Dear Bold Fans,
Wherever you hide- in your therapists office no doube (hope she's not Taylor) - come out. Regular Bold Whore Shirmell has not been kidnapped and held hostage in a love cage, she's just slacking off at DOOLA drinking the saopie misery away so in her absence may I present my twisted and sordid view of
The Old and the Not-so-Beautiful.
My my, what a long way they've come since the the show premiered!! Eureeeka Kate Whoreton (Days's resident Skank) is even in the cast. (Look for the slutty in shiny clothes.
Okay, I'm gonna keep this brief, because I'm not a die hard Bold fan like some so there stuff I dont know as well... Consult the Bold Walking Bible - Shirmell on the Forums for more Bold delight.
Whore Mass Production -
Logan's Got A Twin (Tho She's Younger)
So the Brookes got a sister... and she looks kinda like her- just incredibly younger. This leads me to suspecting that they plan on axing Brooke or when they discover than you can't hide 185 years behind Revlon Make-Up,
Donna Logan will be the new Brooke. She's young, ambitious, and falls for Forrester- sounds like Brooke's footsteps she's walking in.
Now you should know I don't willingly watch the Bold- only with my grandmother- because's such a die hard fan and apparently watched Brooke growing up and doing all the Forresters from Day 1.
My grandmmother's theory is Donna's the Darla replacement and not only because thier names are so similar- creative was slack there- but she just popped onto the scene after Darla's demise.
Donna is in town and she's modeling Brooke's new range, and Brooke doesn't like it because she's sleeping with the boss- Ridge. Don't be a Hypocrite Brooke, you did the same! Or Is Brooke jealous?! Whatever it is, she fires Donna after the fashion show because she apparently looked too slutty or something. I thought that was the point about the whole show!?!
Where's My Sister and GHD Hair Iron?-
Curls and Curbs From the Twin-Saver
SORAS'd isn't only a luxary the Salemnites are getting, but Forrester-wooders are also getting treated too. Remember 5 years ago when little
Phoebe Forrester had a sister, whatever was its name, whatever. Anyways since shining back on the scene, not only has she aged, but ditched her sister too. I suspect reasons being that they were doing Budget Cuts and using the money saved on Taylor's lip/breast/ass/ and whatever other surgery she's doing!
One late night, probally driving to the mall to get herself a GHD hair iron and to visit a tanning salon- 'cos god knows she needs it - she aint easy on the eye; Phoebe gets a flat. Now you'd think driving an SUV she's have Auto Club or at least call AA (not the one Taylor's a member too) when she breaks down!
No, instead Phoebe calls her mother, and when she's not there between scenes (does this kid know she's on a soap- unless it's Primetime, between scenes hardly happens), so she calls Darla, who miraculous between scenes makes it there helps Phoebe out, but her life is claimed by an accident... Now poor Phoebe didnt get the chance to get her GHD Hair iron or visit the tanning salon, and the more airtime and exposure we're getting, the more its hard on the eyes to watch her scenes...
Lippy The Big Breasted Pyscho-Hit&Run-Therapist!
Chronicles:
"I Sold My Other Two Kids For Alcohol"
Taylor Forrester's kids are missing, well I suspect she sold them off-camera for a drink, it's what alcoholics are known to do, and apparently Taylor's an alcoholic. Anyways I see suddenly not only is Phoebe's twin missing but Thomas too.... Hmmm...
Anyways Taylips or Tayloholic (all means Taylor) a few months back apparently had a DUI (Drinking Under the Influence) so got her licence taken away from her and could only drive to and from work and that's it. (Having grandmothers who religiously watch this soap pays off at times). Anyways one foggy night, Taylor had been drinking- lord knows why- probally had to do because she really took a look at Ridge without his make up and realised she married Bold's version of the Grim Reaper and started drinking.
Then Phoebe phoned her, desperate and frantic because she had gotten a flat somewhere on some desserted road and drunkish Taylor rushed off - like what any soapie mother would do - (left the bottle in the damn living room!)
Anyways there she hit Darla (who by all fairness was an accident.) See Darla was changing a tyre and fell back onto the road into the road and out of the fog came Taylor and she knocked her, sent Darla flying into her death bed, gave Darla 3 good days worth of screen time- then Darla died.
Taylor hid the truth from the police and told them she arrived on the scene
after Darla's demise. Needless to say - because she was drunk and driving unlicenced, this would have spelt, "D-E-A-D--E-N-D" for Taylor.
She did however confide in Hector about what has happeend, and wanting to confess and unable to live with the guilt for weeks after Darla's death we had the on going, Taylor wanting to confess to Thorne and Hector stopping her.
Until one night she was on her way to Thorne to tell him the truth and stopped by at Hectors to tell him, but Hector had other plans and held Tayloholic hostage (with a damn scarf I tell you).
A fire happened somehow (I wasn't paying attention) and Taylor was held there and not only burning in her guilt, but was going to burn in the fire... all I kept thinking was she's never going to get the chance to tell anyone who she sold the other kids too, if they are really indeed sold.?!
Whose That Women/Man?
Felicia's Back From The Dead, Older Looking than Ever!
The last time I religiously watched Bold, and I mean 'Walked past the TV for more than 3 days',
Felicia Forrester was suffering of Cancer and died.... and so I believed she died too..
The other day I saw her, and I thought, "Damnit, Forrester-wood's got thier own version of Melaswen too." Except it turns out, they don't. Felicia didnt die, she's alive and not looking so great. Her hair is cut short, her face is looking god-aweful and she's incredibly thin in the face. Don't know what that Cancer did to her, but think Thorne should go for a check up, they have the same facial symptoms.
Its evident that Felicia is back together with Danté and has her daughter/son whatever it is with her, but still concerned about Briget- do I smell a Lesbian Cancer Recovery?!
Thorne's Dilemma:
His dead wife, and aweful plastic surgeon!
As if loosing a loved one isn't hard enough, not only in Forrester-wood, but reality too;
Thorne Forrester seems to have no real luck holding onto women in this world, first Macey dies, then Darla, but the good news is that Darla, like Macy did, might resurface and be alive somewhere... Lord we pray, because Darla was the sane of this insane show!
Now ontop of loosing his wife, Thorne has to deal with his Plastic Surgeons deception of actually performing surgery on his face, when nothing seems to be done on his 132year old face. Don't let the above fool you- photo's can be Photoshopped, not even Make up could hide Thorne's horrible face... lordy lord, you'd think with the money these people roll in they'd visit Dr. 90210 down the road?!
Now let me tell you this stress Thorne's going through to find out who killed his wife gives him about 5 extra wrinkles around each eye every time he delivers that line, not good for his face and something that Anti-Wrinkling cremé won't even be able to take care of...
Oh yes, now his a single dad... Expect lots of TiVoing of Dr. Phil!
Moron and Macaroni Jackie-
Lost her King of the Night Husband
Whatever happened to
Jackie Moroni?! Lord knows, but I'm loving her alter-ego from the past Olivia Richards on Sunset Beach (Mon - Thur, 10h30 eTV). Anyways more importantly, what has happened with her husband who used to have 900lives, Stefano Moroni?! Or was it Massimo.. whatever. Maybe they've taken an extended holiday somewhere?!
I'm Still A Lesbian, I'm Still Grey, I'm Still Annoying-
Stephihomo discovers her lovers shocking news!
Stephanie Forrester's lesbianisity was further proved with her outraged facial expression when she learnt that her precious alleged past lover and favourite person, Taylips was the Prime Suspect in the Darla Hit & Run, when the Detective told Stephomo this week.
She spent scenes on scenes reliving the dialogue, wondering to herself why her character was reduced to this horrible storyline no doubt.
Anyways her lesbianisity was further proved when she went over to Hector's to rescue Taylor, but demanded the truth from her.
Please note: Since watching there has been no given indication if Stephomo is still married... ? And they expect us to believe she is 'straight' but we know her feuds with Brooke run deeper than we think...
Without a Trace-
Eric Disappears (Stephihomo really couldn't care)
Its times like this you wonder, "did I miss his funeral?" because
Eric Forrester hasn't been seen for a while... And his actually not really being missed!
I must say, for his age (his allegedly Ridge's father - so that makes him automatically 300years old) he doesn't look too bad!!
Speaking of Father's, wasn't that Dallas person supposed to be Brooke's Father... What happened to him?
* Just my luck, just watch how he will be on tonight's episode!
** Doesn't he look like he and Stephomo look like they could be Brothers & Sisters?
Desperate, Dateless and De-Stupidist Forrester-
Bridget works the background!
Poor
Bridget Forrester, as if her life wasn't hell... Her mother steals her husband, her other boyfriend cheats on her with an older man, her husband leaves her for her mother, rubs it in her face, makes out with her mother infront of her. Then someone kid is returned to Felicia (who apparently is its mother) then Danté leaves her for Felicia... and still she hasn't turned to drink, lesbianism, drugs or a hit and run! Congrats!
Not much to say about her... infact I haven't seen her much! Oh well her friendship with the background continues....
I Married An Alien-
Nicky Moron(i) Does The Loganater
And so Brooke Logan-Forrester-Logan-Forrester-Moroni-Forrester-Logan-Forrester-Moroni gets married again for the 300th time to Nick, and we add in the vows may this last longer than the others...
Now I see Brooke is being lured by
Nick Moroni to jump ship, literally to Moroni Industries or whatever its Business name is... and Brooke wants them to paint all thier ships green- was that a joke?!
Anyways the two look to be still in love, for now (because we know love and lust only last this long in
Bold and the Sluts). Nick the other night wrote Brooke some pathetic love song, I'm sure it's 'cos his getting worried that Brooke is developing feelings for Ridge again 'cos since Donna's come back onto the scene, competition is running high.
On other news in his ever so boring life, I noticed that Nick shaves under his arms when he came out the shower to make out with Brooke... You'd think the writers WANT people to switch thier TV's off!!!
Colour Me Blind and Dye My Hair-
Ridge does another Whoreogon Sister!
Lordy Lord, lets start sending in Hair Dye to CBS maybe they'll dye
Ridge Forrester's hair, its horrible to watch, he looks like a horse, well his getting a Hope-Horse face, so it could be quite possible!
Anyways poor Ridge since his Brooke rejection and ex-wife turned to alcohol and syndicated storyline life of hit and run crime, Ridge has been left in the dust, until Brooke's younger sister, who is the Brooke clone (just with less wrinkles and younger) comes onto the scene and now Ridge is smitten and infactuated and obbsessed with her... as long as it keeps his Thorne/Eric/Anger scenes down, I'm happy... It was the one thing I hated about Ridge!
The Face Of Revlon-
'185years old, and I'm still worth it'
I wanna get hold of
Brooke Logan-Forrester-Logan-Forrester-Moroni-Forrester-Logan-Forrester-Moroni and sit down and sip Martini's with her and ask her who is her stylist, because for a 185year old women, she doesn't look half bad and she's looking better than ever- much younger and wrinkless.... GOOD LORD, AM I GIVING HER COMPLIMENT?!
Anyways Brooke's less a slut now that she got married for the 365th time, so I'll give her some credit and be nicer to her, since my new Whore hating is on Kate Whore-ton from
Days of our Lives.
Anyways nothing seems to be happening lately to Brooke except she's jealous of her sisters role in the company and Ridge's life?! Perhaps she's scared now Brooke can be swept to the background or off the show and there'll be then new Brooke, Donna to take over... we highly doubt it- she's got a few hundred husbands to get through to reach Brooke status!!
And so the drama goes on in Forrester-wood, catch it every Weeknight on SABC 1 at 18h00.
Oh by the way, its actually called, "The Bold and the Beautiful", but ill call it whatever I damn well please!!
So Until I walk past the TV again for a few days... keep doing whatever Bold viewers do...