If I were on
Survivor, the one reward I would definitely beg and plead for is the one where I participate in a stomach churning ride through nauseatingly humid jungle, and then stuff myself full of coma-inducing chocolate whilst having to look at Bobby Jon's festering, open wounds. Yeah, I'd love that so much, especially after a Reward Challenge that involved spinning around a lot. That'd be
sweet. Now do you believe me about Jeff being
the devil?
Judd's Button
After Judd deluded himself into believing that he had anything to do with his own survival last week, he continued to be, well, Juddular. He does this often: acts like an ass, then feels bad about it, and tries to cover up his actions by acting like more of an ass. Judd's grasp of logic, as with his
'graps [sic]' of the English language, is very much like Bobby Jon's grasp of
subtlety.
Judd: I don't feel bad about the vote at all, really I don't. I mean, she was asking for it. I feel no need to justify my decision.... (five minutes later) Judd: .... and she was always, like, the mother hen, and she would always play that role, and did I tell you about the time.... (five minutes later)Judd:... and I really don't think we even need to speak about it. There's nothing to discuss. Speaking of discussing, did you notice what Margaret said... (five minutes later)Judd:... and she was always pushing my button-Steph: Which button would that be? If it's the self-destruct button, I'd like to see it please. Judd, and his one button: why am I not surprised?
Flesh-Wounds and Challenges-Wound
Yaxha wins the award for most disgusting tribe ever. It all starts and ends with Bobby Jon. You can't blame him, though, having been raised in a cave on a farm and all. He grew up with open sores. Festerment (festeration?) is a way of life for him. And it makes sense, in a way: I can just picture Bobby Jon's immune system now.
Bobby Jon's Immune System: Aaarrgh! Bacteria bad!
The Reward Challenge was somewhat bizarre. I'm still not entirely sure what it was all about, but all I know is that Yaxha should have just forfeited and kept those bandages for their wounds. But, this is Yaxha we're talking about: they're all about priorities. In the end, Nakum couldn't, um, Synchronously Rotate well enough. If you're doing something pointless, make sure you're not competing against Bobby Jon. He's the
King of Pointless.
Nakum went back home to sulk and make cards out of leaves (that was very cute and totally gay of Rafe, wasn't it?) while Yaxha went on a traditional Mayan reward, known to the locals as
Up-em-Chuck-em.
After the ridiculously vomitty reward, Yaxha had an even more ridiculous idea and decided to have a pool party with Nakum.
While Bobby Jon provided us with another 'I don't even have to comment on it' moment with his unique take on fishing, bait, and general hygiene, Jamie sat around sulking, talking about rivalries and not liking the other tribe at all. I wonder if this Bobby Jon rivalry has ventured too far into the realm of Stupid.
Steph: It was nice of them to give us some of their little chocolate balls. Jamie: Ooh, how Bobby Jon throws that Ball challenge in my face. I wish I could just hit him in the chest with my chest again. Cindy: I was so glad for the pool. I love swimming. Jamie: I'll bet I can swim better than Bobby Jon. Cindy: You're whinier than I am. Jamie: But not whinier than Bobby Jon, right? Steph: You were very quiet. Jamie: Yeah, it's 'cos I was sitting in the corner, sulking. Not because I'm trying to figure everyone out. Hmm, this might backfire on me if the tribes were to somehow merge. I wonder if that happens on Survivor?
She Won't Need To Look Too Hard, Gary
The Immunity Challenge was yet another common Mayan pastime: building puzzles. Unfortunately, it seems that the Mayan sense of scale is what sent them into extinction.
Nakum won, thanks to Steph's lifting abilities and Rafe the Puppet Master guiding her through the puzzle. Yaxha headed off back to their tribe to contemplate how best to avoid Amy.
The way Gary tries to play Amy, you'd think he was born to be a professional sportsman. He seems to think that Amy will actually try to find Gary Hawkins, as opposed to watching Survivor, learning his real name, tracking him down, and killing him. Yes Gary, Amy is going to watch all of your confessionals. She will find out, and trust me, she will hurt you.
(Unless, of course, you live in a tree. She won't go near you then. She's also not so good with magical flying bugs.)
Despite her best attempts, Gary was not to be the loyal pet that she had assumed he would be:
Danni: Well, this vote will go well. Gary: Yeah, it'll be a slam dunk. Danni: A Home run. Gary: A touchdown. Danni: ... Gary: Crap... (Bobby Jon, on the other hand, proved to me that he is, indeed, 6 years old, when he claimed that his life-long dream is to be on a Survivor Jury.)
In the end, it came down to an agonising decision for Danni and Brandon:
Danni: This is a really tough decision. Brandon: I know what you mean. I wish it hadn't come to this. Danni: I don't know what to do. I'm so torn. Brandon: The options are right in front of us, but I just can't choose. Danni: I say we go with our initial gut instinct: we spell it with a Y, not an I. Brandon: Yeah, I guess you're right. A-M-Y seems better. Man, it's embarrassing to misspell people's names at Tribal. That was a tough one. In the end, even Bobby Jon managed to spell it right, and Amy went home. I'm so shocked though.
(With apologies to Monty Python) Brandon: We should keep Amy around. What has she ever done to deserve to be voted off? Danni: Well, there's the leg thing. Brandon: Well, obviously. That goes without saying. So, besides the leg thing, what has she ever done- Bobby Jon: She didn't know bugs could fly. Brandon: Oh, well, yes, ok. So besides- Danni: She thinks that being intelligent is an asset to us. Bobby Jon: She can't survive out here. Gary: Bobby Jon isn't a threat and we should keep him. Brandon: All right, all right: besides the leg thing, the bug thing, her inability to survive in the wild, her intelligence, and her the perceived threat, what has Amy ever done to deserve to be voted out? Danni: Everyone loves her. Brandon: Oh, loves... Shaddap! Sadly, the only alliance she will have is with Satan as she tracks Gary Whoever down and turns his soul into jelly.
This week's
Shallow End Of The Gene Pool Award goes to Jamie. I have my reasons, but I'm going to go sit in the corner and sulk and not tell them to anyone.
This week's
Let This Person Breed More Award goes to Rafe, for doing what cavemen did centuries before him: invented ways to pass the time until they died.
Hey, it's gotta be better than going fishing with Bobby Jon.