Hasbro and Hollywood have released another money-making 165-minute car and product placement advert masquerading as a movie, a la Transformers 4: Age of Extinction.
The plot is so flimsy, if you start to really think about it, it comes off the seams like Fong Kong takkies after 6 months. Yet Kelsey Grammer and Stanley Tucci are in it and are by far the only saving grace in this sorry excuse of robot/action porn that continues to pop-up on our screens.
There was a time when sci-fi was the thinking man’s genre but of late even poor Star Trek has fallen for the dumbing down of sci-fi. Sci-fi has become an excuse to goof out with plot Mcguffins and Special Effects at the expense of the great ideas, character or story that made sci-fi so cool.
We may not have racist Robots or gigantic metalic sexual organs in this one, but we still have a story and tone that’s pitched at 8-year-olds though with some seriously worrying issues around notions of violence and storytelling.
The story is bloated with an excessive 165 minute running time with nothing much to say that requires such a length. The excessive-ness extends to the sheer wanton destruction that Bay seems to enjoy.
Creatures being killed because they're ugly, cites are destroyed 'cause it would look cool to do - nothing that either advances the story or the characters. After the dust settles, you still don’t know what it was really about and why most of it actually happened. What was motivating these characters to do what they did, espicially the lead?
Oh, sorry for using such a bad word like "character" 'cause we all know in Michael Bay’s world, characters don’t exist just caricatures. That’s why you don’t even need to mention in the movie what happened to Sam Witwicky aka Shia LeBoueff, who was once the Autobods friend and close ally (for 3 movies) whose non-existent in this one.
That’s why Stanley Tucci, though brilliant, is more a carricuture of Steve Jobs in this than a meat and flesh inventor. He's there to be the side gag \ comedic relief, when the robots are busy beating each other up, fortunately for us,Tucci is a brillant actor and makes the material work for him.
Mark Wahlberg is wasted though. He's a cardboard cut-out of a lone Texas ranger stereotype. Him against the world with it’s own form of am OK carol showdown in China ,the only reason China is there is because Hollywood is yearning for more pull with the Chinese when it hits their market - the story does not need it.
Yes, the Robots looks better. Yes, when they fight they no longer look like pieces of mangled wire but this film does not have a soul, a big idea or even some form of emotional hook.
Like porno movies, it's just about seeing things happen i.e. seeing things being blown up, shot at, beaten down and gigantic robotic dinosaurs that breath fire … seriously they breath fire and they're dinosaurs… you don’t need to care about them or understand why they are there - they just need to breath fire or explode. Yet if you are someone who is able to connect dots of a plot and want some form of a story, wait for it to play on DStv because this is Razzie territory … you’ve been warned … at least at home you can switch channels.
Rating *1/2
*junk **almost bearable ***now we cooking ****almost perfect *****classic ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After the world cup watch out for video reviews,yes you going to have to read or wtch my ugly mug for your reviews moving forward.