I’ve observed that whenever I visit someone’s house and they have a fish tank people will walk over to it, have a look and tap the side of the tank to get the fish to react. Now I know what it feels like to be those fish, because for nearly two months (52 days to be exact) I was.
Just over a year ago I was selected to represent South Africa in the second season of Big Brother Africa. I entered the house with a trunk crammed with clothes (I am a recovering over-packer), a closed heart and an open mouth.
Nothing could have remotely prepared me for what I was about to encounter. I made an instant connection with Namibia’s Meryl. She was a cigarette smoking, beer drinking, free spirit like me. It was obvious that we would be friends, good ones at that.
I later came to know the 11 other housemates who had quirky personalities and faults. We were a slow cooking pot of jollof rice which would, at some point boil over.
There was:
Justice from Botswana, I loved him to bits but I think he suffered from what I like to call “Smurfatitis” (for obvious reasons).
Kenyan Jeff…WOW….where do I start? He was timid and loved the ladies, especially Tatiana. He reminded me a lot of The Incredible Hulk, with his crazy morning routine and when pushed in the corner (like I had done to him on a couple of occasions) would show his rather dangerous temper.
Bertha from Zim who, initially, was very quite and absorbed in her Bible. After a few days she began to let loose and join in the fun that she clearly was missing out on.
Guitar strumming Malawian Code, was initially one of the people I got along with, then as fate would have it things changed…. I still say that if I had stayed 1 week longer his guitar would have been an X-files type victim, never to be seen or heard from again.
And his main squeeze Uganda’s Maureen …OFUNEMAMA!! …..mmmmmmmm………well that’s it.
Nigerian Offuneka……Fingergate scandal! I actually thought she was gonna win. She was the mom of the house, one who flew low on the radar (a complete opposite of me, I was a Kamikaze pilot….lol)
Don Juan aka Casanova aka Ridge Forrester (lol) aka Kwaku. He was the ladies man! American / Ghanaian accent, strong arms, chocolate bod, no wonder Bertha & Meryl fell for this dude ... I was lucky to be the 1 that got away.
And Africa’s own “Star crossed lovers”, Richiana! The Angolan babe Tatiana came in with a fiancé, Tanzania’s Richard was one up on her, he was married! But their love, hate & love again relationship would put the script writers of Generations, The Bold & the Beautiful, Isidingo and Days of our lives to shame!
Oh, of course there was Maxwell from Zambia. He also went by other alias’s…Fabio, Homeboy, Maxi and my personal favourite BBBBAAAAAAAYYYYYBBBEEEE!!! He entered the house with a girlfriend and left without one…lol…..but we were the initial instigators of the romance game! Crap! Come to think of it I was “sleeping” with the guy on the second day! Oh well, we got the ball rolling! And it was fun!
All these people played a vital role in an incredible experience for me. From Richard having me rolling on the floor with his stories and naivety, being grated by Maureen’s constant, some what psychotic mumbling, Offuneka’s obsessive cleaning, Justice’s constant arguing, Code’s hilarious accent, Tatiana’s boyish madness, Meryl’s stripper tendencies, Kwaku’s some what far fetched stories of fame and encounters with Diddy, Jeff’s super human “work out”, Bertha’s death defying accident and Maxwell’s ultra cheesy, tv style pick up lines.
I have fond memories, some not so great. The horrific obstacle course, Jumbo-Ho Fro, the penthouse (mmmmmmm), the fights ( and boy were there many), winning head of house more than once, the sadness I felt when Meryl left, the Jacuzzi, f*cken lentils and japaties, the sucky morning workout sessions, “Alcohol…brings the best outta you”…our song, diary sessions…………the list is endless.
The new show begins Sunday & I am so damn excited. Can’t wait to see them squirm! Will they be as fun, entertaining, annoying, controversial, and at times mid boggling like me and my BBA2 crew? Don’t know but I f*cken hope so cos I’m gonna be writing about them every week, just for you. Letting you know what I think and how I see things! Choosing who my rock star is and who gets the big L (loser) on the forehead!
So to the 12 new housemates - GOOD LUCK B*TCHES!!! Oops, meant to say fishes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Hallelujah holla back
L