Where are the fathers?

Written by Smilo from the blog Parenting on 23 Jul 2009
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Yesterday I was watching Khumbule'khaya and I was touched by the second story, were 2 kids were looking for their father. I have come to realise that almost all episodes ze KK kids are looking for their fathers. Kanti badliwa yini obaba bezingane zethu? What is it that we doing wrong as mothers?

For the first time, I cried yesterday when I was thinking about my baby girl and I ended up doing something stupid and I feel so bad. I sent an sms to my baby daddy saying: " I am watching KK and find it so sad ukubona obaba belahla izingane zabo, and seeing how those kids are suffering and end up in crime. I wonder if you ever think of ur child's living status and how much he wants to know his father. Y ulahla ingane yakho, Y ungafuni ukuba close to her. What did she do to you, ukoneni lomntwana, y ungamfuni" I have not heard from him yet... not that I want to anyway.

I have a 5 year old baby girl, the relationship with her father was changed when I got pregnant and he moved to eastern Cape, I was in MP then, he came back to my life a month after I gave birth. Things were not okay, I was angry at him but the I decided to give him another chance and we were determined to make it work.
When our baby was 5 months old, he disappeared, no phone call, no sms, no money, nothing... When the baby was 16 months he came back.
I refused to welcome him back into my life but I told him that he can come and see the baby if he wants.
Since then he would phone once a month and he was not maintaining the baby. I did not have a problem with that, I managed very well and my family supported me.
Last year he phoned me and wanting to be part of the baby, I then referred him to my parents, since they are the ones that I stay, support and maintain my baby. He phoned and went to see the baby who was then 4 yrs old.
My daughter doesn't know her father and she didn't allow him to kiss, touch or talk to him. I was not there.
He came back and told me that our daughter hates him and he will try anything to build the relationship with him. I supported him in a way that every school holidays when my daughter comes to visit me I phone him to come see her and spend some time with her.
He would promise to come but angafiki not even a phone call to apologise. I then stopped phoning him, Because I didn't want to push him into doing something angayifuni and haven't heard from him since last year. I do not want to lose contact with him incase my daughter decided to see him.
My family and ubaba wakwami loves her so much and umphathiswa kwengane yakhe but I can't stop thinking that one day my daughter will want to see her biological father and I wonder ukuthi uzabe ekuphi by then.
But with KK, I'm sure bazamfune baze bamthole.... LOL

Anyway, I am happy where I am today and I’m proud of everything that I did and still do for my daughter... I’ve been through hell as a single parent but I made it through... God blessed me. AMEN

8 Comments

Smilo
23 Jul 2009 12:37

All is well with my soul...

Mathaz
23 Jul 2009 12:44

My response is spiritually coz fathers play a role in the lives of of their children so devil is attacking fathers making them irresponsible so who can take over the world. A fatherless generation is a lost generation...

Will the Real Men Please Stand Up?

Creflo A. Dollar

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of homes headed by single mothers has risen from 3 million to 10 million since 1970. Although these statistics only represent U.S. figures, these numbers are similar all over the world.

This is the most fatherless generation this world has ever seen. As a result, it's been on my heart to minister specifically to men. Men, where are you? Children need you to stand up and take an active role in your homes, communities, and churches.

God has put men in a very fundamental position. We are the leaders of the household; therefore, it's up to us to establish the course of this nation beginning with our own families. Marriages are breaking up and children are fatherless because too many men act irresponsibly. All too often, men allow their manhood to be defined by the media, instead of the Word of God, and it's destroying our families.

For years, society has distorted the definition of manhood. Having certain male body parts defines you as a male, but it does not make you a man. Being a man requires facing the truth about who you are, and changing those things you know need changing. Many of you are great husbands, fathers, and mentors, and for that, I applaud you. However, this article is directed to the men who aren't living up to their full potential.

My objective in addressing these issues is not to condemn you; instead, I want to encourage you to be a real man, not just for your families, churches, and communities, but also for yourself. If you're falling short, ask God to help you make the necessary adjustments and get back on track. Recommit yourself to God, and allow Him to guide you into success.

Real men fellowship with God and understand that He is the source of their life. Consider this: God blew His very breath into you. You've got His spirit and power inside you, so don't hide under excuses and negativity. This generation needs you—your families, neighborhoods, and churches need you!

It's time to take a look within. Will you judge yourself? Are you willing to sacrifice? If not, your children will suffer. While I've seen many women successfully raise children, it's not God's perfect design. God's design includes the man as the head of the family. Now, is the time for the real man to stand up! Will you be one of them?

GML
23 Jul 2009 12:55

I say try to keep in contact with the father of the baby in case your child wans to see him in the future.

I think the sms got him thinking. His conscious will get the better of him

nekzo
23 Jul 2009 13:04

true dat GML

Smilo
23 Jul 2009 13:08

Thanks Mathaz,
@GML- I am trying to do that, I evenly pray to God to give him the strenght to be a father not only to my daughter but all the other kids that he might have and ignoring them...

Mathaz
23 Jul 2009 13:13

You know R Kelly's song..."any man can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a father". I guess again men who are not fathers to their kids never had fathers in their lives and so do not know how to be a father.

Phikza
24 Jul 2009 08:41

You should be glad that you not raising this kid on your own somehow…coz in that case it would have been really hard for both of you…being a girl and not seeing your real dad everyday (because the father made a disappearing act on her) is not that “hard” than in the case of being a guy…if your hubby loves her as his own and your dad (her grandad) loves her as his own then she’s got a father figure to look up to.

I grew up without my dad…my granddad was always there for me as a father and I never went looking for my real dad(don't think that is something i will do sometime in this lifetime)…infact I knew him, knew very well ukuba uhlala phi …I remember running from him when I was growing up (was already in high school by then) mangimbona estratwewni…so him playing a role of fatherhood kimi never really mattered…if bendingumfana it would have been a bit of a problem…you know, in a sense of ukoluka and all that

Floh
25 Jul 2009 03:43

Smilo we are in this together, but GOD can't give us what we can't manage. Maye owami uyazigugisa i hlangu, and I feel the pinch. I curse reccession.

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