‘Days of our Lives’ Recap: March over to the Island of Horniness and Sexidurals from the City of the Damned
South African Time Span: 01 May – 31 May
Salem / Melaswen Time Span: 24 Hours
Due to the ‘jumped the shark’ beacuse of Tabitha Soap Dish being on hiatus, because it’s author now has a boyfriend and misses the show like Mimi skips her menstrual cycle, Charmed_Dude's TV brings you a Special 24 Hour Salem Recap Which turns out to be a Month S.A. Time (Just shows you how slow the show moves)
Spongebob, Bleedmi, NuBelle, Resexmi, and The Prisoner of AzkaJan.
Nicknames-
Mimi- Sexmimi, Bleedmi
Rex- Rexmi, Rexi
Its late night in Salem and coming back from taking recent recast from Charity Ran-her-down to Martha Madison Belle, Phillip takes her on a little romantic stroll to the park, hoping to get lucky with her. However unfortunately ‘Sexmi Rexmi Up’, Rexmi and Bleedmi spot Phillip and Belle. Mimi’s lesbian side emergences and they run off into the bushes to talk ‘girl stuff’ about periods, pain, epidurals etc. Oh wait Bleedmi hasn’t bleeded so they talk about their other girl stuff like Belle whine about Shawn. Mimi points out that it was very good of Philip to take her out tonight. Belle then whines about Rami Sami who recently accepted Lucas’ very elaborate proposal. Belle is worried that Sami is lying about accepting Lucas’ proposal, I mean once its morning Sami will wake up regretting marrying into that family- I mean honestly who really wants Kate Whore-ton as their monster in law?
Sexmi Rexmi Up return to their loft to do rude in the shower and make out- much to Shuga’s ever lasting glory seeing Rexi all wet and naked. Due to censorship from the Broadcasting Sex and Shower Scenes Authority, we are forbidden from giving screen shots. While Sexmimi (Mimi) is showering with Rexmi (Rex) she start thinking about Belle… and we all knew she was a lesbian! Anyways she rather be with Belle who she is concerned about being alone, than Rexmi whos standing next to her all steamy and naked. Will someone get this girl an epidural for the brain now! Rexmi tries to get Sexmimi’s attention by telling her that Phillip is with Belle and its evident he wants to be alone so they can do the Sexmimi-Rexmi-Spongebob move! Rexmi then takes Mixmi to bed and they make lurvvee like Rabbits do!
Sexmimi realises that her intention on the show isn’t only that she is a sex pawn, but she has family too- you know that Boobilcious Mother Bonnie-Maxivannilli-Lockheart and her brother Shirtless Pirate of the Melaswen 3 Patrick who has recently gone missing and supposedly is ‘dead’. So Rexi wakes up to Sexmimi crying (was the sex that aweful?) No. She was crying for Patrick. Mimi says she can’t believe her brother is gone and she just wants her family back together, however sadly for her, her family never were because Bonnie is whoring out every night two timing doing the sly with Maxivannilli and Mickey Horton, while Sexmimi keeps Sexing Rex bring Sexy Back. She wonders how she will ever get over this- with more sex no doubt. Rex says she won’t- without more sex no doubt. She asks if she will feel this way forever- not unless the sexidural wears out no doubt. Rex says the pain you feel when you lose someone you care about never goes away- unless you have a sexidural, let’s shag again Semimi because in time it does get better...
After waking up bleeding, Sexmimi, now Bleedmi, realises that that night, Rexi and her didn’t play kinky with the Ketchup- Bleedmi fears that she like the rest of Salem is, gasp, Dying. So Mimi phones Bonnie who is annoyed because she’s getting dry old sex from Mickey and Maxivannilli ain’t much help either. So Bleedmi hangs up because she knows how violent her mother gets when ‘its that time of the night’ and her lovers don’t live up to her sexpectations. Bleedmi doesn’t want to bother Belle with her problems because she has enough of her own.
The Virigin Belle meanwhile is drinking with Phillip and getting turned on, so they make moves on it each other, embrace their love, kiss and and go to the bedroom. However Belle is scared and they stop. Phillip decides to let her wait, annoyed, he goes to take a shower when Bleedmi interrupts and comes to visit. This puts a dampen on their mood and they good to bed- to Fil-her-up’s disappointment of not getting any. Did Phillip really think Belle could give any, the girl doesn’t even know how to work her way in the bed.
Bleedmi decides to go visit her mother to tell her about her bleeding. Bleedmi now thinks she has Cancer of the Uterus, what her grandmother died of. DOOLA’s Omnispecialist Dr. Cloudixie9 diagnoses Mimi with stupidity for repeatedly calling it Cancer of Uterus when it’s called uterine cancer or some other Medical Jargon she learnt at ‘Lexie Carver Academy of False Diagnosis and Medical Shlup’ which she graduated from after a 6 Hour Days of our Lives marathon.
Over in the Love Cage with the Prisoner of AzkaJan, Shawn is using a loose bar from the cage to try and break out so he can get to Salem to pop Belle’s cherry before Belle does something with Phillip she’ll regret. Jan however walks in, so he quickly hides the bar and what his doing. Jan tells Phillip that Belle and Shawn are already getting close. Shawn Duh won’t believe it until he sees real proof- how much more can someone want to see? Anyways Jan agrees and goes with her magical wireless Video Camera that gives a wireless live feed back to Jan’s laptop which Shawn see Phillip confessing his love for Belle. Nothing beats Live broadcast I say. This motivates to get out the cage, then Shawn Duh cuts his leg- ouch- and then manages to finally after months and endless attempted escapes- gets out and leaves the room.
Bleedmi organises a visit to see Lexie to find out whether she’s dying or there’s years of sex that lies ahead of her. She then phones Belle to come with her as she needs her support. At the hospital, Bleedmi meets up with Belle, and Belle asks Bleedmi what is wrong. Bleedmi says she’s been bleeding, and she thinks she has Cancer of the Uterus, Belle is shocked- she doesn’t know what a Uterus is. After Bleedmi explains to her what it’s about, She tells Belle that her grandmother died of this. Belle tells her that she hasn’t even been examined yet so she needs to stay calm. Bleedmi bears in mind that its Ominspecialist of Death Lexie Carver whose examining her and her tag line in “Your dying.” At least Bleedmi, Lexie is 95.5% wrong, so you’ll probably survive or land up on Melaswen and can become Buddy buddy with once again, Missing in Action- Cassie. Anyways Bleedmi wishes she was strong, but she tends to go to the worst possible scenario whenever anything bad happens.
Jan arrives home excited because she knows Shawn has seen the Live Video Feed of Phillip confessing his love for Belle, however arrives to find an empty love cage. She goes wild and hysterical and searches the premises for Shawn. Jan, our beloved mascot for DOOLA, has a Belle moments and searches her premises like crazy- when she could have just gone to the source of escape- the shed where Shawn’s bike is being held. Anyways she does and she finds Shawn standing there. The two decided to emerge in some quick conversation before some action (no not Sexmi up’s Action!). She asks Shawn what the hell is he doing there, and Shawn reminds her about those previous times he tried to escape and how she beat his ass, well now his beating her ass. Don’t mess with a boy stuck in Under 12 clothes who hasn’t urinated for months! He kicks Jan’s ass like Bo’s rage-ful son, and proceeds to leave on his motorcycle. Off to Salem to find Belle.
Lexie has Mimi’s test result’s which is really fast for Salem time, so Bleedmi goes to the hospital after Chloe’s memorial without anyone knowing for her test results and a high blood pressure test due to her attending Phantom of the Opera Girls’ Memorieal. Anyways Bleedmi arrives at the hospital and waits for Lexie to show up to give her the results of her tests. Lexie shows up and begins talking about all the tests they ran given her family history. When Bleedmi pulls a Belle and goes and becomes all overdramatic and blurts out that she knew it, she is positive she’s going to die! We wish. Unfortunately Lexie diagnoses that Mimi isn’t going to die and Bleedmi goes and gives thanks to God. However Bleedmi is carrying the seed of Rexi, which could be a potential problem because that seed was meant for Rexie’s Biggest Fan- Shuga.
Belle and Phillip decide to go away to Green Mountain Lodge (remember that place Carrie, Austin, Lucas and Sami made famous?) to get away from Salem and so Phillip can do the nasty on Belle and get her to forget about Shawn. So they leave after Chloe’s memorial service.
Shawn miraculously makes his way to Salem- cut foot and all, and waits at Belle’s apartment for him. When he sees a new bulletin announcing the Fatom of the Opera Girl has died and there’s a Memorial Service for her at St. Lukes. I must say News is dry in Salem if that was the main bulletin and news does travel fast- for Salem’s standards. Anyways Shawn Duh decides to make his way to the church where he plans to meet Belle, however he hears a message on Belle’s answering machine from Kate Whore-ton to Phillip which lets loose that Belle and Phillip have gone straight to Green Mountain Lodge. So Shawn plans to go directly to Green Mountain Lodge.
On the way to Green Mountain Lodge, Shawn is run off the road by a lousy driver. He survives, but his bike is in bad shape and stuck in a ravine. Sadist God is just not smiling down on Shawn today. Shawn wonders how he is supposed to catch up with Phillip and Belle before he steals Belle away now. Shawn pulls his bike up to the side of the road, but it’s not working. He ends up waling to Green Mountain Lodge, which is a good 20 miles according to a road sign and Shawn has a Cancer of the Foot problem, still he is determined to walk- talk about desperation! Thank Sister Mary Moira, A car stops, and Shawn goes over to it. He asks for a lift, and it turns out to be a nun.
The nun is actually Jan, the master of disguises, lord knows where she pulled off this nun outfit from, but if fools stupid Shawn Duh! He asks the sister if she could give him a ride to the Green Mountain Lodge. He says the girl he loves is there and is probably going to make a huge mistake. Shawn ends up falling for the same mistake which got him kidnapped in the first place- by drinking the tea which Jan has made- which was how Shawn was shawnnapped in the first place. He doesn’t learn. He drinks the tea and still doesn’t realise its Jan until she reveals her disguise! Turns out for Shawn- Jan is heading to Green Mountain Lodge to torture Shawn to see Belle and Phillip together.
After being disturbed numerous times before Bleedmi can tell Rexi that she is carrying a fetus, Rex is called to worked by Moody-I-Haven’t-Got-Any Bonnie. Bleedmi goes over to Alice’s where she Rex that she is pregnant. Bonnie hears her and is stunned that Bleedmi is going to have Rex’s baby, still isn’t impressed and doesn’t think that Bleedmi&The Offspring should tell Rexi her news, because Rexi will leave her. Turns out Rex, however, didn’t hear her because there is a speaker overhead and the music is booming. As he goes to turn the music down, Bonnie pulls a Piper from Charmed and yells “freeze!” and everyone does. The show just gets weirder and weirder I tell you.
At the lodge, Belle stops kissing Phillip and says that she always thought her first time would be with Shawn. The cow goes and ruins the moment. I would if I was Phillip bash her against the wall, but Phillip’s desperate, not even the guys are looking at him and Belle is probably the only one who can look past that horrible hairy chest, just because she’s blinded by Shawn. Belle then apologizes for saying that, and she says she knows there is no chance he is coming back and she needs to move on. She says she needs to be with him now, and she asks Phillip to make love to her, Phillip smiles and proceeds to attempt to do this however with some difficulty because Belle keeps interrupting with her stupid problems. Get it over with it for crying out loud!
Jan makes Shawn watch from outside their bedroom window and somehow, miraculously neither Belle nor Phillip sees this.
Later Shawn is on his bike racing to Green Mountain Lodge. As he drives, he can’t stop thinking about Belle being with Phillip. Shawn damns Phillip and says he’s going to get him. He eventually arrives at the lodge, and bursts into their room and screams “get the hell away from her!” She however isn’t there. Too late Shawny Belle and Phillip have already left for Salem- they didn’t even stay over
Shawn is still at Green Mountain Lodge. He finds the picture of himself that Belle tore up. He then has what is the beginning of a hundred and thousand series of flash backs of Belle kissing Phillip, and Jan taunting him that Belle and Phillip were making love. Why do the damn writers torture loyal viewers like this? Shawn says he can’t believe she did it, he can’t believe he’s lost Belle forever. Shawn gets on his bike and speeds off back to Salem to confront Belle and Phillip. However on the way, it’s writers curse for having 101 million redundant flashbacks of Phillele (doesn’t sound as nice as Shelle), Shawn then has a accident when he drives like an idiot into some trash can and a wall- these Brady Men are pathetically scary!
Bleedmi who I have just realised has been really hogging the airtime this month, is reluctant to tell Rexi about her Fetus seeing as Rexi isn’t ready for a family- not yet—and she starts to believe her mother when she says that Rex will leave her because of the child and that his not ready for a family, neither are the two financially ready. I for one don’t know they going to manage going 9 months without shagging like Bunnies, so Bleedmi begins to consider abortion.
Shawn is dying. Chances aren’t looking good for him. No not because his gushing with blood and bruises everywhere, but because Nurse Jennifer diagnosed things as looking bad for him and not Lexie. At the hospital, Dr. Doom herself, Lexie comes to check on the motorcycle accident victim, and she sees it is Shawn- she’s in shock and disbelief because it’s supposed to be her night off. Anyways the nurse assures Lexie that it doesn’t look good for Shawn. They pull their dramatic- his close to death *bleep!* and he almost dies, come back. You know how things are when Lexie’s around, you get a text message and she’ll claim the noise is from the machine saying he needs a epidural or something. Lexie takes his hand and asks him to squeeze it if she can hear him. He doesn’t, and Lexie says he is unresponsive and diagnoses him as “fatal”.
Over in Salem, Phillip hears Belle confess her love for Shawn, and they have a big talk which results in them talking and her crying. Meanwhile downstairs ConfusedMi doesn’t know what to do with her little fetus problem so she phones Family Planning to schedule an Abortion, however in classic soap style, Rexi overhears, but immediately assumes she is phoning regarding Belle. Hello is Rex dim?! Belle is as intact as the Virgin Mary herself! Belle and Phillip come downstairs, and Rex and Mimi see she has been crying. Rex thinks Phillip did something, but Belle says he has been great, so great but his unsexable! Then out of the blue Lexie phones to speak to Belle and gives her, “We have some bad news, but can’t tell you come over to the hospital”. I don’t know but if I saw Lexie’s number flashing on my caller identity, I wouldn’t answer, It would probably be “We’ve diagnosed _________________ to have terminal brain cancer” when all you did was just send them for a Flu Vaccine!
Anyways Belle who has Shawn on the Mind Syndrome all the time, immediately thinks its about Shawn and goes on whining. Sadly it turns out to be true. , Suddenly, Lexie calls to speak to Belle. She tells Belle that she has to come to the hospital to talk. Belle asks what this is about, what has happened. Lexie says this conversation must be in person. Belle says okay. Belle tells Phillip to take her to the hospital because something is wrong, and she thinks it is Shawn.
Pirates of the Melaswen 3: Jen/Hope/Patrick
As the islander of Melaswen bitch scene in scene out about how Melaswen is living hell, three unexpected visitors arrive at Melaswen- the Pirates of Melaswen- Jen, Hope and Patrick. Always consistently walking throughout the jungle (always looks like the same place) and always on the cliff the three take over Melaswen’s Jungle.
Anyways let’s skip the intro;
Out in the jungle, Patrick is holding onto the edge of the cliff with one hand and is pulling the Queen of Cliffs Jennifer up with the other. The ledge under Jen crumbles, and she screams. Jen tells him that he’s going to fall! Jen manages to find footing on what is left of the ledge. Patrick tells Jen to think about Jack, Abby and the baby and to use that strength to help herself and help him.
At the penthouse on the island, Hope searches for the coin, which Hopeless, I now have cleavage has lost. She says it is the only way to get through the forcefield, and she says she has to go back to the jungle and look for it. Roman and Abe tells her to think to were she last had the coin. Hope says the coin is the only thing that will allow them to get through the forcefield and to Jen. Doug asks Hope when she last saw the coin. They all manage to track the coin down and the entire troop leave for a Forest Experience to save Jennifer.
Patrick and Jen make their way into a cave when Patrick starts a fire to keep warm and Jen goes into Soap’s longest two week, 13 day and 91 hour labour, when she later finally gives birth to a wax doll child when Patrick becomes Dr. McDreamy and delivers it. However Jennifer is still according to Melaswen’s Omnispecialist, clotting and this is fatal. So Tony DiMera manages to rock up at the scene and gives Jen and banana leaf- which stops the clotting- I will keep this in mind, should I ever land in an island, be hugely pregnant and clot!
After almost dying, coming back to life and dying again, the gang all transport Jennifer and her Wax Doll Chinese baby across the forcefield into Melaswen. Hope and Patrick who seem to be getting to close for comfort decide to tour out into the jungle looking for Jack. To pass time Patrick decides to play catch up with Hope’s colourful past and Billie comes up, next thing, Billie’s on the island.
Soon Bo is reunited with his precious, deteriorating Fancy Face, Bo gets like a crazy raging lunatic and pushes Patrick who pulls a Jen and falls off the cliff into the riverine. Patrick is assumed to be dead. Well there goes Patrick. Horseface Hope and Bo reunite then have their quick grieving periods before finding Jack and taking him back into Melaswen.
Gaydy and the Alcoholic (Nicole and Brady)
Nicknames:
Brady- Gaydy
Nicole- Nikki
At the Kiriakis mansion, Nicole finds Brady swimming in the pool. She remembers Brady pulling her into a kiss earlier in the week when they were at Titan. Brady gets out of the pool and approaches Nicole. He says he’s glad she’s here. She says she is too because now they can pick up where they left off. Nicole pulls Brady into a kiss, but he pulls away and says he can’t... Nicole thinks that Brady is just playing hard to get, when Brady just realised he actually is Gay. So Brady goes back into the pool where Nicole follows him, she lets her bikini top drop, but surprisingly this doesn’t arouse Gaydy. Infact he starts playing violent with Nicole and pushing her under, and like any good Alcoholic drink, Nicole comes up one way or another. Gaydy then starts missing Chloe while in the pool with Nicole, so he decides to call her. When he does they’re cut of and he continues swimming with Nicole.
The next morning, Nicole asks Brady what happened to Chloe, who was on the phone? Brady says it was a doctor in Austria, Chloe was in a car accident on the way to a benefit in Salisbury. Brady says her limo skidded out of control, the driver of her limo is dead and Chloe is barely holding on. Later that day the Oros Lady Nancy Wesley decides to pop by to the Kiriakis mansion to break the bad news to Gaydy that his beloved Tranny Chloe- has died! Sing Hallelujah, Sing It, Sing Hallelujah!
So Gaydy and Nicole offer a Memorial Service at St. Luke’s where the invite Chloe’s small hanful of friends. After the funeral, Gaydy not only tortures himself, but viewers like myself to watching Home Movies of Chloe and Him. I mean if we wanted to watch gay people make out, we’d watch Will & Grace. Nikki sees Gaydy sitting on the couch watching the video he shot of himself and Chloe in Colorado. Nicole looks in the mirror, and she talks to her reflection which no doubt has a Nikki K’s Morning Blue’s Cocktail in her hand. Nicole’s reflection tells Nikki that Brady will get over his suffering. Nicole days she hates to see him this way and her reflection says it’s not her fault, she didn’t arrange the Diva’s car accident. Which is actually true. Nicole goes over to comfort Gaydy and tortures herself through watching Gaydy and Tranny’s Home Movies.
The home movie’s no doubt want to turn them to drink, and even though it is Nikki’s house, there isn’t even enough alcohol to make up for the fact that they had to watch that, so Nikki and Gaydy go over to Alice’s for drink. Gaydy gets drunk. After fighting with Shuga’s boy, Rexi, Nicole offers to take Gaydy home because his too home to drive. Someone must have spiked Gaydy’s drink because now he thinks Nicole is Chloe. What an insult. And every time he sees Nicole, he sees Chloe. Over at the Kiriakis mansion, Gaydy soon realizes that it is Nicole who is one undressing him and he laughs and tells her how sexy she is. Which is no lie. Nicole says she says she has waited a long time for this while Gaydy once again starts fantasizing that he is with Chloe- disgusting! Nicole begins taking off her clothes, then she takes off Gaydy’s clothes off. They make love, or kiss or make out- when Victor’s ghost materialises in the room and tells Nicole that Gaydy’s mind is not on her- his thinking about Tranny Men like Chloe. Which is true and Nicole sees for herself. She leaves the bed.
Gaydy’s wondering what happened to the best sex of this life, when he finds Nicole in tears and tells her that he wants to make love to her. He then takes her to their bed. As they are making love, Brady ends up seeing a photo of Chloe by his bedside, and he stops. Victor’s ghost shows up again and laughs at Nicole. Poor Nikki.
Later it is revealed while at some Chinese restaurant that Brady and Nicole made love four times, and they both loved every moment of it. Its now apparent there is something going on between them- and when the hell did this happen?
The Old Age Hoe’s (Marlena, Roman, John and Kate Whore-ton) & Generation Sex's Mickey and Boobie
John shows up at Basic Black to do some work. It is late, and he is surprised to find Kate is also working- Yes we know, why is Kate actually doing Paper work when all she does is Work it with Kate Whore-Inc?! Anyways Kate says she was just trying to keep busy. He says that is why he is here, and he has a feeling it will be like this for a long long time because John says he hasn’t been able to sleep since finding out Marlena’s body was removed. Kate says Sami thinks Marlena was buried alive, but John says no, she is gone and she’s not coming back. Clearly the man wants to get it on with Kate? Does he know all he has to do is scrap the cheap dialogue, drop a $1.00 and she’ll go down quicker that those Twin Towers did! They some how make their way to the roof where they do nasty in the rain. John removes his shirt in a very Rambo style. PG is advised for those with vision still left after this. They allegedly make love in the rain or just make out. Despite it storming they continue to do this on the rooftop.
The Following morning at Basic Black, Kate is attempting to work but this whore can’t even complete the form to make Her Prostitution Business legal, lord know hoe she’s working, but her mind is elsewhere. She wonders if last night was a mistake- then realises that business has been slow and taken a slump, so clearly it wasn’t. In case we forgot and torture our souls, we’re given a flashback of her kissing John on the roof. John comes into the office, and he and Kate talk about what happened. John says he is just glad they stopped before they went too far- so clearly the two didn’t get it on properly. So Kate is obviously loosing her touch. To make up, Kate says Roman and Marlena are gone, and she wonders if there will ever be a time where they feel free to love someone else? Forget love and moving on, Kate undresses herself and asks John to make love to her, which he does, he throws her on the table and just as they about to exchange the transaction- Beauraguard Brady walks- damn I bet now he wishes he married someone who if he did that to- didn’t break like a toothpick!
On the island in the jungle, because Roman has fallen and cut his foot and now has Foot Cancer, Marlena stays with Roman, who insists he is dying and being all dramatic. Marlena tells him now is not his time, to think about his children, their children, and think about her and everything they have shared. Marlena says she must go get water for him, so she tells him to hang on. Marlena runs off, and a man in black shows up carrying a syringe. Roman can see the man, but not his face. Then Marlena returns, she injects Roman with the syringe. He has a mini epileptic fit, which I blame because Marlena’s being snogging him between his “Im dying speech”. He survives and they almost make love, until Romans gay lover Abe finds him and Horseface Hope interrupts and she wishes she has married a real man, not a raging bull who wouldn’t break her in bed.
Finally John and Marlena come face to face and hug. The two when reunited, return to the penthouse and John is stunned by the resemblance of their home. John is ready for a romantic reunion, until Victor and Roman show up to debrief John which he is so inconvenient for him! Shame! Like he just didn’t get it on earlier with Kate?! John thinks it can wait, but Marlena thinks this is important. John wonders if Marlena doesn’t want to be alone with him, but she says that is not it that- however she did confess to almost making love to Roman and being close to him, who clearly isn’t happy that John and has returned without Kate!
The local old age whores of Salem also make their appearance, at Maxivannilli’s arch enemies home, Mickey and Bonnie have just finished making love like Rexi and Sexmimi Rabbits. Bonnie cries that he is so good to her. He says she is good to him to, and the sex is good for his rapid scary aging health. Bonnie then begins thinking about Patrick (yes we know- utterly disgusting!), who she continues to believe is alive. Bonnie feels blessed that Mickey has been so supportive, and she wonders what she did to deserve him. He tells her to get ready because he’s ready to go again. While poor Max is lying there wishing he was adopted by another family- the poor dog! Bless its cow outfit it’s wearing inspired by Kate’s one!
Show Ghoul: Chloe’s Lane of Death
We see flashbacks of Chloe’s car accident, her being rushed to the hospital where the doctors work on her. Chloe has flashbacks to when she and Brady went up to the cabin in the mountains, and she calls out Brady’s name. The doctors find Brady’s name in Chloe’s phone and call him to inform him about Chloe’s accident.
Back in Salem, Gaydy and Nicole are hosting a Memorial Service for Chloe at Saint Luke’s, the priest comes in to speak to them about Chloe and her tragic death. Jan, who is dressed like a nun, waits for Shawn to show up. Brady gets up and speaks about Chloe to those in attendance. He says Chloe was able to make them happy with her voice, she could break their hearts with her voice, but she always made them love her. While those attending are secretly thanking god that they don’t have to hear that god aweful voice again! Can we hear an Amen?
Kate is like a leech and all over John, she even comes to church, where it’s forbidden for whore’s to enter, but does she care? No. Anyways she and John arrive inside the church and give Brady their condolences. Phillip is shocked to see his mom here because she knows like a a vampire to a crucifix, like a whore to god, they just don’t go. She says she is here to support John and the family and hoping to get lucky with him afterwards. She asks how he and Belle are doing, and she is thrilled to learn they are going away together. Phillip says he just wants to get her away from all this. Kate says this is the beginning of something wonderful. As if this women doesn’t have anything better but meddle.
In Austria, it is revealed that Chloe is in face alive and not dead- Chloe planned this all and told Nancy to tell everyone that she is dead, because the scars from the accident make her look like Ghoul Girl and the Phantom of the Opera. However Nancy tells Chloe that she thinks it is a mistake for her to let Brady think she is dead because Nicole and Brady are getting to damn close. Chloe says she doesn’t want this to be any harder on Brady than it already has been. Nancy says this is wrong, think of the agony he must be going through. She asks Chloe to call Brady up and tell him that she is alive. When she does, she however doesn’t say anything to Brady. Since then Chloe is lying in a dark hospital room in Austria where scarred trannies are meant to stay forever!
Rambo and Lassie: Bo and John
Salem’s newest hottest, “They should date, but to stupid to see that they too perfect together” Lassie and Rambo: John and Bo decide to investigate Melaswen further.
At the police station, Bo is searching for the signal, finding it, and decoding the message. The message ends up becoming static filled, and Bo can’t decipher anymore. He decides to call John and Kate, but they don’t answer their phones. Soon he realises where he knows the code from and it turns out to be a secret code Roman and Bo had when they were younger. The message is deciphered to be; “Roman and Marlena are alive”. What about the other damn people? Bo ecstatic that he actually did something productive, other than assault someone, runs over to Kate and John to give them the big news! When he sees them doing the nasty he accuses them of being unfaithful to Marlena and Roman- but Bo- it has been like 5 months now! Get with the program dude!
John follows Bo back to the station where armed with Celeste and her busty new cleavage, “The people of Salem aren’t dead” story they decide to exhume some bodies and the coffins turn out to be empty- gasp. On further research into when Patrick and Hope’s plane went down, Bo and Tek see it’s in military area in an island called Melaswen- it takes the geniuses some time to realise it’s New Salem backwards. That’s when Rambo and Lassie decide they need to go there, because they believe Marlena and Roman and the Others are all alive there.
However there’s some difficulty from the Local Airports with them taking off, so John and Bo hijack his own plane and take off. John the idiot can’t fly and the wheel falls off- great. So there’s going to be a problem landing.
The amazing thing is, it takes Rambo and Lassie less than half an episode to get to Melawen- yet it takes them three episode to have a normal conversation. They arrive in Melaswen where their plane goes down and because they have no wheels they can’t land. They crash near the docks.
On the island, Doug and Victor are patrolling the docks when they see a plane go down extremely close to them. They shine their flashlights at the plane, and Victor recognizes it as John’s plane. They approach closer, the plane is in flames and electrical sparks are flying everywhere. They look into the cockpit and see Bo and John inside. They manage to take the two out and resuscitate them.
Doug and Victor take John and Bo talk to the others at the Brady Pub. Where everyone is shocked to see them. They fill them in on what has been going on, and all of Tony’s suspicious actions, like breaking their transmitter. John looks at a map the survivors have drawn of New Salem. Victor says it is accurate, but they don’t know what is one the other side of the fence. John still wants answers as to how Marlena is alive and Bo wants to know how is Hope. Soon Rambo is reunited with Fancy Face, however coming across Billie first and Lassie is then reunited with Psycho 246 year Murder, Marlena.
Shami and Lookless: The Newylfeds
To spice things up the writers thought it would be fun to have Brandon randomly call Sami and talk for an entire episode (without even seeing or hearing Bradonn). Sami is surprised but happy to hear from him. She informs Brandon that she is good and Will is doing amazing. She says she is glad he called because she misses him too, which is a cause for concern with Lucas standing right there. So annoyed Lucas leaves to run to his only friend in Salem- his mother where he raises his concern about Sami and Kate gives her photocopied line speech about Sami not being a fit mother/wife etc etc. Such a damn Hypocrite- the cow!
Lucas returns to the apartment and finds Sami sitting at the table and thinking. Concerned, Lucas says it looks like she’s doing some heavy thinking, which is really not Sami’s style, because she usually does something and thinks afterwards. Lucas continues to act paranoid and asks her if so, then Brandon must have said something earth shattering news to make her act this way. He asks why he called? Sami says he just wanted to make sure she was okay. And for the writers to cause problems between the two Day 1 of their engagement! Their conversation is disturbed by Belle’s phonecall for them to attend Chloe’s memorial service.
Later after the Memorial Service, Lucas shows up at Sami’s place and demands answers from her. He wants to know the truth about Brandon’s call. He asks if Brandon is coming back to Salem, and if he is, what does that mean for them? Sami says he’s not coming back, he has just got a promotion. Lucas asks if she is in love with him? Sami asks how he can say that? Lucas says because she is acting like a giddy school girl.
The next day damn Terror-ears returns from Summer Camp so quick, If I was Sami I’d phone Brown Shuga and ask her to babysit Terror-ears for Sami and Lucas like she had done before. They haven’t told him about their engagement well because they haven’t had contact with the little psycho scary creep, and Sami is very excited to tell him. She says she can’t believe she has kept the secret this long, totally bliss that they’ve been engaged for only two day. Sami soon realizes she should take off her ring so she doesn’t spoil the surprise, but she says she doesn’t want to take it off. She turns it around instead to avoid the bad luck.
When Will returns the three of them play Poker and Will is actually beating his parents. His camp roommate’s dad is a professional poker player in Vegas, and he taught his son how to play, and his son taught Will- that is why he is so good. Remind me to never send my son to a Summer Camp for Freaks- because they come back Gamblers! He talks about his roommate who I am pretty sure is his new boyfriend. He says his roommate’s parents are a lot like them, they were screwed up when they were younger and just finally got their lives together and their a happy family. Will then asks Sami and Lucas about when exactly are they having a wedding and when’s the date. Kudo’s to Days writers to addressing all the issues that a normal family must face- such as the financial implications etc. Something Days fails to do- they also discussed Lucas’ job- yea I know I was godsmacked to hear he works aswell! Finally Lucas gets on his knees and asks Sami for a date for their wedding- even though Sami is a June bride as she points out- and it’s August.
However Kate, dressed in her cow outfit, comes like the Grim Reaper this time with bad news and not Syphilis or Chlymdia, she tells Lucas and Sami that Billie as died. Kate explains the situation and then pulls a Sami and starts blaming- she blames Bo for his death. All done in her cow outfit she’s wearing!
Pyshic Cleavage Busts A Death and Doom
Celeste who has recently had a boob job again and a new wig shows up to see Lexie at the hospital, but she is told to wait because Lexie is busy misdiagnosing some poor innocent person to have Hepitits C after waking up with a headache. Suddenly, Celeste gets a vision of Abe in the jungle swinging a machete. The image of him appears in the hallway of the hospital, he looks almost like a ghost. Abe tells Celeste not to let Lexie break their marriage vows. Celeste goes to Lexie and tells her this and tells her not to go out with Tek, she tells her that Abe is alive. They later go to Bo and John to inform him of this.
The Chronicles of other the LOSAs
On the island, the two groups- Marlena, Abe, Roman, Tony and Jen and the other group- Caroline, Victor, Doug, Bo and John meet at the force field, which is still up and separating them from each other. Tony says oh goody, the cavalry has arrived and is rather surprised to see Bo and John make it Melaswen. Bo asks where Hope is and is told she is in the Jungle with Patrick looking for Jack and doing rude most probably. The jungle crew looks grim and tired, no doubt we are of this storyline too. Bo says as long as she is in the jungle with Patrick than her life is in danger. Jen says Patrick is okay, he did everything he could to save her and her baby. Tony then pulls his Zen Magic which he manages to open the Force Field by simply just pushing his button- but miraculously no one sees this. Everyone hugs and embrace each other, but the force field closes and Bo is stuck in the jungle side. He runs off to go find Hope and ‘save her’. Everyone makes their way back to Melaswen.
At Jen’s house, Maggie and Alice look after the new born wax doll baby while Jen sleeps. Maggie says the baby is a miracle, and she doesn’t know how Jen did it all- especially after Lexie’s misdiagnoses. Its no doubt her child is a potential character on Heroes for surviving so much! Alice says she is a Horton woman, and her love for Jack got her through this- I don’t know but this is really what helps these Horton women through tragedy, believing all of this nonsense.. Maggie just hopes Jack is still alive. Jen wakes up and asks where her baby is? Maggie says right here, and she hands the baby to her to hold.
Marlena come over and Maggie sit with Jen, who is still very weak. Marlena says she lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion earlier. Maggie asks if she is saying Jen won’t survive? But it later turns out that Jennifer is alright and able to walk around and everything. Meanwhile, Jen has a dream that Jack appears to her to say goodbye to her. Jen cries out “No!”. Later Bo and Hope return with Jack to Jennifer’s delight, however only with the bad news that Patrick didn’t make it in the Jungle.
Maggie is concerned about what’s going on in Salem with Bonnie and Mickey, but neither Jen or Hope tells her the truth about what is really going on.
Bo plans to secretly leave Jen’s and return to the jungle to go and find Billie, however Hope stops him and confronts him. Hope is convinced that Billie is involved in this. They decide to finally go together, however Bo tricks Hope and he gets through the forcefield, thus leaving Hope in Melaswen. Hope is furious with Bo for running off into the jungle without her. Alice shows up and says what she is really angry about is that he ran off after Billie. Hope says she is angry over Billie because this is the second time he ran off after her and Bo could risk his life for her when she could very well be responsible or involved in whey they are all stuck on the island. Alice says she told him to go the first time. Hope says that is true, and she told him to go because she thought he could find out why her family members were being killed off and finally solve the mystery. Hope believes the reason why they are all on the island is so their captive can destroy love. Which actually makes the most sense and is also very true.
Days of our Lives
Mondays – Fridays
16h55
SABC 3
(Repeat- 13h00 SABC 2)