I just wanted to share this interesting story that my FB friend posted on her page which actually got me thinking:
"I know its long but you can take your time:
My view of being single and wanting to get married has changed since yesterday. I saw a totally different view. I mean for the past I don’t know how many months I have been (secretly) asking myself why I cant get a nice guy and settle down. Then I think of all the guys I have dated who seemed like they were “the one” but turned out they were not. Each of those men had qualities that I liked and want my future husband to have. I have a clear picture in my head of what I want that man to be. From the way they look, to the way they dress, what kind of music they like etc. I did get those guys but they proved that not all that glitters is gold. But I’d still marry them if they asked just because they are hot….
Ok back to my story. I met this guy at Caltex the other day as I was driving home. He came to my car and told me how he wanted to take the chance and ask for my number and he is hoping I wont blow him off. I looked at him and well, he’s not really the best looking guy I’ve seen and I would have blown him off but he asked so nicely so I gave him. He called me yesterday and this is what he said:
Him “Im not going to beat about the bush and waste your time so Im gonna get straight to the point”. Me: “uumm….ok.” Him: “ I am single, I have an 8 year old daughter, I have a good job and I drive nice cars” Me: “uumm…ok”. Him: “im looking for a woman to share my life with. She has to be single and have at least 1 child. I am willing to be put on a 3 month probation, getting engaged in 6 months and to marry her after 9 months, but not saying Im desperate or anything”. Me: “uuumm…ok”. I was still trying to process all this in my head. He went silent, I think waiting for me to say something. I told him that we can meet for a quick drink and talk about it.
We met in Capello later after work. I saw him and for a moment I thought “uummm….ok”. He is still not the best looking guy I’ve seen but he’s not a dog so I guess I can sit (when my first instinct was run and hope he didn’t see me). I ordered a magharitta. Well I needed it after the day I had and it will make me sitting there less painful. We had a bit of small talk about how the day was etc then he went into a full on sales pitch. Well it sounded like a sales pitch to me. The guy really sold himself! He went into a detailed resume of his background and how he got to be where he is. He emphasized points on how he doesn’t go out with friends all the time and prefers to spend time bonding with his woman. How he makes sure that as a man, his woman’s needs are taken care of because feels that once a woman has a man in her life, she mustn’t struggle with anything. I then told him that im going to Nelspruit to visit my cousin this coming weekend. I was going to take the bus because I don’t really wan to drive there. He immediately volunteered to drive me there. Seeing the look on my face, he immediately said “I will drop you off with your cousin and I will disappear. I will hang around with my brother in Nelspruit and I will come and drive you around if you want or I can give you the car to drive around”. Ok……hhhmmm….. I got distracted by a hot guy walking past and making eyes at me. Then I told him that I will let him know by the end of the week.
So the pitch went on and on and he kept emphasizing on his good family values and how he will do everything for the woman he loves, how he is a hard working man and loves to inspire his workers etc etc and he is ready to settle now! Even though he could have been bullshitting me, he gets a A for effort. Needless to say, he was totally smitten by me and I could see he was trying really hard to impress me.
So I am looking at this guy who was basically proposing marriage but for most of the night all I did was look at hot guys who were in Capellos. I was checking out their broad shoulders and big arms, and checking out their asses……. Then I asked myself the question.
Am I shallow? Is that all I want in a man? Tall and gorgeous with broad shoulders and big arms and looks ultra yummy in jeans? Well, I did have tall dark broad shouldered men with had a tight butt and looked killer in jeans. I used to just watch my ex walking around the house topless and I’d just drool. But well again, not all that glitters is gold. I would have still married him (even though he put me through shit) because I loved his body. Silly reason to want to marry someone isnt it?
Then I look at my married friends and relatives. They are happy, have a man to go home to, some are pregnant.…but their husbands are not really guys that I would have picked for myself (and my friends are pretty girls mind you.) They are not tall, dark and handsome with broad shoulders and tight asses. They don’t drive flashy cars but are good men who make a good living and take care of them. Then I look at the men here at work. Some of them you wonder who they are married to, but some woman is their mrs out there.
Now here’s a man who (for the purpose of my next point, lets pretend he is all that he says he is and he can do all the things he claims he can), the only reason I will not go out with him is because of his looks. That’s all. I will totally disregard all the things he offered me simply because he is not what I see in my picture as my husband. This has happened throughout my teenage years. Only picking the hottest guy to go out with and disregarding the not so good looking ones. No matter how good a man he might be and provide me with all the things that I want, I……just……don’t…….really…..kinda…….see myself with him. I keep thinking about what my mother will say. I keep thinking about what my friends will say. I kept looking at him in funny angels thinking maybe if we can nip here and tuck there, buy some new hip clothes and voila! Or we can just exchange his head for one of those cute guys who keeps making eyes at me, then I’d marry him tomorrow!
So my point to all of this is that its not that we cant find men to marry us, we just cant find the right one who fits the profile. And when you do find the right one who looks good, and he knows he looks good, has a good job, drives a nice car, he turns out to be a scumbag. Not only that but you are in constant competition with all the other girls who want the same type of man as yours and will do anything to get him and get him away from you. Going out with a hot man also has problems of its own.
Oh by the way, my cousin tried to fix me up with a friend of hers 2 weeks ago. Good looking, nice, sweet guy. I thought oh yeah……this is it. But my excitement came to a screeching halt when I discovered that not only was he not single, he is engaged to a girl who is pregnant with his child. A girl he met 6 months ago! I went “noooooooooooooo” in my head. Oh well……
So what are your views on the subject?"
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