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Encounters - Do girls want it?

Written by Segololo from the blog Oh Moments on 14 Aug 2007
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Oh my word! SABC 1!!! You got my attention. I watched the show Encounters - Do girls want it? and I was fascinated by how SA has changed... and how I have changed?

I kinda caught the show around 21:07 - I am not sure when it started but at that point - 2 guys and 3 gals were discussing the importance of virginity, to whom is it significance, the people that force you to lose your virginity and the ones that choose to keep it! I was hooked to the TV like supa glue - Sending sms's to all my friends to check it out. Thery discussed psychological virginity – where you might have been raped as a child but still considers yourself a virgin… They discussed how it is impossible for anyone who is sexually active for at least a period of 2 years to say s/he has not had had unprotected sex… they all agreed on this statistic, wonder where they got it?

It brought some questions to mind.. How valued or important is virginity in this day and age? To who? The girl or the boy? With all the statistics of teen pregnancy and Government approving girls to get contraceptives at 12, how encouraging is it to remain a virgin? How encouraged are teens at this? What stats can prove that sexually active people have unprotected sex?

I need to beg SABC 1 to show that show again... AMAZING stuff!!

Abstain from Sex, Virginity Testing, True Love Waits and Dr Eve! All these were in the show… I wish I could reprint the exact show word for word… I was just fascinated!

I was a True Love waits signer, and I unfortunately got called by the snake and took a bite – No regrets! Sex is good! I watched as 25 year old white Zulu speaking lady went to the University of Zululand to convince people to join True love waits – and it has been revamped! You can vow to abstain if you had already been conned by the snake – I watched as people vowed to abstain but could tell they were just doing to impress that sincere lady… That evening most of those students did the deed! One lady vowed to abstain and keep herself pure, even though she has a child!

Typical campus mind – guy minds – would be watching those signing away the forms and thinking “Fresh meat! Those virgins are mine to prowl on!” You know how guys always are obsessed about breaking gals virginity!? Why gents? Why? As the show progressed, the white lady (Sorry I gotta use these kinda statements and not refer to names – the show producers were stingy and saved on paying someone to type the people’s names as they spoke so there were no name titles for any of the speakers!)… anyways, the white lady spoke of how she would give away her virginity – she would like a gentleman caller to approach her minister and tell him of his gentlemanly intentions of marrying her – she is vowing to keep her hymen until she is a Mrs. Even if the Gentleman caller has had past trysts and frolicked with other lose woman, she would be special to him! 

I was like, NO way! I stay pure for an impure dude, how does that work? If I am pure, I want pure – no impurities! She mentioned how on her wedding night she doesn’t want to be comparing how so-and-so did it, I gotta say when you have sex there isn’t time to compare but ENJOY!!! Please don’t get me wrong, I am all supportive for those who wanna stay virgins but for the conned souls; it isn’t that easy to forget how good sex feels… Right! Glad you all agree!

A black Zulu chick who has 9 years experience of virginity testing with her aunt were also there to discuss the role of virginity testing in culture. I am not convinced of that one. I know the old ladies can see the hymen but what if your bike broke that little piece of membrane? You know how fragile it is, and it has been proven that it just go without you being invaded? Just what if? Or you got raped as a child; do you not qualify to get a white dot on your forehead and certificate of purity because someone stole your hymen without consent? Anyways, She also said she would not mind getting an impure husband – why? Why? Why? I know it is all about your feeling or sense of worth but why allow another person who probably connived to get other gullible gals to sleep with him get your precious hymen? Huh? Why? She conned others, how can we be sure of his sincerity? People are mean out there!

Dr Eve, was my 2nd fave guest – she explained that people make gals put so much importance on a membrane that they are born with, which disintegrates anyway as you grow older… This allows us to give away our power and talk about giving away our virginity! We all need to be sexual and feel no-one has a sense of power over us. She mentioned how society lambastes women who more than one partner, in their sexual history, but praise the men who have countless partners! Women will even limit their number to 2 when asked – LIARS!! - Just so that they are not judged!

My fave guest – was this Zulu/Xhosa Chic – She was very vocal about her opinions! King K, my dear husband, thinks she has read a lot of books and can now retell the stories and statements as her own. Forgive him, Bantu, you know how he is! I can’t even start to say what she said! It was a mouthful! Just beg SABC 1 to show that show again and see for yourself. That show was a true MSANZI FO SHO production… Riveting stuff!!!

Who caught this show? Give us your thoughts!




68 Comments

Peachy
15 Aug 2007 01:53

I also watchd th show yerterday and thot it very thoughtful of MZANSI FO SHO to air such a show tho some gals, lyk u said Sego, are sayin it fo th sake of publicity and respect. We all wana be regarded as virgins, its a proud thing bt a lot is into the topic and discussing it further wuld be a pleasure especially to most of th youth... I'l keep watching!!

Toxic
15 Aug 2007 01:54

O-M-G!! First to comment!!

Segololo, please pass my greetings to King K...he's hilarious!

I think I once caught that show a long time ago, did the white zulu speaking woman say something along the lines of "Ngiyohlala ngiyi ntombi nto"? Cause if so, then it's a repeat of the show I saw so I think I can comment on this topic (gr8 one by the way).

This morning I was thinking about how people say they lost their virginity when they should say they gave it away (I am working on some article and there's a question on virginity) cause losing it implies you don't know where it went to when in all all honestly, you willingly gave it away (unless u were raped) so I'm glad to see the word gave away in your post.

About the statistics of unprotected sex over a period of 2 years: 

I think this makes sense if you're with the same partner over the two year period. Even with the danger of contracting HIV, condom use is still erratic among long-term sexual partners. Come to think of it, some people still meet a man AND have unprotected sex the first time...close encounters ring true for me.

I will not quote anything from your post cause there's so much i love about how you put it into words so I'll just conclude by saying that it's true that most women downplay the number of partners they've slept with and it might have to do with shame or fear of judgement but it's also because women don't want to come across as "loose" as someone on the show said.

Men's egos are so fragile, they'd like to think that the waters haven't been muddied and if a woman's 2 partners is put up against a man's 10, then the woman feels she is wise indeed to keep her mouth shut if her real figure is above 10!! 

In an ideal world it would be great to have two virgins come together (in union or otherwise) adn fumble through the process of pleasuring each other but this seldom happens. Young women these days don't want an inexperienced lover so they are more acceptable of a man who's been around and been to great depths. 

Personally, i also wouldn't want to be a learner driver hehehe!!

Great topic Segololo!!

Toxic
15 Aug 2007 01:56

*Personally, i also wouldn't want to be with a learner driver hehehe!!

nice
15 Aug 2007 02:05

Hi Segololo, great article.............as always................. I watched the show and the white girl's name is Jerusha,  the vocal one is Welile (I think!) and the girl who has been proven a virgin 9 years in a row is an 18 year old Zintle.

The show was really brilliant, and my sister and I did not move an inch while watching. I agree with them when they say sex before marriage is wrong but what is said is that girls as always are the one's being tested and labelled sluts, whereas man are just let to do whatever they want, and if it had to happen, how would virginity testing be done for men?

Whether one stays a virgin or not is a personal choice and I agree with Welile when she said that one should do it when they are ready and not because they are being pressured by peers to do it, or not do it for that matter. But when you decide to do it people remeber to use condoms and go for AIDS testing every two years( since they said if you are sexually active you are likely to have had unprotected sex in the two years).

KeleFabulous
15 Aug 2007 02:10

hi Tox good luck with that one!

thanks for such an enjoyable read this morning segololo! for some reason i was a virgin (psychologically) for so long and all of my friends weren't since high school and there was pressure (which some of them succumbed to) but nna i neva did. i guess i'm kinda immune to that pressure cos one time my ohter friend told me she didn't plan on doing it then but with the pressure from every1 and i was like ..."what pressure?...did they pressurise us?" and she was like duhh! lol

to those who choose to stay "pure" i say good luck to u but honestly i don't c a reason y one shud feel a need to advertise it to the whole world! mina no one knew i wasn't doing it...they just assumed i was and i neva bothered to correct them cos it wasn't any1's business anyway! and when i chose to do it it was cause i trully wanted to at that time and not for any other reason. that's the only reason one must succumb, because ur doing it for urself, not to prove anything to any1!

Segololo
15 Aug 2007 02:14

Thanks,nice... you are really nice... i will update the article with the names... I was actually pi$$ed off that I could not get the names but I got some good bloggers that take note!! hi hi hi!

Molilo
15 Aug 2007 02:22

A great show it was I only watched during ANTM ad breaks but I was indeed impressed. I dont know how possible it is if u have started indulging in sex how will u manage to stop the temptation. For those who manage to resist the temptations I have great respect for u.

MamaOmpha
15 Aug 2007 02:35

I also watched the show and I must say it was a breath of fresh air for SABC1.

Yho that girl Welile can sure express herself

Anyway I personally think being a virgin is overrated.  It all comes down to your own personal choice. I was a bit concerned by Zintle and Jerusha's comments when they stated that they will keep themselves "pure' until marrige but they wouldn't mind having a husband that is "unpure".  Kanti then what's the point.

I lost my virginity when I was doing my last year of technikon (19yrs).  I had friend who were sexual active but mina I was very dom at that time and I was so scared that if i slept with a boy, my father would somehow find out and beat the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peachy
15 Aug 2007 02:36

Toxy ma lahv askies....i was first on lyn bt ke on th learner drivers issue, wulldnt it be gr8 having 'it' with an inexpirienced driver as an inexpirienced driver yoself, i min, u both cul crash th car anyway u desire and fix it and crash and fix until u'r both experts... I hop we all bloggers undastand the language here cos persornali i wuld find it embarrassing having to be shagged... no..taught by an expirienced driver who wuld constantly complain of how im nt pulling the hand brake rite...or what wrongly! Gaad...thats my dream!

Molilo
15 Aug 2007 02:40

Yhu MamaO u were really dom, and when u finally decided to break it were u still afraid of Pappa?

 

nosh
15 Aug 2007 02:46

hey guys so sorry to be off topic 
...but nonkhe ninama stars phandle kwa Peachies(hey gal) who is international like me......toxic...usho kuthi i cant get a star if i do an internet transfer??????/hhayi phela it feels awful posting in this mode!!!!

Im only next door SD!!!!

Toxic
15 Aug 2007 02:47

LMAO Peachy!!!! Yr response was submitted while I was still typing so technically I typed first.

MamaOmpha
15 Aug 2007 02:52

@Molilo

By the time I decided to break "it" as you put it, I had enough infomation to know what I was doing.  The only thing was to make sure I didn't get preggers.

monchooza
15 Aug 2007 03:09

riveting stuff..........

Toodecent
15 Aug 2007 03:20

Keep talking cause next I want the  driving inspectors here ..!

dinkey
15 Aug 2007 03:24

I think a person should keep their virginity for their own good, for the respect of their religion and culture. Not for their dream man or Mr right or something. I remember that gal (I 4got her name) who is still a virgin and goes for the whole testing thing said something about preventing HIV/AIDS and that before doing it she will ask her dream man to go for an HIV/AIDS test. 
Fine I get that but there are women out there who keep their virginity for their dream men, but what do men do after that, they go out and cheat, get the virus and give it to their innocent wives, so akukho buchule kuleyo into. And again she said she wouldn't mind giving it to an experienced man. Now why would I keep my virginity for 22 years for an impure guy. That's why I'm saying it should be for respect of culture and religion, not for the man of your dreams who's been sleeping around since age 12. 
Otherwise I do not have a problem with virginity testing as long as the person does it willingfully.
  

Peachy
15 Aug 2007 03:50

Hi hi hi Toxy ...usile ne!! @Nosh babes, it wont be long...we too will go bling bling sumtym soon, phela we'r starting to show we'r internationals but no hussle...soon!!

Molilo
15 Aug 2007 04:42

I do not beleive u Tee unless it was intentional. Ur friend was also brave enough to let the LD carry on as if there was something happening........what a waste of time and energy, hi hi hi

Molilo
15 Aug 2007 04:55

Strange things do happen in real life as well i only thought they only happen on TV.  U and ur friends meet weird ppl

sponono
15 Aug 2007 05:05

dont ya'll find those questions awkwards, 
e.g is it in, are you done, are you enjoyin, are you ok, is it painfull, is it too big....eeeww. (the question we guys are less likely to ask IS IT TOO SMALL
.they can be mood spoiler for some people

anyhoo sometimes wena Tee a guy might is too excited and that whole area is just nice and warm, he might not know for sure if its the real shenaynay zone or he is still at the gate but asking doesnt hurt maybe he wanted to know that you are feeling his henaynay -which probably might have been a bit tiny if you couldnt tell yourself..hi hi hi...ou should have said, Its not inside its on Top  LOL   maybe you mised out on one hot schlong that woulda rocked your world....

Toodecent
15 Aug 2007 05:11

Setswana sare "Etlare rere ke dipitse ra di bona ka mebala" no need to ask, action speak louder than words...otla mpotsa kwa bofelong like it or not.

cocktail
15 Aug 2007 05:22

Hi hi hi hi @ TDC

Toxic
15 Aug 2007 05:23

LMAO Tee!!!! LD's are really pathetic.....first they search for it with their eyes, then they put their finger at the entrance so they can find their way.....hayi, it's a tough world out there.

Who's an expert driving school?

KeleFabulous
15 Aug 2007 05:27

hoo segololo i c uv started sungthin here. i hope u know gore oetsang! lol

nna my first didn't even know, till today he doesn't know, that he was my first

Toodecent
15 Aug 2007 05:42

Are tshele dispice nyana mo nameng... tell us it was where. I didnt say that neh I didnt...

Segololo
15 Aug 2007 05:46

Kelefab - you are sneaky! He doesn't know!!?? I was a "psychological" statistic like you so hymen had really had no meaning... But I started really late so he kinda guessed becaused I was not really all excited! Hi hi hi! Too much detail!

KeleFabulous
15 Aug 2007 05:47

seriously Tee...phela i was...eish ok ok it was just after my 24th b'day (yes!) and the idea did cross his mind because he asked me all sorts of silly questions afterwards, like were my previous partners white (according to him white men are small) and has it been a long time....ke mo seile ka question mark. i think he musta thot "an inexperienced 24 yr old in this day and age?"haaikhona! lol

sponono
15 Aug 2007 06:05

Yoh Kele  you sure kept your legs crossed for a looooong time girl...

Toodecent
15 Aug 2007 06:08

@Tee am asking that people tell and wena ore nna I must tell? Nna I know nothing about this things...

lorrelai
15 Aug 2007 06:54

Great article Segololo, I'm loving it, esp the bloggers' comments, you guys are hilarious, u do make my day.

KeleFabulous
15 Aug 2007 06:57

eish spopo i was a late bloomer...all thru high school i was kinda aware of boys but neva really interested. then i got to wits tech and well there was some interest here and there but it neva got anywhere....guys hardly ever asked me out, they said i had this daunting look...i tried to change this "look" but soon gave up cos really if u like someone u will have the guts to stand up to them akere? and the ones i really liked shem were just useless as they neva made moves. and y is it that when u tell people ur single they go ona le maaka? i mean y ask that question if u think u know the answer? nx! the ones that had the guts to make the move...u know how it is...it's always the ones that don't stand a chance ba banang le plaka eo so...

monwy
15 Aug 2007 07:02

O-M-G!! First to comment!! lmao, Toxic u're lying sisi. de peach beat u to it

Segololo
15 Aug 2007 07:03

Ha ha hahahahahaaahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahaahhaaha
hhaahahahhahaahahhhahahahhahahahahahhahahah

Sho! *deep breath* 

Ha ha hahahahahaaahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahaahhaaha
hhaahahahhahaahahhhahahahhahahahahahhahahah
Ha ha hahahahahaaahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahaahhaaha
hhaahahahhahaahahhhahahahhahahahahahhahahahHa ha hahahahahaaahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahaahhaaha
hhaahahahhahaahahhhahahahhahahahahahhahahahHa ha hahahahahaaahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahaahhaaha
hhaahahahhahaahahhhahahahhahahahahahhahahahHa ha hahahahahaaahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahaahhaaha
hhaahahahhahaahahhhahahahhahahahahahhahahahHa ha hahahahahaaahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahaahhaaha
hhaahahahhahaahahhhahahahhahahahahahhahahah

monwy
15 Aug 2007 07:09

segololo yintoni sana wanyuba kangaka, share de joke plz, hi hi hi hi

Molilo
15 Aug 2007 07:13

KeleFab I can relate to ur story I was also the last boomer in my circle of friends and they were foreva making jokes about it u. There was this e mail I received that said
"Virginity is not Dignity Anymore...

...It is lack of Opportunity" ....



sponono
15 Aug 2007 07:14

hey Kele you know you look like that girl from Selimathunzi in your pic...whats her name again...(I also would have been shy to approach her and I find her really cute and she seems like fun to be around..whats her name peeps help me  (you can add her phone number ..I wont mind at all)

sponono
15 Aug 2007 07:18

<<yintoni sana wanyuba kangaka>>

yoh Xhosa language can realy throw you off...I woulda though the word nyuba means the opposite of laughing, like being annoyed, or frawnin or angry...LOL you learn everyday


WHERE THE HELL IS BEYONCE THESE DAYS !!!!!!!!..i need my woman where I can see her...dont get me MAD BEE.....

monwy
15 Aug 2007 07:19

VIRGINITY what's that kanene? oooooooooooohh de thing is uhlala uyi virgin for years mara in two seconds its gone. akwaziwa

Gucci
15 Aug 2007 07:27

@Segololo - Mtshana u can now go drink water. Shuuuu !!!!!!! U stole My laugh *wink wink*

KeleFabulous
15 Aug 2007 07:27

sponono kanti are u a guy/girl? i thot u were a girl...??

Jordan
15 Aug 2007 07:35

La di bua tlhe!!! Yoh!!!

monchooza
15 Aug 2007 07:35

yintoni ukunyuba ningasithuki tu monwy

monwy
15 Aug 2007 07:39

ukunyuba it's 2 laugh out loud, cheers people c ya l8r

monwy
15 Aug 2007 07:40

Hi Monchooza, n wena Jordy u didn't ansa my Q

sponono
15 Aug 2007 07:58

KeleFab   I'm Beyonce's stalker   I'm a guy..but you can turn me into whaever suits your imagination....I'm fine with that.....so long you dont imagine I'm Iko Mash LOL
(you didnt tell me whats the name of your lookalike from Selimathunzi..)

Username
15 Aug 2007 08:02

The show was really good but failed in taking the topic deep enough. Sex is not only about penetration but more about two individuals exploring sexuality and their bodies without any boundaries. As Welile said if you are not psychologically ready to have sex then don’t because your first time generally creates a pattern for the rest of your life. You create expectations. The decision should be based on you being ready; it’s about being comfortable with your sexuality and who you are. People also needs to understand that single people who are sexually active carry the same risk of being infected with HIV/AIDS as those who are “happily married”. Sex is more complex and beautiful than it is currently portrayed. Do it right and it’s everything you expect it to be, do it wrong and you end up with sad tails and bad memories.

KeleFabulous
15 Aug 2007 08:05

iyhoo! haai mense must go gold now...how long have we been blogging and all this time ntse kere ur a gal...haai!

i dunno what that girl's name is. i thot u'd get the hint by me not replying to that comment...i don't think we look alike. eish! di lookalikes bathong! someone once said i look like vivica a fox and i was like jwang? the woman has a long thinner face and nna i have  a small round face...ok so whatshername also has a small round face but that's as far as the similarities go...her name starts with an s..sbulela...siphokazi..something like that...i hear she's very nice so akase go shape ka khwiff if u make a move. lol

sponono
15 Aug 2007 08:16

I will try my like Kele....hope she dont phoxa me....yes her name is Sbulelo thank you

Username...please enlighten me on the RIGHT way of doing sex, 
mina I'm from the school of thought that says it just depends on how in sync you are with your partner...and a whole lot of other isues that one of you might have....where I come from there is no right way or wrong way...but maybe the time to have sex could be the right/wrong/......but ke I'm not Dr Eve's husband or some expert...hi hi hi

please share more of your bedrom secrets username...

Toxic
15 Aug 2007 08:21

Sebolelo -can't remember her surname and it's true you do look like her. Abt Spopo's gender, le nna at some point I thought he was FEMALE!!

Gucci
15 Aug 2007 08:22

Username>>>>> Nice Name tl tl tl..... LOL

Jordan
15 Aug 2007 08:23

<<<iyhoo! haai mense must go gold now...how long have we been blogging and all this time ntse kere ur a gal...haai!>>> Same here....

Toxic
15 Aug 2007 08:34

<<<iyhoo! haai mense must go gold now...how long have we been blogging and all this time ntse kere ur a gal...haai!>>> Same here....

heheheheeh Jordan, wena u W-O-R-S-E!!

KeleFabulous
15 Aug 2007 08:56

kanti jordan poso ya lona e slow na? how long has ur cheque been in the post?

@ Toxic, did u come right?

Toxic
15 Aug 2007 09:01

After much huffing and puffing, I did KF. I even discovered how to add a pic to my homepage....go to your guestbook.

Username
15 Aug 2007 09:11

@ Sponono Right or wrong in the context of time, maturity (not age), emotional well being, reasons (are you having sex because of peer pressure or because you want to?) and knowledge.

What may be right or wrong for me might be a whole different issue with someone else. Like every driver you may think you are above average but be less than average to someone else’s “standards”.

@Gucci nice handbags, sorry nice name

Toodecent
15 Aug 2007 09:17

Le a di bua bathong yoh...!!

Brown Shuga
15 Aug 2007 12:00

Segololo and the bloggers, can we please not talk about sex?? Thina siyafa yindlala please maan guys...

Flo-Jo
15 Aug 2007 12:59

hahahaha....u not alone Shugs. They must just dedicate ditikologo tse dingwe to som of us!!!

Segololo
16 Aug 2007 00:58

My ML - Mega Laugh - was for the people that do not stand a chance and have plaka of approaching you... 

Shugs! - Whya re you always so late at replying? 

Where is Beyonce!!!??

cocktail
16 Aug 2007 01:13

Hi hi hi hi hi HAYI WENA SHUGS U R SO OUT OF ODDER. UYANDIHLEKISA YAZI,YHO!!!!!!!! HONESTLY INDLALA IYASIBHUQA MTSHANA.LMAO

presha
16 Aug 2007 01:26

Shame! Invest in a dildo, its safer and just as equally satisfying-so they say. But
 I wouldnt know.

zulugal
16 Aug 2007 04:23

i dont agree with presha, u know sometimes u need to be touched etc and a dildo doesnt give that satisfaction.........

presha
16 Aug 2007 04:47

As i said I wouldn't know, but what u r saying zulugal does make sense.
Askies, then in that case it  means yor only hope is to find a man or  what about a blow up doll?

KeleFabulous
16 Aug 2007 05:18

i've been thinking of investing in one...since i'm not getting the real thing. and there was this feature on last month's cosmo and they had those ones that look like...zulugal i think u'll think twice once u see them...

Brown Shuga
16 Aug 2007 18:27

LOL @ Kele...yho, ekare wena you're serious about this....

<<Shame! Invest in a dildo>> What's the difference between that and le e qala ngo vibr.....

KeleFabulous
17 Aug 2007 01:19

it's the same thing

zulugal
17 Aug 2007 01:38

i think i dildo doesnt vitrate whereas i vibrator hence the name vibrates....

my worst fear is getting addicted to these things ngingasafuni the real thing yo ngathi sengiyabona

presha
17 Aug 2007 02:20

@zulugal heheheh! hayi suka madoda!


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OH Moment of the decade

I will not remove these pics -That (Linda sibiya oh moment) was; and still is, an oh moment for a decade for me... Who you allow to take pics of you is always crucial as you never know where the pic will end up. What you wear to the beach must always be attractive to you. As a celeb what you do is of public interest so put you golf balls tucked away.

Oh Moments blog deals with anything and anywhere moments where I need to re-evaluate my life, standards, dreams, choices, emotions and anything that I feel like it! It is my Carte blanche!

DJ Linda Sibiya
Pink Speedo Hunk



Show em what you got!

On the beach


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