TAKE THIS test to see if you could crack it as a Top Billing presenter (SABC3, 9pm tonight).
Stand in front of a mirror. Wear your very best clothes and, if you’re a girl, make sure your make-up is in place. If you’re a guy, do a few press ups so your biceps are as buff as they can be.
Think of a joke inside your head but don’t share it. Speak through your fixed smile/smirk and say:
“Nestled between alabaster slices, this slice of gorgonzola topped with a decadent sauce created by master chef Paulette Verdier is a vision of scrumptiousness, a veritable feast for the senses and a sure bet to satisfy even the most dogged devotee to the art of serving a light, lovely, indeed lekker lunch.”
Top marks if you managed that without bursting into laughter. Give yourself an extra A+ if you worked out you have just told us about a plain old cheese and mayonnaise sandwich.
Top Billing scriptwriters are well known for their heavy-handed approach with using adjectives to spice up the scripts. I sometimes feel sorry for Michael Mol and company when they have to take a breath, but then they are shot at an awesome location being pampered or spoilt rotten and my sympathy ebbs away.
Shame, I don’t mean to be snide about Top Billing. I actually enjoy the show for the sneak peek it gives me to a life that will never be mine.
And jealousy, as they say, does make you nasty.
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