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Funny stories to tell grandchildres

Written by Cutie Pie from the blog Stories to tell grandchildren on 03 Sep 2008
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Good Day Bloggers...

Yesterday i was bored and i was thinking about my tertiary days and I laughed at some of them. 

Well, i guess some of them are worth telling my grandchildren one day. One of the is as ff:

ROBBERY:

While i was still in tertiary, I was not staying e Res, we were staying in a rented house. We were about 13 in total, two and 3 in each room.

One afternoon, we had just gotten back from Easter Holidays, all of us (housemates), were sitting in the kitchen cathing up and laughing. A guy from the neighbourhood came through the door (he used to cut the grass anyway e-next door). 

He said : "Molweni bantwana, ninjani"
Us : "Hello bhuti"

He said : "I understand that u've all just arrived from holidays, the cupboards must be empty"

Us (Unanimously) : "Yhu ingathi uzibonile" (Yhu, as if you've seen them)

He : "I'm no longer working e-next door, i'm working for this place that manufatcures food like cereals etc, i can assist you with groceries. I can only charge you R50 per A4 list. You ca write a list of what you want right now and we can go fetch the groceries today"

Us : (Thinking that GOD has seen us through : LOL) - Okay...(we all rushed to our rooms to get papers and pens)

We got back. We started writting aboo Beans, Macaroni, Cereal etc

He said : " Hayi maan, bhalani everything, Yhe sisis (refering to me), uyilibele i-Mayonaise, uzakuyidla ngani i-Rice ma ungenasishebo, Write everything that you want, food is unlimited there" (Hai maan write everyting, did you forget to write Mayonaise, what will you have with Rice when you run out of seshebo)?

And i was thinking to myself "i never had rice and mayo in my life, but i'll give it a try"

He was checking each and every list if we wrote everyting. I heard him tell my flatmate "HayI love, don't write down iRama, ndizakunibhasela nge 2kg, each one of you, nivile ziintombi" (Don't write down Rama my love, i'll give you 2Kg as a bonus)

You know moss students, the list was full on both sides...

When we were done (we had 7 lists). So the amout was R350. He then said "Hayi, some of you should come with me, i don't want your money or you to think that i'll rob you, let's go"

I was amongst those that went with the guy. The place was about 10 miutes walk. As we got out of the gate, we saw a white man driving a truck, he waved to the driver and said "that's my baas, he's doing some deliveries somewhere"
Just after that, we met another oldish lady, he greeted her with a smile and later said to us "that's my other client, i just delivered for her yesterday"

We got there. He asked us to stand on the opposite side of the gate. At the gate there was a security guard. He spoke to them and at the same time was busy pointing at us. And we thought "Izinto zethu ziyalunga, maybe they are discussing how our stuff will leave the premises"

We still had the money with us. He got in with the list only. After about 15-20 minutes, he returned and said "Hayi ke, your stuff is ready. iiRama zenu zihleli ngaphezulu. You can give me the money now to pay"

We gave him. The time was about 15h15 then. We waited. At about 15h45, they started closing one side of the gate. Awu, we decided to go and ask the security guard. When we got there, the security said "that man is not working here, he said to me you are looking for a your father that works here one mehlo elinye (with only one eye)....

We don't know how we got out coz we were stating at the gate...

So we got back and the question from others was "Kuphi ukutya" (where's the grocery)...We explained...They said the guy was back there 30 minutes ago and sad "Yho, abasindwa, abakwazi nokushukuma yiGrocery, iiRama zifuna ukunyibilika, bafuna iR50 ye meter taxi" (Yho, they can't even move becoz the grocery is too heave, the Rama is starting to melt, they need R50 for meter taxi)..They gave him...and he was gooone

Well ever since that day i said NO TO BACK DOORS..AND I'LL WARN MY GRANDCHILDREN ABOUT THAT...

What stories have you got to share nina ma-bloggers



47 Comments

Cutie Pie
03 Sep 2008 06:30

Can you share yours bloggers

lepogo
03 Sep 2008 06:38

kwakwakwa!!!!!!

And I thought stories about 2 left shoes in a box were hilarious!!

zowee
03 Sep 2008 06:39

all I can say is hahahahahahahahahahahahaha hehehehehehehehe kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa yiyhoooooooooooooooo.

Golden Star
03 Sep 2008 07:04

Cutie priceless sana yho. And 50 bucks is a lot when u're a student. LMAO

For me it was almost. I went to Shoprite and while doing my thing I was approached by 2 ladies (reeking alcohol) who claimed they were working there and could give me stuff really cheap. To cut a long story we then had to go out of the mall to meet 2 other guys who were gonna take the stuff out of the warehouse but I lost my nerve on the way and decided to go back and they were so freaking angry with me...

Pooky
03 Sep 2008 07:12

Kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa

Renegade
03 Sep 2008 07:15

Buahahahahahahahah! 
Hey, tertiary was something. I'll be back later to comment

sjura
03 Sep 2008 07:17

Yhoo Cutie i am LOing at your stories vey funny indeed....

esam ke it was in 2006, i decided to go n check out izicathulo kwa HQ so xa ndipuma, this old man approached me (i think he was in his 40's).so he greeted me and told me that he is selling ama cellphones a brand new coz he delivers them kwa Foschini so athi he's selling a D600 and he'd sell it to me for R600

and without thinking twice i went to the nearest ATM n drew i R600 so he gave me this box and i checked if nyhani its D600 and i saw ukuba the box yeye D600.SO i rushed to the res to see my new cellphone when i opened the box...guess what i found red pieces of bricks, iyhoo i neva cried like that in my life...then i cold ma mum and told her ukuba v been robbed by an old man qha i ddnt mention the part about the cellphone shem my poor mum was just happy ukuba he ddnt harm me coz ndathi he pulled out a knife on me. And that's what i told my friends too, so they dnt knw till this day what really happend..

andi01
03 Sep 2008 07:21

ROTFLMAOL

Centrepiece
03 Sep 2008 07:24

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 tjo!

tha - bang
03 Sep 2008 07:34

cutie your story is hilarious. Sjura no i feel for  u .lol

Hommy
03 Sep 2008 07:40

Shame this one happened to my grandmother. One day she went to the community hall to get her monthly old age pension. On her way back home, she saw a roll of what looked like R50 notes phantsi. Now we all know, “you see money, you pick it up and walk as fast as u can”.
Well, she did. She walked as fast as her old legs could take her.
However, after walking for five minutes, when she thought she was in the clear, she was stopped by those ADT Patrollers. They told her…
“We know who dropped the money and if you don’t give us R200, we will report you to the police.
Now shame umakhulu took R200 bucks from her pension and gave it to these low lives.
She thought, surely whatever was in the roll, must be more than R200 bucks so she was still making a killing
When she got home, behind closed doors, she opened the money bag with all the wealth, guess what, twas nothing but colour copies of R50’s.
Shame my poor granny. She still tells the story with a sore heart

Firstdvd
03 Sep 2008 07:45

"iiRama zifuna ukunyibilika, bafuna iR50 ye meter taxi"...
yiyhoooooooooooooooo...tltltltltltltltltltltltlt! Nice one Cutie!

pariri
03 Sep 2008 07:46

hahahahahaaahh  LOL cutie  ur stories are hilarious the imaginery of their faces when u came back empty handed is killing me hahahahahahahaha

sjura
03 Sep 2008 07:52

Shame man poor grandma...

what happened to ma grandma's friend is similar to yours Hommy..She went to town to do some groceries and she says when she came out of the bank two young matyenyhana came to her and asked her if she wants them to double her money and she agreed.

Mos abo granny put their money on their bras, so bathi she must take a note from her own money and show it to them and she took out a R10 note and the poured some goldish powder over it and told her to rub it on the note and put it with the rest of it and told her to only look at it after 5 min and it will be doubled and they left her.she went inside the grocery store and did her grocery and when she had to pay at the till she found sugar papers only and the money was gone.uthi wasothula pansi iskhalo epho etilini..and a young woman offered her money to go back home..shame poor grandma..

sjura
03 Sep 2008 07:52

Shame man poor grandma...

what happened to ma grandma's friend is similar to yours Hommy..She went to town to do some groceries and she says when she came out of the bank two young matyenyhana came to her and asked her if she wants them to double her money and she agreed.

Mos abo granny put their money on their bras, so bathi she must take a note from her own money and show it to them and she took out a R10 note and the poured some goldish powder over it and told her to rub it on the note and put it with the rest of it and told her to only look at it after 5 min and it will be doubled and they left her.she went inside the grocery store and did her grocery and when she had to pay at the till she found sugar papers only and the money was gone.uthi wasothula pansi iskhalo epho etilini..and a young woman offered her money to go back home..shame poor grandma..

pariri
03 Sep 2008 07:54

They said the guy was back there 30 minutes ago and sad "Yho, abasindwa, abakwazi nokushukuma yiGrocery, iiRama zifuna ukunyibilika, bafuna iR50 ye meter taxi"
yhooooooo this part finished me klaar hahahaahaahahahahah ROTF

pariri
03 Sep 2008 07:54

They said the guy was back there 30 minutes ago and sad "Yho, abasindwa, abakwazi nokushukuma yiGrocery, iiRama zifuna ukunyibilika, bafuna iR50 ye meter taxi"
yhooooooo this part finished me klaar hahahaahaahahahahah ROTF

tha - bang
03 Sep 2008 07:55

hommy next time i c cash on the ground im going to skip over it lol

monchooza
03 Sep 2008 08:07

eish mina i was about 15yrs when my mom sent me and my little sister to the shops nge R50 and when we got to the shops by the entrance there was an old man.....my fathers age, he asked me what i was there for and i told him "bangithumile" and he asked me to please go and make a phone call for him and ask for u sisi by the name of Rose (i still remember the name) and tell her to come and meet him by the shops, and he in return would buy the things i was sent to buy and then i will meet him back by the shops door.

he said i must leave my sister behind so that i can trust that he wont run away with the money....so i left my little sister with him and went to the container(public phones) i called the number he gave me and asked to speak to Sis Rose, the woman who answered told me ukuthi thats a wrong number, so ngayidrobha. and went back to the shop and found my sister standing by the door, I asked him where  the man was and she told me that the man, said she must wait by the door for me and left.

and when i got home my mom would not understand my story so she gave me one hell of a beating, telling me i was stupid to to loose her last money. Damn

tha - bang
03 Sep 2008 08:19

aga shame monchooza parents can really lack sympathy at times

myname
03 Sep 2008 08:20

ROTLMAOL shame guys hihihihihihi

Centrepiece
03 Sep 2008 08:26

Mina i was about 14yrs young, and i liked to play very much so my mom sent me with her last R50 (money for bus fare) to the shops. On my way i was reading this paper, when i got nearer to the shop i threw away the R50 thinking im throwing away the paper. (and it was July month with so much wind, futhi ngangihlala ezilalini) My Mom gave me hiding of a life time.

belz
03 Sep 2008 08:27

LOL!!!!

Afrodiva
03 Sep 2008 08:35

hahahaaaaaaaa @ Cutie

Hommy you killed me!!!!! shem poor Makhulu lmsbao!

what aka mathata
03 Sep 2008 08:35

hau batho

shoo me,it was a shame i never told anyone this problem i did  but i change the story.

it was 2001 5 december after my BDay,i saved something like R1200 under matress,so i took R200 to do shopping at Edgars church sq pretoria,i was at kids clothes this dude came to me n say  i worK  here if you want some of the things i can help you,

Guys i love my nephew so much,every december i make sure i buy some clothes for him,so this dude tells me how much i have,i said  right now i have R200 but at my flat i have R1000,i said if i choose whatever i want(we are in EDGARS)can i give you R12000 atleast ,this is what i have ,

people are cruel,i said no dont worry my flat is not far from here,he said OK let me get my assistant he will go with you,i did happen,

Guess what?people at the street they where staring at me,what am i doing with this guy,PEOPLE SMELL RAT N FISH BUT THEY DIDNT TELL ME,JESUS.

so me n this dude side kick we call this Hustler,me(where are you i have the money,his respond.......girl lets do it fast  time is running,

so we met n he tells his sidekick  must go n fetch the clothes you know where they are.........................................hm

he said dont show anyone that you give me money,that time we are not even at Edgars he said im on lunch,soooooooo he said put your phone n money in to this magazine,i did it.....money n phone,jaaaaaaaaaaaaa,how stupid i am

he said that dude his  wasting time let me go n get him,Baby those clothes are heavy,i waint untill i said ESHU

phone is gone,what am i going to tell my BOYFIE about the phone,American embassy gaveit to him for work reasons n he gave it to me *bleep!*.

i wait n wait,i went to my flat ke swabile,i felt naked ,cleaver like me MATHATA,my flat mate ask me where is the clothes,i said l lost my wallet.

i told the boyfie that i went to Edgars,so i put my hand bag in the floor at fitting room,it seems someone stole money n phone the time i fit the clothes,

But God has mercy 2003 5 december ,same day,skirlek i bump to the hustler waiting for someone,i told him what he done ,but i said money is nothing but this is going to hunt him,i said my dad is from malawi .i left him with ??????he dissapeard.

i never told anyone what really happened,BACK DOORS IM OK

Afrodiva
03 Sep 2008 08:42

and when i got home my mom would not understand my story so she gave me one hell of a beating, telling me i was stupid to to loose her last money. Damn

HAHAHAAAAAAAA askies Momchooza mara I can't help it, I can just picture you trying to explain at the same time bakhunetha nge ndhuku LOL!! 

ya you guys are funny

Toxic
03 Sep 2008 08:47

wakkakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakka..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cutie, this is one of those priceless stories...................flippin funny!!

Toxic
03 Sep 2008 08:49

PEOPLE SMELL RAT N FISH BUT THEY DIDNT TELL ME,JESUS. 

LMAO!!

Renegade
03 Sep 2008 08:51

Oh, how i would love to read what Mathata has written, someone please translate, I think Andi you can

Cutie Pie
03 Sep 2008 08:55

@ Sjura : LOL....We learnt a lesson hey...

@ Hommy : Shame poor grandma..LOL

what aka mathata
03 Sep 2008 08:56

rene,why cant you use credo mutwa glasses

Toxic
03 Sep 2008 08:56

Monchooza:eish mina i was about 15yrs when my mom sent me and my little sister to the shops nge R50 and when we got to the shops by the entrance there was an old man.....

Cntrpiece:Mina i was about 14yrs young, and i liked to play very much so my mom sent me with her last R50 (money for bus fare) to the shops

Cutie:They said the guy was back there 30 minutes ago and sad "Yho, abasindwa, abakwazi nokushukuma yiGrocery, iiRama zifuna ukunyibilika, bafuna iR50 ye meter taxi" 

Hommy:When she got home, behind closed doors, she opened the money bag with all the wealth, guess what, twas nothing but colour copies of R50’s. 

Clearly, there's something about R50 notes & being conned!

Toxic
03 Sep 2008 09:01

rene,why cant you use credo mutwa glasses

LOL!

Shadow
03 Sep 2008 09:10

rene,why cant you use credo mutwa glasses
Heheeeeeeeeeee...Thats!!!

Renegade
03 Sep 2008 09:12

Lol @Mathata...hai, never mind

andi01
03 Sep 2008 09:14

@ Rene- rene,why cant you use credo mutwa glasses, true dat girl, i have a pair and they useful LOL

Nonny
03 Sep 2008 09:16

"I'm no longer working e-next door, i'm working for this place that manufatcures food like cereals etc, i can assist you with groceries. I can only charge you R50 per A4 list. You ca write a list of what you want right now and we can go fetch the groceries today"
nice and funny story Cutie Pie, but I seriously would've smelt a rat here.

Renegade
03 Sep 2008 09:20

Eish, maybe i need me some Credo Mutwa glasses for sure, mara honestly guys, ngiyahluleka!

Centrepiece
03 Sep 2008 09:23

Tox.............. i never noticed! as from now i will make sure that i never send my son to shops with R50 .......... LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

what aka mathata
03 Sep 2008 09:28

forensic writter can help if glass dont work.

Toxic
03 Sep 2008 09:31

i never noticed! as from now i will make sure that i never send my son to shops with R50 .......... LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm staying away from that amount as well Centrepiece.

Rene, i'll explain mathata's story for you ok?

Toxic
03 Sep 2008 09:48

FOR RENE:

hau batho

shoo me,it was a shame i never told anyone this problem i did but i change the story. 

I never told anyone the complete story......i doctored/changed the story.

it was 2001 5 december after my BDay,i saved something like R1200 under matress,so i took R200 to do shopping at Edgars church sq pretoria,i was at kids clothes this dude came to me n say i worK here if you want some of the things i can help you, 

On 5 Dec, 2001 after my B/day, i had saved about R1200 (this amount was under the matterss) so i took R200 to shop @ Edgars church sq, PTA........dude came and told me he could help me since he worked there.

Guys i love my nephew so much,every december i make sure i buy some clothes for him,so this dude tells me how much i have,i said right now i have R200 but at my flat i have R1000,i said if i choose whatever i want(we are in EDGARS)can i give you R12000 atleast ,this is what i have , 

Guys........., so this dude asks me how much i have and i told him that i had R200 with me but that i had R1000 at my flat. i then asked him if i could give him R1200 and buy/choose whatever i want.

people are cruel,i said no dont worry my flat is not far from here,he said OK let me get my assistant he will go with you,i did happen, 

people..................................., assistant will go with you to collect the cash from your flat, this happened.

Guess what?people at the street they where staring at me,what am i doing with this guy,PEOPLE SMELL RAT N FISH BUT THEY DIDNT TELL ME,JESUS. 

Guess............................people were staring at me cause they knew this guy was a con-man but said nix, jesus.

so me n this dude side kick we call this Hustler,me(where are you i have the money,his respond.......girl lets do it fast time is running, 

So me and this 'assistant' who i'll call Hustler had this conversation:
Me: Where are you, i have the money?
Him: Girl, hurry time is running
(LOL)

so we met n he tells his sidekick must go n fetch the clothes you know where they are.........................................hm 

So we meet and he tells his sidekick to go and fetch the clothes cause he knows where they are. The meeting is with guy # 1 neh.

he said dont show anyone that you give me money,that time we are not even at Edgars he said im on lunch,soooooooo he said put your phone n money in to this magazine,i did it.....money n phone,jaaaaaaaaaaaaa,how stupid i am 

He said give me the money, but don't let anyone see that u're giving me the money...even though we weren't even at the store (edgars).....cause he was on lunch. Then he told me to put my money and phone inside a magazine and i did just that........jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, how stupid i was (or am).

he said that dude his wasting time let me go n get him,Baby those clothes are heavy,i waint untill i said ESHU 

Then he said Hustler was wasting time and he would go and get the clothes cause the bags would be heavy. So i waited for him until i said ESHU.

phone is gone,what am i going to tell my BOYFIE about the phone,American embassy gaveit to him for work reasons n he gave it to me *bleep!*.

i wait n wait,i went to my flat ke swabile,i felt naked ,cleaver like me MATHATA,my flat mate ask me where is the clothes,i said l lost my wallet. 

went to my flat disappointed, i felt naked, clever like me MATHATA??!

Shadow
03 Sep 2008 09:56

Lol @ Toxic...U really have ample time 2 do that?

Toxic
03 Sep 2008 09:59

Eish Shadow, i don't want Rene to get Credo Mutwa glasses.....no no no!

what aka mathata
03 Sep 2008 12:02

toxic,you are a good writer,i forget to tell that the dude gave me a goodby kiss.

heavenly
04 Sep 2008 20:30

toxic,you are a good writer,i forget to tell that the dude gave me a goodby kiss.....hahaha bekacharmer kanti futhi!!!! i've heard it all LOL

Floh
07 Sep 2008 17:04

For the love of money................

Mina my room mate lost R2800 plus a phone..........it was monthend, she went to the bank to withdraw money for rent ,credit cards, and accounts on her way to different shops, she saw a big lump sum of money on the ground ( Ellof Street), akayithandi imali uyagula...........so there many people in the streets of Jozi, she picked it and there were ladies who said to her they need to share as they too saw the money...............so they went somewhere in Pritchard street to divide the money, on her suprise three men approached them and said they are police and they know they stole the money...............they picked pocket her, and they took every cent in her and her phone..........

And my friend has been mugged in Commissioner street last week, a BMW stopped at the robbot and the man get out and pretend as if he's checking the tyres, the next minute he grabbed her bag and get in the passenger seat and the car fled off.

So ppl watch out, otsotsi bachithiwe, i Virus kwamampela.


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