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Update of the 2-in-1 article

Written by Cody from the blog Update of the 2-in-1 article on 28 May 2008
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21 May 2008 : A day after blogging with them Psychologists!


This update has been long overdue, hope you guys will advise me well this time, since your not so good advise got me into trouble!!! I got home on the 21st, I thought about what my fellow Psychiatrists (bloggers) advised me to do. Went home, judging by the breadcrumbs on the kitchen counter, I saw that daddy had been here already, I cooked up a storm. Daddy was so impressed. Telling me how good of a daughter I have been to him and how I have taken good care of him since the death of my old lady, that she taught me well wara wara. Eish! I started feeling guilty; damn I wasn’t looking for any praises because of what I was about to tell him!!!!!! I decided to keep quite and not say anything and finally went to bed, but couldn’t sleep though. I called boyfie told him that I couldn’t do it because of the way daddy was. He told me that his parents came to my house with the letter saying that they are going to come to our house on Friday night to discuss the kids, I wouldn’t have known until I asked him!! I was so shocked!!!! My heart was beating up to my throat, was wondering why daddy didn’t say anything to me???? He tells me everything!!!! 

The guilt and trauma

I started fishing for attention from daddy and went to the TV room, watched TV. I knew he would go to my bedroom and check if I was there (he’s been doing that ever since I was young). He came to the TV room and asked me why wasn’t I asleep, I told him that I couldn’t sleep, he acted all dumb and asked me why. I told him that I have been keeping something from him, but didn’t know where to start because I was afraid of disappointing him. He said, “oh!so finally, you are about to tell me about your pregnancy”. I nearly fell off my chair and said “whaaaaaaat”? He said no “its okay, I knew that you are pregnant I was just waiting for you to tell me” (damn him!!) I asked him how does he know that? He said that he can see the changes in my body (but im not showing yet) and that I am always tired etc (and I thought only women are able to see this), and told me that the boy’s family brought a letter to ask for a meeting of Friday but he replied that he will only be available in on Saturday with my uncles. My dad and I didnt discuss anything until till the visitors came.

23 May 2008: D-Day for s**t

To cut a long story short, Saturday came and the uncles from both our sides came and told my dad about the pregnancy and that my b/f wants to get married, so the sad story was that the my dad and my uncles refused the half of the lobola, daddy dearest says he cant accept that his daughter will be married to a person with 3 kids, he will take care of my baby himself. As a result I have been feeling very depressed and couldn’t write my update. My dad and I are not talking and b/f is extremely angry, we are not talking either.

Is it right for my dad to choose who should marry me?
How do I tell him that I wanted to move in with my b/f?



34 Comments

Floh
27 May 2008 11:49

But now I forgot your name...........and  am lazy to page through...........

Sorry for the horror u've been through gal..............your father is very protective of you and I don't blame him either, but my brother got married while he's got 7 kids already with different mothers, so your boyfie is betternyana.

Is it right for my dad to choose who should marry me? No, he's denying you happiness mos, try to make sense to him , tell him that now he's change and he will do everything to make you happy ( but be careful on that one cause elders are very good in reading minds)

How do I tell him that I wanted to move in with my b/f? Gal, i don't know, really your dad doesn't like the b/f, 
 
I'll think about something.

Dimago
27 May 2008 12:22

((but my brother got married while he's got 7 kids already with different mothers, so your boyfie is betternyana.)) LMAO @ this Floh. This guy has 3 kids and wants 2 move in with you?? It doesn't sound right.

Firstdvd
27 May 2008 14:09

How long u've been going out with your bf?

mathata
27 May 2008 14:18

you didn't say anything about your age,I think marriage is not about a preg,n whaever your dad is saying give him a chanse,let me tell you something in life ,a men if he loves you he will do whaever your dad is saying,

When you movein with a men ypu are no longer Joliing,you will see the true colours that he is good or bad,what ever you are doing you are going to compromise,are you ready to do anything in the name of love,do you know what you want in life,do you think this guy of three kids is going to protect you,can we take we take example with your Dad,do you think this guy is going to  everything that you used you or your dad do?

this guy does he pay child support?this kids where do they attend their school?did he visit you with the kids?if he spend every week with one kid are you ready for him to play 2days in a month with your  kid when  a month has  8days of weeked,

in my life last year they told me i must terminate my preg bcz i can die bcz i have sickness.i told my self  God he didnt make me preg so i can die,nga thata a machanse,when i was 4mnth i visited SA,my husband just stress me i realise that  what  I  carried right  now is someone who is going to protect  me in future,i bacame so strong i never been sick the whole preg,my baby she never been sick,i thank God for that,I love my husband but my child n life they come first

Your DaD n the baby  when you are sick they are going to be there for you,ask you self  that your boy frnd even a single day did he gave you the salary that he earn to you?You are so lucky in life when you are preg  your Dad be happy for you,some they dont care,they want  you out of the house,(braai pack ya tura)

Your dad he can make you proud,for now forget about you just think about this precios baby,From now be proud,your dad raise without your mom,do you think your dad can make you suffer........no way.

this men if he dont pay maitenance BABY MAMA  DRAMA THEY WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON,this guy he take advantage of your dad bcz he knows if you want money os some thing you will call your Dad,

Dont let your dad down ,some people they pay magadi for go kokobetsa some people,what ever he want to pay he must wait,Ask you self why he left the mothers not mother mothers of his kids,he can do the same to you,now he loves you bcz you are still fresh,when the baby comes you cant even make love bcz you will be tired with your Job,be carefulllllloooo.

Your dad he is a men he knows what his talking about,familys always be there for you,If you can cherk mybe you are the only person(girlfrnd)who came from reliable family ,your dad if his not reliable,he can do what this guy done,bcz he always think about hir princes,he never disapoint you,Pls lesson to him everyday for all of us is a learning process pls,you can have better life pls

Dimago
27 May 2008 23:17

yho mathata!

Cody
28 May 2008 00:55

Floh: Jo seven kids!!! your brothers wife is very brave maan!

Firstdvd: 2 going to 3 years

Manthata: that was a mouthful!! Jo! nevertheless, I agree with you that about my dad always being there because that is his duty and i know he loves me, but somehow i think he is becoming very possessive i think he should know that we all make mistakes, i know my boyfriends past is not hunky dory but hey, we all make mistakes, I think he is more matured now, at least he had the nerve to make a true women out of me, or he would have run, so i think he should be a little bit grateful that he is willing to men enough and take care of me and the kids.I never had baby mama drama till this day,so with the kids living with his parents there is no need for baby mama drama.

Dimango:yho mathata! you can say that again Dimango.  the thing is, he had those kids while he was still young (17yrs), the kids are now ten years old, they are triplets, two are staying with him at his parents house and the other one stays with the mother but visits often. 


Cody
28 May 2008 01:10

Is it just me or this server has problems?

Best-Achiever
28 May 2008 01:46

@Cody ... Yho gal ...you are brave! 
i wont have much of an advice but what i know is ..Most of the time parents are right. i dont know what to say about this ...But your daddy is not being selfish, he is just doing what he has been doing all along "Protecting you" and i dont think he would denie you happiness if your boyfriend didnt have 3 Kids. He just doesn't want you get hurt at the end.  Is your boyfriend working?

what will happen with his kids, are they also gonna come stay with you?

Cnglemother
28 May 2008 02:01

@Mathata this men if he dont pay maitenance BABY MAMA DRAMA THEY WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON, partially true girl not all baby mamas are like that, some are independent and survivors like that, and will not go out causing drama to an innocent wife/girlfriend who's got nothing to do with the situation. Cody the babymama issue is unique in every situation so dont let it intimidate you. Its gonna be challenging but people pls layoff on this babymama drama.

Cody
28 May 2008 02:40

I have been trying to reply, the server keeps on throwing me out! what is happening to the server? or am i the only one?

My dad is just missing my mum.

Best-Achiever: exactly what is wrong with the 3 kids? they will stay with his parents but they will always be a part of his life. its true that my dad is trying to protect me, and i love him for that but he cant give me a husband a ke re? why doesnt he become happy for me? How does he know that I am going to get hurt?

Cnglemother: you are right! i know some women can give you hell but his baby mama is so independant and she is not a drama queen.

Best-Achiever
28 May 2008 03:21

@Cody ..exactly what is wrong with the 3 kids?
Your daddy doesnt thing you can be a mother to all of these kids including your own child. He is just being cautious and protective of his little gal ...if i remember correctly you said you were the only child and he raised you on his own, so gal he is protecting you.

Madamzee
28 May 2008 03:24

Shame cody;listen to the bloggers, maybe your dad is right, are you ready to look after your boyfriends children or do you guys plan not to have kids anymore?phela this guy has 4 kids including yours, his parents wont be around for ever have you thought about that?

Hlehle
28 May 2008 03:29

What if these kids want to leave with their dad when they are teenagers? Do you think u can handle raising three teenagers while ur child is still a kid, u need to think about this long and hard and u can always find sum1 who does not have kids and willing to raise urs none other than raising 3 kids which are not urs.

Imaging parents who struggles to raise their own teenagers saying that its hard and stressful, do u think u can do that for him?

Cody
28 May 2008 03:50

Best-Achiever: i think sometimes parents worry too much! he cant protect me from all hurts and pain. My boyfriend is working for his dad's company.

madamzee: phela this guy has 4 kids including yours. when you put it like that it sounds bad maan! 

so since this is an update of the 2-in-1 article, there wont be any harm in me asking a question that is not related to me telling daddy. 

Now that i told my dad everything, all of a sunday, my breast look much bigger & are painful like crazy, im loosing weight like no body's business and i am vomiting like crazy, i cant keep anything in, everything doesnt taste right. is this not going to harm my baby, i thought i should be gaining and not loosing weight??I havent had anything to eat in the past 4 days, i cant even keep water in my stomach

Best-Achiever
28 May 2008 04:08

i think sometimes parents worry too much!
@Cody ...  i guess that comes natural and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.

phela this guy has 4 kids including yours. when you put it like that it sounds bad maan!
@Cody ... and unfortunately it is axactly that, it is not only the sound but reality ...LOL

im sorry i cant assist you on pregnancy ...havent been on that road

felfel
28 May 2008 04:25

Cody, the best person to enquire about pregnancy and ur eating issues is ur Doctor so u can find out wats wrong with and stop starving that baby. My friend is 5months pregnant she lost her appetite, was losing weight and her tummy is still not showing, she got to a point where she was fighting with her man cos she ain't eating. She went to the Doc to double check, the baby's fine.

peaces
28 May 2008 04:44

The vomitting,big painful breasts,strange taste is normal my dear.The weight loosing part I don't understand.Maybe you're stressed and you don't even realise it yet.Now about your dad and man,I don't know what to say coz we can advise you and try to tell you what we've learned about life but at the end of the day the deciding is yours.You might choose to listen and you might not,so it realy is up to you to chose whether you want to be saved from heartache or you want to go ahead and feel it for yourself.

poshspice
28 May 2008 04:51

Best achiever -I wont have much of an advice but what i know is ..Most of the time parents are right

True.... they usually mean well and talking from experience and of what they've seen happening to most people around them

However- Cody is pregnant already are we saying she should live the father of his child..




Weiss
28 May 2008 05:30

This is all part of life, unfortunately - if you luv ur man and you think he is worth keeping - then keep him. Ur dad is just looking out for you and that is just natural. 

About the pregnancy **sigh** (I will never be pregnant, so I dont wanna say much on this one) - well if there is anything you are doubting call the doc. Apart from everything that is worrying you - you will be fine, gal. Take good care of yourself and remeber that you also need to exercise that growing tummy.

The lobola - have no comment I dont lobola anyone and I will not be lobolared. The bloggers will help you out one this. But be strong and keep your strength up, everything will come right. @mathata - Sho... with that longgg... reply, you have certainly seen the worst. Good luck, cody  and all the best.

Sana Lwam
28 May 2008 05:33

If I remember from the first article Cody is 23, sisi even the bible says "mamela uyihlo no nyoko ukuze imihla yakho ibemide" or something like that (I not a regular church goer)
I understand you are crazy inlove with ur man but marrying right now might not be the best decision, stay with him coz you will need his hands to massage your feet when you hit 7 months, then you will also see his true colours- what little things really irritate him and then right decide if you still wanna walk to the aisle...
I DO I DO, I DO I DO!!! - NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT

Cody
28 May 2008 05:37

Thanks Weiss
About the pregnancy **sigh** (I will never be pregnant, so I dont wanna say much on this one) - 
Dont sound so dissapointed!

The lobola - have no comment I dont lobola anyone and I will not be lobolared Loool!

im not feeling too well, ill read some replies tomorrow, if there are any. sharp!

mathata
28 May 2008 06:17

@Cody ,you didn't  say  your age,u didnt explain that  those kids are triplets,n the guy was 17yrs that time.
@Cmother,I hear what you are saying,thats why i say she didnt explain about the backround of anything,all ladies are not like that.
 Cody im sorry but if you are happy is OK,
@Weiss, if you say im the worst i dont get it,she sad she need advise,i dont say im right,i can come with opinion but decition is hers,

@Weiss i hate people who judge others,thats why last time you where in big problem,if you want to write something dont say the worst worst worst,cl

Weiss
28 May 2008 06:36

No No No mathata, sweetie - I'm not fighting here, and please dont get me wrong. Let's not fight, okay?

@Weiss, if you say im the worst i dont get it,she sad she need advise,i dont say im right,i can come with opinion but decition is hers, 

That is not what I meant, gal - All I was saying is that you have seen the all bad things happening around you, that is why you have so much advise to give. (I really meant that in a good way, please). I'm sure she took it!

@Weiss i hate people who judge others,thats why last time you where in big problem,if you want to write something dont say the worst worst worst,cl

Is this meant to hurt my feelings, now?? And, mathata, sweetheart - I never ever judge anyone. That is why I had a big problem last time??? No babygirl, please like I said - my comment was meant in a good way - you just took it wrong way and I'm sorry if that has offended you. I'm definetly not here to fight - so please, once agin let's not fight, please. From Weiss

mathata
28 May 2008 06:41

CoDY.make sure you eat,eat eat eat,or make fruits blender if you are lazy to eat,Girl enjoy d preg,n u must eat too much Iron,almond seeds,they are good,if you vomit try crakers or cheese naks.

This is time for you to be happy honey.

Sana Lwam
28 May 2008 06:54

I had so much to say but these server issues...

belz
28 May 2008 07:01

It is such a nightmare logging on to tvsa today!!!! Cody, your dad is looking out for you and i agree with him, you are still young. he cant choose a man for you but he can choose to leave you to make stupid (im not saying this is stupid) decisions or protect you against them. mina i still have a problem with boyfie sperminating you. i find that very possessive and insecure and beleive me man like that are a nightmare. otherwise how's it going with buying the stuff for your new home.

Weiss
28 May 2008 07:06

I hope we dont't resent each other, mathata - I wouldn't want to come here, knowing that someone has issues with me. And look even Cody took your comment seriously.

I agree with you that about my dad always being there because that is his duty and i know he loves me, 

And Cody, dear hope you enjoy your pregnancy!

mathata
28 May 2008 07:06

Weiss im very very very sorry i get you honey

Weiss
28 May 2008 07:16

Weiss im very very very sorry i get you honey - Shoo! ***relieved***  Now I need to go and have swim so that I can take off this "femine" side out of my system (cat fights are so not my thing).

Thanks mathata, sweetie.

belz
28 May 2008 07:36

LOL Weiss!! shame my friend.

tha - bang
28 May 2008 08:17

Id say listen to your dad but then u have a right to your own personal happyness.but let it not come at a great personal price to u,but if it is worth it u wont mind

myname
28 May 2008 08:25

yho mathata....... Cody love, u r so blessed 2 have a daddy like that. And if i were u i would listen 2 daddy. He is wiser & he understands this life we are leaving now. You are still young & you have a long way to go. Why cant you listen to your daddy & stay as a beautiful proud girl he wants. Love can make us blind but you dont have to do this. Think about your passion. You can leave without this guy. Wena do u want to get married now? Are ready for those hard knocks? Dear marriage is a life time not a one day labour. Think about it & take care of your old man. Your daddy really loves you so make sure you choose the best decision before its 2 late. bye bye 2morow

tha - bang
28 May 2008 08:39

best of luck cody with whatever decision u make

Madam Dee
29 May 2008 00:27

Hi everyone, this my first reply though i have been a silent blogger for a while. Cody i know it sounds unfair to you that daddy would deny you this but think about it, hes a man he might know precisely what he's protecting you from.if he has three kids why couldnt he commit to one of the other baby momma's before, pls ask yourself why you? my best bet is, you will be providing him with something others couldnt  and thats property. Another question is he supporting his other kids (that would say a lot about his character).dont get me wrong i would rather have a man with 16 kids as long as he owns up to his responsibilities.

you sound like daddy's little girl and he wants only the best for you, most decisions we make now affect our future and as much as we think our parents dont understand, trust me they understand a whole lot more that we can imagine. Good luck dear


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