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Confused and fed up

Written by Thozi from the blog helpout on 25 Aug 2008
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Hi guys, comming to you with a huge hope that u will be able to help me with my problem.

See ive this girlfriend of mine (Mandy) whom i love dearly, thing is my parents dont approve of our relationship.we've been dating for a year now and they found out four months back. When they did, my step-mom (whom i live with and is the exact description of the  word "horror" believe me),she made it a mission to give the poor child hell about it. First she went totaly nuts on me about dating a girl (me being bisexual) and wouldnt wanna listen let alone try to understand what i had to say for myself, then she went on harrased my girlfriend every chance she could get. She actualy went out of her way to make sure i never get to see her again.

Ofcouse i went against her wishes and carried on seeing Mandy. now becoz she wouldnt give it no rest, my girlfriend sugested that we take a brake until "step-momy dearest" cools off, because she couldnt take the harrasment from her anymore. i didnt think that was a good idea bcoz i was afraid of loosing her forever as noone knows if she'd ever cool off about it, so i said no we could always find another way around this.

We hung on and time went by (it still is).we decided to lie about it and tell her we quit even though we never did. that has been going on for two months now but i still dont think she totaly buys it, bcoz there are times when she'd just make funny comments about it but not directly,but atleast she has layed off our cases for now.

Now the thing is lately i've been thinking a lot about things; you know- life, future and all that revolves around. i do believe that i might be bisexual alright, i discoverd that recently (Mandy's my very 1st girlfriend) i just never realized my real feelings towards attractive girls iv met before until the day i met her. she totaly rocks my world (or -ed??).But im not sure that is what i realy wanna be. I adore my girlfriend in every sense of the word belive me. I just cant imagine me spending the rest of my life living it, not that i dont  feel it- i do belive me. Plus has this life style going; this i cant realy fit in to. the partying till moon goes home,group of friends i dont realy aprove of (but i'd never say that to her ofcoz) she's sacrificed a lot for me already. Its her personality im crazy about, her inner side its softning you'd sign up your entire life unaware i promis you! she's the cuttest thing i've ever layed my eyes on. just the little things are those that count the most with her. but she can be difficult and imposible sumtimes! (plus im the jelous type so i just fail to stand her ways most times,there's insecurity both ways or sides with us bcoz she also recorns im too irresistable she dont even trust herself with me either)

Now i dont think i wanna hold on to us anymore,if i do and time passes by it might just get more dificult to let go. i think im forcing myself to loose interest in and its hapening,i might be slowly but surely falling out of love with her . I keep telling myself i can do it becoz i think i want to. Plz note though that i would never want to hurt her for any reason in the whole world!! i wud actualy kill for that babe! Hope u do understand my position. 

Ques 1: if i wanted to leave her for any reason what would be the best way to do this? she ddnt do me any rong nor can i her.

Ques 2: How do i get my step-mom off my case for good? Just to back her off and give me my own space? Nothing i've already said would make her listen.

Thanks guys.






18 Comments

Firstdvd
25 Aug 2008 23:45

Wel..Wel..Wel..Wel! Undecided Nthati. K, i can tell your not bisexual, you doing this for fun. Cos you want to leave her, when she asked for a break because of step mum...Why ungavumanga?

Dimago
27 Aug 2008 04:46

Poor Mandy. Were you messing with her all along? You are being unfair on her really. Why do you want your step mom to back off if you are planning to break up with Mandy?

mayandie
27 Aug 2008 04:50

How old are you Ntati????????????????????????

Hlehle
27 Aug 2008 04:57

Though one Nthati.

Segololo
27 Aug 2008 05:03

Nthati, first mistake was making your stiefma think you had cut it... will be back to give u a proper answer to your q's....

Centrepiece
27 Aug 2008 05:09

Nthati i think you are being very unfair to Mandy, in a way that when she wanted to cool it off you were the one who refused, your excuse being you don't wanna loose her, now all of a sudden you wanna break it off................. i mean what happened to "i was afraid of loosing her forever", your own words. You don't play with other peoples feelings that way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

JadaPinkett
27 Aug 2008 05:13

Nthati...this thing of you is really confusing... but you should let her go for the first time when she wanted to brake up with you coz now you gonna brake her heart forever.

About your stepmom... Ey mfethu I don't know what to say but these people they being difficult to us especially when we give them too much respect.

carino
27 Aug 2008 05:18

eish...

molibelis
27 Aug 2008 05:25

@.......eish if u dont have anything to say just take a h......i........k.........e........

Segololo
27 Aug 2008 05:38

Okay, Nthati... Here;s my Little Oprah take on this one... I hope you are old enuff for this advice and not 14/16 or 18...

Like I said, your first mistake was making stiefma think that u and Mands are over. I learnt this one a long time ago, when I was wild, young, stupid and carefree (Dear gaad don't let my children be like me)... Anyways, I digress. I learnt that even though parents and elders may genuinely care and want to protect us, there are times when you have to firmly say (without disrespect) "I respect your take on this matter. I love you BUT can I learn from my mistakes or choices? I know you want the best for me but at this point let me decide how far I want to see this go." (AND this only applies to "odd" or "experimental" relationships, not drugs, unprotected sex or stupid things that will only kill you!!) 

SO, since the damage is done. You have to (not scream, holler or shout) tell  stiefma that you and Mands are still on (you may even blame her for this one). You really like Mandy and wanted to see how the relationship would go but were never given the choice nor chance. So you lied to her (ma), to make her happy but had she given you the chance and choice you may have even realised earlier if this is the life you erally want or not. So to prove her wrong you persisted and now are not even sure of what you want. She needs to realise that there may be times she cannot protect you and let you make mistakes and learn from the choices you will make. Her opinion will always be important and matter but sometimes she needs to advise and sit back and watch. AND now you need he to do just that!

carino
27 Aug 2008 05:38

molibelis... ndiyeke, please....thing is i looked at the writing on this wall, and haai, it's too much reading...I'll come back later when the replies have added some spices....

Segololo
27 Aug 2008 05:46

NOW, for Mandy

Regardles of when you do it or it (the break-up) happens, someone will be hurt. AND honesty is often the best policy... I hope Mandy won't "steek" (as in stab) you or something but most relationships do feel like a "forever and ever, my loving" at the beginning and soon end... SO, to deal with your realisation that bisexuality may ormay not be for you, you have to come clean to Mandy (AND you CANNOT blame stiefma for this, take charge and responsibility for the choice)

You chose to keep going when Mandy was uncertain, so you have to take responsibility of that. Tell Mandy your feelings, alles! She may be hurt but may also understand where you are coming from.

AND be clear about yoyr sexuality, don't break-up with Mandy just because of your stiefma knowing that you genuinley are bisexual. If Mandy rocks your world but not in the way you seriously believe your world can be rocked, there is nothing wrong with admitting that she is not the one. BUT if you are not bisexual, you may be just dragging her along, so it is better to do it sooner than later with no excuses but the truth "I am not bisexual"

HARAMBE24
27 Aug 2008 05:47

Nthati nna ke tla o jola boss...give you everything that you need...forget about Mandy, what does she now about Mdavazo...as for steifma...whatever...halla at me coz your irrisistable...

Centrepiece
27 Aug 2008 05:51

@......... H24, you are so naughty mosssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL.

PrtyBoo
27 Aug 2008 06:02

I could'nt 've said it better .... i agree with u Sego .....Deep but to the point. One of the lesson is never ever make a decision for another person when it comes to LOVE. 

But please dont hurt Mandy abt what u wanna.... You should keep her on the loop and tell her the honest truth of what you feeling right now....who knws maybe she'll understand. 

And i hope you not making yo decision based on your Step mom.

blk sunshine
27 Aug 2008 14:24

i can relate to ur story, im 20 and bisexual for the most part, by that i mean that i lean more towards the lesbain side. Well i have been with my current galfrend for 8months and its been AMAZING. i can sorta imagine how Mandy makes you feel, sorta gets you wondering how sumthing that feels so good and right can be deemed as wrong...You need to sort out ur sexuality issues, its not fair on her and you. I knw its hard even for me, to think abt living my life this way forever, what will my parents and their SUPER RELIGIOUS frends think, but if hu i am is what they love, then how can they not accept me, coz its me and thats what they love ryt? dnt do anything you might regret, love sumtyms cums from the unconventional...live a little, bt be sure to share ur feelings on how you feel with Mandy 

what aka mathata
27 Aug 2008 17:10

first thing,talk to your step mom (make sure DAD is around) ,tell her you love n respect her and you expert the same  from her,tell her that the are some of the things in life nature just take over,Like nature done to her n your dad,

tell her that some of the things they do happen ,is not like you go to retail store n you choose what you want n go,it do happen,is LIFE

look  her in the eyes n say first time i didnt like you,but i knew GOD will never give dad the wrong person,n you appreciate the happiness that she brings to your dad.

tell her you thank everything that she done for you,but you expert respect from her,meaning if she makes you a laughing stock,what about the world out side,if being yourself is a sin,that means DAD will be a joke for the rest of his life,n that is not good for his health

just say in life i never been lucky like your self,but i hope GOD one day will hear my prayers,but im happy you are around my dad,but for the sake of dad n this family can we be strong for each other,n respect each others needs,let the past be the past with respect

Just left her with????????????????.dont mention your love life,or anyone,just talk about  family,But before you say thse  things if she cooked something just say ,WHO COOKED THIS FOOD THEY ARE SO DELICIUS.(maaka)

N NEVER touch the subject of your love life with her,when you get in to yo bedroom,JUst say foooooooooooolish women by 9 until you are OK.
she need to grow up.

people like this iF you want to fight with them,WORK HARD,and love your mogirl for good ,bcs if you change them is where she gonna sing haleluya haleluya,

i hope in future you get good job n plaze n  leave her alone ,shis not  mentaly stable,n try to avoid her,Dad  will ask himself n her the ???????.

pls be strong,no one will fight  for you,if you dont standup by yourself no one will.

pls be careful at night,men sometimes they can take advantage of you guys,even step mom can send someone to try you guys

love that girl,the world is watching ,if you fail your enemies will be happy prove them wrong .

one love

Thozi
28 Aug 2008 01:31

Segololo.... Wow, thats quite an advice yongh!! You're so good at this i must say im impressed. Nice one there.


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