EPISODE 1 [Part 1] I'm finished. Can you please explain how Rob can be so unbelievably awesomely
divine? Everything he and Amber did was so excellent that by the time he got to Peru and said: "This is nice," I felt as if I'd exploded into a million pieces of delight.
This is obviously exactly how Amber feels – espesh when she wanted to leave the Olds behind in the bus and pretended she didn't and did it all for Rob!
Wow. Seeing them again was amazing, as was every moment of meeting all 11 teams with their arrival in those cool Black Hawk Down helicopters. It's hysterical how it's impossible not to be cool in a helicopter and also how perfect everyone looked arriving in them.
Actually that's not strictly true – everyone was zinging except Ron of Ron and Kelly, with his helicopter getting shot down. As I expected nothing about his Prisoner Of War stuff impressed me - except the footage showing that it really did happen, while vividly remembering the footage of him on TV at the time.
It's hectic because the last thing in the entire world I'd ever want to be is a tortured, death row POW and the reason I haven't been one is because I don't go flying helicopters into Iraq. I mean, helllooo.
As a result I didn't have one moment's sympathy for anything Ron had to say and was much more interested in his beauty queen Kelly - trying to work out how exactly she got to be a beauty queen. Is it just me or is she furthest thing from one ever?
I reckon it has something to do with the fact that she comes from South Carolina or something – maybe she is actually the glammest they have?
This could be the situation with Ryan and Chuck also being from South Carolina - they definitely don't have their looks going for them, although there's something about Chuck that's sexy. Despite his name, there's something that suggests he might listen to Metallica, which put me on their side immediately.
Also the fact that he speaks Portuguese is quite phroar and he and Ryan seem to be good friends. On first impressions I liked them.
I also quite liked Brian and Greg, who seem groovy in a chilled out, slightly lopsided way - except for when they slobbered over the Pink Bandanas. They really seemed to enjoy the kink of Megan and Heidi being sisters and I was iffy at how predictably long-haired, blue-eyed blondes are always the first to get attention.
As a result I wasn't surprised when the brothers poked fun at Debbie and Bianca, who could be similar but aren't with Debbie's reddish hair and healthier Celine Dion face.
It's the only thing that troubled me with the brothers though and because it's instinct it's forgivable. I also don't reckon Debbie and Bianca mind, because they've got a kiss-kiss lesbo thing of their own going on.
When they first introduced themselves they seemed exactly the same as Heidi and Megan but they got quite super as they moved so quickly and spoke Spanish to navigate. The best was their trickery of Ron and Kelly at the beach, which was such fun. I didn't even mind them being iffy about Rob and Amber catching up.
I'm not mad about the alliance they have with Susan and Patrick though and each time Debbie/Bianca (?) mentioned that he reminded her of her first boyfriend I got the creeps.
Patrick reminds me so much of
Ben Foster - Claire's boyfriend in Six Feet Under - and I can't staaand him. Then he said the thing about Rob being as dumb as a rock and he needed to say no more to become the ultimate Pig.
I'm really hoping that Debbie and Bianca and lose him soon and I don't like that he's far out in front at all.
Very different from the girls with Spanglish are Ray and Deana, who've clearly never met anyone who doesn't speak American ever. The scene they made in Peru when they couldn't understand anyone was soo pathetic as they just stood there moaning, not even trying.
The two of them seem quite useless and the way Ray barked at Deana to catch up when they were racing to the umbrellas on the beach was very annoying. The snippet of them bickering in the trailer for next week too – it all has very scary whisperings of the Jonathing in how Ray speaks.
I've been trying to remember how the two of them set off together – how they ran the opening sprint - but I can't specifically because I was busy-busy watching everyone and chortling too much. That's always my favourite moment of the first moments.
The opening car race to the airport was fab too, with Uchenna and Joyce knowing the route to LAX best yet still not making the first plane. After the initial airport sprint the two of them seemed to disappear, but when they were up to things in between they seemed fun. I was pleased when they benefited from the thickos by picking up the 7:00 time.
I'm not convinced that they're as happy-go-lucky as they seem though because of all the stresses they've had going on in their relationship.
Through it all most stressed out of everyone were Gretchen and Meredith, who were ridiculous. If Meredith's falling off busses and unable to get up at this point there's just no ways he's gonna get through a gazillion laps.
It's also hardly as if he's tried to get into the mood for going speedily, with that peak of his extending his tortoise head into the ultimate slow-poke gaze. They seemed sweet enough I suppose but, like them, I don't have much hope.
As for Lynn and Alex, I can't remember one thing they did except that if you morph their faces together they could be the ultimate bitch, which will be dangerous if they use it as a mincing weapon.
And so it is, right at this very moment (hehe) racers are at the airport on their way to Cusco Peru, with the first 6:00am plane already having left. The 7:00am is delayed, putting those on the 7:45am plane ahead.
The brothers Brian and Greg aren't happy, their girlfriends Heidi and Megan are hugging pinkly and Rob and Amber, Debbie and Bianca, Patrick and Susan and ..... are flying. Who's the fourth team? This moment couldn't be longer – another whole weeeeek.
What what what were your thoughts?