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Fascinating Womanhood

Written by Cutie Pie from the blog Fascinating Womanhood on 13 Jan 2011
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Good Morning Bloggers.

I recently got married and a very good friend of mine gave me a book called "Fascinating Womanhood". This book is aimed at women to unlock all the tenderness and love in their husbands. It teaches you how you can

1. Make your failing marriage/relationship work
2. Make you marriage/relationship better
3. Develop you full potential as a woman etc....the list is long

I'm not a firm beleiver in these self help books, but I thought I could give it a try. Oh boy, I was hooked. This book answered a lot of questions I had about certain things hubby did and reasons thereof....it made me look and realise my mistakes as a woman....I had a clearer understanding of men (my hubby)...As a result I bought copies for my friends and they can't put the book down

Don't ask me why should women be the ones changing and learnign etc..I guess sometimes we need to be the change we need to see in others

It has a lot of testimonials from people whose marriages have been hopeless but saved by this book and classes (apparently there were some classes teaching women about the secrets in the book).

Here are the secrets from this book, most would disagree with some..and I have a few questions on some...

SECRET NUMBER ONE
Accept him as he is.
Look to his good side.
Don’t try to change him.
Forgive him for past hurts.
Allow him his freedom.
Compile a list of his masculine virtues and tell him.
Humbly apologise to him for your past mistakes.

SECRET NUMBER TWO
Admire his masculine qualities. Never wound his sensitive pride.
A man’s greatest need is to be admired for his masculine qualities.
His deepest misery is to be belittled by a woman.

SECRET NUMBER THREE
Make him Number One in your life.
Comfort him tenderly when he is tired or discouraged.
Appreciate the heavy responsibility a man carries.
Use the great power of sympathy.
Comfort him lovingly when he comes home weary.
Do not raise problems until after he has eaten.

SECRET NUMBER FOUR
Your husband’s God-given role is to lead you and provide for you.
Allow him to do it. Your role is to be his companion, a mother
and a homemaker. Let him know your views, but support
his final decision 100%. Let him worry about the finances.

SECRET NUMBER FIVE
Men deeply admire inner serenity and goodness in their wives.
Your husband wants you to be a better person than himself.
Goodness and inner serenity are required in a woman for a man to love her deeply.
Inner serenity develops in a woman when she becomes free of pride and self-righteousness, always does and says the right thing, is free of
guilt, and has a forgiving heart.

SECRET NUMBER SIX
Your God-given role is that of mother and homemaker. Enjoy it.
Motherhood is the most noble
and important work on earth. Enjoy the wonderful satisfaction of raising happy,
secure children. Men respect motherhood.
Allow time to enjoy your homemaking. Homemaking is a woman’s
life-long career. Do it well.

SECRET NUMBER SEVEN
Make the most of your hair, your figure and your health.
Your appearance is important to a man. Most men find longer, femininely styled
hair highly appealing. Maintain your ideal weight by regular
exercise and sound nutrition. A lovely smile is a priceless asset to a woman.
Have your teeth looking their nicest.

SECRET NUMBER EIGHT
Femininity delights a man, and depending on him arouses his love.
To be feminine and attractive to men, do and wear the opposite to what they do. Appear to be helpless in masculine matters. Child-like charm in a woman of any age is delightful to a man. Speak cheerfully, with a melodious
lilt in your voice

SECRET NUMBER NINE
To obtain your wants from your husband, just ask with a smile, as
a young girl asks her father. Just ask submissively, with
a smile and a please. Your husband will love you more if you
allow him to spoil you a little. Show feminine appreciation in
an exuberant, childlike way.

SECRET NUMBER TEN
Handle anger in a feminine and childlike manner
Men respect a spirited woman. Release your anger as soon a it arises,
in a childlike manner. Show anger against your husband only
when you have been clearly mistreated. Express it in a feminine, childlike way that allows him to feel manly and protective

104 Comments

Cutie Pie
13 Jan 2011 09:13

My question to you guys (I could not write them on the blog) is as follows :

On secret number Four : It states that your role is that of a provider and a woman of a homemaker...I have met a lot of men out there including my hubby that want their women to work. Is this the new genre of men is it due to economic reasons? Would you honestly prefer your woman to be at home?

Secret Number Eight : The book states that a woman should wear feminine clothing and avoid pants etc....Don't you love your women in skinny jeans na? My hubby loves me in my jeans and shirts

Basically, what is it that still applies from the above to today's (modern) man?

MsKim
13 Jan 2011 09:41

hi Cutie Pie. thanks for the book; marriage isn't easy dear, its jus one journey u can never say you've got it all figured out.. Jus Googled the book n copied it, i've read part of it, it makes interesting reading will pass it on to my married friends.

nice
13 Jan 2011 09:44

Fascinating, but written from a man's perspective. As I was reading , I could help wonder what about me as a person in all of this.

If I am doing all of this for him, when will there be a me, so there can be an "us" and a "we"

Let me read it again and maybe, I may find something valuable

Sbam
13 Jan 2011 09:48

I got married toward the end of last yr and somebody borrowed me this book to read... and i couldn't finish it.... thanx for the summary, I'm going to look for it again and start reading it.. cz i think it can do us(me & my man) some gud...

bezu
13 Jan 2011 09:55

@nice my dear once u get married there is no me, u lose the "me" for "us",I got married in 2006 and this was the advise we got form the pastor " when u take time to please and appreciate ur men and him doing the same for u that way u find happiness and satisfaction in each other, coz he is giving you 100% attention and u r giving the same back to him so that way both of u are happy" I know it is easier said then done but that is how it shuld be. coz there is then the 80/20 rule!!

MsKim
13 Jan 2011 10:01

@ bezu wats the 80/20 rule??

nice
13 Jan 2011 10:20

I hear you bezu , I still have to get to that point. Its just for disappointing when you give a 100% to a person, then they fail to do the same. At the end much more hurtful when things end you are left with yourself and you have to try and find out when last did you concentrate on me.

There is no easy way I guess, but right now I am still at the dating stages and marriage is something that is somehow in a distant light.

I can picture it, but it is still there .... like the sun

maddie
13 Jan 2011 10:28

r there books to teach men how to treat women?

there r so many books about how women should treat men, "Act like a woman and think like a man" this list is endless

do men really read books on how to treat their women as we do

MsKim
13 Jan 2011 10:43

yeah i gues u are write Maddie. life is jus unfair. but what do you do if you want a happy marriage, we jus hav to try n keep trying to find a formula that will make our marriages last happily. there are books for men also but not as many/common as for the ones for women.

MAGNET2DISASTER
13 Jan 2011 10:54

good read

maddie
13 Jan 2011 10:55

some books r just running short of saying in order for your relationship/marriage to work women must compromise all the time that's what happened with our mothers and grandmothers anyway and that't the advise u'll get from them in most cases

titidi
13 Jan 2011 10:58

Nice article Cutie Pie, marriage is a difficult journey is not simple.

I will read the book seem interesting but is seems as if is more giving, and giving to man. What he brings to the marriage in order to make it suceessful.

My secrets no.1

According to my belief a husband must LOVE his wife as much as he loves himself.

Secret no.2

Consider your wife as a gift from God and appreciate her.

If you neglet or ignore your wife she becomes desperately and unhappy, give all your time and love to her. Compliment her

Secret no.3

Speak respectfully: no stabing words

Cultivate kindness and compassion

Know when to keep quiet:

Husband must stay committed to his wife: why cheating for really you have vowed before God and to each other to remain together despite problems that might rise.

Cutie Pie
13 Jan 2011 11:09

@ Nice - Fascinating, but written from a man's perspective : There's an electronic version of this book, its called Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood. It can be downloaded. Its actually written by a woman and advising other women.

You know, I tried to practise some fo the things there and there were wonders. There are some that I'm still struggling with though. Mina I read some parts with hubby coz it explains that " EVERY WOMAN SHOULD EXPECT TWO THINGS IN MARRIAGE, FIDELITY AND FINANCIAL SUPPORT" You cannot compromise your
self-respect by living with a husband who CONTINUES to be unfaithful to you. It will lead to emotional and physical ill health.”

I think one of the mistakes we all make is that we expect too much and fail to appreciate the good they do. we always look at the negatives.

Cutie Pie
13 Jan 2011 11:14

@ TITIDI - I hear you and I did ask myself that question. But I think its aimed at us making better women and the hubby can learn from us...I just took something from this book about common mistakes we make in marriages that lead to divorces or breaksups, it reads as follows:

COMMON MISTAKES WIVES MAKE THAT INJURE
THEIR HUSBANDS’ SENSITIVE PRIDE
o Criticising his weaknesses.
o Speaking angrily when he fails in a
masculine area of responsibility.
o Pouring cold water on his ideas.
o Giving him advice when he has not asked for it.
o Discussing his career or occupation as if you know
as much about it as he does.
o Reminding him how you struggle on his income.
o Telling others how much your parents have done for
you since you got married.
o Admiring a masculine quality in another man.
o Suggesting he call a repair man when he is trying
to repair something.
o Not paying attention when he is telling you about
something of which he is proud.
o Not praising him when he does something
outstandingly well.
o Telling him he is losing his figure or his hair.
o Holding yourself up as an example for him to follow.
o Reminding him of your superior education.
o Excelling him in a male-dominated sport such as
athletics, golf, swimming.
o Going out to work when he would prefer that you
stayed at home.
o Telling others that you have to go out to work to
make ends meet

poshspice
13 Jan 2011 11:14

@maddie my sentiments too....spot on

@nice Its just for disappointing when you give a 100% to a person, then they fail to do the same. At the end much more hurtful when things end you are left with yourself and you have to try and find out when last did you concentrate on me.

TRUE

@ Bezu I got married in 2006 and this was the advise we got form the pastor " when u take time to please and appreciate ur men and him doing the same for u that way u find happiness and satisfaction in each other, coz he is giving you 100% attention and u r giving the same back to him so that way both of u are happy"

This is an ideal situation, where both partners are at the same wave length...both working towards the same goal..

Mathaz
13 Jan 2011 11:31

As a married person myself, there are so many things that i disagree with on the book, i have not read it but from what i gather, women are the ones to makes sure that the men are satisfied. "Telling him he is losing his figure or his hair." Just as much as he expects me to look nice all the time and take care of myself, i also expect the same from him, if my husband is not taking care of himself or gaining weight, i tell him in n uncertain terms that he should do something.

Most married women are just too soft on their husbands, scared to tell them the truth if they have done something wrong just in case he might run to the girlfriend but as a woman you are there to help him with his development (This is what Creflo Dollar was talking this past weekend). How are you then going to assist with his development if you are not being honest about your feelings and how he is running your family down?

Finances, it's a sin to marry someone who earns less than you as a woman. Men should provide financially.

poshspice
13 Jan 2011 11:36

"COMMON MISTAKES WIVES MAKE THAT INJURE THEIR HUSBANDS’ SENSITIVE PRIDE" *sigh* ayatetemiswa lamadoda...yeeerr

but I hear you Cutiepie, common mistakes you have listed make sense, there are good men out there who are really trying very hard to make things work but ill-mannered women put them off....

I still think our parents are a perfect example of how women have always gone out of their way to please men with little success.

Personally, the only real solution to saving marriages is to follow what these books are saying, women continue to be submissive and tolerate all men's isht, always smile and forgive when he's done you wrong...

Don't ask him too many questions, bring him his food even if he comes back home at 2 o'clock in the morning, be beautiful for him, be a perfect cook & mother etc just be happy that you have a man and pray that he at least recognises your efforts and does not live you for his mistress...he keeps her but never leaves you ....that's how most of our parents generation relationships worked, just turn a blind eye and go to church

I don't see any other way marriage can work nowadays....

Favoured
13 Jan 2011 11:38

ima print it and read it on a cup of tea

poshspice
13 Jan 2011 11:46

I don't see any other way marriage can work nowadays....

Meaning, even today men and society still expect women to be like that, if you try to challenge some of these things, a marriage breaks down. hence, the high rate of divorce....

@Mathaz Finances, it's a sin to marry someone who earns less than you as a woman. Men should provide financially.

Eish how do you break up with the person ?

MsKim
13 Jan 2011 11:47

sometimes u don't necessarily hav to read a book, u can ask anyone who's be married for mo than 10yrs then you'll have your answer. these days pple jus want to compete, who's giving who attention mo n i don't think thats the point.... these days women end up using muthi jus coz they don't want to compromise o change. its sad but true...Ladies lets seek advice from pple who've got experience n stop critisizing them.

bezu
13 Jan 2011 11:49

someone once said that in every relationship there is one person who loves more!
@posh Telling him he is losing his figure or his hair." Just as much as he expects me to look nice all the time and take care of myself, i also expect the same from him, if my husband is not taking care of himself or gaining weight, i tell him in n uncertain terms that he should do something. I culdnt gree with u more just as much as they want us to stay in shape the same shuld be said for them, coz if my hubby fencies other girls/ladies who r slender and beautiful just bcoz I'm now round and shapeless the same can happen kimina. and I feel it is better if I tell him or vise versa that is not discriminating but you are avoiding something which might lead to an unhappy marriage!!!

sesikavincent
13 Jan 2011 11:50

I tried to read this book but couldnt finish it........ the is too much on how to serve your men but what about me besides how do you get the strength to apply what s recommended on the book when your man is only giving 30% to the marriage.

everything here is about man *COMMON MISTAKES WIVES MAKE THAT INJURE
THEIR HUSBANDS’ SENSITIVE PRIDE*

Im putting my self first now as long as he does his dutied e.g financial support, help with kids. I know its not the right attitude but at the end of the day you have to live with your unhappy and fustrated self and its definately not life worth living

Mathaz
13 Jan 2011 11:59

@poshspice.....Finance is a big problem in marriage and if you won't come right whilst you are still dating then trouble will be knocking when you are married. If you need money for whatever, he should be the fist person you think of and he should be in a position of assisting. I always say to my sisters that they must teach their boyfriends to provide for them before they marry. This other time we had to test my boyfriend's sister and we all went out to some restaurant and mind you, we are a big family and he had to pay, that was to see if he would have a problem with us loaning money should we need it, once they are married. It has become a habit of us going out as a family and him footing the bill. In that way, we are also able to check how he interacts with her and us, you know we get to know him better as a family. This thing of Annie Dewani's where the father only met Shrien twice in their wedding should stop. If you are dating someone and are planning to marry, the sooner the person interacts with tyour family the better.

bezu
13 Jan 2011 12:03

@sesikavincent iesh 30% is not good at all, but have u tried talking to him about the other 70%!!!

MsKim
13 Jan 2011 12:07

ladies lets not mislead eachother, Tit for Tat in marriage has never n will never work. thats if you want a happy marriage.

bezu
13 Jan 2011 12:13

I'm having a blonde moment "Tit for Tat in marriage has never n will never work" wat bedoel jy MsKim?

sesikavincent
13 Jan 2011 12:34

@Bezu '50% i guess and minus the 20% of the 80/20 rule' LOL

he is very aware of the issues and he is trying his best maybe because ive been so angry at him i couldnt even see the bit he is doing to try change(be a better hubby) thus ive decided to detach(hope is the right word)myself from the marriage emotionaly to sort my self out first(me me me all the way now)

bezu
13 Jan 2011 12:37

@sesikavincent - maybe he will get the point!! guess sometimes they have to get the taste of their own medicine!!!

Cutie Pie
13 Jan 2011 13:10

@Mathaz - Finances, it's a sin to marry someone who earns less than you as a woman. Men should provide financially - Mathaz, I hear you. But these days things are changing, women are empowered and therefore earning more than men. Would you leave your good hubby simply because you suddenly earn more than him?

nice
13 Jan 2011 13:12

Marriage is all about being happy, thats what I have always thought and a whole of people get married for different reasons.

Some financial support, the need for a partner, social pressure, looking for someone to complete you .... bla , bla , bla

Should I get married, it will mainly be for happiness and not feeling lonely. Even if I marry the richest man on earth , I will continue to work purely for the satisfaction, growth and development I get. I dont see myself going to gym, manicure and shopping, ordering helpers and nannies around in the near future

Now if any man fails to be faithful, loving and all the other things in my list that I will NOT compromise on, then he has to go. I would rather be single and live my lonely, yet fulfilled life than spend the rest of my life trying to please someone.

There are things that I will compromise on, just like I do with my parents, sisters, friend and bosses. I will give him the respect I think he deserves and I will let him know when I am unhappy. But when all my efforts fail, and I feel like I am giving too much. I start to resent the person as I will always be second guessing my behaviour, in no time that relationship ends and I move on.

nice
13 Jan 2011 13:20

Phela if marriage is all about the man, and his needs and that much of him, then these so called men must stay away from me. Gaaa!

All that being said I still believe in marriage, and hope that one day I will get someone who is sensible enough to know that before I am a woman, I am human first. He should not expect me to stomach things that he will not tolerate as a human being, and I will not expect him to do so either.

He should remember that he is physically strong and there are some duties that he will need to do on his own and I may not be able to assist, and I have kitchen skills I wont be expecting him to wash dishes, cook or clean if I am capable of doing it myself.

When he cant fix things, and gets the mechanics, plumbers, etc.... in, when I cant fulfill some of the household and kitchen duties, we can call the dishwashers, helpers and nannies when required. LOL

There is a blogger who always say marriage is a contract, and I agree with him. It is a contract, I just pray that mine will be endorsed by God so that no human can tear it apart.

Mathaz
13 Jan 2011 13:26

I am not saying that you should leave your husband if he earns less but that statement was meant for those who are still dating.

Cnglemother
13 Jan 2011 13:39

Mathaz on the finance issue i kinda agree with u, its vital that a man is finance forward in a relationship.my babydady married a monied woman and tjo the way he has become her puppet its scary actually sad bakithi!the gap in the salary dept is really closing so where are we gona find these men who earn less than us?Im also a firm believer in men having the upper hand financially and them led to believe that they are the ish in the house.i dont want a domesticated men sori!he must lift the furniture and fix broken doors not mop floors.

Cnglemother
13 Jan 2011 13:39

Cnglemother
13 Jan 2011 13:48

Posh the church point you raised always intrigues me as im not a churchgoer and wonder the pastors actually do/tell u.the most married guys i cheated with were staunch and hectic bazalwanes,1 was even on the bazalwane board of what-what in the Southern Africa region.

Cutie Pie
13 Jan 2011 13:52

@ Mathaz - Again I get you. But what if you met at Varsity and got a better job than he did? Should he be dumped?
Mna I think a woman should get a motivated and driven person, even if the salary is not the same. There comes a point in our lives when we have almost everything that we need, except for love. We can have the money, house, career etc...but still need to be loved. I think at that point you don't really care about how much a person makes for as long as he can take care of himself and not depend on you. One may have had abo Mr BEE who have million girlfriends out there and decide that that's enough....Yes I'm against a woman supporting a man financially, but if you both work I don't see anything wrong with that. Remember if he's ambitious he can easily earn more than you tomorrow.

tshetlha
13 Jan 2011 14:01

Interesting....hm...very interesting. What I have learned about men is that they all want the same thing from their women, RESPECT. Without it there is no relationship. Trust is also important, women " re tshwanetse gore re ikobe for banna ba rona" especially when we love them.

Mathaz
13 Jan 2011 14:14

I am just bracing my principle on the bible and yes things have changed but if you met at Varsity and it happened that you get a better job, i would say that you must wait for him until he has the upper hand financially. Mos then it would mean that you would contrinute 55 and him 45 whilst it should be the other way round. Back in the day men used to marry more wives because of their wealth but nowadays it's like we put our naive emotions and feelings first before reality. A man is meant to provide and it ends there. You might have a motivated man but make sure that he does not relax and becaome too dependent on you financially.

poshspice
13 Jan 2011 14:20

@cngl & mathaz agree with you on finance issue, he might seem fine in the beginning, I've seen it many times....

cngl "the most married guys i cheated with were staunch and hectic bazalwanes,1 was even on the bazalwane board of what-what in the Southern Africa region

LOL not suprised tho.... ubatholaphi cglm?

poshspice
13 Jan 2011 14:31

Interesting....hm...very interesting. What I have learned about men is that they all want the same thing from their women, RESPECT

RESPECT at what cost? my soul, sanity, spirituality,my health -risk of HIV infection...my children growing up with an absent dad who is always out at shisanyama, parties, hanging out with 'the boys', or attending functions solo and throws money at all our problems...? Men use this word recklessly.....

bezu
13 Jan 2011 14:35

@mathaz I dont agree with you on the finance issue- because the thing with money the wheels may turn wat happens if u married the while he was earning more than u and there two yrs later he looses his job! then what! I feel that money or no money there are other things which build a strong marriage things like trust, honesty,faithfulness and a whole lot of other things. I personally earn more than my hubby but I respect and love him as much as he does so the finance isnt a problem and hasn't been for the past 4 and half years that i've been married to him.I've know him since std 7 and I'm not about to leave him just bcoz he earns less then me.so I dont agree with u. there is a saying that says" dont marry someone who has money or power but marry someone who has the potential to become these things".I dont treat him any less I respect him and give him the respect that he derserves as my king and the men of the house.

realist
13 Jan 2011 14:43

@Mathaz, cnglemother and Tshetlha
You are both spot on.

To all the ladies, here is the statement
Marriage is a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

How do you respond to this statement.

Remember, Marriage is about commitment to each other and not love to each other and that is why you sign a contract when you commit.

Mathaz
13 Jan 2011 14:45

I am not saying finance is the only thing that makes a marriage. How about marrying someone like Boaz? If you read the bible you would know what i am talking about......

realist
13 Jan 2011 14:46

@bezu
Does he feel the same way when he is around your family and friends?

bezu
13 Jan 2011 15:03

yes! my family respects him coz he did everythng the right way, he did all he needed to do to gain that respect as a son-in-law so there is no reason for them not to give him that respect. so yes to me money is not everything like I said I can loose my job tomoro and then what!!!as long as nibambisene there shuldnt be a problem.

maddie
13 Jan 2011 15:17

@ realist

i think it's wrong to tell ur family how much your partner earns, that always causes problems

bezu
13 Jan 2011 15:22

@maddi ye is it non of their problems, u see there are things that u cannot discuss with ur family or friends. so as long as u can draw a line between those u will be fine..

realist
13 Jan 2011 15:29

Maddie, when I say family I am not referring to parents only.

Cutie Pie
13 Jan 2011 15:32

@ Bezu - You are spot on.
We don't encourage men to depend on women, he must be financially independent. However if you happen to earn more than he does that does not mean he's less of a man. I'm also in that boat. I earn more than him. When I was on maternity leave I could not get my full salary, so he paid for everything except for my car and insurance. He bought our baby some things I could not buy at that time. All i'm trying to say the fact that he earns less than you does not mean that he can't afford himself and your lifestyle.
There are times when I actually get money from him though I earn more. And the fact that I happen to earn more does not make me a better human being.

bezu
13 Jan 2011 15:37

@Cutie pie that is called team work - bcoz the two of u are playing for the same team working towards the same goal a successfull marriage so no one is better then the other but as long as he respect for who u r not what u have and u the same things will be ok...ppl dont even have to knw or pick up that he earns less than u!11that just how it is!!!

realist
13 Jan 2011 15:41

There are times when I actually get money from him though I earn more.
Judging from the above statement it does not show that you respect him.

Cutie Pie
13 Jan 2011 15:49

@ Realist - Judging from the above statement it does not show that you respect him. - What do you mean? The point I'm trying to elaborate is that the fact that a man earns less than a woman does not mean that he can't provide when a woman is in need. For instance if due to some unforseen circumstances I'm in need of cash, I ask him for assistance and he gladly does so. So what has that got to do with respect?

bezu
13 Jan 2011 16:19

bye guys!!

Teebabes
13 Jan 2011 17:28

Hey I strongly believe that money is not everything as women we have more opportunities which makes it easier for us to earn more than men but on the other hand I dont think it means u can just marry anybody for the sake of getting married at least he should have a decent job

Cnglemother
13 Jan 2011 20:54

@Cutie,the point Realist is trying to make is that your statement implies yo man just tlatsas you only when you are cashstrapped and wena u can pay yo way out(which isnt a crime).i doubt he'd be all smiles after reading that comment and be like my wife yiskhokho she takes care of herself and baby moneywise well mina i just tlatsa here and there.it just wrong and would bruise any man's ego that watlatsa fela.eish you further go on adding salt to the wound by making that unforseen circumstances statement.maybe im making a big deal outta nothing but thats how i see it.

carino
14 Jan 2011 06:07

Interesting argument - the comments, that is (havent read the article yet)

@Mathaz, cnglemother and Tshetlha
You are both spot on.

LOL

babye
14 Jan 2011 08:04

@ Maddie and Realist

it even wrong to tell your family how much you earn because they will be on your neck every day, they will even budget for you. ah ah

Cutie Pie
14 Jan 2011 08:50

@Cnglemother - LOL....No man...you got it all wrong...everyone participates when it comes to household expenses...no one is just sitting and doing nothing. There is partnership when it comes to holding the house together. When I say unforseen circumstances I mean even after paying for household expenses due, he still manages to rescue me whenever I need help. He's not only contributing when there are unforseen circumstances bantu...By that I mean I know I can rely on him whenever I need to...I hope you are clear manje....

Angithi even if a man earns more that you, you will still pay your fair share? And when he runs into a problem you can assist?

carino
14 Jan 2011 09:43

I want to say something but it looks like I first need to read all these things so that what I say wont be irrelevant. I definitely don’t want to end up using unforeseen words only to be quoted as being disrespectful.

Lemme read first.

For now, I am with Cheesa on the women fussing about making guys happy issue. Looks like women have self-esteem issues and guys have ego issues. So we end up helping them protect their egos by losing ourselves to them. I think they only time a man truly loves is when he has been able to disregard his own pride and has come down to accepting that loving his woman exposes his weakness.

Anyway I did say i need to read up properly first so i’ll avoid raising irrelevant issues.

Lemme read.

Green.arrow
14 Jan 2011 09:54

As we learn....... PS: @nice..im leaning towards your perspective.

sesikavincent
14 Jan 2011 09:56

totally agree with cheesa....... one of the reason men think they are best thing ever happened in planet earth reason most of them treat woman the way they do

Madamzee
14 Jan 2011 10:12

it just wrong and would bruise any man's ego that watlatsa fela.

LOL! eish i know what you mean....lol

MsKim
14 Jan 2011 10:22

just finished the book, n everything jus sounds like somthings we already knw n heard from our elders. it is unfair but hey such is life. like i said previously; in relationships 50/50 doesn't work; its something we all wish was ideal n possible. obviously given a choice we'd all want 50/50 n live happily ever after. but sometimes its good to be realistic..

blackiekagiso
14 Jan 2011 11:17

Interesting topic i will read this later,were is maki i will like to hear his view on this.

Gyan
14 Jan 2011 12:20

I'm tired of these books manje...they are everywhere. A friend of mine bought me a book by Kenya Stevens on the same topic. I guess there are just people out there who grabs on opportunities when they see them. They remind me of these pastors who are all over using poor people to achieve their goals.

The women who write these books have seen a huge market....of desperate women who are struggling in their marriages. Our mothers and great/grandmothers were so submissives to their husbands, but did that ever stop those cheating husbands of theirs to be as*ses when they fancied , NO.

I work my as*s off at the gym to look & feel good, and when he looks like a bazuka I must give him a pat on the back...NO way. The common mistakes listed above just mean one thing. MEN ARE THE GLORY.

LM
14 Jan 2011 12:34

poshspice
14 Jan 2011 13:16

This other time we had to test my boyfriend's sister and we all went out to some restaurant and mind you, we are a big family and he had to pay, that was to see if he would have a problem with us loaning money should we need it, once they are married. It has become a habit of us going out as a family and him footing the bill !

TJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL @ LM I didn't really read Mathaz response kahle izolo...

Why would you want to loan money from your brother in law? are you not making your own money? His hard earned cash is for him first, then to please his galfriend/wife- to -be and his future kids...even his family cannot make those demands on him.

It has become a habit of us going out as a family and him footing the bill !

This is wrong! would you like it if his family make it a habit that your sister take the whole family out and foot the bill...You are abusing the poor man.....

Cutie Pie
14 Jan 2011 13:36

@ Gyan - I work my as*s off at the gym to look & feel good, and when he looks like a bazuka I must give him a pat on the back...NO way. - LOL.....Hayi man I'm really laughing at your statements he..

Eish, nam I must say some of the things nje are a too much really. Yes its good to respect each other. I think some of them should apply to us as well....

But I think a part of it makes us understand the reason some things happen with men in general, just an understanding....

@ Posh : I agree with you. Would she like it if it was her brother bethu,...hehehe..they say blood is thicker than water

MsKim
14 Jan 2011 14:56

totally agree with cheesa....... one of the reason men think they are best thing ever happened in planet earth reason most of them treat woman the way they do.

i don't agree with u Cheesa n Sesikavincent the one thing i think makes men think they're everything in this world is coz of our behaviour the way we treat ourselves these days; loose women r now refered to as independent women (ye ryt), these days women go after men like its the end of the world o somthin, they fight over them, wear all those miniz to show off their legs, hav u checked out hw women dance these days?? sex moves to attract men, u find one dating a married man (n he actually doesn't even hide the fact that he is married to u, n follow rules like don't call me at this time) so hw else do u expect them turn out to be??? u obviously boosting their egos.....

MsKim
14 Jan 2011 15:03

he knws u are home sleeping tosing n turning thinkin of him, n he's making love to his wife (mind u mis wifey knws nothing abt u) n u expect him to respect u.... I SERIOUSLY THINK thats why men hav turned out to be selfish.

bezu
14 Jan 2011 15:09

@MsKim- I will have to agree with you there. men will treat the way you want them to treat you...Men are not stupid they know who to mess with.

Green.arrow
14 Jan 2011 15:24

Yaa ne. Ke gore banna kannete ke bophelo bja bona go bintsha basadi mantshegele. Whats with this thibang kamo le kamo that women have to play in order for relationships to work while men are lying back or playing "the mice" the women have to run after, spending sleepless nights trying to figure out how to keep them indoors and happy.
Do this so you dont bruise his ego, do that and then do this and then be carefull not to tread there bla bl bla,We have to teach them how to treat us?..why does it have to be such an effort and work that women have to do, emotionally and otherwise... something just aint right about this. If it is what it is, I personally refuse to accept this status quo....
Suddenly i got myself frastrated on behalf of women all over...im not contending with male issues and they are issues i dont want to find myself contending with...ever.

Green.arrow
14 Jan 2011 15:30

And its not that the points mentioned are not alryt. They are generally noble. A virtous woman would live those points effortlessly...and i think i was personally brought up that well. But even theee virtous most women still do this and men dont appreciate it. Whats bothering me is that its only women being adviced to do this and that....when God knows we know who needs more advice. EQ classes for starters.

I advice brothers to go for men conferences and brother camps were they will be taught how to reciprocate this virtues that good women have or should have.

whoooh, its friday and im pmsing, all males on my way when i leave here are in trouble!!...lol

sesikavincent
14 Jan 2011 15:52

Totally agree with you Mskim but what I'm saying is that also the disperation wives show to their hubby to such extent that he cheats ,you forgive him( more than once) and you put on warned for him and he still goes out for abomakhwapheni

sesikavincent
14 Jan 2011 15:52

maud
14 Jan 2011 16:11

why it has to be us women who has to work very hard to keep the marriage, relationship work or last , hayi man nalamadoda mawazame please, i have this book , but sometimes you get tired,

one of my coleguess ask me for an advise regarding his husband not sleeping at home, phone calls at night and i can see that this is stressing her but i coudnt answer her because realy how do you tell someone who is so much in pain ukuthi makabekezele kuzoba right when? when the husband has brought i virus at home? mina i just wanted to tell her to poison he bus...............t.d

MsKim
14 Jan 2011 16:26

This jus drives me crazy; do you knw women who are domesticated r the ones who end up married n those who normally want the independence (i wld never be caught kneeling down for a men i want 50/50) am alone n happy TYPE *****they're the ones who end up sleeping with the married men***** n following the timetables, laughing @ the wife (tjo she's like this like that thats why he comes to me) like i said wifey who doesn't even knw u exist...AM TRYNA BE REALISTIC HOPE AM NOT OFFENDING ANYONE.....

MsKim
14 Jan 2011 16:29

its either ... get married n get cheated on O stay single following the timetable n hang with them married men..

MsKim
14 Jan 2011 16:30

coz either way u gon end up in either of the two... GOOD DAY EVERYBODY.

Kakapana
14 Jan 2011 17:02

And this is exactly why I wont get married....always having to submit to your spouse. cha I cant.

Lela
14 Jan 2011 17:10

The only formular for marriage and relationships is God himself shem,the books can help here and there with the insight but it would be very unfare to do all the work in the relationship while the man keeps takin you forgranted. Maybe marriwd people should read books about marriage not womanwood,like that book by TD Jakes that has a side for women and one for men. Another book that I recommend is Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman cause it's not one sided.

titidi
15 Jan 2011 11:21

Plz forgive me to include the bible on this issue, marriage might be full of problems but we can cope by not losing our balance when faced with those problems emshadweni

Rely on the advice of Mankind's uJehova is the main solution good people. No psychologist, no marriage counselor, no writer of a newspaper advice column knows more about life than God does. Only the bible contains his counsel that fits our needs no matter what circumstances you facing in life

A key to success marriage is to how the husband treats his wife and love her and the woman to have a deep respect for her husband

Cnglemother
16 Jan 2011 17:35

iyoh! and if u dont bliv/read bible kuthiwani ke ngoku?

realist
17 Jan 2011 06:37

This jus drives me crazy; do you knw women who are domesticated r the ones who end up married
Why? If you look close enough you will find the answer.

n those who normally want the independence (i wld never be caught kneeling down for a men i want 50/50) am alone n happy TYPE *****they're the ones who end up sleeping with the married men***** n following the timetables
Precisely because they think that in time the man will ditch his wife for them because they bring the income and the wife is domesticated. Any man who does that in my opinion is an idiot.

its either ... get married n get cheated on O stay single following the timetable n hang with them married men..
coz either way u gon end up in either of the two...
Either way I tend to agree with you.

MsKim
17 Jan 2011 10:49

i'm one of the domesticated ones, n have practised all the this n that n am speaking from experience a lot dd change in my marriage. N.B. am not doing it so that he doesn't cheat, am doing it so that i can get the respect i deserve, my kids grow up in a home w love n happiness n i know for a fact not all women do that so i'm better off ONE OF A KIND wer ever he goes he knws he'd never find anyone like me, i respect him n i knw my place at home, he's the man of the hse n am proud to say it..as long as if you love someone, anything that comes shldn't be too much work,

these books are for women who want to get married o who want to stay happyily married. its kind of a take it o leave it kinda thing (don't hate). i knw pple r making money out of it, but it DOES help someone out there n thats all that matters..

Cutie Pie
17 Jan 2011 11:04

@MsKim..Mhhhhh...Maybe that's why elders always advise young wives/abomakoti to befriend other married women...coz thier deeds will be misunderstood by the single ladies...

TheLady
17 Jan 2011 11:22

inzima ke le!

bezu
17 Jan 2011 11:25

@ Cutie Pie - u r so right! they will never understand why we do the things we do sometimes....eg Mina I Still kneel down on my kneels when I serve my hubby! not becoz I'm stupid but I do what i feels i right...I knw sum ppl will think that is so old fashioned and stupid. by doing this it does not mean I've lost anything I'm still the educated, still proffesional and the gruduate everthing but I know that at home my hubby is the head! and Ya right some will say but they still cheat on us, like hell they wont cheat if you dont do these things..If he wants to cheat he will whether you do or dont but at least you knwo u have played ur part and he will respect for that!! like MsKim said he knows that he will neva find anyone like you!!that is why even though men cheat u hardly find them leaving they wives !

Mathaz
17 Jan 2011 11:40

Haii ke.this article has shifted into something else ke...

Why am i not suprised realist agrees with MsKim??

Ron Carpenter was just saying yesterday that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the church so if you do not love the way Christ loves us then as a husband you have no legitimate right to rule It seriously got me thinking....

realist
17 Jan 2011 11:47

Why am i not suprised realist agrees with MsKim??
Do you differ? Let’s hear your side.

Mathaz
17 Jan 2011 12:03

I do not think a woman's independence should be linked with kneeling/begging a man. It's much more than that and in most cases it's not about how they treat their men. In actual fact, a woman's independence is not dependable on their marital status.

A married man who cheats is greedy and does not care about his family wholeheartedly. He is just being selfish and acting out on his lust. Why is it that as married women we try to justify the men's irresponsible behaviour? When they cheat, it's a choice that they make and they can choose not to go ahead with it but no, they are too selfish and think about themselves only and not about the vows they took...

Married women stomach a lot of crap from their husbands all in the name of building a happy family.

realist
17 Jan 2011 12:21

@Mathaz
You have a choice to file for a divorce if you found out that your husband is cheating on you. Ask any man on how he will react if he ever found out that his wife is cheating on him.

titidi
17 Jan 2011 12:21

@ MsKim domestic woman can tolerate any *bleep!* my dear cause they are financial dependant on on their husband otherwise you will suffer with your kids, try to get a job u will see the different...

bezu
17 Jan 2011 12:23

@Mathaz Like I said by doing all those things its not that we are trying to keep them from cheating - there is nothing much u can do to stop a men from cheating.. like I sadi whather u kneel or dont they can steal cheat coz they is a choice they make individual it has nothing to do with u!!!

Married women stomach a lot of crap from their husbands all in the name of building a happy family. Underline the word married women, why married women coz I have seen a lot of "unmarried" women going thru the same "crap" and not leaving the men.so u make it sound as if married women are the only ones taking crap from men which is not true.

MsKim
17 Jan 2011 12:33

i think i've said this before, we're ALL bound to end in either of the two MARRIED n be cheated on o SINGLE n following the time tables.... we're all basically being manupilated, lied to, the list goes on n on..... its not jus the married who r taking the crap don't u think lying in yo bed thinking of somone (who told u i don't sleep with my wife anymo, she is such a bore o watever)) at the time is busy making love to his wife we are all screwed wchever way u may look at it..

Mathaz
17 Jan 2011 12:48

I give up....

MsKim
17 Jan 2011 12:52

@titide.. becoz i said domesticated i ddn't mean, hse wife. i've got a good job, we are both graduates me n hubby n am not doing all this coz i need his money o i can't leave without his money. am doing this becoz i love n respect him n its who i am n hw i was raised.. IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE, doing anything for him shld be a big deal.... n i don't c why they shld be any limits.
@Bezu i agree with u there, married women r not the only ones who take the crap, the Mistresses out there they're asked not to say a word wen he answers the phone, not to ever call him nomatter wat the case, hiding n all thats jus mo than crap.. he stands u up mo often than ever....

MsKim
17 Jan 2011 12:57

am done here..

Gyan
17 Jan 2011 13:06

This is so sad. I seriously hope I come back a MAN in the next life...

This is just so sad, I'm literally crying. There are still women who kneel and do all those things. I am speechless and very very very sad.
@Bezu, I commend you and honestly respect your views.

I am totally saddened by all this.

bezu
17 Jan 2011 13:16

@titidi u see there is the problem right there, everything is about money these days!!! being domesticated does not meen u r financially dependant on a men. but it simple means that u knwo that uma ususekhaya uwunkosikazi and so u have to do all that comes with being a wife to u hubby!! that is what MsKim meant.yonke imali yakho namajazi akho kusala emsebenzini uma ususekhaya uwunksz kumyeni wakhe nomama ezinganeni!!! it has nothing to do with ur financial status!!!

nonogelo
18 Jan 2011 10:54

hi cutie

that book is guite exciting so ,can you please help me where can i get a hard copy of that book because i also really need it.i stay in Johannesburg ,hillbrow.Please let me know where i can order that book?

Cutie Pie
18 Jan 2011 13:07

@Nonogelo : I saw a copy of it at CNA. Its called Fascinating Womanhood. Its R82 a copy.

Mafresh
20 Jan 2011 13:24

Go shota GML and BA's comments. Nikuphi bakithi, siyanidinga ekhaya *in Andile's serious voice*

Lex
20 Jan 2011 14:08

I had to write my comment before I finished reading all the comments coz I realised what a shame it is that some women believe that for them to have happy marriages they should take all the kak that the men give them.Nx-nx-nx. Tjo,my poor sisters...

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