marriage problems

Written by portcia from the blog marriage problems on 13 Jun 2013
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Hi Ma bloggers, This is my first article, and so happy to post out,so we can chat

I ha ve a friend at work who would like amabloggers to help her out.
She has been in a mirradge for seven years, she is dating an older man who was financially stable, untill he lost his job. The old man lost his job five years back, and now my friend is the only person who supports her family. The problem began when the old man lost his job,he was nicely paid due to the service he worked in that company, and he never told his wife about the money untill, it was three weeks since he's been paid. and then they decided to renovate their house, but before they would finish renovating the wife was told that the money was finished, but how she didnt understand.

Years later my friend and his husband decided that she should take out a loan to finish building their house, so my friend went to cash build to get material for credit and then took out a loan to pay the builders, but the money wasnt enough so she took out another loan. Now she earn very little salary because of all the debt she has and cant afford to support her family as she has two kids with this old man.

The old man has a daughter who lives with her husband, have a nice job, so the old man asked his daughter for R20,000 to finish building the house, this happened before they decided that my friend should take out the loan, and that's when the problem started.When the daughter gave his dad some money he asked for, he never told his wife about the money,and thats why he was prejurising) spelling,my friend to take out the loan to finish the house, so that his daughter wont be upset when she comes to visit and find that the house is still not done.

So my friend only finds out about the money last week when she visited her stepdaughter, and they had a little chat, then she mension how broke they are because of the loan, thats when the daughter asked what didi they do about the money she gave them, only to find out that my friend doesnt know about the money. so come on guys what should she do, does she ask him or just keep quite, couse the daughter said she must please not to ask the father.

7 Comments

Chix
18 Jul 2013 09:47

Ok firstly as a married woman myself... your friend has left things hanging for a very long time. Her husband is a LIAR and an ABUSER!!! Firstly he received a huge chunk of money from his ex-employer and said nothing to the wife. When the wife found out about it she didn't confront the situation instead she succumbed to his abuse and went for a loan. She should have sat him down and make him account for the "pensions he received from work and how he spent the money without her knowledge.And then even now she recently discovered that he lied again and never told her about money he received from his daughter. Ok I am reiterating the things you have said already but anyway what I am trying to get at is that your friend is really acting like a "weakling" in this marriage and am sure even the hubby has seen that and that is the reason he is treating her this way!!! She needs to go back to basics.... COMMUNICATION!!! She needs to ask that hubby... hear me well I didn't CONFRONT... I said ASK nhim about all these lies or rather the truths that he didn't bring forth. Secondly she needs to realise that she cannot protect the hubby's relationship with his daughter by placing her marriage at stake. She doesn't owe that step daughter any favours. How can she even ask your friends that she shouldn't ask her husband about the R20 000. How would that step daughter feel if it were her hubby who was lying to her about monies he received on the side. I say she needs to ASK hubby about the R20 000 too because at the end of the day when he went to lend the money from the daughter he said it was for finishing the house but it was never used for that so she needs some answers for that too. Your friend needs to FIRM up a bit and stop TOLERATING NONSENSE otherwise she is going to be a MISERABLE MARRIED WOMAN. A man treats you the way YOU ALLOW him to!!! Tell her I said so!!! Sorry for the un-paragraphed essay google-chrome doesn't make paragraphs!!!!

Mimibob
18 Jul 2013 10:08

Hi Portcia, I'll read again later. I didnt clearly get the issue from the beginning though. Is your friend married to someone else and dating the old man?

Chix
18 Jul 2013 10:22

Mimibob.... I was also confused a bit but as i read it through... The older man she is supposedly "dating" is the hubby!!! Well i hope Portcia will come and correct me if am wrong but that is what i got. There is no second man in the story!!!

Mrs Chix
18 Jul 2013 10:56

Marriage is difficult with the lies.But having a lying husband is terrible.I also have a friend who lies when it comes to money. When he get paid he pays rent and the rest of the money is sent to his mother without the wife knowing. He doesnt buy food. Even fuel money he has to ask his wife. Now she ignores. She buys food for her and their sons and she will rather take a taxi to work because of the fuel issue. When hubby comes home late she gives him pap and spinach or she buy chicken knowing he does each chicken.

portcia
18 Jul 2013 11:39

Thanks for the responses, she did talk to the hubby about the issue, but he dinied having that kind of money, and there is still lots of problems as the neighbour got a job for the husband, but the husband refuses to go to work because its far from where they stay(excuses,excuses) my friend even thinks of leaving him

Bk212303
18 Jul 2013 12:41

Portcia if your friend is thinking of leaving he man. She must stop to think and leave. Cause this is too much this man is either playing her or he is cheating cause what did he do with all these moneys. These men play us like anything and steal from us women.

portcia
18 Jul 2013 12:55

yes you are right Bk, if it was a man in this situation, he would have left a long time ago, but because we ladies have a big heart we forgive and forgive, and what we dont notice is that we are killing ourselfs. guys my friend is under a lot of stress, and now she is giving me one.

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