I am a huge fan of Isidingo, especially storylines centered around the Matabane family as I can relate to their dramas. I have been a Thandi, once in my life, a very very long time ago but how will I not be a Nan in the future…
When I was still in the dating scene, I dated a guy that had a long-term girlfriend - I knew about her long before we became "involved". I had just left a traumatic horrible abusive relationship that I am still very angry with and was just damn scared of being in a relationship!
This "involved man", Cuz, was there for me after this time, He was the closest guy friend I had as he had approached me years before, I had turned him down and he met "gal" but had issues and I forced him to stay so we would chat once in a while whenever they broke up. I guess he liked hearing me say - "come on, you guys can make it work, the single life is hard!" AND this time I needed him!
He had a score to settle, I had a heart to mend... We got along very well, he was a good listener and he was very kind to what I was going through, we went out a lot and we fought a lot but we knew how to make up. Our fights were never about anything but me and him and certain behaviours we did not like with each other - Alcohol was my other friend and he loved working. So we would fight bitterly - shout, say mean things to each other and calm down then come back together, sit and talk through what was wrong with both of us... We had agreed after the first argument that no-one leaves during a fight and we stuck to it!
He blamed me for still being with "gal" because he seemed to think that we could have been very serious as him and gal had broken up every 6 months or so and I had always pushed him to make up with her. I was having none of that nonsense because he was a grown man that could make up his own mind about his state of affairs - I only advised, and had no gun to his head to stay.
Anyway, she found out about us and she was really hurt. I did not care. I had never thought about her, at all! She just didn't exist to me. I just felt that when it was time for me to go, I would go - I would never make him choose nor would I stay if he left her. He had told me that he would cheat on me if we got together because he couldn't trust that I would not hurt him, puhlease!!
She fell preggies and he went beserk - booking abortion clinics and insisting she get one. I made him choose between me and the abortion - if she has an abortion, I go! She wanted to keep the baby and he was not ready to let me go so I stayed thru the pregnancy. When the baby was born, my heart was mended and I was looking forward to having a solid loving relationship - I believed in love again. I left without a word or explanation - when he called I told him I was happy and fine, he needed to do the same too.
When I saw him again, 2 years later, he called me a "coward" because I had not made him choose between her and me. I had decided what was good for me and left with no scene. He still feels that I should have made him choose because he would have stayed with me. Gal still hates my guts and has never seen me. I am really sorry to have hurt her but I don't regret the relationship because I would have missed out on a relationship with King K if I was still as bitter as I had been before this "affair".
So I completely understand why mistresses stay in such relationships (and am not saying it is right), but as a wife and woman I am determined to ensure that my relationship will not be filtered by some woman in need of attention! But the question is how? Is determination just enough? How do you ensure that no-one slips into that crack within your relationship and causes pain, humiliation and complete and utter shock to a relationship?
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