One of my very good friends is distraught upon me sharing my story with. She is one of those I can run ANYTHING by, and I am the same with her. Me being a married woman and her being a single mother (a.k.a Baby Mama to the married father of her baby boy) makes our friendship an interesting one as I bounce off matters by her so as to check if am justified in acting in a certain manner when it comes to the woman my man has a girl child with (or so we thought), the child was a result of a two month fling. My friend also does the same with me when it comes to understanding the behaviour of the baby daddy's wife. Her distress comes from the fact that the story am about to share taints the image of the already-not-so-loved Baby Mamas (BM), who in some (and emphasis being on the word SOME) cases mean well.
When I met the man in my life he told me about the baby girl he had, the child was three at the time, and I had no gripe with that. The first thing that was striking though was how much the child did not bear any kind of resemblance to the father, nor to the mother for that matter...but then that was not my part. It was only after he hinted that he had suspicions about the child not being his that I also voiced my concern. The BM always came across as this humble and 'timid' kind who would not hurt a fly in the man's eyes...me being female I could see that it was all an act...but then that's another story for another day. She wrecked the cage when she started sending the unpopular 10pm smses about how 'scarce' the man is, and also calling after hours to 'remind' him about the monthly maintenace, this is days before month end....so ours was a typical BM/current wife relationship....which in most cases put the man in a predicament.
After the wedding about 8 months ago, i felt the need for him to be more involved in the child's life...the child is now 7 years so he has been missing out on her formative years. ...also I thought I needed to be more involved as the child would need to visit on holidays, be written as a beneficiary on his policies etc. but then I refused to get involved for as long as the matter was unclear regarding the paternity. This pushed him to finally take the much dreaded paternity test. After 7 years of bonding with the child, the test came back negative. Now dear bloggers, my gripe is that the mother claims she had no idea this was the case, she claims she never even had a single doubt even after she was asked a direct question a few months after birth of the child. I don't buy it..and am upset that the man still does not seem to see through her. Also, it's been now a week after the results came out, she has not done anything on her side in terms of notifying the parents and everyone else concerned on her side. According to our culture her parents need to come over to my inlaws place to clarify the matter as they did so when the girl was pregnant and damages had to be paid. Now what I want to know is....am I justified in being impatient with this woman? All this implies for us is that she is delaying the process, in the meantime the man has to keep following up with her...and right now..am not sure i want her anywhere near my husband...the child yes.....cause immediate withdrawal will have adverse psychological effects on the child....I also strongly feel that SHE IS STILL LYING, there is no way you can sleep with two men within a space of a month and not have an inkling of a doubt regarding paternity. The frustrating bit is that...the man just cannot see through her....now i feel the longer she stalls on sorting out the matter, the more damage she can potentially cause to everyone concerned. Am I justified in wanting her to disappear with immediate effect...cause I don't understand how she can mess up this way and still want to sort out the matter in her own terms
Apologies for a long one...your views in this matter are highly appreciated.