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Am I being Selfish

Written by Best-Achiever from the blog Friend In Need on 07 May 2008
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written by Cherrie on Top

Hi all

I am actually new in the TV SA family and I need to share something with guys so I can get to hear different views in regards to an issue I’m experiencing at the moment.I could say I’m actually a good friend ,You know, a friend who is there when you are going through a bad patch and who celebrates with you when something good happens to you. Now at the moment I’m not sure if I’m being a good friend or actually looking after my own interests.

My story 

Recently in actual fact about 3 weeks ago I convinced my girlfriend that I want to hook her up with a guy friend of mine and she agreed , I then called and told my guy friend my intentions and didn’t leave much room for him to decline the offer.

I gave them each others email addresses and they started to exchange pics and emails so they can get to know each other better. The reason I decided to do this its because girlfriend is lonely and needs a life, you see she broke up with her man few months ago and she has been feeling depressed lately and she doesn’t have much self esteem.

Now don’t get me wrong , she is beautiful and sweet and that’s why her ex man took her for granted. In short she reminds me of Sheila from ‘why did I get married’ by Tyler Perry ( I’m not dissing her but girlfriend knows it too, that’s why she almost cried after watching it because she related to the character( anyway that’s another story all together.

I do love her regardless because we are completely different comapared to my usual crew , which in short are all miss ‘Hoity Toities” like the add if you get my drift.

I didn’t think much about what I have done until a close family member(aka my friend) of mine started to express her concerns about this situation, the concerns are:

1.My guy friend is interested in me and I really never give him a chance to actually expess himself to me, I make sure I dodge the subject all together, ( come on now ,I have a reason) ok ..ok …I’ll tell, .You see I have a man and to cut the long stoty short , he is in the US at the moment and lets jus say he wont be coming back home anytime soon.

Back to my point , I don’t want to cheat on him because someone will get hurt one way or the other. ( when he comes back we will be preparing for our lobola and stuff, if things go according to plan)

2. He calls me a lot like I’m his girlfriend ( love the attention though)

3. The worst fact is , whenever girlfriend talks about how yummy and good looking he is ( and believe me, he’s all that and a piece of pie) I start to feel jelous.( I know what you are thinking , I’m just human)

So on Monday, guy friend calls to tell me that he wants out because he is not really into my friend and feels its better to do it now before some gets hurt, He also said that he will explain further in person whe we meet.

Now I cant say I’m sad about his decision, Im actually relieved because I didn’t know how I was gonna stop this, I cant help it. Besides nothing happened and its not like they met and shagged , now that would have nbeen a crapy situation. 

That’s all for now, tell me what you think pips 

written by Cherrie on Top, posted by Best-Achiever honouring Strolicious request



42 Comments

zolx
07 May 2008 07:56

i'm first to reply for the first time - and also getting ppl to view this Cherri on top - so coming back just now...back toreading

zolx
07 May 2008 08:03

i hear this but not clearly...who's boyfriend is it le ioverseas? back on topic - i dont think you have anything to feel guilty about. If the man isnt feeling your friend then that's not your fault but at least you'll know never to play the cupid again.

Strolicious
07 May 2008 08:06

zolx ayisuka dis is a serious matta,..........................yip im da second....
mina my advise wld stay faithful 2 ur man,temptation ayadlula.dis is a test.so u betta pass.....LOL.

Cherrie on top
07 May 2008 08:07

@zolx sorry for not being clear  my man is overseas. my friend broke up with her boyfriend few months back.

KeleFabulous
07 May 2008 08:08

hmmm...interesting.
 

now tell me; why did you hook them up if you knew the guy was into YOU? nature has proven women are more attracted to men who have women that are interested in them. could it be you wanted someone else to look at brother man in that way so you could also feel a sense of power cos he's into you?

can't say much on the character analysis as i haven't seen the movie but could you also maybe be a little jealous of your friend's beauty and/or charm? do you maybe want to win one over her? 

i'm not dissing you or anything here babes, just trying to get a clearer picture. but i think one lesson you must walk away from all of this with: NEVER EVER TRY TO HOOK A FRIEND UP WITH SOMEONE THAT IS INTO YOU! eish sorry for shouting but you need to get it. and by the way, IF, what i've said above is true or even slightly true, it IS normal. i'm not saying it's right, but it is normal human being behaviour. good luck!

belz
07 May 2008 08:10

i disagree with you zolx, of course its not cherri on top's fault that the man doesn't feel the freind. but she sounds like she knew that this guy had something for her, jsut that she was ignoring the subject. cherri, i think its fine that this guy ends this but nawe you were wrong nje ngokubahooka up when you knew about this guys' feelings for you. i feel sorry for your friend, shame, kodwa ke it serves you right because you are the one who will comfort her after the break up, and you said she just broke up with her ex, oh shane man. about your london man, eish i dont think im the best person to advice, ngoba nje into engizoyisho ukuthi we really neva know what people are doing if they are not with us, so hayi my advice is bad indeed, London is just too far, and its not like naye uzokulinda, angazi, ngiyazisholo nje.

PhlyLady
07 May 2008 08:12

Hooking friends up is just not on. What looks like pie to me might be pizza to you. U say the guy has never really expressed his love for u so why do u think he does love u? N if u knew that he loves you, then y  hook up a friend knowing well that he'll end up hurting her?

Grt article......

Strolicious
07 May 2008 08:14

Cherrie>,what u were trying to do here ,you were trying to deny amafeelings akho for dis guy dat why uyewamfakela ur friend....mmmmm

andi01
07 May 2008 08:18

NB- ur friend refers 2 the guy in SA, the one u set up with ur female friend

Sweetheart, before you start feeling jealous and infactuated about this friend of urs, i think u need 2 sit down by urself and do some self-introspection. Find out what you want, whom you love and whom you just wanna shag. Consider the fact that you might be loving this male friend of urs bcoz u r missin ur man 2 much, in that case u not inlove with him, you are  inlove with the idea of being loved (i hope im makin sense). Picture these scenarior; scenario 1 ur man returns from the US, he founds out that u r with some1 else he dumps you.scenario 2: ur man returns from US u get married, this friend finds some1 else and u cant help but feel jealous for him & his wife in fact ur own marriage seems boring & dull. If scenario1 hurts u the most "get over d last u have for this friend & b faithful 2 ur man (overseas). If scenario 2 hurts the most, that means u truly love ur friend, forget about ur man (overseas) and start shagging your friend like there is no 2morrow. U r in a difficult situation coz u stand to loose the person u love the most. but remeber this whom ever you lose, wasnt meant for you. We never loose our soulmates, unless we murder them for money.

belz
07 May 2008 08:22

We never loose our soulmates, unless we murder them for money.> LOL!!!

Pinkpoodle
07 May 2008 08:22

I dont see why you have to feel bad about this whole situation the brother man has not told you that he is into you if he was then why entertain your friend he could have just told her he likes you so this hooking up thingy is not for him.

On the other side, if you never gave the guy a second glance then why now and also sounds lke the jelousy is cause you see your friend having it all, while you're lonely while your man is away 
Sorry girl but it sounds like i'm dissing you but are you sure if this guy asks you out you want him?? or you wanted him because he belonged to somebody else??????????

carino
07 May 2008 08:24

We never loose our soulmates, unless we murder them for money.. ROFLMAO

Strolicious
07 May 2008 08:26

My guy friend is interested in me and I really never give him a chance to actually express himself to me, I make sure I dodge the subject all together,....did we read da same article. 

bulie
07 May 2008 08:27

My 2 cents worth is dnt go there gal i know i've been there a friend of mind hooked me with sum guy & i ended up dating this guy & it was way too out of line & i'm in distance relationship too so i cheated and i did'nt tell my man, sum of the bloggers know my story so plz gal dnt do that, what ever ur man might be doing in London is his business as long as u have ur place in his heart so dnt feel fooled u know that he'll cum back to u & he's ur future  (H- band) wait for him. i feel sorry for ur friend but my question is was she into him too or was she just playing in the field with the ball u gave her or what? if she was not feeling anything for the guy so dnt feel guilty but dnt do it again.

Strolicious
07 May 2008 08:36

He calls me a lot like I’m his girlfriend ( love the attention though)...Who calls alot ? 

Cherrie on top
07 May 2008 08:36

@kele Fabulous=  i'm not jelous of her beauty ,hell no!! sorry to blow my own horn here but truth be told Im Beautiful too and  take care of my self far better than her. I told you that we are different she's into sneakers and jeans and on the other hand i'm the stilleto and get your hair fixed chick. 

she is pretty but she's no competition, as I said i didnt think much about it until I was made to see reason. so I get it that it was a BAD IDEA

Cherrie on top
07 May 2008 08:40

He calls me a lot like I’m his girlfriend ( love the attention though)...Who calls alot ? 

My guy Friend ??

Strolicious
07 May 2008 08:42

she is pretty but she's no competition, as I said i didnt think much about it until I was made to see reason. so I get it that it was a BAD IDEA ....VERY bad ,dnt ever try to hook ppl up,stick to yr day job.

Cherrie on top
07 May 2008 08:45

@strolicious , i'll get you !!! still luv you though

Cherrie on top
07 May 2008 09:00

@andi01- I get your point , in other words I need to explore what lies deep down in y heart so your advised is really appreciated.

nokubonga
07 May 2008 09:10

But ke if she is your friend...when you say you take  good care of your self far much better than her....why not advice her where she is lacking instead of seeing yourself as superior to her???? ....thats if you are a great friend to her.

I think you were wrong in the first  place because its like your intentions was to see who is far much better than the other.

Strolicious
07 May 2008 09:15

nokubonga>you cant tell a person how to dress ,as she said..she's into sneakers and jeans and on the other hand i'm the stilleto and get your hair fixed chick.

nokubonga
07 May 2008 09:22

But if they are great friends...you can give a hint. if you see ukuthi your friend's looks are outdated And its not like if one is into sneakers they don't take great care of themselves. Eish bloggers...mense julle praat!!!

Strolicious
07 May 2008 10:43

and then.........................it's on 2mrw.

Strolicious
07 May 2008 23:41

Best-Achiever
07 May 2008 23:57

@Cherry ... all i see from this article and your responses is thet you real love to feel better on the expense of your friend and to me that's not friendship ...Period.

You didnt give your friend a chance to heal over her love lost ...did she told yo that she needs a man after breaking up with her man? ... 

Now I cant say I’m sad about his decision, Im actually relieved because I didn’t know how I was gonna stop this, I cant help it
 What kind of a friend who thinks of hurting her friend, you were going to do what? stop it between them ,, No gal r u their God .... why did you hook them in the first place kanti? .... if u were my frind you were going to be in my History book by now NO GAL

Strolicious
08 May 2008 00:10

Now I cant say I’m sad about his decision, Im actually relieved because I didn’t know how I was gonna stop this, I cant help it ....dat was selfish ,u only thing for you best interest.

Vesa
08 May 2008 00:24

Good points gals...very good!! I'm proud of  you'all!!

Cherrie on top
08 May 2008 00:51

Ah well, that was a  great laugh . People seriously now, I really  respect  your OPINIONS. I spoke to her( my friend ) yesterday and told her the truth. we both thought it was for the best that we leave things as they are because even if I didnt say anything and they continued with their relationship. If one hurts the other, I was gonna be caught in the middle since i'm friends with both of them.

lets leave my issues aside for a minute here. People make mistakes and I'm not perfect. I understood that so what i have written was not based on ego or me thinking I'm better than her, It was just a bad call on my side.

Strolicious
08 May 2008 01:05

it not a crime to know u r beautiful,if u got it ,u got it.......how does ur frend feel now was she into dis guy,... 

andi01
08 May 2008 01:44

your question was are you being selfish???, well nit even a little bit, you are only looking out for yourself. I have learnt that its OK 2 be nice, kind and considearte of other peoples feelings, but don over do it, people take advantage and might treat you like a doormat, trust me I know, but not all people are like dat. teh fact tha u seeking for advise shows that u care deeply for your friend (female), which is good but learn to put urself first, without being jealous, competitive, self centered. Ur friend (female), will recover bcoz if she wasnt meant 2 be with the guy (ur male friend), they were bound to break up sooner or later, whether its bcoz the guy has feelings for u or he has feelings for  someone else. teh fact that u say u r beautiful shows confidence, and that u r prettier (maybe alittle bit) than her, shows honesty, if you friend is not that pretty, you cant lie to her just to make her feel better, only a bad freind does that. If ur friend is ugly, she is ugly there is nothing anyone can do, but you love her regardless, to me thats what friendship is about.

myname
08 May 2008 01:59

Hey COT In my opinion u r not a real freind. For God's sake u supposed 2 tell ur feind dat both of u (u & this guy) have fling 4 each other. Now whats gonna happen is, As a good freind (u said it) u cant have this guy anyway both of u bcoz what if ur freind luvs this guy? The answer is U will b the betrayer my luv. Ask urself Whats more important the new guy or ur freind? U said ur boo is in London & u wanna stay faithful & im proud of u bcoz Myname cant do that my luv. I have many what if's. What if its just a crush bcoz i believe u real luv ur man? What if ur freind suspect/know that u have something 4 this guy? Darling Never underestimate the power of our actions just one small gesture can change a persons life. So Can u do me a favour, Show your freind how much u care. Im talking about Trust, Love, Communication, SHARING (No lies), Stand by ur freind in Good & Bad times that is Support. Nothing in life is more important than true love coming from ur freind bcoz SOME freinds are unforgettable & its not eazy 2 replace them. Lastly ur freind seems like a nice humble girl so cant u try & b good 2 her & good luck 2 ur Boo. Thanks & bye

myname
08 May 2008 02:39

i guess im late sorry

midniteM
09 May 2008 03:36

Hi pips,

I happen 2 b the "friend" who told CHERRY ON TOP, that hooking up her 2 friends is a definite No!, especially if the guy is in 2 her, this could turn out 2 b a very sticky situation. & the dude in the US, believe me guys when I tell u he's worth waiting 4...He's the 100% type of guy, 2 those of u who know about the 80%, 20% rule (why did I get married?)...

ITBabezz
09 May 2008 04:13

i'm not jelous of her beauty ,hell no!! sorry to blow my own horn here but truth be told Im Beautiful too and take care of my self far better than her...i hope ur friend never reads this...

Now I cant say I’m sad about his decision, Im actually relieved because I didn’t know how I was gonna stop this, I cant help it ..sorry girl but this sounds just SELFISH

in all this ur friend seems like a victim to me ..the fact that the guy told you that he didnt want  "this hookup" anymore means that you knew your friend's fate before she did..hayi girl relook at ur friendship skills..i know u were trying to do good mara good isnt always the right thing..

HARAMBE24
10 May 2008 01:42

I give up on you ladies - damn make up your minds --- its either a THONG or  G-STRING!!!! Wena cherrie on top: You deserve a clap for being such a slap tiger. Your man in the USA - do you think he is saving himself for e lobola - dont think so -- i am almost certain he is shagging those american skunks and they just cant get enough on hsi Nguni rumblisn as he reaches the peak of the mountain. This guys friend of yours - he digs you and you dig him too -- stop behaving like a mid-wife and get it on with him... Dont worry about the girlfriend, she'll get over it - we always do sugar and you ahve nothing to feel guilty about.

Firstdvd
10 May 2008 02:31

Uv said it al HARAMBE24...N 2u CHERRY ON TOP...M sori 2say ths but frm wat i c, ur da1 who wl end-up bng hurt(lonely). Its a gud thng 2trust ur man but not ths way, hez not blind remembr n hez a man. Ur playin hard 2 get n dats gona hurt u big time. Giv ur so calld "guy-frnd" a chance!

Strolicious
12 May 2008 02:42

Giv ur so calld "guy-frnd" a chance!...Firstdvd...dat cheating ..................the dude in the US, believe me guys when I tell u he's worth waiting 4...He's the 100% type of guy, 2 those of u who know about the 80%, 20% rule (why did I get married?)...Midenite M said it all.

Strolicious
12 May 2008 02:51

H24....Your man in the USA - do you think he is saving himself for e lobola - dont think so -- i am almost certain he is shagging those american skunks and they just cant get enough on hsi Nguni rumblisn as he reaches the peak of the mountain.kwa kwa kwa uyangibulala finish,,,,,

zowee
12 May 2008 03:02

Belz didn u do geography at skul,brother man is n the US not London

Strolicious
12 May 2008 03:16

Zowee....ayisuka same sh!t different toilet..................bt dat was a gud 1...ha ha ha @ Belz

zozoe
26 Oct 2009 15:48

123 here we gooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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