To let bygones be bygones or not

Written by Freemale from the blog PARENTING on 18 Jun 2009
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Okay guys I’m going tell it from the beginning:

I was only 16 years old in high school that I fell into the teenage pregnancy trap and what can I say it happens. Just after discovering that I m preggy my then so called boyfriend and I broke up. Well in all honestly there isn’t much of a boyfriend/girlfriend ~~(love~~) when you are 16 years old believe me I know.

So anyway, had a strong family support structure then (My mother was there praying to God without ceasing) etc..Few years ago my son came to live me after he has been living with my mother all these years. At first I can honestly confess that I almost lost my mind (Imagine a single woman, having fun, have friends, maybe a boyfriend there and there well life was good). My son came into my life and everything changed, friends disappeared and it was just me and my son. Now it has been 12 years his father has never given me a cent to save his life and mind you this man comes into my sons life as to and when he wishes. And as I mentioned this man probably doesn’t know how old his child is, what grade he is in. Okay before you start thinking why don’t I report him for maintenance here is the thing, the man’s family owns businesses so he claims that he doesn’t have a stable income (By the way he is one of those who drive big cars) just thought I should throw that in.

Throughout the years of growing up and raising my son with the help from my mother, I became a born again Christian and started to learn about forgiveness and I must admit that I eventually decided to let go of all the hatred and anger I had to forgive him and be civil for my sons sake and not to loose the favor of the Lord.

Having said all that: My son and I recently moved into a slightly bigger house, and things are going quite okay for us you know (by God’s Grace and Mercy), My son is growing up and I must say I’m proud of him and everyone else who never gave up on me when times were hard. I m not rich or anything like that, I m just a single mother trying to make a living for me and my son. After loosing more than 3 cell phones, I decided to get my son a fourth one (I pray that he doesn’t loose this one too). Out of excitement he found a need to call his father and give him his number, well to my horror the man has been buying my son airtime everyday and at this moment I am about to loose cause I just don’t get it ( how does he buy him airtime when he cant pay for anything else in his life)

Ohh God knows I am no hater but at some point (I just want to hire the next hit men) to get it over and done with. When my son woke me up at 2am this morning crying sick and I stayed awake all night with him trying to make him feel better at least until this morning when we went to see the doctor I realized that somehow I can either suck it all in and get on with it or give up (which I cant afford to). I have nothing against the man as long he stays away from my family…

So Bloggers how do we just get along for the sake of the child? Because if really I am saying I have forgiven this man why then does it still bother me that he always finds a way of working on my nerves!!!!

14 Comments

lejazz
18 Jun 2009 15:27

I have two sisters who are experiencing more or less same story.he impregnated my sista and took care of the for only one year and thereafter he went to jozi...that's when he started to jilt his daughter and my sista.since his daughter started school in 2001 he never even a single day brought uniform or scholl fee...in christmas he doesnt buy her anything....and my sista doesnt take him to maintanance court and i think it's good that way.

Ms. Jay
18 Jun 2009 15:40

this is very sad....I gather you have not really forgiven him - if you had you wouldn want him shot dead by a hit man........your kid doesn know what his father did to you and as such would be devasted if you made him cut ties with his dad...I cant give you any advice just a shoulder to vent on...I have no experience in this field..am so sorry for my dear........I cant even tell what scripture to read and how best to help you coz I just have no authority to do so.....life.......

myname
18 Jun 2009 15:40

Shame dear, im experiencing that now so u r not alone.

He knows i can be rude if i want to so akandiqheli kakubi mna. Stop being sweet & tell this guy what u think & want from him. Ndadikwa ukwenziwa isdenge mna.

Mine he support when he likes. I know pride is wrong but i never ask anything from him. If he doesnt wanna support his son its ok, he wont eat mud as long as i live. Inkosi imsikelele qha ingamnqunqi!

Eish now im feeling warm...............sori babes, u opened the wounds NX nx nx

Amza
18 Jun 2009 16:03

Yaa nee, this is very sad, as Ms Jay said I cant find words to get out of this one...it is too hectic for me...

mathata
18 Jun 2009 16:05

Dont forgive him,move on with your life,In life try to work hard to prove wrong people who disrespect you.

i have the same problem with my nephew

the only thing you can do,you need to tell your son ,when his in bed he need to ask himself why his not living with his dad(this child he need to ask himself those Questions)

in life you need to accept that the are some fights you will never win.

being healthy n have money n respect,is the best thing you must have.

for him to have money......dont worry about it,those lies they will turn one day.God will destroy him untill he say FOR real real real,i dont have money,he wish for something that he cant stand.

for me enjoy life n CONDOMISE

Cody
18 Jun 2009 16:11

God will destroy him untill he say FOR real real real

kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa! LMAO! hai mathata that was priceless!

Lessie
18 Jun 2009 16:17

You have a boy for a child (boys with their mothers). He will never ever leave you for the so-called father. He is going to remember all the sacrifices you made for him. No airtime is going to separate you from your little one. His father is obviously a loser and is taking advantage of the situation.

awelani
18 Jun 2009 16:21

bathong Mathata,, LMBAO

SistaBB
18 Jun 2009 16:23

one thing you should know is that there are a lot of people who are in the same situation like yours. just leave him alone, your son has you, if you have been there all along with him what makes you think that the "father" will make a difference?

Youl will both survive with your son believe me, I have survived with my mother too. My mom was in the same situation as yours, she was still in high school and about 17yrs old, that was back in the 80s, this guy whom i can't call my father was never there, i remember seeing him once on the streets with his flashy car too...maybe i was about 7, & since then never saw him & i dont care. I still survived and I'm still surviving & so is my mom. just wanted to show you that you are not alone and your son will grow to be a very great man.

Good luck and all the best!

mathata
18 Jun 2009 16:28

@SISBB,yes,bankane bage ba tla mmona.

maud
18 Jun 2009 16:34

I also was brought up by a single mother(may her soul rest in peace) and she did a very good job.

my little sister has two kids from different fathers, they both never supported her, asfter all this i took her back to school , i am still staying with her kids she has her own house and she is working.

i still see both their fathers and the kids are so stunning and they have everything they want. i dont need their support.

i believe everythinh happened for the reason

Foxxy
18 Jun 2009 19:50

I prefer it when a guy is 100% involved or 100% not. Don't like these people who sometimes remember that they're fathers...

Lela
19 Jun 2009 16:13

Whatever you do or however you feel about this guy just allow God to help you deal with your feelings,you are allowed to feel the way you do its only human,BUT don't interfere with your son's relationship with the dad. You can talk to him(the dad) and let him know how you feel cz the thing with our kids is that noba utatakhe yinja kangakanani umntana yena ufuna inja yakhe.

By the way my sister's son owayephikiwe now stays with his dad and they only met 3yrs ago the same year he started staying there and he is at his happiest. He was 11 by the way when they were meeting for the first time.

mjj
19 Jun 2009 16:13

Loving Parent - just give your son a hiding he will never forget, sick or not sick...................

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