Wait! This week's episode was the second half of the premier. I suppose that a week later it's not really the premier anymore, is it? It's a bit like eating half your lunch at 11 and the second half at 1: it's the same thing, yes, but unless we're stuffing ourselves with as much food as possible, it's not really the same. I like to stuff my face full of The Amazing Race.
Binge TV, I call it.
This episode started in the airport, where everyone was doing what you do in an airport:
waiting. Why isn't there an aeroplane taxi system? Stick your thumb out, whistle, and a 747 plops down next to you. They could also save time on drop-off’s by just flying really close to the ground and slowing down a bit. It could work...
So anyway, the teams got on their respective flights and 18 seconds later were on the ground. Wow, Peru is a small country. Speaking of Peru, there really was nothing but blankets and donkeys, as Alex or Lynn said. They had donkeys wrapped in blankets, for Quetzalcoatl's sake. The hats that they wore there were just hat-shaped blankets, or hat-shaped donkeys, depending on your preference.
The Fast Way Down The first obstacle the teams had to face was a giant slide. The locals call it the "Scare the Crap (and money) out of the Tourists" slide. They have a betting pool in that valley: whoever has a tourist plummet to their deaths on their house wins the pool.
The contestants were no doubt aware of the locals laughing at them. The reasons for the laughter were not just the ridiculous matching outfits everyone wears; the locals were laughing because only an idiot would use the slide and not, instead, take the lift. TAR contestants seem to enjoy making life hard for themselves.
It's a pity that
some of the contestants (I won't mention names, so I'll just call him
Ratrick for now) didn't try to overtake the others by taking a leap off of the cliff. Now
that would have been cunning.
Traffic After deftly handling the really tricky slide (how ever did they figure out that they had to
hold on and
hang around for a bit?) they were confronted with a detour: move a couple of Llama's around, or shift a barrel full of marijuana (hey, they're in Incaville, do as the Incas do, right?).
So, most of the smart teams chose drug trafficking. The dumb teams chose Llama herding. When the first thing the animal does is blow his nose on you, you know you're probably not going to be able to make it move very far. Why would anyone want to keep animals with permanent sinus trouble? Is snot a valuable resource in Peru?
(The dumbest team chose to sit and argue about which is quicker, ended up doing both (badly) and still came first. How's that luck, eh?)
Don't ask me what Meredith was doing. He seemed to have those little snotrags under his permanent control. They only did this challenge because Gretchen complained about how heavy the baskets were. Thirty five pounds is heavy? I'll bet Meredith's pace-maker and metal plates are heavier than that. Gretchen should have just attached the basket to her walker; it would have been an easy trip.
Whatever their reasons, they did pretty well in that challenge. I think it's because Meredith and Gretchen had been there before, back in the day when those ruins were new.
Don't complain
(From the show)
Deana: "I can't breathe."
Ray: "Don't complain!" Deana has a handicap. That handicap is
The Need to Breathe. Ray feels that this handicap is slowing them down, and he is right. He doesn't need to breathe, of course, being a
Rock. Rocks are also ok at high altitude, so that didn't affect him either. He's a real trooper and Deana is a Class A Whiner.
Observing the Pretty People There are two groups of pretty people: the Boys (Brian & Greg) and the Girls (Megan and Heidi). You can tell just by the things they do. Brian and Greg's favourite word is Jog.
Brian: "Let's get the clue"
Greg: "Wanna get a jog on?"
Brian: "Woohoo! Jog!"
Greg: "I don't want to take the slide, I want to jog down the mountain!"
The Peruvians, meanwhile, have been super-friendly to the Girls. This has nothing to do with the amount of feeling-up going on when they were being strapped into their harnesses before going down the slide.
The only reason the Girls finished ahead of the others was because Heidi urged Megan to 'use her instincts' when searching for the final clue. 'Which instinct?' I hear you ask. The survival instinct? Motherly instinct? Oh no, she used her
Shopping instinct. They were in a crowded market after all. It's a bit like the force. She could scan all of the aisles while standing in one spot. Amazing.
First Class Upgrade of the Day For the second week in a row, Meredith took a fall and broke some eggs (last week he grabbed some guy’s crotch). To not want to kill yourself after that takes some guts, so I'll give this week's First Class Upgrade to him.
Stow-away of the Day Ratrick, again, I'm afraid. Last week he was very gung-ho about how he felt about Rob. This week, when confronted with having to be within 3 feet of the man, went all mushy and basically soaked Rob in his tears of Idolatry. If they suck so much, why would you even align with them? Is it because you're a backstabbing rat? And speaking of: how on earth do you backstab someone in TAR? Send them to the wrong country? Slash their tyres? Pay all of the locals to not help them? You can't backstab someone if they're 8 positions ahead of you, Patrick. You also can't backstab someone if you're a fool. That's strike two for you. Go sleep in the back of the truck.
Postcard of the Day "Dear Ken Lay
I found a great place to stash those vital Enron documents, the ones that would bring down civilization as we know it. We have dug a great big hole here in Peru. It's where we plan to bury Ray after we're done with him, but I suppose we could build it a bit bigger.
Hugs & kisses,
Uchenna"
Holiday Snapshot of the Day Taken from Rob & Amber's tour diary: we finally understand the llama obsession:
