Warning to all haters, I instruct you to get in touch with your sense of humour before you read this PARODY, after all, I'm Nonhle Thema, jeseeees, silly haters! We also frankly exeggerate on this article, you silly!
You know guys, I am actually shocked that my very own country isn't embracing me even though I'm a big celebrity in the United States. I am the very first South African to have
my very own South African reality TV show and you don't praise me, not even a magazine cover nyana nje. I know most magazines hate me.
Bonang isn't my competition, silly her! She doesn't have R10 million, her silly broke-self
Drum magazine was interested in doing an article on me but I told them if it's not a cover I was not gonna do it because I am a number one celebrity in South Africa, and in Hollyhood for that matter. I said this to the Drum magazine because I know if you are not on Generations, you will never be on their magazine cover.
You can say anything abot me, I'm too rich to care. I'm rich, I have over R10 million as my bank balance. Earlier this year, I bought my mom an A Class Merc. Who of you has ever done that at the age of 29?
Let me remind you shem, my mom is a star,
she acts on Muvhango as Thandaza's mom. Do you know that she shot to fame in the hit film Shaka Zulu? Even though I'm not on
many magazine like Connie Furgeson is, it's fine, because Connie doesn't have the same bank balance as I have. I'm shocked, you know silly haters, that Lewis didn't choose me to do that TV ad, instead, they chose Connie and Shona, but I am more rich than they are, you silly haters.
My body is way better than Bonang's, you silly haters
Shem, back in 2008, my mom and I appeared on the cover of True Love magazine. Also later that year, I appeared on the flip cover of Destiny mag. In 2010, I appeared on the cover of Joburg Style magazine. I also appeared on the cover of Bona magazine this year, I also think I was on Move! cover, but I can't remember because I'm rich.
I spend my time worrying about bigger things than your worries about your bounced debit orders. Unlike you silly haters, I don't have Edgars calling me asking when am I going to pay my R60.57 monthly instalment and the arreas of R14.72. I wear designer labels haters.
Do you know which car I drive? I will leave you to guess on that one. Unlike you haters and you all silly haters.
Bonang was never on the cover of True Love, silly.
The South African media is treating me harshly though when the reality TV stars such as the Kardashins come to MY country, they are treated like mega-stars. Our media is very lunatic, they don't celebrate me.
After my Hollyhood film releases wordlwide, I am going to start charging R1 million per interview. Akere now they don't think I'm a mega star. Even if you can laugh, I'm still rich you silly haters.
Terry was never on the cover of this mag, silly
You media people aren't writing anything about me even though I'm the number one celebrity in this country. So, I come up with my own media strategy to receive coverage and it works. It's because of my tweets that you write about me and as a result, I now have more follow on Tiwtter than Gareth Cliff. In fact, I'm surprised MNet isn't giving me Gareth Cliff's job on Idols shem, silly haters. Maybe MNet is also a silly hater.
Boom haters, I am the executive producers of my own reality show. But because you haters don't read any TV show credits, you didn't see that one. In season 2 of my show, I will have my name and my title of exec producer appearing every 10 seconds during the show haters, boom.
My body is rich with coco-butter, silly. Yours is rich with fat, silly haters
You can laugh for all I care haters but there is no one in this continent who can say they were the face of Dark 'n Lovely. Do you know how much I got from that ambassadorial role? I got over R2 million, you silly haters. My reality show earned me R2 million rands you viewers. Arg, you bore me. I have never seen boring viewers of a reality show such as you. The media and bloggers are supposed to write about every episode of my show. Does brown envelope journalism still work in this country, please tell me silly haters.
Been there, done that, silly haters. In fact, I think you stole him from me you silly girls
I know many of you have the hots for Lungile Radu who is known to you as that guy from Rythm City but rich people like me know him from Channel O, or is it MTV Base, I'm too rich to remember. Any way, while you lot are still wishing, he was once mine lol. I have been there, worn the T-shirt and I now threw it away, you silly haters.
Arg haters, I'm surprised you don't know DJ Sbu is not my friend and he was part of my farewell with my friends when I left for Hollyhood to film my show. I paid him to be one of my friends for the filming, you silly haters.
No one makes more money like I do. Your tweets and Facebook statuses about me are silly, they make me lol because I'm a celebrity. Having over R10 million in your bank account is deep stuff you silly haters. More
deeper than Carino's definition of what a father is.
Brown Shugga is my friend, you silly
Now that I am talking about bloggers, I may just as well elaborate on them. Ha, Blaqueboi and Brown Shugga are the top bloggers in this country and they are my friends you silly haters.
Blaque is a loyal friend of mine because he never writes anything negative about me, I am not so sure about Brown Shugga though. I can see she treads carefully because she never puts words in my mouth,
so I appreciate her friendship. One day I will take the two of them to Hollyhood and leave you silly haters behind.
And that guy, I think his name is Makisto, he can write whatever about me and Speak Frankly about it, I don't care shem. He is an unknown blogger and Sana Lwam doesn't like his Monday World, you silly haters.
Hate me for being rich, silly. But you have never rubbed shoulders with top schelbs like me, go bite dust, silly haters.
When I tweeted that I am the best, Heat magazine put me at the top corner of their magazine cover. This time I am hoping that, after my recent tweets, they will make me the main cover girl. Being on a magazine cover is deep stuff, you silly haters.
I'm the most beautiful girl ever, you silly haters. Hate my looks, silly
Terry Pheto and Bonang Matheba can never be compared to me you silly Bonang fans. Entlike, why wasn't I on the
number 4 spot in the FHM Sexy 100. Those votes were rigged you silly haters. If they weren't it, I would have been the very first Black South African to be on that number 1 spot you silly haters.
Bonang's reality show wasn't on TV and Terry Pheto is just a glorified The bold and The Beautiful actress. As if that's great, you silly media people wrote positively about those boring news and write negative stuff about me and my show. Any way, I'm too rich to care. I'm not just a presenter, you silly haters, I have my own company, Nonhle Thema Productions, wake up and realise your silly tweets and blogs about me are a walk in the park, arg, silly haters, you are so annoying. I feed off your negative energy, it makes my ego grow.
Blaqueboi is my friend, you silly.
Between Bonang and I,
I am the best one, do you hear me you silly hating Cheesa?
And lastly, no, this isn't an attention seeking plot. I'm not messed up in my head like y'all silly haters think.
Gotta go now, it was fun. Once again, my tweets make you all start talking about my brand, mission accomplished, aaaaaaaaaaarg, you silly haters.