EPISODE TWOIf Brigitte Bardot weren’t the thicko schmodel she is I’d be impressed and say that she played a master stroke by charming the most fickle of them all with her pelvic tattoo and managed to get him universally loathed and immediately whacked, leaving herself three days to convince the rest she’s not actually as Baywatch as they think she is.
Of course this is the furrthest thing from the way things really are because Brigitte doesn’t have one clue what’s going on beyond her cool-kid clique which now officially consists of her
alone.
Hee – who would have thunk that the moment two Pig’s made themselves known they’d self-destruct and be put in their place so pronto by a hostage negotiator and an energy advisor. It seldom works like this in Survivor - you usually have to spend episodes ranting for them to stuff off before they do.
I was taken aback by the quick and super justice of it all and as Sam’s fire got torched I actually wasn’t sure whether I was pleased that we’d seen the back of is gelled hair (he obviously took some with) because I’d had such a good time bad-mouthing him thoughout the episode.
His fight with Mzi was as horrible as it seemed in the promo’s last week– despite the fact that I couldn’t hear one word of what it was about. What was up with the sound and why weren’t there any subtitles? That scene and everything surrounding it had the sea turned up much higher than their voices.
Still, his bar brawl attitude and the way he prodded Mzi’s head with his finger and his constant beeping was very nasty and unecessary and I was thrilled when Jude and Vanessa got so aggro back.
Obviously Sam and Brigitte have never watched any season of Survivor ever – if they did they’d know that everyone finds a guy/girl sex alliance that can’t be broken unbelievably nauseating and unless you’re Rob and Amber it’s guaranteed you’ll be targeted the moment anyone notices, which everyone did from Day 1.
The action of the episode started three days in on Day 4 with Jacinda wearing a faboo wrap-around outfit while explaining that Rana’s cool and generally get along brilliantly. Aguila seemed happy enough too, high on their victory of not going to Tribal Council and getting better sleeps than the Rama crowd.
Within a couple of moments tree mail arrived with the shortest Survivor poem ever that went something along the lines of :”If you want a steak you have to claim it”.
Everyone went off to their Reward Challenge which involved individual members of the tribes tugging a Sumo rope to reach wooden steak things first and Aguila annihilated Rana in two seconds. Sanele whipped Zayn’s chubby butt with ease, Brigitte unknowingly yanked Lezel off her feet in the perfect moment and Sam turned Dr Gareth into a crybaby patient with a hurt shoulder.
Aguila went off with their prize of flint and a fishing net which Sam assumed belonged to him only - which is when he got mean to Mzi - while Rana went off to get mauled by a flea infestation such as I’ve never seen in my life
Urgh – how itch-inducing was Danielle’s mug? I couldn’t stop scratching and my eyebrows are itching now too just thinking about it. I’ve really never seen anyone so bitten in Survivor and the fact that they looked in mirrors and still managed to take it in good spirits was admirable.
It's amazing how underdogs always somehow manage to pull together more and be more in tune with each other than a group who achieves success so easily. Someone once told me that the greatest leaders are created by the greatest adversity and it must be true because time and again it’s proven to be the way things are.
Rana’s decision to make Jacinda the leader was a wise one I thought and I really like that they’re so thrilled with themselves at their diplomacy. I was also interested to see how they took the advise that got Don whacked last week by choosing to put their heaviest dude at the front in the cannon fodder Immunity Challenge.
When Mark introduced it I was convinced they were gonna lose it and was very pleased when they didn’t – espesh knowing the skullduggery that was inevitable at Aguila.
As Aguila wheeled and dealed around Sam and Brigitte the person who was the sneakiest of them all was without a doubt Nico. I knew how he felt about the duo but the way he negotiated with everyone, making as if he was on everyones side meant that I wasn’t convinced about who’s side he was really on right up until he voted.
Even when they got to Tribal Council he somehow managed to keep himself out of the firing line, evading Mark’s questions as if he’d played no role in anything, when he was involved with it all.
Also scanniving her way out of the spotlight was Vanessa who surprised me by losing the gritty edge she’d displayed in standing up for Mzi. Her saying it may be her to go and that there was nothing she could do about it seemed very defeatist and not as I imagined her to be.
In contrast Mzi and Jude were excellent in how vocal they were and everything they were feeling was exactly what I was. Together they could have a very fierce alliance – and also a particularly cunning one because they don’t present themselves as a threat in the same way Sam did.
The cool thing about Sam’s trouble-making getting voted off so early on those ridiculous tiny slips of voting ballots (can you see them properly?) is that the most obvious rift in Aguila has been dealt with already leaving lots of time for further, less blonde ones to develop.
It’s gonna be humdinging seeing Brigitte return to knowing everyone can’t staand her. I just don’t see how she’ll be able to change their impressions of her - unless the twist they promised for next week somehow gives her an opportunity and she manages to realise it.
Not.