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Phil must have gotten a package deal on Non-Eliminations this season because he ended yet another leg with his trademark “but I’ve got some good news” – not to be confused with “and I’ve got some good news, which indicates gnomes and free goodies.

This time, it really was good news as Danny and Oswald were saved from an asskicking allegedly administered by Karma. Yay! Hopefully, their next leg will be better because it could hardly be worse than this one was.

The buck stops here

Danny and Oswald’s money troubles continued from the last few legs. When they were left with only $23 about one tenth into the leg, they knew they had to do something drastic. “Can we prostitute ourselves in Macau?” Ozzy wondered. Thailand’s over thataway, boys.

The Chas decided against prostitution and figured out a much better way of making money – selling their Yield. They approached the BQs and offered to Yield anyone they wanted, all for a low, one-time-only offer. The BQs accepted because they know a bargain when they see one. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have more Yield Queens in the house.

The BQs chose Eric and Dani(elle), after a moment’s hesitation where they actually felt a bit bad about screwing them over again. Stop all this second-thinking, girls. You’re dirty pirate hookers, not dirty pirate nuns. This was only for a second and soon they were back to their usual charmingly ruthless selves.

When Eric and Dani(elle) saw they had been Yielded again, they handled it with grace and good humour. Just kidding! They were as spiteful as always and called the Chas backstabbers and cowards. Eric expressed his wish to punch them in the face. Simmer down there, Sparky. They made you wait for a bit; they didn’t feed your grandmother to jackals.

I’m sure you’re dying to hear what Our Lady of Perpetual Victimhood felt about this. Mirna disapproved of the Chas’ actions naturally, but this time offered a reason besides the offense caused to her good person. She felt this was illogical as the trailing team could still catch up and pass you. Yeah, and? They could also lose enough ground to come in last. That’s the whole point. At least she tried to offer a proper reason this time around instead of crying about how every time someone uses the Yield, a tiny sparrow drops dead out of the sky.

Karmic Smackdown

A solid ten minutes of the episode were spent on the topic of Karma. The teams – barring the BQs – blabbed on and on about it at such length, it became clear there was going to be some sort of payoff. I see you peeking out from there, editors.

Danny and Ozzy spent their time worrying that Karma would come back and bite them in their shapely behinds. They were right. Karma sent them a taxi driver who couldn’t find his elbow with a map. As the driver drove around to the wrong place, Ozzy wondered how he could kill him and hide the body. Try in between Eric or Dani(elle)’s ears. No-one will ever find it there.

Ozzy tried to remember his calming breathing exercises but got progressively more pissed off as Danny led them on a meandering trip through the city. Someone’s definitely sleeping on the couch tonight.

Curiously, Karma skipped over the BQs completely. Again. Did they pay off Karma as well as the Chas? Those bitches! Karma does seem to be a little lax in her duties. If she was on top of things, surely Eric/Dani(elle) and Charla/Mirna would have been eliminated for crimes against good taste and sanity by now.

Charla gets a zinger

Whoever picked out the tasks for this season surely has a knack for sniffing out potential sight gags. This episode’s best sight gag came during the noodle-making Detour, when teammembers were forced to ride a bamboo stick like a bucking bronco. You can put your tongues back in your mouths, BQ fans – it’s not polite to drool on the carpet.

Charla and Mirna’s attempt at noodle-making was appropriately wacky. Charla had the noodles sliced too thick, which led to a typical dressing down from Her Holiness. “I’m sorry we can’t all be as perfect as some people,” was Charla’s snitty reply. Ha! Best thing Charla’s said the whole season – even she finds Mirna’s attitude insufferable.

Meanwhile, as the other three teams were noodling away speedily, Danny and Ozzy were still wandering around aimlessly, looking for the location of their Detour. Guys, why did you have to choose the boat Detour? It was obviously a sinking ship. You should have used your noodle and gone for the other option.

The last task the teams had to perform was to drive something I initially mishead as a “mini-mope” but was in fact a “mini-moke”. Good thing too because a mini-mope sounds like what happens when Charla writes emo poetry. Mini-mokes are actually Charla-sized cars that Mirna likes to drive into pavements.

I had a mini mope myself when the Chas’ taxi driver drove them to the wrong side of the park and caused them to come in after Eric and Dani(elle)’s 30-minute time penalty had run out. Karma cackled at them from a corner. Shut up, Karma. You’re really bad at your job, you know that?

Next week: Charla and Mirna get to live out their delusions of sainthood when they are sent on a “heroic relief mission”. Dani(elle) has another breakdown, and this time there aren’t even any fish she can blame it on.

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