I generally do not like 'self help' type of books because I believe they are just a load of hogwash however, I recently came across a book titled
'Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood.' Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I believe in this book but it did give me some good insights that I thought had some truth in it.
I'm sure some of you like me are probably rolling their eyes at the introduction of the book which reads:
Inside, read how you can...
Save your failing marriage
Make your good marriage better
Unlock all the love and tenderness in your man
Develop your full potential as a woman
Increase your self confidence
Feel happier, more lovely, more feminine
But before you also immediately dismiss the book I'll summarise what I found interesting about it and then you can decide. As stated in the introduction the book is written for women inspired by Christianity but anyone can use it. These women mentioned in the book were not psychologists or anything of that sort but just wanted to share some 'ancient truths' about love based on their experiences and the things they have learnt from the experiences of others. They try and answer some questions that women are often puzzled with about their relationships in what they call the '10 secrets' so here goes:
If you could look through a man's eyes
I think most of us women have been puzzled as to what a man sees in a certain woman, a woman that to your eyes seems to have no appeal at all ' a skank' as I even refer to some but the truth is as the book puts it that men do not see and think as women do. Their needs are totally different from ours.
The type of woman that impresses a woman
Agreed people cant be boxed into categories like you are the type that impresses men and you aren't but there are certain qualities that are believed to impress men.
"Men are impressed with sympathy, cheerfulness, childlike innocence and charm in a woman. The more tender, feminine, pure and trusting she appears to be, the more attractive she's said to become to them. Vivaciousness also enhances those qualities".
Sexuality in a woman is said to stimulate lust but it does not arouse love in a man. Love is awakened by wholesome feminine qualities (the likes mentioned above) which are said to stir and soften a man's heart.
And now to the secrets
SECRET NUMBER ONE
Accept him as he is. Look to his good side.
"Accepting him as he is means that you accept all hi habits, his weaknesses, his dreams or lack of them and his beliefs. You accept him as another human being, part good, part bad, just like yourself"
But alas most of us women make the biggest mistake of trying to change our partners but the reality is they don't change. And why should you not try and change your partner because by trying to change and improve them we are telling them that we are not satisfied with them as they are and their sensitive male pride is wounded in the process.
"He knows his weakenesses but he needs you to admire his strengths and not draw attention to his weaknesses"
I personally don't want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps drawing attention to my weaknesses but why we as women find no harm in doing it to our partners is beyond me. The book tells us to learn to look at his good side and appreciate that otherwise one will find themself eselala enguZ alone in this cold winter but perhaps we're lucky there's electric blankets these days which were not there when this book was written lol.
SECRET NUMBER TWO
Admire his masculine qualities
This is said to be a man's greatest need. A woman's greatest need is to be loved which is different for a man.
"A man just cannot bear to have his fragile and sensitive pride belittled or ridiculed by his wife, or any other woman"
As women we are said to sometimes deliberately hurt our partners' pride with a sharp tongue and angry tone but more often we do it in jest.
The following is a list of some common mistakes that women are said to make that injure their partners' pride:
1) Critising his weakenesses
2) Speaking angrily when he fails in a masculine area of responsibility
3) Disagreeing with him on masculine matters
4) Pouring cold water on his ideas (guilty as charged I do sometimes do this)
5) Giving him advise when he has not asked for it (HUH!!!)
6) Discussing his career or occupation as if you know as much about it as he does (mmhhh)
7) Reminding him how you struggle on his income (LOL)
8) Telling others how much your parents have done for you since you got married
9) Admiring a masculine quality in another man
10) Suggesting he call a repair man when he is trying to repair something (hahaha)
11) Not paying attention when he is telling you about something of which he is proud of (at least in my house he knows no nb discussions when I'm watching my fav soapies unless someone's hair is on fire)
12) Not praising him when he does something outstandingly well
13) Telling him he is losing his figure or his hair (lol yah ne)
14) Holding yourself up as an example for him to follow (wu-he-eh)
15) Reminding him of your superior education (hayi cha)
16) Excelling him in a male dominated sport
To be continued............