18 Nov 2007
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Is it true that children who grow up without fathers become hooligans? Reseach in the U.S says that 90% of black kids who grow up without fathers are deviants. Same as South Africa. How many of us actually grew up without fathers? Does their absence really shape who we are today? Would we be better off had they been part of our lives full time? Mine was in and out. In from when i was born, disppeared when i was six, re-appeared ten years later and then died six years later. This is sensitive i know but, does their absence make us different from those who grew up with their fathers in their lives? Does this influence our own adult life? VENT YOUR SPLEEN.

22 Comments

sweetie my baby
18 Nov 2007 11:02

verrrry interesting - don't think there's one yes or no answer.... but what is clearly helpful in a childs upbringing is a positive male role model (and female) - regardless of whether it's a boy or girl-child.

check out www.threedoctors.com - website of 3 guys who grew up in one of the roughest ghetto's in the U.S., fatherless - and made a pact when they were all in high school that they would be one anothers support system, and become doctors - and against all odds, they did it! and they just wrote a book about reconnecting with their dads, who'd been absent throughout most of their lives - made for great reading...

Cande
18 Nov 2007 11:11

I do not agree with the statistics above... I grew up without a father ...i didn't have a father fiqure in my life for 13 years of my life, until i met him after 13 years... but then i decided to not have any contact with him since because of the person he is, and how he handled his life.
A year later my mother married ma late step father, he was not much of a father since i spend most of my time @ boarding school and not with them in the house.
I live a normal life like any other kid who had both parents, am not a hooligan, nor a street mate.

cocktail
18 Nov 2007 11:36

mnxxm! says who? Those who grew up with their fathers ARE HOOLIGANS!!!!!!WE betta off without them,than them being there but feels like their not there!!! This is toooooo emotional for me,i think im gonna bounce from his topic.

chitty
19 Nov 2007 02:54

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sweety my baby, tell you what? I am speechless. The three doctors. Thats one of the most inspiring true life-stories I've ever read. Thank you so much for the link. Gives hope to so many people out there. Shoo!

witty lady
19 Nov 2007 02:59

My brother and I were raised by my mom and we turned out perfectly fine, and not HOOLIGANS!! you can be a hooligan even if you were raised by a mother and a father! doesn't really make umehlugo!!

monchooza
19 Nov 2007 03:01

growing up without a father def does have an impact in my life now, cause i want to be every thing my father was not to me as his son. i want to be the best father ever. which i why i have no kid now cause i feel i am not ready, and i will only have a kid once i am stable finacially and emotionally. i dont want my kid to hate me like i hate my fanter

Mambox
19 Nov 2007 03:05

Nope i dont think so Chitty...my dad was in and out of our lives i used to call him part time dad...the fact that he wasn't there most of the time actually made us want to please our mom even more. We are well brought up indivisuals regardless. Mina i believe that you choose your path in life period!

Earth
19 Nov 2007 03:06

I grew up without my father,and I'm so proud of it.I am the strong,proud,happy young woman I am cos of it.He left me,and I'm thankful for that.I met him in 2005 and I understand that my life would have been much worse with him in it.He told me that,and I do believe him.These stats are definitely not accurate,most people I know who were raised by single parents,turn out to be amazing parents....

Annonymous
19 Nov 2007 03:09

Monchy babes hate is a very strong word, and try to refrain from that hatred feeling coz it burbens u the hater more than it burdens the hatee, nami I have too mamy strong emotions regarding this topic, which is why ngikhetha ukuyiziba le-blog, but ke your response has kinda made it hard to ignore!!!!

witty lady
19 Nov 2007 03:09

kante what's up with fathers vele?

chitty
19 Nov 2007 03:16

WOW...WOW.....Hold it right there Moonchooza.... I have learnt one thing. Hating him for not being part of your life only makes it difficult for you to progress with your own life because you are holding back. I made a pact to FORGIVE mine just before he died and have never regretted it since. Didn't want to live with that bitter feeling, and now I am free from it. Do you really have to wait for him to be on his death bed before you fogive him and let your life move on? I decided that this world owes me a living, not my father,not even my mother.I am my own person. Yes, they brought into this world, but they owe me absolutely nothing. Think about that.

joy
19 Nov 2007 03:23

My parents were together until i was 10, my life changed drastically cos I was daddy's little girl. Daddy mainly wasnt there and I do feel that void left there. It def affects my relationships. Im afraid to repeat the same mistakes to my unborn kids. This is a heavy topic, but I have shared for what its worth.

Mambox
19 Nov 2007 03:26

@Witty are we all in the same boat gurl!
@Moonchy! i also say hate is a strong word. Believe me there are worst things then not having a father around you know. You'd rather not have a father then have one who is abusive like mine you know.

i'm not gonna go into detail about it but i'm gonna tell you this last month he called a meeting with all of us at home we had to drive all the way to Durban because he wanted to tell us that he thinks we hate him because he knows that you can do nothing but hate the person who treats you like he did to us. But you know what none of us actually hate him as that will not have any positive impact in our lives...rather forgive and just move on believe me you'll be a much happier person...

Honeypot
19 Nov 2007 03:27

This is also a very sensitive topic for me, i grew up without my father and not that he was dead but he was busy making other junior honeypots. Now that I am grown, he is proud to say my daughter is so and so and she has this and that. I mean he has never been present in all my life and now he wants a piece of me. Anyways I don't want my children to grow up without a father figure I know what that is like and i don't wish it on anyone. Much as my mother did her best to bring me up but I still needed a father I deserved one.

Annonymous
19 Nov 2007 03:30

WOW...............Who needs Dr Phil when we have TVSA bloggers............come on wozani lana usis Nonny aninike i(((((((((((((((((CYBER HUG))))))))))))))))))

babygirl cute
19 Nov 2007 03:33

Growin up without a dad is diff sumtyms..esp if your mom relies on having a man in her life.
I was raised without a dad but i never felt the "emptiness"
coz my family was so together, sumtyms i would wonda what wouldv changed if he was around? ya that father figa is needed in any childs life but its not who is in your life ,but what you decide to do with what you have that makes a person who or what they are.

Annonymous
19 Nov 2007 03:40

Nna I always say: "If all our problems were put in one room & we had the opportunity to choose a problem we think is better than te others, u'd probally end up leaving the room with ur own!!!!"
So guys, mina if ningazi kahle, u will know that I never dwell ion issues that will make me be at a state of pity, coz what's done is done, and all that matters is I am happy with my life right now. Coz what I can tell u is that even though I had both a father & a mother, if I told u about the conditions that I was under even though it seemed liked I had an ideal family, u would be grateful of the beautiful single parenting that u still had without a father in ur life!!!!

MamaOmpha
19 Nov 2007 03:44

Mina I was fortunate enough to grow up with a father who was and still is in my life. But I don't think that growing up without one makes u less of a human being. I think it all depends on the kind of mother you have. If she can be the best parent that she can be for you then you are as good as having two parents. That just my opinion.

Annonymous
19 Nov 2007 03:47

Dankie Mana O, I agree with u!!!

Leethal
19 Nov 2007 05:16

Leethal
19 Nov 2007 05:22

I myself also grew up fatherless,this topic gets me all emotional coz i spent a better part of my life hating on my dad.It hurts coz everytime my relationships turn out bad i blamed him,it;s even worse coz my brother turned out to be just like him(woman basher).I now realize hating on him isnt going to make my problems go away, i decided to walk tall,forgive and start the healing process(forgiving him).It's a reality that it takes a man to distribute sperm but it takes a real man to become a father.

gautababes
19 Nov 2007 05:27

we were brought up by my mother (what a strong woman) and we turned out perfectly fine, but I always wished that my father was around and how it is to grow up with one.

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