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Honestly Speaking

Written by Segololo from the blog Oh Moments on 26 Mar 2009
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I received a number of emails with scenarios that questioned honesty. The first scenario, below, dealt with honesty about sex and the second dealt with honesty about friendship.

Scenario 1
I received the below email from a friend who got it from a friend who got it from a friend… I still wonder who the original author of the email is and if s/he found an answer and how s/he dealt with this.

Subject: what would you do?
Read below and tell me what you would do?

If your wife/husband gets ready to go shopping/for drinks. Whilst s/he is bathing, you decide to check in her/his purse how much s/he has taken for the shopping.

Upon checking the amount, in another compartment of the purse, you find four unused condoms. 

cheat
You decide not to ask her/him about the condoms and let her/him go for her/his super shopping/drinks. On her/his return, s/he goes straight for bathing and you check again in her/his purse while s/he is bathing. You then find that there are two condoms remaining. 

cheat2

What would you do? Would you ask her/him where the two have gone? If s/he says s/he hadn't had any, will you blame yourself for not asking her/him the first time you found them before leaving for the shopping/drinks? If s/he says s/he has given them to her/his friend, would you be satisfied with the answer? Any answer given would you accept and rest the matter? 

What will you do?

Scenario 2
As an avid fan and listener of Jenny Crwys-Williams on 702, on 23/03/2009 she dealt with a friendship scenario that made me question how honest my friends are to me and what they would be willing to risk to be honest with me. Apart from Solele and Toxic, I really doubt my friends would be honestly honest with me. I wonder why.

Anyway, Jenny opened the lines to her audience to discuss a situation which she heard at a wedding. The situation is about (let me make up names because it will be easier to explain/write) 

cheat1

Max, Zoe and Brenda. Max is engaged to Zoe. Zoe and Brenda are best friends. Max is sleeping with Brenda. Now, a third person, Holly, who is Zoe’s other friend knows about the affair. Holly is now stuck with the question of how honest she should be to Zoe, what should she do? 

As people called in and insisted all sorts of solutions for Holly, I was left questioning what I would do and what my friends would do if I was Zoe. I know for sure Solele would tell me and it would not shake our friendship.

I have over time been in scenarios that made me question how honest I need to be, how the recipient of my honesty will react and what will the outcome of honesty be. 

cheat4

Often people choose the less destructive version of it. Not a bright move but like someone said "There's always 3 sides to a story; your version, my version and the truth"



41 Comments

KeleFabulous
26 Mar 2009 12:31

scenario 1: they say if you go looking fo rmsomething, you will find it. don't snoop! period. however seeing as this is a scenario i'll give you my take on what i would do. i would confront my man. it could be that maybe he gave them to a buddy to use or they fell out...possibilities are endless. it could be he used them himself with someone else. thing is you have to take whatever answer he gives you at face value. however, if you know you won't leave him if he answers yes, i cheated, then don't bother asking. you'll be the one with egg on your face at the end of it.

scenario 2 - i would tell the friend she can either end the affair and we let bygones be bygones. if i suspect that it's still continuing then i would have no choice but to tell the one who's being made to look like a fool

Cande
26 Mar 2009 12:35

Yes Kelefabolous, Segololo you shouldnt snoop arond otherwise you will get what you are looking for and @ least the partner is cheating safely so they should count for something

Zah000
26 Mar 2009 12:39


Reply from: KeleFabulous 3/26/2009 6:31:28 PM


scenario 1: they say if you go looking fo rmsomething, you will find it. don't snoop! period. however seeing as this is a scenario i'll give you my take on what i would do. i would confront my man. it could be that maybe he gave them to a buddy to use or they fell out...possibilities are endless. it could be he used them himself with someone else. thing is you have to take whatever answer he gives you at face value. however, if you know you won't leave him if he answers yes, i cheated, then don't bother asking. you'll be the one with egg on your face at the end of it.
 

I fully agree

maud
26 Mar 2009 12:40

i will ask the husby to also buy for me some condoms when he buys for himself.

Cody
26 Mar 2009 12:44

LOL Maud!!!!

KeleFabulous
26 Mar 2009 12:45

haai cande le wena you want to open up a can of worms...at least he's cheating safely? haaibo! cheating is cheating period! most often it is not what people do that matters the most, it is how it affects others that counts. cheating always leads to someone getting hurt so there is no at least about it...

Toodecent
26 Mar 2009 12:57

Just a bit on the condoms issues, I once found it strange that the woman I once dated had serious issues with me having condoms in my wallet. Does it really matter? And what is  the problem with that? 
To answer your first scenario Sego nna as stubbon as I am am not gonna say a thing about it not even once... problem is I dont forget things i have a terabite of memory space in my head Lol i...t can take a long time but i will tell you probably in a jokingly way just to figure out what happened and then only your reaction to the question will determine the sittuation..

KeleFabulous
26 Mar 2009 13:00

a person's reaction has almost nothing to do with whether or not you accept that they're telling the truth. when you aren't ready to accept the truth then ofcourse you'll believe him when he says no, he never cheated. 

what's your take on this, Author?

tizoz
26 Mar 2009 13:02

at least he/she is using condoms

monchooza
26 Mar 2009 13:22

what if a friend and I go to some condoms demostration or launch party and they give us free condoms....i put them in my wallet and then forget to take them out and then wifey finds them a few days later.......why should she think "cheat" instead of just asking kahle about them

Cande
26 Mar 2009 13:22

yes Tizoz, Kele the point is @ least this person is not risking bring STI's to the relationship whether one gets hurt on not. Imagine being cheated on and being brought STI's & being cheated on and Nothing? Which one will hurt you the most?

Lela
26 Mar 2009 13:26

I wouldn't ask I would tell him ba "I saw the condoms before you left and seeing as they are not there clearly ubuyophiwa somewhere bhuti uyavuya wena." This is axacly how I'd say it. As for the friend I would definately tell her ba,"iyaphela ke indoda yakho nguBrenda(Brenda is finishing your man)"....lol

belz
26 Mar 2009 13:28

Zoe and Brenda are best friends. Max is sleeping with Brenda.>>>> OMW!!!! reading on.

maud
26 Mar 2009 13:29

condoms or no condoms cheating is cheating.nami nginga faka awami amocondoms e persini. two can play the game.

sorry guys i have been cheated so much in my life ,i now have my own way of revenge for every move you make.

Lela
26 Mar 2009 13:30

And this thing of I gave them to a friend doesn't work with me, why don't they buy their own condoms,why would you always buy condoms just to give to friends?

belz
26 Mar 2009 13:36

LOL!!!!! Lela, dont snoop, hayi, i learnt the hard way mna. but if you cant hold yourself and snoop then really he is keeping safe, i mean what else can you do.

As for the Zoe part, mina i would tell my frend, you can take it whichever way you wanna take it but i will tell the truth. I would also want you to do the same for me.

Toodecent
26 Mar 2009 13:39

And this thing of I gave them to a friend doesn't work with me, why don't they buy their own condoms,why would you always buy condoms just to give to friends?>>> Not neccessarily but yeah guys do give each other condoms. Its not always but should I have some and a dude needs am gonna give him.. reminds me of this other time.  I had a box of Levi's condoms and a friend of mine knew so he would continuously ask for some. And this other time his girlfriend had my flat keys and when she saw them she helped herself and her friend boom my friend and I are at her place one day and in the closet we both got suprised ...there are my condoms LOl...

Best-Achiever
26 Mar 2009 13:44

tjo .... 

Scenario 1.... i would ask him and God knows i wud already have my answer  ....LOL

Scenario 2 .... i would  tell Zoe, period

sjura
26 Mar 2009 13:46

na i wud neva tell my friend if her man is cheating. 1. I once had a friend wu had u cheating bf and when i told her that her bf is cheating she went straight to her man and askd him and m sure y'all knw wt the guy sed and after that she accused me of being jelas of their relationship and how i wanted her man blah blah blah, so from then on I told myself gore I will NEVA in my life interfere in anyone's relationship. umntu uyawzibonela qha. Neways v got broad shoulders so when u bf has broken intliziyo of a friend i dnt hesitate to offer them.

Cande
26 Mar 2009 14:00

yes Sjura, i know what you are talking about

andi01
26 Mar 2009 14:07

Zoe and Brenda are best friends. Max is sleeping with Brenda.I would give Brenda a proper hiding, not just a slap, I'll use my belt if i have to,  and force her to tell Zoe herself, man come and go, but girlfreinds are forerver.

Lela
26 Mar 2009 14:28

Zoe and Brenda are best friends. Max is sleeping with Brenda.I would give Brenda a proper hiding, not just a slap, I'll use my belt if i have to, and force her to tell Zoe herself, man come and go, but girlfreinds are forerver.kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa,yho Andi you are killing me!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyonce
26 Mar 2009 14:39

Me too Sjura... I stay away from people's love affairs! Friends or not, girls will always think u r jelas of their man...

Renegade
26 Mar 2009 14:55

Me, I keep quite! 2's company, 3's a crowd. Point is, your girl will want to believe her man, so unless you have physical proof, she's gonna kick you to the curb. 

THe other scenario is that you'll tell your girl, she confronts her man, he comes clean, and after some time, they make up. Then what happens? You become that friend who'll always be akward to hang around coz you told! Lol!

So mina, if I know my friend's man is cheating, I'll try ochestrate things such that she catches him red handed, without me having to say anything.

As for the condoms thing...eish, that's hard. Lemme think

Brown Shuga
26 Mar 2009 15:02

Honestly speaking, my answer to that scenario scares & embarasses me so I'd rather not share...

Molilo
26 Mar 2009 15:04

Sego I am in the same dilemma the thing is if Zoe and Max are married will u tell? I need the answer to this bfr I go back to Bloem. I hope and pray Brenda will not be shattered if i decide to tell her what is going on. I tried to keep the secret but it is now getting out of hand.

Toxic
26 Mar 2009 15:08

Scenario 1: i think the responses differ depending on the kind of relationship you're in (married or living together, shag mate, illicit affair or on and off relationships)

Long-term: i'd ask about the condoms in the wallet cause they'd normally be in one of the bedroom drawers in anycase.

All-others: i wouldn't ask.

Scenario 2: i'd confront Brenda and Max and them to stop the deceit or else Zoe finds out.

Best-Achiever
26 Mar 2009 15:18

shame Molilo

Segololo
26 Mar 2009 15:20

Hey!!! Hey! Hey!!!

Secrets! Secrets! Secrets!

My point remains people run away from honesty!! any chance they get, they pretend things are not happening... Dig your head in the sand like an ostrich behaviour.


Scenario 1
I believe that things that I need to know will come to light, I don't search! The person holding the condoms has 2 choices - 

1. take them out the wallet and put them by the nightstand/clothes to be worn after the bath. and sit there wait for the bathing person to come and find them there waiting for her/him. there is no way they can just come back and pretend the condoms are not there. 

2. Ask! and accept whatever answer you are given. you cant change whatever happened! 

Scenario 2
I will check what kind of personality Zoe has, and especially how in love she and Brenda are with Max. then I have 2 choices -

1. Buy a R2 sim card at Checkers. send an sms to all of them with all the things I know. and gooi away the sim. they will have to sort it out. someone will have to face the music. I remain out of it and be the helpful friend when Zoe/Brenda call me to cry and ask for advise. Brenda ene will know that I am not impressed. I will tell her exactly how I feel. 

2. Tell Brenda I know and insist she breaks it off or come clean! She is the one that is selling herself short by being the snake!

Cande
26 Mar 2009 15:28

hehehe Sego you honestly believe someone will believe something they received from an "anonymous" sms from a sim that will stay off after that?

Cody
26 Mar 2009 15:30

huu wii difficult situations indeed but 1 thing im sure of is that i will never ever hang with a friend that sleeps with my man and will never be with a boyfriend that sleeps with my friends.

Segololo
26 Mar 2009 15:33

Cande let's just say. It has been tried, tested and worked.... okay! try it and see, if you find yourself in this scenario...

Cody
26 Mar 2009 15:34

senario 1. I believe that the truth always comes out no matter what, esp with the cheating. So just wait for the right time.

monchooza
26 Mar 2009 15:36

its a rule in our country not to practice what we preach (i think) i have a friend who is being cheated on by her girlfriend...mara since my friend loves her to bits...he wont hear of bad things being said about her girl...so mina i am keeping quiet.....uzozibonela when he does.....and i will just be there as a friend with a bottle of whiskey to comfort him

sjura
26 Mar 2009 15:39

exactly wena Monch....

myname
26 Mar 2009 15:40

Hai guys nam i will shut up by medium mouth, u know how girls r. 

Can u imagine nc nc nc

Cody im with u dear

realist
26 Mar 2009 16:01

Do like men do. If they find out that his woman is cheating it is over and done, period. I am talking about real men here. Women, if you find out that you man is cheating don’t go berserk about it and pussy foot about the issue, leave the damn guy if it is going to make you feel better.

mjj
27 Mar 2009 09:15

I really doubt my friends would be honestly honest with me. I wonder why........Eish in my cycle of friends i have not met anyone honest enough to speak their mind when dealing with me..........Maybe its because of my personality........I really can't tell people what they want to hear...i always speak my mind.....but these days i'm learning to zip it.....i just nod and tell them, thiings will work out.....most people want to hear what will make them feel good not what you think is true.......

Cody
27 Mar 2009 09:23

most people want to hear what will make them feel good not what you think is true.......

Too true, that is why i am learning to listen and shut my trap.

TheLady
27 Mar 2009 09:27

"there is no way they can just come back and pretend the condoms are not there."  LOL...Don't bet on it Sego.

nice
27 Mar 2009 10:22

Scenario 1: If he is my husband, I would ask what happenned. But why will my husband need to carry condoms in his purse. The fact that he has condoms will make me suspicious and if they have decreased in number would drive me "bananas"

Scenario 2: tell Brenda and max to clean up or I will have to tell Zoe. If there is no change, then I will tell Zoe, she can decide what she does afterwards.


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