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after lobola, the wedding day

Written by tzhavile from the blog 50/50 wedding on 14 Sep 2009
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after reading an article about the lobola and the negotiations, i quickly thought about the role of males in wedding process

after being milked all the money for lobola, we as males are still deprived on what and how we would like 'our' wedding to be like. instead its all about the bride wanting 'my day' to be perfect. after seeing tyler perry's mades's family reunion, there is a wedding scene (i think it was paris theme), i told someone who is supposed to be girlfriend that if it so happens that i marry her, i would also like to have the very same theme..........thats when she started on how she woul like 'my big day to be'...........

my question is, after the lobala, cant i atleast have a major say in 'our' wedding, since i am also paying for everything...atleast most of it???

second question: what would ypu like your wedding to be like?(q for males)

for instance, as my bride walks down the isle, i could see through her eyes, through the veil, with jennifer hudson's 'givin myself over' playing on the backgroud............and after the rings, shania twain's from this moment on playing on the background.........the reception.....some luther vandros'so amazing.........and some dangeourously in love in between.......

whats your take, as a man, how would you like to take your bride?
as a lady, how would you like to be officially taken?

63 Comments

tzhavile
14 Sep 2009 11:39

laat ons hoor, how do you see your wedding day?

maud
14 Sep 2009 11:44

as a lady, how would you like to be officially taken?- i would like my wedding day to be simple and stress less, and we all know it wont happen

lady gaga
14 Sep 2009 11:53

i would love to go all out, not sure which angle yet but the glizt and glamour will do, nothing simple thank u and i like what u said here " for instance, as my bride walks down the isle, i could see through her eyes, through the veil, with jennifer hudson's 'givin myself over' playing on the backgroud.." i would love this too, just imagining myself walking to my husband to be with that song playing, God i want to get married rite now!

cleve
14 Sep 2009 11:59

ask TKSM she knows since I will be her bridesmaid on her wedding day................ YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

maud
14 Sep 2009 12:04

LadyG- make sure trhat you choose a husband who can dance, hey its so hard to teach these people i step.

GML
14 Sep 2009 12:11

My hubby is very involved. In fact he is more involved than I am. I stress about things and he comes in and makes a decision when I cant decide.

I should ask him this question tonight.

Can I ask a question please.

How much meat does one need for about 100 people? I have no idea how much to budget for the meat for traditional ceremonies

lady gaga
14 Sep 2009 12:12

will do maud, is your husband giving u trouble regarding i step or dancing my friend???.........

wow cleve thats nice(being the bridesmaid) i would also love to do that one day

maud
14 Sep 2009 12:16

my friend dancing is fine , the step, you will think that his both legs are left legs

tzhavile
14 Sep 2009 12:17

@GML. How much meat does one need for about 100 people?

i think for traditional ceremony you are always safe with a cow, as in slaughter. from what i hear, it is way too expamsive to actually buy from a butchery

nekzo
14 Sep 2009 12:21

How much meat does one need for about 100 people? I have no idea how much to budget for the meat for traditional ceremonies@ GML meat is expensive my dear you can buy meat for R1500 or more on red meat only,

nekzo
14 Sep 2009 12:22

Iya tzhavile is right

GML
14 Sep 2009 12:28

Thanks people.

I will buy from the meat market. We will also buy those huge packets of chicken drumsticks.

cleve
14 Sep 2009 12:32

Gml please invite me i need food LOL

maud
14 Sep 2009 12:35

GML- you need to slaughter a cow, kufuneka inyongo .

Sslave
14 Sep 2009 12:39

as my bride walks down the isle, i could see through her eyes, through the veil, with jennifer hudson's 'givin myself over' playing on the backgroud............and after the rings, shania twain's from this moment on playing on the background.........the reception.....some luther vandros'so amazing.........and some dangeourously in love in between.......

I just got goose-bumps wen reading this... i love those 3 artists plus some john legend in between

GML
14 Sep 2009 12:45

sivuma umkwenyane Maud so we will slaughter a sheep for that. But obviously a sheep wont be enough that's why i ask...

maud
14 Sep 2009 12:46

GML-that makes it worse kufuneka inkomo please, and i am coming too

Cheesa
14 Sep 2009 12:47

Tshavile 'I want my day to be perfect.' how? I don't know I have not thought about it yet. I just want it to be perfect.

Msoe
14 Sep 2009 12:48

There is nothing I hate on wedding days like the steps they do when they enter the church. Gosh!!!! I dont know who ever came up with that idea because its just not on. I want my bridesmaid to come in just walking slowly one by one since I'll only have 3. O bestman ngeke bangene nga-step ngoba vele bayamabhimbhi. Than I will come in with the piano playing "Here comes the bride". So please the step thing is not on.

maud
14 Sep 2009 12:52

@Msoe -if you are getting married at the church especialy the anglican church, they will play that for you

GML
14 Sep 2009 13:03

Maud, we cant do a cow, what if half the people dont pitch? What then? Phela we live in the suburbs and I know our neighbours wont bother coming. And I'm sure not everyone from Natal will pitch

@Msoe: I know what you mean, that's why I want the traditional stuff to be istep then the actual wedding the way I want.

My parents want us to march in the street..... I dont mind it as i will be wearing the zulu tradition but my white dress and marching estradeni? NO

Holiday
14 Sep 2009 13:09

Hi everyone...didnt you missed me bloggers??????

KeleFabulous
14 Sep 2009 13:34

tzhavile i think i'm in love with you...

Mafresh
14 Sep 2009 14:39

@ GML, there must be lots and lots of relatives from elokshini, bo aunti who will wash those big, no.25 pots and take mofao with them. Plus ke tla be re le dhaaaaaaaaaaaaa, so ska tlo re lapisa, assemblieeeef!!!!!

miss dikobe
14 Sep 2009 15:35

tzhavs, you jus reminded me of the scene in the movie, the white wedding, when zandi's granma was explaing to her how the wedding should be (the groom wearing a three piece suite)....

anayway, i want mine to be glorious.........walking down the isle, i want beyonce's dangeourosly in love......and when that part of the song that says something like *i see my future in your eyes...* i look straight into my hubby's eyes........me tryin to hold back my tears..............

tzhavile
14 Sep 2009 15:52

Reply from: KeleFabulous 9/14/2009 7:34:51 PM

tzhavile i think i'm in love with you...

to blow my own horn............., i love to love.

@mafresh- i am with you there, faki i nyama u zo bona just how many relatives you have

Mafresh
14 Sep 2009 17:23

To all the bride/groom-2-b:
There is no such thing as a perfect wedding, there's always a ukungahambi kahle okuthize nje, so bear in mind gore etlare on emetse Lionel Richie, ebe nama e shota or sound e flopa. So u gotta have room for dissapointment, that way no mess on yo make-up

tzhavile
15 Sep 2009 13:01

So u gotta have room for dissapointment, that way no mess on yo make-up

@mafresh, u so right..........there is always that one thing that always go its own way.

maud
15 Sep 2009 13:04

as long as the rings and the bride & Groom are tthere, i dont care,

Zazacious
15 Sep 2009 13:20

omg thzavile i also loved that wedding scene in madeas family reunion.
And thats exactly how i want mine to be (In my dreams of coz)

but more seriously you are right we women kinda tend to over look what d groom wants, but If i like you should also mos lol

maud
15 Sep 2009 13:25

some of the grooms they dont show any excitement in all the arrangements,

lady gaga
15 Sep 2009 13:31

so maud my friend when is the big day, u'll never know maybe i can rock up yazi. do tell please!

maud
15 Sep 2009 13:36

03/10/2009- Robin Islant and 4th Eastern Cape .

Tholi
15 Sep 2009 13:42

on my wedding i will just hire a wedding planner, bcos if i'm the one who's arranging everything i would die b4 even getting married, eish i stress tomuch mina. what if we loose the rings, what if the groom doesn't show up, what if the dress doesn't fit me on the day, what if nobody attends, what if Pastor mix up the dates and doesn't come.

but in all that, i just cant wait to see my man crying while i'm walking down the isle.
i will be very disappointed if he doesn't cry. lol

Tshilo
15 Sep 2009 13:42

i dont want wedding.they are waste of money.when my man is done paying the lobola i will just move in with him.

Tholi
15 Sep 2009 13:45

@Msoe, i like it its so entertaining!

lady gaga
15 Sep 2009 13:51

@maud Robin Island is this the one in Cape town my friend if so NOOOOOO

maud
15 Sep 2009 13:58

yes that one , i was there this weekend to meet our decor, i was impressed how people take their work so serious, i had to even taste some of the food for the menu.

lady gaga
15 Sep 2009 14:02

oh well galfrend Good luck for ur big day!!!!! hope things go well

Ms. Jay
15 Sep 2009 14:03

weddings are never perfect, so just enjoy your day, don worry who is upset or who didn get wat its your day and just celebrate, after all the elation is only for 2 weeks so y waste it on wanting "the" perfect wedding?

Lex
15 Sep 2009 15:40

now you make me wanna get married,mxim!

mathata
15 Sep 2009 16:13

ppl like big wedding i dont know why.esp poor(like myself) ppl im mean middle class.

ppl they dont mind to spend $,the next day they look for a place to rent,they dont even have a bed only matress to take a nap.or they rent a back room,but they have a big wedding ,

just sign a paper you will be happy,than feeding stomach you dont even know.after they kaak yr food they tell you some S**.

im married but i didnt do a wedding bcs i didnt want to rent.

lady gaga
15 Sep 2009 16:16

mathata o mathata ka nnete.............................lol

maud
15 Sep 2009 16:18

you are talking about people who never planned first dear, you cant feed people while you dont have a place to stay, its impossible.

Lex
15 Sep 2009 16:23

errrr,mathata,that's a bit absurd don't you think.I wont waste my sympathies on people who dont think their things through.

mathata
15 Sep 2009 16:30

@Lady gaga. most ppl after they have a wedding they left with bills,i dont want to lie.

I said honey no wedding,that money will be deposit a second house.i rather drag him into something that will last forever.

some ppl they drink you beer later they come to you,..did you know 1992 i F** your wife to the bush.

Ms. Jay
15 Sep 2009 16:36

maud but I know of some pple who did that, big wedding, renting, empty place,

i agree with mathata, no need to be all so extravagent and end up in debt or poor after signing

Ms. Jay
15 Sep 2009 16:40

just sign a paper you will be happy,than feeding stomach you dont even know.after they kaak yr food they tell you some S**.

buhaaaaaaaaaaaaa I wouldn have said it that way but i agree

mathata
15 Sep 2009 16:42

@tzhavile,be careful, you have a family to build,dont let public opinion drives you.

buy a decent ring for yr wife n f** her,God will bless you,Women! women ,be careful when you deal with a women with money.

i dont mean yr wife is a cheap slut,you said it before ..they milked you with lobola,what more do you want to see.

they will milked you if you behave n sound like a king in a castle.

Ms. Jay
15 Sep 2009 16:46

LMAO @ mathata, you are something else

TheLady
15 Sep 2009 16:47

"buy a decent ring for yr wife n f** her,God will bless you," ROTFLMAO

mathata
15 Sep 2009 16:58

Ms .Jay, what do you mean?if im wrong just tell me,im here to learn.

Ms. Jay
16 Sep 2009 08:33

no you are not, I jus find the tone you using to b amusing

HARAMBE24
16 Sep 2009 08:42

since most people are dreamers here, i will aslo dish my ideal wedding: i need something simple, very intimate - say 50 people at some game lorge in the middle of north west, late at night - we exchange vows and have a small party..no church stuff

lady gaga
16 Sep 2009 08:48

Harambe o moheteni ngwana batho,sho..........lol

TKSM
16 Sep 2009 08:57

ask TKSM she knows since I will be her bridesmaid on her wedding day................ YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

kwakwakwa cleve...my friend is it confirmed???????????LOL!!!!

Strolicious
16 Sep 2009 09:08

Lol Lady G...
I'd love to have a garden wedding wth 100 guest.....50/50

HARAMBE24
16 Sep 2009 10:01

Lady Gaga: nna ke stabane..so i dont see some preachy old man in a church...now pass me ure ex with the cutest dick and let me marry his ass...LOL

mayesma
16 Sep 2009 14:24

if women are beutiful ,God may have one

VIOLET24
17 Dec 2009 11:11

I NEED HELP OR SHOULD I SAY ADVISE, WELL MY BOYFRIEND IS COMING TO PAY LOBOLA IN TWO WEEKS TIME AM NERVOUS COZ I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH WILL THEY CHARGE HIM N I HAVE A 2YRS OLD SON FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP HE LOVES MY SON.

BigMama
17 Dec 2009 11:29

@Violet24........You don't have to know how much he will be charged or will be willing to pay. It is the duty of your uncles and the negotiators, so stop stressing about it.

Tholi
17 Dec 2009 11:43

Violet my gal, BigMama is right, u don't have to stress about the lobola. but I know u can't help it but wondering how much r they going to ask? I've been there done that. U know your man't wallet, just speak to your mother about it, so that she can help soften your uncles. and u must know that even though u have a child but still worth as fruitful as a Virgin! lol

VIOLET24
17 Dec 2009 12:22

EISH WELL HE`S NOT RICH BUT HE CAN AFFORD,ONE THAT AM GLAD ABOUT IS THAT I WONT BE DOING THE UKU KOTIZA AT HIS PARENTS HOUSE COZ HE MOTHER SAID AFTER OUR WEDDING THAT WILL B SOME TYM NEXT YEAR I CAN GO TO MY HOUSE

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