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Diva's Dilemma

Written by cleve from the blog chase on 12 Jun 2008
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Another Dilemma on your hands. Please put on your thinking caps and help a sista in need

BACKGROUND
Before I met my husband I had a very loving boyfriend, Lord knows why I broke up with him. Anyways hubby came into the picture. I fell deeply in love with him and later a son was born...........

PROBLEM
After the marraige hubby started being too possesive. He started dictacting what I should do and not do. To tell the truth I am not the "normal" wifey material. My husband and I were best friends drinking and going out together. Just having fun as a young couple. But lately he has me cooped up in the house. All of a sudden I can't dance in clubs or public places. I can't see my friends, am not allowed to make new friends, whether male or female. My friends are not allowed to call me because they all drink too much and sleep around. My mom is not allowed to call me because she meddles in our marraige, but I told him where to get off with that one.

Anyways to cut a long story short, my husband is verbally and physically abusive. I have had two blue eyes at work in a matter of 6 mths, he strangled me last week in front of my kid. My baby told my parents what happened and everytime his father starts getting angry at me he says, "u Daddy wenzani? Uyakushaya." My baby is not in good terms with him because of this. He is not showing it but he is traumatised of what has happened. I don't know what to do, he is pushing me away making me not love him anymore. He has called me names from prostitute to whore. Everytime he is angry he shouts and swears at me and I always ask him to stop that because my son will learn that language...... He has made me feel worthless and I know that many men would love to be with me. I feel like he married me to get me away from other men. He makes me feel that I'm better of with him because he does not cheat on me and has never. He makes me feel like he is doing me a favour by not cheating on me. He is slowly but surely breaking my spririt. I have thought of killing myself but the only thing that has stopped me is my son. Who will be his mother if I die?

I can't even buy myself clothes because he will tell me how selfish I am. He also does not buy me clothes or anything that will make me look beautiful. I cry everyday, but when he makes me happy, I am extra happy.

I am always scared because I don't want to piss him off. I have lost my friend in a matter of 2 years. I want him back. I need someone to talk to but he is not the person.

Maybe I am the one who is wrong here. I know Ive got my mistakes but I am not a bad person, stubborn maybe but not vindictive. I am jealous but I know how to control it. I am tired of always being the bad person in this relationship.

REASON FOR BLOG.
Last night I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend, I fell in love with him all over again. I have not thought about him for the last two years and he comes to me in a dream. What does this mean? He was so beautiful and loving. I called him but hung up when I heard his voice. I was too scared to talk and also scared of cheating on my husband. ( I have been accused of cheating so many times)
I just want to know what is this dream trying to tell me?...............

Okay guys I'm not a writer, so if it makes sense, do dig into it.. I need counselling and which better way to do it than on TVSA... (LOL)

101 Comments

cleve
12 Jun 2008 07:05

hey guys, Ive got a job for you. Do what you do best................

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 07:10

OK perhaps this is the time where Tashi & Luke consider changing the name from TVSA, to ??? Anything Goes perhaps???.........LOL........just kidding, let me read and respond accordingly..........

Toxic
12 Jun 2008 07:15

Cleve, you know what the right thing to do is. If you read your post, it's loud and clear that you know that you MUST get out of this relationship. What i want to know is why aren't you?

Gorgeous!!!
12 Jun 2008 07:18

Iyho...just follow yo heart
You're the only person who knows exactly
how you feel about the whole thing.
And you're the only one who knows
how it affects your well being.
Again, just follow yo heart.
I'm not good w/ words though,
hopin' that i've been of help...
All the best!

thinLine
12 Jun 2008 07:21

Tjo this needs some serious thinking... i'll be back.

Gorgeous!!!
12 Jun 2008 07:22

@ Toxic
Response on y/day's Q
560 is the 'main woman'.

Cutie Pie
12 Jun 2008 07:24

Hey Cleve, i feel for you dear. Have you considered a divorce instead of killing yourself? Remember, your son might grow up with lots of anger bcoz of what his dad is doing to you. He will grow up thiniking its right to abuse a woman. Have you 1st tried marriage counselling?
Regarding your ex- I would say its probably the pain that you are going through that makes you think about him. Remember men are full of vengeance. He might not forgive you for leaving him for another man. I will say rather sort out your marriage and if it does not work out, you can talk to him.
But you can try to talk to him as a friend, you'll get a feel of how he feels about you.
Good Luck Doll...Please don't commit suicide.

Remember women are creatures that always rise up irrespective of number of times they have been trampled..

Cody
12 Jun 2008 07:25

jo! i think you are just feeling lonely in your marriage, hence you are fantasizing about your ex. why on earth did you "allow" him to control you like that? my skat, just give him a wake up call, tell him how you feel and leave for a while, he will realise what a treasure you are, and hopefully come to his senses. You guys cant say get out, this is marriage

cleve
12 Jun 2008 07:28

@ toxic, I really don't know. Everytime I pack my bags, he always calls me back. Being the person that I am, I come back.

@ Nonny, ungazophapha la.......... LOL.

awelani
12 Jun 2008 07:31

Eish gal, this is BAD, what r u still waiting 4, It mty be hard @ 1st, but GET OUT WHILE U R STILL ALIVE, dis xcuse of a man is moments away from killing u & u child. Mshiye sisi, for u and ur child.

**thinking**, now where's Andi01&Nonny (dr phil's),,,lol.

Best-Achiever
12 Jun 2008 07:33

Eish Cleve ... Try to speak to His Family about the situation(if you have a god relationship with them), if that fails ask you family to speak to his(if you have a gud relationship with them ofcourse) or try to get him to go with you to marital counsellors ..... if all that fails get out of the relationship before grave takes you out of it ... if kupossible take your child to your mother while trying to solve this so he doesnt witness all the hurt

ngwana
12 Jun 2008 07:38

Think about how bad this is for your baby to be in this environment.
I know hard it is to get out of an abusive relationship, I know you scared of leaving him.
But i promise you once you are out, you will get your life back.

(i happen to be playing that Karyn White album - you now with "I'd rather be alone")

cleve
12 Jun 2008 07:39

I just want to know from the people who are married do your men make you feel special, or am I hoping for the impossible here?

@Cutie pie, it was just a thought. but it has come to my mind so many times. I don't think it's possible for me to do that. I have googled divorce laywers so many times, this guy really hurts me deep inside. He does not realise the pain that he causes me. I have tried to talk but as you know he says he will try and change because he knows that he is insecure. His insecurities are messing up my life.

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 07:40

http://www.tvsa.co.za/default.asp?blogname=Oprahreviews&ArticleID=7339
I tried to go to ur GB but I'm being kicked out Cutie Pie, so here is the page with Sego's articles, they will be listed and the one u are looking for is: Oprah - I am the other woman. I hope u find the help u need. *Sorry cleve, but someone this is the only article I an post a reply in*

**thinking**, now where's Andi01&Nonny (dr phil's),,,lol.
Don't worry Awelani, I am still busy with my response, just be paient Cleve.

cleve
12 Jun 2008 07:45

awelani
12 Jun 2008 07:55

Cleve:just want to know from the people who are married do your men make you feel special, or am I hoping for the impossible here? Sisi, u r not hoping 4 the imspossible, I've been with my husband 4 8yrs now and not even one day has he ever laid his hand on me, nor swear @ me or made me feel worthless, we go thru our ups and downs lyk any ada couple, @ the end of the day he's the only man dat i wana b with, he makes me feel special..........

Dis monster has beaten u twice (i think), strangled u and i bet ol dose tyms he sed he was sorry and he'll never do it again, which ofcos was a lie. The next tym he beats u again or strangles u, he might just kill u..leave him. BTW, if u have not watched the movie "Enough", watch it, it myt help u.

if kupossible take your child to your mother while trying to solve this so he doesnt witness all the hurt

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 08:01

My dear Cleve.......oh Nkosi yami, where do I start?

OK, in ur entire article, it's all sad, there is only one part where u say: "when he makes me happy, I am extra happy." So honestly gal, there is nothing worth staying for in ur marriage - there are two many lows and invisible highs. U know there's a saying that: "U make a fool of me once, it's a shame on you, but when u make a fool of me twice, it's a shame on me!!"........Dadewethu, it will really be a shame on yourself if u stay any longer in this marriage only tyo endure more pain.

No man that lays a hand on u deserves ur love. U are beautiful and no man completes u, so don't be afraid to walk away. U know what I advise u to do, everytime u feel like going back to him, just pray and say: "God please give me the courage to walk away and never look back, not only for myself but for my son as well"........u gotta be strong!!!!! Qina sisi, Qina!!!!

Ur situation is even more critical becoz there is a child involved, and worst of all that child is a male. Imaginbe the perception that he is having already of women and how they should be treated. Ur child is getting hurt by this it will affect the way he thinks women should be treated when he has to be a boyfriend and even a husband to someone else. Walk away fom this unhealthy relationship, u are doing mroe harm than u know to ur child by staying, and these memories are going to live with him forever.

Maybe I am the one who is wrong here. I know Ive got my mistakes but I am not a bad person, stubborn maybe but not vindictive.
My love, it's not u, stop making excuses, u know u gotta leave and it ain't ur fault, so leave please!!!!

♫ Wemzalwane Qina!!!! ♫

I wanna say more, so let me go for a smoke break and continue!!!!

cleve
12 Jun 2008 08:06

Cleve:just want to know from the people who are married do your men make you feel special, or am I hoping for the impossible here? Sisi, u r not hoping 4 the imspossible, I've been with my husband 4 8yrs now and not even one day has he ever laid his hand on me, nor swear @ me or made me feel worthless, we go thru our ups and downs lyk any ada couple, @ the end of the day he's the only man dat i wana b with, he makes me feel special..........

@AWELANI........... But what does he do that makes you angry? Awelani how does he make you feel special? and wht do you do to make him feel special?

ngwana
12 Jun 2008 08:08

Cleve, never listen to family that tell you to hang in there. Next thing you will be dead.

andi01
12 Jun 2008 08:15

@ Cleve is this mosquito of urs (coz he surely aint no man) on Tik, or some ada kinda drugs????

cleve
12 Jun 2008 08:15

Thank you Nonny, I know I got to leave . I need encouragement of th reason's why I have to leave. I can't even tell him my problems that are happening because when he is angry he will use it against me. And he wonders sometimes why I keep certain things to myself.

My husband is supposed to protect me but, i feel like I need protection form him. he disrespects me and has even told my mom that I act like a prostitute in his house, (the one I help him to pay for)

He has tried to make me leave my job and relocate with him but I refused, he relocated on his own but came back after 2 mths. I would have relocated with him if he was a caring husband but he does not deserve me leaving everything I have for him. I have done it once and I'm not doing it again.

Best-Achiever
12 Jun 2008 08:17

@ best achiever, I try speaking to his family but they make excuses for him. They tell me that his father and grandfather were like that. He gets abusive when he is angry. Apparently I have to ignore him, but you can't ignore a person when they are being hurtful to you. Instead of them talkking to their son on how to treat his wife, they give him an excuse. In other words I must learn to deal with a character like that....

@Cleve ... if this is the case my darling then you have no other option but to leave because you cant take those father and grandfather genes away from him ....Tell his family that when they ask you why you are leaving him ..... He is no boxer neither are you a punching bag!

rgga this family real pisses me off ... You dont deserve this

cleve
12 Jun 2008 08:21

@ Andi01, you are making me laugh. He is not on drugs, he is perfectly fine. So it would have been better if he was on somekind of drug, because he would have an excuse for being the monster that he is.

I pray hard to God to keep me strong and be loving to everyone around me. I don't hate men at all.

andi01
12 Jun 2008 08:22

I was in the same situation, not long ago, but luckily for me i dont have a child. My only advise to you is GO and dont look back. It will be very difficult at first, I know this from experience, but its worth it. This man is causing u scars and the more you stay the deepeer the scars and the harder it is for them to heal. You dont deserve this and dat mafacka wont change, infact now that he sees that you accepting this situation, he will become worse. Abusers get excited when they see their victims in pain. Sweetheart you pain is the only thing that will ever fulfill him, not your love or your sons love for daddy. He will just be there causing you more and more pain. There is nothing he enjoys more than seeing you crying and feeling useless, coz thats how he feels about himself. So if you willing to give him the satisfaction of hurting you for the rest of urlife then STAY, but then (sorry to be harsh here), that man wont realise what he does to you until you gone. Its your choice you LEAVE him or let him KILL you, coz he will, trust me on this one. If a man can strangle you, who knows that teh next time he does it, wont be the last. Sisi wake up, please, i am begging you.

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 08:25

My dear the most important thing for u to do right now is to focus on leaving ur current partner. As for entering another relationship, I would think that that’s being rather too hasty, considering that u also have a child to also consider. U need to devote some time for him and u guys need to be counselled because the image of a father hitting ur mother, is not a very good one to witness as a little child.

And another thing, I believe that before u enter a relationship u need to evaluate ur previous one, so that u can outline the factors that made ur marriage unsuccessful, so that u can grow and not repeat past mistakes. I am sure u also have anger within urself that u need to work on and get over because when u rush too much from partner to partner, some issues tend to be never resolved.

So don’t rush, if Mr Man Of Ur Dreams, In Ur Dreams is really in2 u and if God has really put him on this earth to be ur partner, then in due time he will be urs, so there is noo need to rush. Whatever u do, it’s important to give ur self time. And also do what will make u happy and follow ur heart but also use ur mind!!!!

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 08:27

The strength and encouragement that u need is within, stop looking from others what u already possess, just LEAVE, don't be scared, God is in control!!!!

cleve
12 Jun 2008 08:29

@ best achiever i know I don't deserve it. But you know that abusers have a way of making you feel like you deserve it. His family can sit on their buts and watch their son's family fall apart. If something is destroying you, you can change it. It doesn't matter if it's in the genes. There are doctors who can help you out there and if you try you can be helped.

Shadow
12 Jun 2008 08:29

My dear...Why are you still in a relationship with this man? Dump the muthafacka, he doesn't deserve you at all! Me i wont tolerate being in an emotional and physical abusive relationship! Seriously, your relationship is not healthy for your child and will have psychological impact on ur child. That man has serious issues and will end up killin' u...

cleve
12 Jun 2008 08:34

Thank you Nonny and Carino, as people we need a push. You are not telling me something I don't know, I just need to hear it from other people just to re-assure myself that I'm not mad.

awelani
12 Jun 2008 08:36

But what does he do that makes you angry? It's the lil things really, not bathing the child, cooking or washing the dishes if um l8t from work, or if um sik. Oh yeah and when he lets his family interfere in ur relationship.

how does he make you feel special? He Respects me, cares 4 me&our child, loves me with ol my imperfections.

what do you do to make him feel special? I give him the reespect that he deserves, love him unconditionally, and wash his drawers,,,,LOL,,,kidding.

Boza
12 Jun 2008 08:45

did you ever read "Who moved my cheese" ....never be afraid to move on with situations, especially if you don't know what is being set ahead of us....

cleve
12 Jun 2008 08:48

boza, no i haven't. he once told me to read it I might have it at home I will check

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 08:48

"Thank you Nonny and Carino, as people we need a push. You are not telling me something I don't know, I just need to hear it from other people just to re-assure myself that I'm not mad."
@ Cleve, it's a pleasure dear, and plz don't be afriad of dissapointing ur family, coz at the end of te day u are the one that has to live in that abusive marriage. Noma bengakubiza ngoMabuya Emendweni, atleast u will be happy and ur child will also be happy. So o the right thing and don't forget to pray, uThixo soxe akulahle sisi, Qina ma uyezwa????

Family has a very bad tendency to idolize marriage and they believe that once u are married, u must stay and force the marriage to work at all costs. But sadly in cases like urs, there is nothing to repair, u just gotta leave. I mean two blue eyes in a period of six months...........dayummm kumele uphumil kulomendo MANJE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please keep us updated coz nathi we learn from scenarios like urs!!!

mabhebheza
12 Jun 2008 08:54

Cleve...my luvin that devilish man is going to kill u one day..Thank God that u can still realise that u need help so i dont care how much it hurts u but get out phuma gaan uit..tswaya...
Look in the mirror im sure u wont recgnise the who u r anymore becoz this bullfrog has made u loose self luv & dignity...!!!

UR mom did not carry u 9months 4u 2b sum1 punching bag ....yazi yini sis Cleve aw'sono isghubhu when u beats u akhalakamnandi .....so b4 i poision ur brain with ideas 2torture this bugger pls hamba ..hambi mpela!

awelani
12 Jun 2008 09:00

That man has serious issues and will end up killin' u...I can already see the front page on newspapers "Husband kills wife, son, then himself, police found a 'letter' amongst her belongings to some site (TVSA) in which she was asking for advice on her abusive marriage, Y she stayed with the MONSTER(husband) is not known as she also knew she had 2 leave and was also advised to leave.."...But seriously, get as far away from that looser as soon as u can, please. Dis marriage is waaaay beyond repair. Do what best 4 u and ur son.

Nonny
12 Jun 2008 09:01

Thank you Nonny and Carino, as people we need a push.
@ Cleve - did u not mean Nonny and Andi01, coz Carino is not here today, or am I blind where is Carino's reply? I know Carino and I are like amathe nolimi, isinkwa nebhotela, but ke akhekho lana sisi........LOL

belz
12 Jun 2008 09:07

Qina♫ cleve, get out now!!!!

andi01
12 Jun 2008 09:07

The only thing you can do for ur son is leave this man. When he kills you who will be left to take care of him, an abusive ex jail-bird-murderer, is that the kinda person you want to raise ur son, when you no more. Sisi the only person who can help u outa dis is urself. Don’t just walk, run. I bet you when he calls you prostitute and whore, “in the back of ur mind there is that doubt that, maybe I am a whore” sweetheart I know I ‘ve been there. I do know the excrutiating pain that those words bore as they pierce through ur heart in a constant velocity. I can see the tears in ur eyes at night praying for this man to “see you for the sweet caring person you are not the image of the monster he created”, you pray with half faith “for the Lawd to destroy all d feelins you hav for this man. Shame cleve sweetheart, wake up and smell the roses, before you are covered in them, this mafacka will not change not EVER. People realise what they had when its gone, its ur choice here coz u will be gone, its either youThe only thing you can do for ur son is leave this man. When he kills you who will be left to take care of him, an abusive ex jail-bird-murderer, is that the kinda person you want to raise ur son, when you no more. Sisi the only person who can help u outa dis is urself. Don’t just walk, run. I bet you when he calls you prostitute and whore, “in the back of ur mind there is that doubt that, maybe I am a whore” sweetheart I know I ‘ve been there. I do know the excrutiating pain that those words bore as they pierce through ur heart in a constant velocity. I can see the tears in ur eyes at night praying for this man to “see you for the sweet caring person you are not the image of the monster he created”, you pray with half faith “for the Lawd to destroy all d feelins you hav for this man. Shame cleve sweetheart, wake up and smell the roses, before you are covered in them, this mafacka will not change not EVER. People realise what they had when its gone, its ur choice here coz u will be gone, its either you hardloop like the Diva that you are, or you wait for him to make you disappeare.

I wont comment on the ex, remember this you left him for a reason, it might be minor compared to urlife now, but it is still a reason.

What matters the most to you, ur life or being called "Mrs Mosquito"

andi01
12 Jun 2008 09:10

ignore the previous comment

The only thing you can do for ur son is leave this man. When he kills you who will be left to take care of him, an abusive ex jail-bird-murderer, is that the kinda person you want to raise ur son, when you no more. Sisi the only person who can help u outa dis is urself. Don’t just walk, run. I bet you when he calls you prostitute and whore, “in the back of ur mind there is that doubt that, maybe I am a whore” sweetheart I know I ‘ve been there. I do know the excrutiating pain that those words bore as they pierce through ur heart in a constant velocity. I can see the tears in ur eyes at night praying for this man to “see you for the sweet caring person you are not the image of the monster he created”, you pray with half faith “for the Lawd to destroy all d feelins you hav for this man. Shame cleve sweetheart, wake up and smell the roses, before you are covered in them, this mafacka will not change not EVER. People realise what they had when its gone, its ur choice here coz u will be gone, its either hardloop like the Diva that you are, or you wait for him to make you disappeare.

I wont comment on the ex, remember this you left him for a reason, it might be minor compared to urlife now, but it is still a reason.

What matters the most to you, ur life or being called "Mrs Mosquito"

Toodecent
12 Jun 2008 09:23

Call this Number (011) 642-4345 They offer great deal of Help to such sittuations.

faraimagic
12 Jun 2008 09:36

we must invite OPHRA and DR PHIL to join in on tvsa.....we really need them now,more than ever!

Onna
12 Jun 2008 09:41

I am not going to say anything you have not haerd yet but I feel I have to so you will see how seriously dangerous your situation is.LEAVE NOW!!! If not for yourself then think about your son. Its never a good idea to stay for anyone other than YOU.That excuse of a man you are with will keep doing this till one day he kills you then who will care for your son?The questions u ask suggest u still want to try,I say dont.WALK AWAY keep walking the fact tht he married you does not mean you are his proprety,he does not own you.
Also that dream about your ex,it does not mean a thing dear just that u wish u were not with the one u with now.Do not even think of starting something while you still married because the cowerd looser will just use that against you.
Be brave for you and your son.I wish you well.

Onna
12 Jun 2008 09:43

mathata
12 Jun 2008 09:46

Im in tears...............lord have mercy to this men.IF its smells like a dog is a DOG,if is bagging like a DOG is a DOG,if its walk like a dog is a DOG,honey pls move on with your life one day your son his going to be homeless n motherless bcz of this pig,he is just a pig,he doesn't deserve someone like you,

oh my god calling you names in front of your son?get a life,pack your bags his going to kill you,if your son still in school maybe you can wait,if possible go back home or get a safe place to stay with your son, you have a job you dont have to worry ,,just think about your son.

EX thing forget about it,sometimes it cause by thinking about him too much,this moment dont think about any men,bcz once you tell other men they will take advantage of you,(maybe you can talk to WEISS)

EX mybe you can call him dont say wara wara,just say how is life you where just cheking him ,dont talk about your problems to him ,just pretend like things are ok.n be strong

HARAMBE24
12 Jun 2008 15:48

CLEVE: I am going to be the bitch here and tell you the truth 9 - 9. What kind of mother are you? exposing your child to such a monster - do you know that your scarring the child for life. It makes me sick in the gut when people make excuses for abuser s-- you should have left him the first time he laid his hand on you. The time of talking with your man is over...and now you need to apck your bags and move out.

i am not married but i have seen my parents together for 27 years. They do argue and my dad has flaws, but my dad has never laid his hand on my father.

Dream...its just a dream and dont use it as an excuse to leave your man. Leave bcoz you now its right...

Sister its time to go...and if you dont, that child of yours will grow up and resent you for allowing him to grow in such a a hostile situation.

cleve
13 Jun 2008 01:52

Thank you so much for your support and love. I know I have to leave.

@ ha a very good mother to my son. I also got angry when women were being abused and I didn't understand why they still stayed in the relationship. But I am there now, I understand why they stayed.

Firstdvd
14 Jun 2008 05:06

NIYABHIDLIZA BATHONG...LOL. CLEVE, blue eyed not once but TWICE...Ur husband is not cheating on u, are u? Beating your wife is not on. I had a feeling ur not telling all!

mathata
14 Jun 2008 18:14

some people lerete la ba dronka n if you are one of those people......no one can make you pack your bags, but i feel shame for your child.

iv been there,that thing it whont go away in your child brain,hhe can even tell his frnd,so they will remind him always.

i dont C any reason for you to think about it n you are not those women you are talking about,they stayed because they depend tothis pigs,that why they take advantage of us,n you are not like those women

HARAMBE24
14 Jun 2008 18:41

Mathata lerete le strong too much to just leave it hanging...i am so LOL

Lumzaza
15 Jun 2008 01:53

Cleve: i agree with most of what is being said to you. But I want to address the issue of your ex as well. Don't leave because you want to be with him but leave because your marriage is falling apart and it's toxic. The last thing you want to do is burden your ex with your issues. Do not go into another relationship until you have left your husband and are at peace with yourself.

Brown Shuga
15 Jun 2008 02:54

Tjo Mathata bathong!!

Snonoza
15 Jun 2008 12:27

@Cleve:just want to know from the people who are married do your men make you feel special, or am I hoping for the impossible here?

I think am going through a similar situation. Well, my hubby doesn't beat me bt abuses me emotionally. He's a serial womaniser and i jst realised that he never really LOVED me. I can't remember if he ever made me feel special bt we have no relationship whatsoever...yet we have a son as well. Last year we went to Canada for two weeks bt it was such a bore he kept calling home...if he loved me, I would have realised it there bt no...he spent most of his time on the phone. It was a total flop.

Lately, i've been dreaming about a guy i kissed jst before getting married. We wre not going out bt i had been fond of him for sometime so when the opportunity to get close came, i kissed him then ran. Nw i've been dying with the urge to call him, jst to hear his voice bt i've chickened out so many times. I saw him recently at a mall and literally hid, i shivered. Last week, he sent someone to give me his e-mail address and we've been writing to each other bt it's so awkward and nw he's saying he's far from getting married because smts he thinks if things had turned out differently, he'd be married to me...whew!

mathata
15 Jun 2008 13:23

@BS.yees.some people they say that dog beat me but he knows how to *bleep!*.some people they do forget money n some selfish needs are useless than being themself n healthy life,

other women lerete is NO1,if you talk to a person n still she doesnt lesson what is the meaning of that,

Im still saying why GRace n Mugabe still together?????

HARAMBE24
15 Jun 2008 14:07

Mathata calm down, a re tlogele o bolela ka marete mo TVSA - ba tla re bana and i still want to be fab here.

mathata
15 Jun 2008 15:13

TVSA MEMBERS

what ever Mathata is writing she knows what shis talking about,my childhood was so painful and dont thik some people will handle that.

Relationships

My boyfrnd left me because i cant have a baby for him ,n my best frnd which i known from the age of 7 she betray me she end up having a child with my boyfrnd.imagin 4yr affar that i build,it was so painfull bcz this guy he knows i have womb problem n the doctor said i must takeit out,but i didnt take it out, i told my self i have long road to go

second relationship,it was so painfull but women we think educated people whont betray us,i dont want to (write it here bcz that person can be arrested)he done so many things so bad,i still remember he put overdose in to my drink so that it can be like i commit suicide,i was dizzy on top of that he gave me some mybe 30 tablets,when he sees that im finishd he took me to the hospitaal.they put something like a pipe in my mouth down to the stomach they take out all rubbish,so doctors n nurses they ask why i want to kill my self ,I act like i dont hear what they where talking,so i survive,so this guy his trap i t didnt work,but before he was telling people n family that they must be careful with me bcz oneday i will kill my self

He usd to say i prostitude, call me all names,that time i was not working n we stay arnd town,where i can find a job,he didnt want me to get a job ,but his actions You can see that this guy his not in love anymore.sometimes out of the blue he will ask me abt some names n cell no in my diary that i dont know,when i chek he wrote some men names with his own writing .so it can be like im cheating with his frnds

So I met this guy who was working at America embassy he help me out,but guess what,when i came back late from Mcdonald i find all my clothes at our dorr apartment near dustbin,he kick me out of the flat night,that time i dont have even a cent,i call that guy I met .n he help me out,i endup selling some newspapers on the street so that i have money to pay rent,when men sees me on the street with newpapers ,they ask me so many quetions WHY beutifull lady like me doing on the street,i didnt hear anything what they where saying because that time i told my self whatever im doing this is my money,i move on with life but i didnt end there,not one men more than 20 men use me,that beutiful body n face n respect i gave them it didnt mean nothing,they vanish like icing sugar after they sleep with me,i stay many mns without LERETE so i can figure out what wrong have i done,men they promise me heaven n STADUE OF LIBERTY,THAT TIME no one was there for me,my sister who is aDoctor when i ask her to pey rent or send me to school it was like im asking her to sleep with her husband,month end to pay rent it was disaster for me but i became so strong,my brother when i went ti visit home when i touch fridge it was like DEVIL WEARS PRADA.I DIDNT have no one on my side,my father who past away he used to treat me different,my mother ooh my god,she used to use this words(*why she didnt abort me)hm only God knows why.

this guy who used to treat me bad he saw me selling news papers on the street he was shoc but i act like what im doing is a hobby,ignore him

POSITIVE LIFE

EVERY after noon i used to give food n talk to this homeless guy i treat him like a normal person he believe in me n i did believe him with respect,i used to tell him what is hurting me,n he will say Go tla loka n he look me staight in tha eyes,every day before i go to my flat i must give him something to eat,he was my here,i wat to give i didnt have
So there was this person drives who saw me selling newspaper n gives this guy food,he came to me n he said i always saw you giving this guy food,that mean if you hve money you can take care of men like me....

mathata
15 Jun 2008 15:18

n you can change some one life.that bad boyfrnd 3girlfrnd they killed them self you can ask your self why,

nokubonga
15 Jun 2008 15:22

Shame Mathata....Life is full of ups and downs. God bless dear!!!

mathata
15 Jun 2008 15:44

so some times when i respond people think im harsh or i wan ettention is not like ,anything happens nowadays i saw it coming,im jelouse of people who say they have problems,bcz problem is nothing when you have a job n family who loves you,

If you have a problem drive the problem dont be bitter,oneday you can be a story teller,it will history,n lets prove to people who treat us bad that we can standup for our self,prove them wrong in apositive way,i get worried when people they dont want to work,i used to be cleaner at the hotel,even my helper she thinks i was born with silver spoon,itold her that i used to rooms at hotel, is nothing wrong because sometimes when tell other people where you come from ,you motivate them

so some people when i respond they think im selling my self,im a bad person.no im open with anything,if some has i problem we must respond to what she/he wrote, no to respond to want to hear is no fair,aish i have to go some whre cccccccccccccccccccccccccu.

n i love you all,you change my life

Brown Shuga
15 Jun 2008 16:12

Mathata, is that why you call yourself Mathata? Why don't you change your name to something more positive too mara?
I"m sorry for all those horrible things that happened to you. More than 20 men? Yho! Mara it's good to hear you're doing so well.

You are telling of a sad story but you add things like bo "Devil Wears Prada", "Statue of Liberty", I was lmao at that....heheheh.

mathata
15 Jun 2008 18:14

yesssss.mathata,any where i go people hate n gossip about me,one thing istand for my self,i dont feel shame for myself im strong.my husband his older than me, he is one of strong men at ANC,but he didnt have nothing women they used him.

so i done myhome work very well,i work hard n i push at the end i become a winner,most of the time he thank me.deap down i thank him more than america as ruled the world.

@BS not now,people who treat me bad are the one whos going to change my name,down there in their heart IM OPRAH,i always send sms to family n relative that if i win lotto im going to send some people to school.I always give,AT my mom place next doors ,i told this kids if they work hard n stay away from boys,i will send them to college,i send numbers always for lotto .one day im going to win,but is not for me ,for people are promised

MY name was SOWHAT B4R.IF I CAN SAY MY real name you can C there is a motive behind.sometimes i think of selling my life story to TV producers.HM
im sending my nephews to privateschool ,mybe they can change my name.for now maybe after i rich my dream,which is KFC OR MCDONALD.

@BS when you are good football player people must tell you that you are good, bcz you cant C your self ,imagin telling BRA JOMO SONO that eh bra yaka ke masepa mm,

Mathata shis turning 30,

when i went home they see MOSADA ARSADA THEY WORSHIP,Icant say im MOSADA ARSADA BUT THEY BEHAVE LIKE IM ONE.GUY C YOU 2MRW ,IM ALONE HERE c U BY 2 0R 3 OR 4,TIME DIFFER A LOT
LOVE YOU ALL ,TO BE HONEST SINCE LAST SUNDAY I FEAL LIKE IM GOING TO DIE ,I FEEL LIKE I DONT KNOW,I LOVE YOU ALL

HARAMBE24
16 Jun 2008 02:40

mathata but you know gore we love you here on tvsa....and phela nna i have nothing against lerete....its the best invention prior credit card.

mathata
16 Jun 2008 06:02

i KNOW ,TVSA is like confession church,it heals,teach and people here they always give,to write is bcz i dont want people t C them self like victims,so i dont want any of my TVSA sisters sell themself for abuse bcz what happen to me it can be worse to them

Msoe
16 Jun 2008 07:53

I give you a round of applause Mathata, few woman survive what you have been through and still live a happy life. This is proof to you that God loves you and he will always will. All you need to do now is look up to him for strength and thank him everyday for what he has done for you. Im not preaching or anything, its just that a lot of times i have heard people saying miracles dont happen anymore but i see your story as one of those miracles we dont pay too much attention to. Keep strong gal, you are an inspiration.

Nonny
16 Jun 2008 08:02

Ki Mathata fela la........n nc nc *shakin m,y head*.......eish I'll read these essays when I am at work tomorrow!!!!

Nonny
16 Jun 2008 08:07

Mathata, u are really a remarkable women, though I must say I often have to read ur replies more than once to actually get what u are saying........LOL
I admire u and I like the way u explain things. Keep on rising above all ur MATHATAZZZZZZ!!!!

mathata
16 Jun 2008 13:09

I just want to be there fo anyone,if possible i realy realy realy want to go out talk to ladys who choose jobs,kids any one who giveup in life ,i just want to talk talk ntalk,there is too much on me is just some of the things i do want to say it,there is too much

Onna
16 Jun 2008 16:14

Mathata we, what do you smoke before writing.Venacular would be better than subjecting us to this torture.

mathata
16 Jun 2008 16:45

@Onna ONNA ONNa ONNa,how many times did i call you?this is not torture im writing to help people who giveup,who dont C life as bonus,ONNA ONNA pls if you have a happy life im happy for you,n you must call yourself lucky person,i KLAP HANDS FOR YOU 9 TIMES.

i DONT SMOKE OR DRINK,ONNA ONNA ONNA ONNA im finished if you dont understand what im trying to say ,

Do you relate to ROBERT MOGABE?

belz
17 Jun 2008 01:36

LOL!!!!!! mathatha man, your life story is really remarkable, but the way you just say lerete scares me. but yah man God Bless you.

Cnglemother
17 Jun 2008 01:53

Thatas! Yo after reading yo horror stories I always feel like geez i dont have problems at all and i should stop biatching and mourning.

cleve
17 Jun 2008 02:00

No Mathatha, I'm not there because of Lerete, as you would put it.

HARAMBE24
17 Jun 2008 02:10

wena Blez...what scares you about leretelicious?

diamond
17 Jun 2008 02:21

LOL @ Mathata : TVSA is like confession church

U R such an inspitation Mathata, I hope Cleve is learning from your experience. @ Cleve, u can rise above your situation, if other women like Mathta and Andi01 can do it, then U can!

Nike: JUST DO IT

diamond
17 Jun 2008 02:24

Eish, I mean inspiration, not inspitation

Preshiii
17 Jun 2008 02:58

Hey Cleve & Bloggers

I'm really sorry to hear of the state of your marriage. I cant say "just pick up your things and leave", not that I advocate abuse whether male or female, nothing ever warrants one human being abusing another in my books.
There's no doubt that your husband is an insecure bully & a coward & above all is a dysfunctional human being and needs help - professional help. I also think that to some extent though, so do you. The fact that you didn't put an end to this abuse the 1st time it happened suggests to me that you need help yourself. As much as your husband is the abuser, you've been the enabler because you allowed him to continue to do this from the 1st time it happened, and did not take the necessary steps that would have told him that what he was doing was wrong and will not be tolerated by you at all.

However, I do applaud you for thinking bout doing something about the situation. I wouldn't go as far as saying "divorce". I do however believe that a "long separation is essential for the mental health of all 3 of you (your child included), and maybe explore the possibility of individual counselling and maybe at a later stage when all parties are ready, couple's therapy.

Having said that you are the only person who is aware of the extent of the damage in your marriage and are more aware of whether it can be salvaged or not. If ultimately divorce is your decision, then I wish you well in that too as I dont think it is an easy process either.

carino
17 Jun 2008 03:12

yha, nhe...

cleve
17 Jun 2008 03:19

Thanks Preshii. I just don't understand why I still stayed. I know that he does not deserve me not one bit.

cleve
17 Jun 2008 03:31

I think am going through a similar situation. Well, my hubby doesn't beat me bt abuses me emotionally. He's a serial womaniser and i jst realised that he never really LOVED me. I can't remember if he ever made me feel special bt we have no relationship whatsoever...yet we have a son as well. Last year we went to Canada for two weeks bt it was such a bore he kept calling home...if he loved me, I would have realised it there bt no...he spent most of his time on the phone. It was a total flop.

Lately, i've been dreaming about a guy i kissed jst before getting married. We wre not going out bt i had been fond of him for sometime so when the opportunity to get close came, i kissed him then ran. Nw i've been dying with the urge to call him, jst to hear his voice bt i've chickened out so many times. I saw him recently at a mall and literally hid, i shivered. Last week, he sent someone to give me his e-mail address and we've been writing to each other bt it's so awkward and nw he's saying he's far from getting married because smts he thinks if things had turned out differently, he'd be married to me...whew

@ Snonoza, sorry to hear that dear, what's making you stay with him if he is doing this to you?

andi01
18 Jun 2008 03:43

Eish Mathata uyandichaza yazi, LOL

Cande
18 Jun 2008 03:51

Mathatha can really type neh?

andi01
18 Jun 2008 04:09

@ Cande, u meane eytp

Cande
18 Jun 2008 04:16

yes Andi, and that too..she can really do both...!

Nonny
18 Jun 2008 04:19

"yes Andi01, and that too..she can really do both...!"
LMAO, at type and eytp, Cande and And01, u guys need Jesus as in yesterday........*I'm trying to hold back laughs.......LOL*

andi01
18 Jun 2008 04:28

lol @ Cande & Nonny, you 2 just dont cease to amuse me, and D-Maths (my American anme for ma girl Mathata) of course

PrettyPree
18 Jun 2008 05:46

All of a sudden, I enjoy reading Mathatha's responses. Perhaps, i am used to her"eytp" by now.

belz
18 Jun 2008 06:02

yah prettypee, even the qwerty, i also enjoy reading too.

mathata
18 Jun 2008 06:59

@pretty,when you have a child around you 24/7 ,they own you,infact to write whaever i was trying to help SA to be strong,ke tanki ya mosotho eo.

i think is bye bye for me,but people will always point fingers to people,they will never learn

Toxic
18 Jun 2008 07:13

mathata, don't mind them wena. Be who you are and if they have a problem with you, it's theirs not yours. Oska tsamaya thle.....the PM system aint working mara i want you to help me with smthng ko Canada. Like a job.

Pls hang around...tu.

andi01
18 Jun 2008 08:32

LOL @ Toxic

cleve
26 Jun 2008 04:33

Hey guys just wanted to let you know what has happened since the last time I wrote this thing. This morning the monster started again. This time he told me he wants me out of his house and that I should take my son with me. I did. Though I did not take our clothes since I don't have a car. But I took what I could and I am not going back. I am praying to the Lord God to free me from this man. I am not sad I just feel good. I just ask for ama-bloggers to pray for me. I don't know where we ae gon sleep tonight but it won't be in that house. If Mathata could stand stong after what she went through so can I.

Thanks for the love guys!!!!!!!!

Cande
26 Jun 2008 04:38

stay at a friend's Cleve, until you can find your won place..
Great move, don't look back there is nothing to fix in your marriage anymore.

Hlehle
26 Jun 2008 04:39

Dnt u have relatives or family where u can spend the night with. Gud luck though u'll be in our prayers.

cleve
26 Jun 2008 04:43

There are people around. Whta makes it different this time is that I feel happy not sad. I am not looking back no matter what. The Lord God will keep me in his hands and protect me. I want to go fetch our clothes. I want to do it when he is not there. I feel so FREE.

Nonny
26 Jun 2008 04:46

Shame man Cleve, not meaning to seem negative, but a friend of mine was in the same sitaution, where she and her duaghter were told by her good-for-nothing husband to leave and she left, and manje she is back with him and when I asked her how come: "She said, if he could charm me in2 marrying him, despite his possessive and agressive history, how hard can it be for him to charm me back in2 our house"

Please Cleve don't let the same thing happen to u, u are so much better off. U will find a place to stay, u must have someone u know u can rely on or if all else fails, book a reasonably priced hotel while God puts everything else in2 perspective for u.

Qina sisi, ungabuyeli emuva, kuzolunga yazi!!!!!

myname
26 Jun 2008 04:47

shame man..............this is the time u know who's ur real freind. Good Luck!

Nonny
26 Jun 2008 04:48

I want to do it when he is not there
@ Cleave, are u not strong enough to face him, or perhaps do u feel scared that he might hurt u?

cleve
26 Jun 2008 05:07

Yes Nonny. Idon't feel strong enough yet. I need to gathermy strength before I see him again. I don't want him to make me feel bad about my decision. These peeps are good manipulators. So the further I stay away form him the better.

My mom says I should bring the child to her. Well I have to. A friend of mine just called me and said I can crash at her place. @ Nonny, I don't have enough money to book a hotel because the bastard makes sure that he milks my money until I have nothing left so I can ask him for money.

Guys I am stronger than the last time.

Pooky
26 Jun 2008 07:19

all the best Cleve...you and your child are in my prayers.....if you're afraid to go there alone, take someone with or go to the police....

Guys I am stronger than the last time...and stronger you will be everyday without this loser and when he comes back begging(which i know will happen) qina and dont look back, coz if you do it'll only get worse....

cleve
10 Jul 2013 15:08

O wow how time flies, my gosh. I can't believe I went thru this. TVSA was a good place to be. Hehehehehe there are such stories that have happy endings and mine has been. I'm no longer there took me some time but I finally got out. Got an amazing man, moved overseas. O wow. God bless all of ya'll who replied to this article.

cleve
10 Jul 2013 15:10

There is always hope and u CAN get out ladies

cleve
10 Jul 2013 15:42

makisti I hv never been happier in my life. I left long ago, I've started a new life. Never thought I cud but I did. Thanks to the strength of The Lord and mercy he showed me. Like I said ladies going thru this right now there is hope. I'm stronger than ever thru what I went thru.

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