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Volatile Loving

Written by Segololo from the blog Oh Moments on 19 Jan 2009
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On the 7th of January 2009 my 29 year old cousin tragically passed away with his just 21 year old girlfriend. The reasons we may never know. The history of their relationship leaves a chill down anyone’s back. Why? Why? Why? Was it absolutely necessary? Could it have been avoided? What happened?

They had a relationship I can only call volatile and dangerous. Often the police would have to be called in as they had just moered each other. My cousin had a huge file of incidents reported to the police of assault and damage to property. Exactly 2 months before the tragedy, the police had had to be called in to finally end the relationship. What was recorded on the file for this incident is scratches and a broken windscreen on my cousins car and a open wound on his head after being beaten with a broken bottle. The record states the gal had been told to stay away from my cousin or she would be arrested.

The stories being told by friends and family that lived around his house shock and leave you wondering what troubled souls they were. What makes a 21 year old woman so hungry for war? What was my cousin doing to make her get that violent? What would spark these violent outbursts? Wasn’t there more to life than just being constantly fighting? I realize that the children we raise are not really ours but we shape their world each day. What background did she grow up in?

What happened to a young man that was so protective of his female cousins that all of them are cowards because he was always there to defend them? What happened to the young man that made me appreciate another woman’s beauty without feeling intimidated? What happened to the young man who insisted I know how to play soccer as he was certain it was the way to any man’s heart? What happened to my cousin?

What happened to the young man that had successfully run a graphic design studio and business for 5 years? What happened to the young man who had contracts for the soccer world cup in 2010 with the Bafokeng? What happened to the young man who loved life and wanted everyone to live it freely and not mis-treat each other? Why couldn’t he let it go if the relationship was so unhealthy? Why couldn’t they accept that life would not be healthy if they stayed together? What could have been done to help them let it go?

Their final moments will forever and ever be a mystery as they were found at the girls home – He had one bullet wound on the head and his entire body was bruised. She was holding a steel rod in her hand and 3 gun wounds.. The details are sketchy but whatever happened left two dead bodies. What would push such young people to die so tragically?

They leave behind unanswerable questions and a 7 month old daughter.

Robala ka kagiso Mokwena wa Mmanape a Tshukudu…

Life goes on- Floetry




28 Comments

Cande
19 Jan 2009 10:59

This is soooo soo bad Segololo, and now the daughter will have no parents for the rest of her life..am soo glad no one harmed her in the process coz she deserves to live.. I also wonder what really happened here.. Hope you and your family get the strength to accept what happened

Lady D
19 Jan 2009 11:07

You are right Cande,it is really sad.To loose life all in the name of love....Unfortunately they are the ones that knows what happened and now they are no more alive leaving a 7 months baby with a scar of her entire life!I hope both famalies can get closure and find a way to move on.

Very sad.....

Nonny
19 Jan 2009 11:10

This is so hectically sad, mina on December 26, 2008, my friend's sisters shot herself and she died together with the child she was carrying for sic months, she was a police and also in one of those ever violent relationships. Her boyfriend is in the taxi industry, so u can only imagine the drama that would happen in their relationship.

Renegade
19 Jan 2009 11:10

Hai bo, this is beyond sad. Death is bad enough withoug the lingering question, but this just adds so much to the misery. 

21 years old? 29 years old. I shrudder at the though of this relationship. What's even worse is that these ppl saw themselves fit to bring a child into the world. 

Angazi Sego, I'm lost for words!

Nonny
19 Jan 2009 11:11

I meant for six months.

belz
19 Jan 2009 11:13

Oh Lawd!!! How very sad, Sego the questions dear, you might not even get the answers to. May God help you get some closure.

Cody
19 Jan 2009 11:17

Gaad i am in tears........this is just too sad for words.

awelani
19 Jan 2009 11:21

OMW!! This is sooo sad, now what's gonna happen to the poor child, only 7months..No man, whoever pulled the trigger btwn these 2 was very selfish, robbing a small baby of its mother or father, Y cudnt they just break-up,,

Onna
19 Jan 2009 11:27

Sometimes there r things we r not meant to understand,God works in mysterious ways is all I can say. Sorry to u Sego for the loss of a loved one. Now we must pray for the lilttle one left without parents at such a young age. May God be with her all her life and may she never be in a similar situation.

belz
19 Jan 2009 11:31

True Onna, very true.

Nonny
19 Jan 2009 11:38

Sego, I am really sorry about this, this is really tragic, but ke as Onna has put it so well: "Sometimes there r things we r not meant to understand"...........u just have to make peace with what's done and give all ur love and support to teh little gal who's left without parents, eish I can only imagine when she grows up, and these nosy neighbours tell her how herparents died and the lifestyle they lived.....nc nc nc *shaking my head*.........life's a b!tch nomakanjani!!!!

makgotso
19 Jan 2009 11:41

Sad news indeed. I pray that GOd may heal your wounds and your family's. Some of the things happen and we don't have answers for. Please take a very good care of the child, she will grow up and be a remarkable woman in spite of her childhood.

Best-Achiever
19 Jan 2009 11:42

very sad indeed.

Feza
19 Jan 2009 11:42

Be strong Sego

Supa
19 Jan 2009 12:10

Eish sani Segololo...im not allowed to say "i knw wat u r going tru " koz i dnt.but im sorry for wat u r going tru,,so sorry....and ur niece/nephew will need ur ultra valiant selfs to grow around ur healthy mental attitudes.as to why ur cousin and his girlfrend did that for nobody knws..not even them actually knw,.each of us needs to  experience a vivid sense of universal altruism. It is only this feeling that can remove the self-centered motives that cause people to deceive and misuse one another. big up Segololo..May their good side of spirits sooth the pains left behind.

Lady D
19 Jan 2009 12:18

It will get better with time gal!

awelani
19 Jan 2009 12:23

It will get better with time gal!>>It sure will.....

Kapakapa
19 Jan 2009 13:00

Eish mara so so sad, but as sad as it is rather them dead than the poor child who was going to be traumatised by their relationship, rather now than later.  The child will grow and maybe lead a much better life than she would have with her parents.  Guys and gals if a relationship fails, let it go - life is way too short to spend most of it miserable.

BigMama
19 Jan 2009 13:01

It is very sad loosing loved ones in mysterious ways, it is never easy to accept that they are gone even if you see them in suffering and in pain.
It is never easy for one to let go of the person that you think that he or she is your future. No one knows what happened between the two, to end up dead but l believe that one of them believed that their future will be nothing without them. We cannot describe what was in their hearts but l can only say it is not easy to see the person you love with all your heart moving on with his/her life as if you don´t exist.

As for the little sunshine, its not the end of the world. l believe that a child is raised by the community. There is a reason why God chose for her to be an orphan at this time. The child still has family they will look after her, l just hope they can put aside their difference (if there is any) and raise the child together and provide a great loving family environment for her.

Sego be strong, and never let this bring your spirit down. If it was meant to happen like this nothing would have ever changed it. God is always and will always look and provide for the little one and the rest of the family and he will provide with the answers.

Death does rob us of our loved ones, l hope you will find peace in your heart and move on with your life one step at a time. With time everything will fall in place and you will be fine and strong and yo will move on but your cousin will always be in your heart.

Dimago
19 Jan 2009 13:16

Sorry for you loss chomi...*SOB SOB*

Segololo
19 Jan 2009 13:30

Thank you all for you kind words and support. It is very much appreciated.

BigMama>>it is not easy to see the person you love with all your heart moving on with his/her life as if you don´t exist. << My mom always says "to really love someone is to know that you want the best for them even if that best does not have you." When you love someone the right way you want to see them happy and their happiness will always ensure that you are happy. Love enough to know that the other person being happy is to really love them as love should not hurt.

Kapakapa<<it is rather them dead than the poor child who was going to be traumatised by their relationship, rather now than later.>> I believe it is quite selfish of them, at any point (now or later). The knowledge that they could make a difference in their child's life should have been something to live for. the first 7 years of my life I experienced the trauma of fighting parents - when my mom left I got to experience a life with my aunt and uncle who were completely different and loving towards each other. I choose now to ensure my children experience a life where they know loving parents and ways to do things.

<<It will get better with time gal!>>It sure will.....> Awe and Lady D, I pray so... This just feels like someone wrenched my heart out. it is just sooooo soooooo sooooo painful.

Supa<<..not even them actually knw,.each of us needs to experience a vivid sense of universal altruism.>> Thanks, dear... in a weird way for me, this statement made sense and also reminded me of Morris from BBA3. lol!

Onna<<Sometimes there r things we r not meant to understand,God works in mysterious ways is all I can say>> eish, I wish we had answers. The worst thing for my family is each year the first week, we have to deal with a death... From the 2nd of the year to the 7th we dread that week as we remember everyone that has passed on those weeks. at one point we buried 5 family members who died on the 2nd of jan... Go thata!(it's hard!)

Cande
19 Jan 2009 13:35

Hai Sego you need to go and bona dingaka tsa setso, haiye ngeke!!! who knows gore who is next??

belz
19 Jan 2009 13:43

at one point we buried 5 family members who died on the 2nd of jan... Go thata!(it's hard!)>>>> Yho!!! I agree with Cande, bona dingaka Sego, its probably something they can help with.

Nonny
19 Jan 2009 13:45

Awe and Lady D, I pray so... This just feels like someone wrenched my heart out. it is just sooooo soooooo sooooo painful. 
This too sall pass, as painful as it is, in time uzobaright.

at one point we buried 5 family members who died on the 2nd of jan... Go thata!(it's hard!)
Eish, now this is really sad..

WhiteSockGirl
19 Jan 2009 17:09

It is very sad, and one is always left with questions.

I don’t know if it is a weird coincidence, but I actually started writing over the weekend on a story of domestic violence because I lost more than one person in my life to domestic violence.

My brother’s girlfriend was killed by her ex boyfriend. She left the other guy and when she started going out with my brother, the ex stalked her; eventually he killed her.

Last year I lost a childhood friend to domestic violence. His wife stabbed him to death.

And I spent the greater part of my weekend listening to a person who is being caught in the trap of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I am at a lost for  this person, I am fearing that she would eventually be killed by her partner.

This woman told me that no-one knows what is going on behind the close doors of their bedroom,… so no-one would understand.

I agree with that. I don’t know what is going and I would never understand why she is staying in that relationship. But I told her that nothing what is happening behind that closed bedroom door justifies the trauma that her children are suffering.

Anyone woman that is subjecting her children to domestic violence is selfish.
She should just walk away from that ish for the sake of the children.

Women and men have been using children as a reason to stay in destructive relationships for too long now. It is simply not acceptable to hide behind children. The children do not deserve it.

Segololo
20 Jan 2009 11:03

<<Anyone woman that is subjecting her children to domestic violence is selfish. She should just walk away from that ish for the sake of the children. >> I believe the trauma the children go through while the mother or father is staying in the relationship is even more worse than leaving or the life they will experience after leaving. By leaving, the wo/man gives the children a better chance at life. It is also a viscious cycle that you may stop just by walking away and making different choices. I believe the children may even thank the parent for not letting them be scarred for life.

Cnglemother
26 Jan 2009 23:11

Sorry Sego,the poor little thing.u wonder what makes people resort to such behaviours,couldnt they just leave each other alone.sad sad,life can be so unfair at times.

Brown Shuga
26 Jan 2009 23:35

Bathong Sego, so that's what all those "status updates" were about! I'm really sorry...... getting shivers just reading this. Go tla loka dear.


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