how do people cope after a family member has been raped?

Written by mazee from the blog Rape on 28 May 2010
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Hi All,

I am new on this site and i find very interesting. I have a challenge and i am not sure how to handle this and i am hoping you wil be able to give some views.

On sartuday my cousing was mugged and raped on her way to work in PE arroung 6:30 am. This is very difficult for our family as we dont know what to say to her, but i would like to say that the police handled the matter very well.

How do we tell her everything is gonna be ok when she feels dirty? I cant even write this blog without feeling like crying, i pray that god gives her the strenght...............

13 Comments

Best-Achiever
28 May 2010 13:41

@Mazee, im so sorry to read about this, it is very heart breaking and a difficult subject to deal with. But whati can tell you is you need to re assure her that it wasnt her fault and she didmnt deserve it.

Your family and her can go through counselling, i believe they will be able in helping you on how to go live with what has happened...

And Pray...

Im so sorry

maud
28 May 2010 14:14

@Mazee, just beeing there for her holding her crying with her, she feels your presence because there will never be the right words to tell her, you cant say its going to be okay, when you know its not okay at all.

keep on prayig God is the only one who will pull you through that, in times of this you cant even say God is there because in her mind she has a question where was God then.

i am so sorry i am not normal a weak person but sometimes when things like these happen i feel so weak and lost.

mazee
28 May 2010 14:19

thank u, i know..... i wonder what has this worl come to, such things break my heart.

blaqueboi
28 May 2010 14:24

I feel you Maud. I never really know what to say or do in such situations. Most of my friends probably think I am cold because I never react as expected when faced with situations that I have no control over and sometimes just saying "sorry" seems not enough so I just get tongue tied.

It really is a sad situation you are in Mazee and hopefully your cousin will have the strength to recover from this stronger.

Much Love and welcome to tvsa FAMILY

tshetlha
28 May 2010 14:43

The best thing to do is to always be there when she needs you, love, listen and care, most importan things we all need in this life. You and your family should be strong, very strong for her as she might rely on you for emotional support. Sorry gal. Big ups to the cops, I wish they could just Castrate the bloody bastards, chop their balls off. sies!!!! They are dogs

baby e
28 May 2010 14:49

i also find it very hard in such situations. i normally say, people should do what they expect to be done for them. i would prefer to be left alone to accept the situation and i normally stay away but show that i am there though - bloggers hope you get me.
pray hard, yes do cry it helps.

TheLady
28 May 2010 14:55

Oh goodness...ja ne-as a mother (of a baby girl nogal) stuff like this gives me nightmares! Sorry man.

Lus
28 May 2010 15:05

Madee, i really dont know what to say except i feel so sorry for you, her and your family.

If she doesnt want to talk just leave her for now, it's important that she gets counselling and you guys get counselling also.

Let me give you these numbers of a friend who deals with these situations maybe she will advise you better she is a professional tell her you were referred by Lusanda in Gauteng....Neliswa Bidla---0833734073/0396881165.
she will give you the much needed advise if you dont mind sharing with her.

All the best to you and your family.

mazee
28 May 2010 15:09

thank you all for your kind words, @Lusi will definately contact Neliswa, we really need to assist her.

myname
28 May 2010 15:15

Hardy mazee hardy mfethu. I hope ur cousin find strength & i also pray they find those bloody rapists & lock them up.

I wish death penalty can come back.

ntoko
28 May 2010 15:19

Mazee wat a sensitive story i can just imagine what u are going through ur cousin as well as the entire family its reali sad but nothing is greater than prayer through all the trials and tribulations we come across in our lives.God will make a way for her

Lela
28 May 2010 23:17

*angry*

ghello
29 May 2010 01:33

eish harde mazee was there jst a few weeks ago but it was my girlfriend, didnt knw wat to say to her, it was very difficult at first bt talking abt it has made us to forget there n there

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