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Can she keep both of them?

Written by Dasha from the blog Sela le Sela on 04 Nov 2009
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This blogger sent me this to put on my blog because she needs help. I tried to give her directions but she has been failing and now I’m putting it on my blog.

This is her story…

My “non-existent” love life is one complicated mess.

I “have” a boyfriend who loves me and I love him so dearly. We are from the same place. We went to the same schools primary and secondary. I “knew” him all my life but we never spoke to each other. We never greeted each other.

In 2007 December, we had a party at our house and he gate crashed and that’s when it all started. We dated for about a year and we were madly in love until I discovered the darker side of him when I found out about a relationship with a kid involved that he did not tell me about until I was surprised one day when paying him a visit. We tried to work things out nonetheless but it would seem the relationship was shaken really hard.

Whilst this was happening my family had their own reservations about our relationship due to some rumours that were always there about his family. You know, that they are using muti and stuff. I also heard that before but I never believed it and it was worse when I fell in love with him.

I thought I had found my soul mate and the one I will die in his arms. The thing about him is that he is mostly broke that sometimes I have to give him petrol money to come visit me (He stays less than 10km from my place). He has not upgraded me financially but I feel fulfilled emotionally and intellectually when I’m with him. He has a problem of lying for no reason. This other time he made me believe that I was talking to his sister (his mother’s child) for about 4 months until I found out that she is actually his cousin (aunt’s daughter). This I discovered after I had confided in her with whatever we were going through. To this day I don’t understand why he lied to me about this.

The relationship was very shaken to a point where we broke up but we got back together after some few months because we love each other and missed each other deeply.

Now every time he says something I question and scrutinize it and sometimes I just don’t want to be with him because I feel like his taking a lot from me.

There is this other Xboyfriend turned friend who is making things worse. I actually left him for the current boyfriend but we remained friends nonetheless. We would go out and when I needed someone to talk to when I had problems with my boyfriend he was always there.

The reason we broke up was that he was afraid of commitment and there was a girlfriend who was still featuring even though they were 600km apart from each other. He did not want to leave her fearing that he might hurt her and I was warned that there might be times that she might rock up and I had to understand. This I did not accept and thank goodness she never dreamed of coming and they finally broke up after he heard that she is dating one of his friends. This was too late as I had already left him and I was with this guy.

Between the time I broke up with my current boyfriend this guy was my booty call. Eee o a ntira! Ontira gore ke … ohhh…

Now this guy says that he still in love with me but he doesn’t want a relationship with me because he needs to sort out his life first. I also still love him and still love my boyfriend more. They both want to marry me one day. I love my current boyfriend more and this other guy loves me and cares a lot about me and he doesn’t have a lot of controversy.

I have to choose between the two because it is very unfair for me to carry on like this.

Must I wait for Mr Nkamodira to sort out his life or must I carry on with my current boyfriend who comes with a lot of baggage?

Maybe I should do heads or tail thingy and get it over and done with. I wish it was that simple! Maybe I should marry them both!! Now I understand how polygamy started!!!

Yes I know that other bloggers don't like personal stuff like this one. If you don't please khululeka and do as you please.



35 Comments

Dasha
04 Nov 2009 11:50

I hope she will be able to answer your questions if there are any..

zozoe
04 Nov 2009 12:01

They both want to marry me one day how sure are you?

blueroze
04 Nov 2009 12:03

LET IT GO....in this case LET THEM GO
start a new life with none of them (if you can do that)

GML
04 Nov 2009 12:12

He has a problem of lying for no reason

There is your answer right there. how can you believe him when he says he wants to marry you when you yourself said he lies for no reason. Like you also said

this guy was my booty call. Eee o a ntira! Ontira gore ke … ohhh…

like you said. The other guy is a booty call. you know nothing will come from that relationship, baggage or not.

You have your answer in your story

Sslave
04 Nov 2009 12:15

Eish i thought i was gonna be here before GML lol.. Anyway Blogaristo, you have to start afresh Ntwana. I know I know, it's not easy but its better to start from the scratch and do things differently with different people and maybe different gender (just kidding) lol

Holiday
04 Nov 2009 12:15

Why don't you try this maneuver: Take 50-60 paces backwards, take several deep breaths, Sprint forward at full speed, Do a triple summersault through the air, and disappear up your own a$$......problem solved.

nonzuzo
04 Nov 2009 12:22

LOL....Holiday....

GML
04 Nov 2009 12:25

Sslave- what are you trying to say about me????

I'm reply once to an article then I silent blog. ngizokubamba ngikubambe....

Storrm
04 Nov 2009 12:29

ag just live your life without them in it.....finish en klaar

cuz-cuz
04 Nov 2009 12:34

drop both of them and find yoself a new boyfriend wethu. The one that lies for no reason is a no no making he used muthi on u that why u think u luv him. 

the bootycall one hell no not this day n age with diseases. take a break from all of them and mr right who wants to commit to u, and who is not from family ehambahambayo  n wont lie to u is out there and he willl find u soon.

baby e
04 Nov 2009 12:51

we all know that we love them bad boys 

bad boys 
bad boys 

Da Diva
04 Nov 2009 12:52

No no no no..... She cant keep both of them dat iz totally wrong its either she dump both of them or choose 1 finush and klaar. No no no no..... She cant keep both of them dat iz totally wrong its either she dump both of them or choose 1 finush and klaar. MEN HAVE LOTS OF EMPTY PROMISESNo no no no..... She cant keep both of them dat iz totally wrong its either she dump both of them or choose 1 finush and klaar. MEN HAVE LOTS OF EMPTY PROMISES

sponono
04 Nov 2009 12:52

STORM SAID>ag just live your life without them in it.....finish en klaar

CASE CLOSED...but then like a typical SA woman its not gonna be case closed..you still want to drag this drama for as long as you can...instead of accepting that both guys are not worth your time ..love is not everything and so is sex..

if you love yourself more you'll respect yourself enough to realise that you dont need to be with someone who lies for no reason, and depends on you most of the time fianncially..you will also realise that time waits for no one...the story about "not wanting to break up with her coz i donn wanna hurt her am still trying to sort out my life" is a whole lot of mambo-jumbo..*bleep!*....the sooner you realise that the guy most likely enjoys sex with you and is telling you indirectly that he's not gonna commit for some time  for as long as he doent want to hurt the other chick  you will be waiting..

and what does "they will marry me ONE DAY"..mean  ..could be in twenty years time...

MARYJ BLIGE SAYS ***BE HAPPY COZ

How can I love somebody else
If I can't love myself enough to know
When it's time,
Time to let go
Sing

[Chorus]
All I really want
is to be happy
And to find a love that's mine
It would be so sweet
[Repeat]

Holiday
04 Nov 2009 12:56

fianncially.. ke machila a eng a?????????

Green.arrow
04 Nov 2009 13:05

To this day I don’t understand why he lied to me about this. ...this made me chuckle a little...

let them both go...take time out on your own to regroup.....and then take whatever comes after that with a sober approach......

BigMama
04 Nov 2009 13:09

@Blogger...You know who you want, we can talk and talk, but deep down you know who you will end up with, the one that makes your heart beat faster. The choice is yours, you are holding the keys to your kingdom, so use them. Nothing that we say will change the way you feel about your man, wether he is broke or not, drama king or not but you still love him.

mstick
04 Nov 2009 13:12

LET IT GO

Matha
04 Nov 2009 13:12

Eish men,men,men di lo tse ke di mpja they wont change,goes to show, they are cut from the same greasy, slimey cloth!!!! leave them both. I rather spent most of my time with community telling them about the joy of mustarbating rather than to stress. i hate them, i hate them, i hate them, i hate them, i hate them.

Tholi
04 Nov 2009 13:29

((i hate them, i hate them, i hate them, i hate them, i hate them.))

tjo Matha, u sound so angry, just because one or two men broke your heart doesn't mean all men r like that. there r plenty of good men out there, its just that u haven't met your ideal one. so please gal do not hate them all, give them a chance cos u never know u might come across your mr right one day.

Best-Achiever
04 Nov 2009 13:30

take Sponono's advice... it is very rich and true ... that's if you are real looking for advice and dont have any already in your mind!

Da Diva
04 Nov 2009 13:40

Sori guyz i dont know what happened in my last comment. Bt Big mama ure right. The choice iz yoz my love its all up 2 u and i dont believe dat muti story.

Tholi
04 Nov 2009 13:44

@Blogger, i really don't like it when someone pop up an article and NEVER peachup for comments. it really bothers me...it look like we waisting our time with advises. u must be here replying to some questions and clearing some of the things that we don't understand.  

So now come back I wanna give u a very Good and Delicious Advice that u'll never 4get for the rest of your life!!

Holiday
04 Nov 2009 14:09

@Cheesa, ur reply is full of Blogger i just end up getting lost.

madleza
04 Nov 2009 14:15

@ blooger thi is a wish of dying woman pls honour it
Well it might be hard to get over
The man you love, but you
Won’t know until you try.
As women, we tend to continue
Relationships that destroy who
We are – physically, socially and
Mentally.

We give up our
Individuality, happiness, families
Friends, pride, wealth and success
- in order to satisfy man in our lives.
Lets face it girls, we are strong and
Can achieve so much without anyone’s
Help, so why let someone destroy
What you worked hard for?
Let’s appreciate, love and believe
In ourselves.

Elizabeth Nkau said: “I cooked
And cleaned for him, stopped
Talking to all my male friends,
Come home early to him, bore
A baby for him and what did I get?
A promise to get married, which
Never happened, two other babies
From another woman, a string of
Girlfriends calling his house and

a Death sentence of HIV/Aids.
Was it all worth it? No, I knew
All along he was cheating, but I
Stayed because I loved him.

I never realized he didn’t love me
Back. A man who cheats does not
Love you, he just likes you. 
a man who lies doesn't love u he
use u
“I am waiting for my last breath
As I lie in my bed, helpless, knowing
I will leave my child without a mother. 

NB  some men are smooth talkers who in other time doesn't deserve to be truted

madleza
04 Nov 2009 14:23

this is wish of dying women pls honour it 
@  blooger hurry up pls these two monk will destroy you
CAN A MAN DESTROY YOUR LIFE?

Well it might be hard to get over
The man you love, but you
Won’t know until you try.
As women, we tend to continue
Relationships that destroy who
We are – physically, socially and
Mentally.

We give up our
Individuality, happiness, families
Friends, pride, wealth and success
- in order to satisfy man in our lives.
Lets face it girls, we are strong and
Can achieve so much without anyone’s
Help, so why let someone destroy
What you worked hard for?
Let’s appreciate, love and believe
In ourselves.

Elizabeth Nkau said: “I cooked
And cleaned for him, stopped
Talking to all my male friends,
Come home early to him, bore
A baby for him and what did I get?
A promise to get married, which
Never happened, two other babies
From another woman, a string of
Girlfriends calling his house and

a Death sentence of HIV/Aids.
Was it all worth it? No, I knew
All along he was cheating, but I
Stayed because I loved him.

I never realized he didn’t love me
Back. A man who cheats does not
Love you, he just likes you. 
a man who lie doesn't love u he use
“I am waiting for my last breath
As I lie in my bed, helpless, knowing
I will leave my child without a mother.
“Ladies, please don’t end up like me.”

NBsome men are smooth talkers who doesn't deserve to be trusted








Tholi
04 Nov 2009 14:25

@Cheesa, ok! i see now. now I know the blogger who was sent to put the article here.

Best-Achiever
04 Nov 2009 14:30

eish wangibamba Cheesa..LOL

baby e
04 Nov 2009 14:30

@ Sponono 
well put my brother.

Tash 1
04 Nov 2009 14:32

If she wants to kip them both, she can go 2 Tibet where women r allowed 2 hev mo than 1 hubby. The choice is hers!!

goldii
04 Nov 2009 14:48

Hopefully once you have made a choice on who you want to keep, don't fall pregnant thinking you will be able to keep the one you have chosen.

They both not worth it IMO.

However some women have a tendency of thinking that falling preggies by someone who is using them will somehow solve all their problems and change that person

Segololo
04 Nov 2009 14:49

My advice: stop making yourself an option in other people's life. You are a priority and should be treated as such... leave bothe of them. your man will come along. don't lose the lesson.

Segololo
04 Nov 2009 14:55



Start believing you are worth more than the crap being dished to you by two grown men! Like Iyanla Vanzant asked "What is the point of a relationship where you are unhappy most of the time and happy only in short bouts?"

play and listen this song over and over!

Gold - Beverly Knight

Some people never recognise it
though its right before their eyes
and shines in all its glory
they never ever see
they choose something that looks just like it
and it may glitter all the time
but gold it will never be

I guess you never held on to quality
or you would of recognised by now
something so special so true
when its standing right infront of you


Chorus:
I'm gold babe
catch me in the slipstream
passing by the fools who just dont know
pure gold babe
you're looking at the real thing
if you knew my worth you wouldnt let go
oh no

Gold lies in rivers undiscovered
hidden from the site of those
who dont know what to look for
(they aint never gonna find it)
sometimes the value is uncovered
other times it's cast aside
by those who are just unsure

I guess you never held on to quality
or you would of recognised by now
something so special so true
when she's standing right infront of you

Chorus:
I'm gold babe
catch me in the slipstream
passing by the fools who just dont know
pure gold babe
you're looking at the real thing
if you knew my worth you wouldnt let go
oh no

All the things you failed to see
separated you from me
i decide who wins my time
and who comes inside yeah
cuz what is true and what is real
finds a way of being revealed
i dont have to even try
cuz i am cerified.... pure...

Chorus:
Gold baby
catch me in the slipstream
passing by the fools who just dont know
pure gold babe
you're looking at the real thing
if you knew my worth you wouldnt let go
im gold baby
catch me in the slipstream
passing by the fools who just dont know
pure gold babe
you're looking at the real thing
if you knew my worth you wouldnt let go
oh no

myname
04 Nov 2009 14:57

You lucky cat!!!!!! Two fishes???? just kidding man, i hope u gonna make a wise decision doll....gud luck.

Dasha
04 Nov 2009 15:38

Hey hey, I'm sory for abandoning "my" blog!! I had a 14:00 presentation that didn't go that well. But I didn't see any questions to our fellow blogger. I don't know why she doesn't respond/comment. She asked me to put it up because she was struggling with doing that since Monday bathong!

I know that she appreciates your advices and hope she will reply soon.

Dasha
04 Nov 2009 15:40

lol myname!! I wish i had drama too. I'm just an empty vessel that sinks itself into work, mxim


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