Aha! It's time for the next season of The Amazing Race and it's gonna be a humdinger.
This I know because they'll be racing through South Africa and it's got Survivor's Rob and Amber in it, which just can't not be thrilling - as long as they race well and win. Yay!
But no, noo - I won't be biased in my lurrrve for Godfather Rob and will give everyone else a fair chance, which is tricky when it's clear some of them are very horrible before you've even met them.
The show's starting on January 3rd at 19h30 on SABC3 and from the looks of things there are some juicy characters amongst them.
Here's who they are (in alphabetical order, according to Partner 1's name).
Brian and Greg  |
Brian and Greg
|
Brian and Greg are brothers who come from sunny Santa Monica, California – although I see it's been snowing in California recently, which is ridiculous. How can it snow at the sea?
It could explain why the brothers are so pale though – either this or they never see daylight as a result of working through the night. Brian is a bartender-stroke-actor and Greg is a bouncer, which sucks if he's anything like any of the bulldog Pig bouncers I've met.
The only hope with him is that he's bouncing for the same reason Brian's bartending i.e. he's an out of work actor too. Greg's got a Degree in Radio, Film and Television so he could be and I don't know what Brian's degree is in.
From the looks of things the two of them are very buddy-buddy and do stuff together like playing basketball and horse riding.
It's tricky telling them apart, don't you think? I was going to say Brian but then had no clue what he looked like.
It's like when you look at them together they appear different but when you look at them individually you can't remember how the other looks different. This is what comes from being brothers, I suppose.
Official Bio
Debbie and Bianca  |
Debbie and Bianca
|
These two are obviously gonna need to get up extra early to make sure they have their make-up on perfectly for the race.
It works for them though because they've both got gorge skin and the fact that Bianca's name is Bianca is cool because there's never been one on a race.
Debbie and Bianca are best friends from Los Angeles, California and Woodbridge, Virginia who've entered the race to challenge their travelling skills. They've both travelled and lived in different parts of world and don't mention racing for the moolah.
Bianca is a high school teacher who's finishing her Masters degree in Education, while Debbie is a freelance photographer who takes chick photographs of Debbie.
Nah, that's not true - I just made it up because it sounded juicy and of course you never know. Freelance photographer types are always edgy, and Debbie enjoys going to art museums, surfing and reading classic literature - which means she could defs be arty-experimental in Blue Crushy sorts of ways.
Official Bio
Lynn and Alex  |
Lynn and Alex
|
Puhlease, do me a favour - a guy called Lynn is the most ridiculous thing ever. It's obviously because Lynn and Alex are unmarried boyfriends but still - I can't believe Lynn's name could actually be Lynn before they met, which was four years ago.
The couple say they're entering the race to put their relationship to the test as they approach their four-year anniversary. They met in a bar and have been together ever since.
They too live in California, in West Hollywood, and are both account executives, whatever those are.
There's quite an age difference between them - Alex is 22 and Lynn (grrr – there are two n's I just realised) is 30.
Alex's dad doesn't know he's gay. I just don't see how he could be so thick - surely you'd have to know he's gay if you were his dad and met Lynn?
Alex has introduced Lynn to him – but they haven't told him about their relationship. Coming out on TV to your parents is actually quite a genius idea because it makes it impossible for them to make a huge unnecessary "What have I done wrong?" scene.
Official Bio
Megan and Heidi  |
Megan and Heidi
|
How's these two for looking exactly the same as each other and Debbie and Bianca? They also come from California and do things like rollerblade up promenades in crack-rushing shorts.
They don't actually say this, they just obviously do – in between fashion designing, staying at home and being a mom.
Megan's a fashion designer and Heidi's a stay-at-home-mom who's also a make-up artist. The interesting thing about the two of them is that they're room-mates, which suggests there has to be some sort of story about Heidi's daughter's father. Like, who-left-who and where does she get the moolah not to work?
As for why they entered the race - they say it's to challenge themselves and because they enjoy competition, but I reckon it's for the cash.
Megan's got a phobia of flying which could be divine if their pretty pink bandanas are ripped off their heads and used for nooses to soothe their anguish instead. Funny how the idea of seeing them in pain can make you feel very pleased.
Official Bio
Meredith and Gretchen  |
Meredith and Gretchen
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Can you believe there's another someone with a chick's name? Meredith's is even more ridiculous than Lynn's though because he's not even gay. Who in their right minds would have called their son Meredith in 1937? That's when Meredith was born, with Gretchen three years behind him – obviously from some sort of Germanic descent.
Meredith's a retired executive and Gretchen's a retired air hostess and also a nurse. They live in Maryland which I've never seen - I always think of it as it being quite sensitively girlie.
The cool thing about them is that a reason they entered is because they're fans of The Amazing Race, were watching and decided they wanted to give it a go.
"Give it a go" being the crucial words here - the olds always end up trailing behind and in this instance I just don't see it being different – espesh because of how Meredith looks exactly like a tortoise.
Official Bio
Ray and Deana  |
Ray and Deana
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Mmmm, Ray and Deana have an on-off relationship which means there absolutely has to be love/hate trouble between them.
They're racing for the same reason as Rebecca and her Helldog in TAR6, saying they want to test their relationship and find answers to whether they should be together or not.
Ray is a stockbroker which you can tell from his choppers and Deana is in marketing and promotions, which is odd because she doesn't really look the pushy sort.
She's quite pretty in a semi-freckly sort of way and she's 17 years younger than Ray which is excellent - I've always been keen to get a glimpse into such daddy-type relationships.
From the looks of things Ray could defs be a Pig because he describes himself as cocky and says that he never does anything wrong. That and his blue bandana makes his smile look like a grimace and I have to stop looking at him or I'll get creeped out.
Official Bio
Rob and Amber  |
Rob and Amber
|
It's hysterical knowing about them already and I'm delighted to see Rob looking so gorgely delish. I really, really wanted him to win Survivor All-Stars and even though I liked Amber and she shared the moolah with him I still thought he should have actually won.
I love the fact that he's getting another chance in The Amazing Race and that there could be no better partner for him than Amber. When she was in Survivor: The Australian Outback I wanted to slap her within an inch of her life but then it all changed in All-Stars when she seemed sweet. I just don't see him getting engaged to someone who sucks.
They're both also avid fans of TAR which means they too will find themselves being in something they always watch. It's got to be wild as it all starts, particularly if you've already been in two seasons of something else like they have.
As for how they'll do - I'm terrified for them, because even though they were so excellent in Survivor, TAR's a very different game. It would be too divine if they do well. It's too much to hope. I'm dying to see what happens with them.
Official Bio
Ron and Kelly  |
Ron and Kelly
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Oookay, then - they're gonna be a problem because Kelly's a Miss South Carolina pageant queen and Ron is - get this – a former Prisoner of War.
An
Iraqi POW who was held captive after his helicopter was shot down during the war (is it officially over or not?). He's one of the pilots they kept showing on CNN at the time and he was released or rescued - I can't remember which.
His bio says he was rescued by the United States Marines, which is exactly why he's gonna be a problem - I'm suspicious of anything that has to do with the war.
Also, being put in a position where I feel I should like somebody because they're already a hero doesn't impress me, which means Ron's gonna have to be extra-super if he's to be a fave.
As for Kelly and how she met Ron - he got back from Iraq and was introduced to her while she was a reigning beauty queen. She's also a legislative correspondent and isn't actually wearing her crown, so there could be hope with her I suppose.
Official Bio
Ryan and Chuck  |
Ryan and Chuck
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Ryan and Chuck are best friends, have been all their life and from the looks of their chubs they enjoy things like chowing down and boozing.
They're from South Carolina (which means Kelly was their queen for a year, hehe). Ryan is a contractor type and Chuck is a boiler tube replacement salesman, which makes them very different from everyone else. What's up with boilers being so complicated?
There's something quite fun about Ryan and Chuck, picturing them sitting on brown couches in dim sunlight, in front of their TV, drinking beer and deciding to race.
The reason they've entered is because they want to travel the world together and the things they get up to in their spare time includes riding motorcycles and being religious. This could obviously be an annoying problem if they do the whole "God gets involved in reality TV shows" thing.
Other than the potential slap of that they could be impressive if they race with the grit of those Harley-type dudes. I also quite like the semi-retro look Chuck's got going on and would have thought if either of them were to be married it would be Ryan instead of him.
Chuck's married, Ryan isn't, Chuck wants Ryan to get married too and I'm certain Ryan's hairstyle has something to do with it. What a guy's hairstyle says about them cannot be underestimated and I'm quizzy to see if their hair or lack thereof has any sort of impact on their race.
Official Bio
Susan and Patrick  |
Susan and Patrick
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Argh! A parent-child team, which means I'm going to loathe them. Susan and Patrick are the first mother/son team to do The Amazing Race and I just don't see it making any difference.
Things worked out between Hera and Gus's daughter/father team last season but when it started they were a mess and when they finished they were the exception rather than the rule.
Parent/child teams irritate me bigtime, espesh the parents in them and how they always seem to think that the way they see their kids is the way they are, then disapprove of them when they're not.
There's also something about the battles that take place between them that have moments of being very sad as they try to understand each other – or don't. That's the worst – when they don't even try.
There is hope for these two though because they don't mention having any of these sorts of troubles in their relationship, and the fact that Patrick's gay seems to be no problem.
Patrick says that his parents were very supportive of him when he announced he was gay and together they say they entered TAR because they're also big fans of the show and want to see the world together.
Could it be possible that they have nooo issues at all? Maybe Susan being a Director of Judicial Affairs will have something to do with it – I have no clue what that is but it sounds quite fair.
As for Patrick – he's a writer.
Official Bio
Uchenna and Joyce  |
Uchenna and Joyce
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The second of two married teams in the race, Uchenna and Joyce are from Houston, Texas and their relationship isn't quite as hunky-dory as Gretchen and her girlfriend's.
Before entering the race both Uchenna and Joyce worked for companies that went bankrupt after being involved in corporate scandals – Uchenna's company was Enron. I can't remember what the Enron thing was all about and always imagine it involves futuristic offices selling pyramid schemes.
They say they've entered the race so they can get closer - they lost their closeness as a result of the stresses they've been through.
Of course the moolah after all the bankruptcy has to be a reason too - their bio says they've hinted at wanting to win so they can try in vitro again.
They've been trying to have a child, tried in vitro and it hasn't been successful, which is something else that's contributed to the stress between them – or they've seen having a child as being the solution to it.
That's the thing that troubles me when it comes to really wanting to have children – the why's of it and whether children are wanted to fix something or enhance it.
We'll obviously get to see which it is when we meet them, which will be directly proportional to their Pig factor. Uchenna's grin is way too much like Ray's to impress me, but Joyce has quite a sweet face.
As for what they do currently - Joyce is a sales manager and Uchenna is an energy broker, whatever that is.
Official Bio
And those are them! The 11 TAR 7 racing teams coming up soon in what are guaranteed to be trippily divine TAR dum-de-dum opening moments.