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Please help me out

Written by philiswa from the blog This and That on 20 Oct 2009
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Hi mabloggers.
I have always loved reading your articles and the comments are so helpful. Today here I am asking for yor advices with the hope that, like all the other people you have helped I will also get your advices.

I am 29 year old, a single parent of a 7 year old young man. I am in love with a 50 year old man; we have been together for three years now. Just last year, because I am working fare away, about 45ks from home to be precisely, he suggested d that I stay at his house and will go home anytime I want. Normally I knock off at 110:00pm ie from 8 – 10 I will be at work. He is a lecturer in one of the local universities, he stays with his children he eldest is 30 years old, I am the same age as the second born. They all work for big paying companies in the country but they stay with their father who buys everything for them including food and at one time he paid a E3 000 traffic offence fine for the second born. All his children are boys save for the last born. She has two children aged three and one and half years old and is now pregnant with a third child she also stays with her father in the government house.
He helps me pay for my son’s school fees, feeds and dresses him. He even suggested that I enroll him in one of the best schools in the country; I refused coz I feared that he will leave me and what will happen with my son thereafter. Now he insists that I enroll him in the school he has identified, he will be doing Grade 3 next year and I am not sure whether to agree or not. He loves me and my son and has promised to marry me before the end of the year. He has introduced me to his family (the elders). The problem is the children give me a bad attitude, I feel like they do not want me in the house, they make funny comments when I enter the house late at night after work and they call me all sorts of names you can think of. What hurts me the most is that they do not even gossip they just say whatever comments loud so that I can hear. I have talked to my man and he pleaded with me to just ignore them because he will marry me. I love him and would love to spend the rest of my life with him but the problem is I do not think that I will be able to stay with his children. Leading the way in making fun of me is his late brother’s 18 year old son who also calls be GOGO. I am not fat; I wear a size 34 and I am beautiful. He is unemployed but sleeps until 12noon thereafter wake up and demand food from his father. He hates me so much that he has confessed that he wished I could touch him he would tell me a thing or two. I love this man, he is everything to me (so I think), I am mobile, he bought me a car and do almost everything for me. He said I must go home anytime I want and this was a way of protecting me from his children, he sometimes visits me at home but he has never spent a night there. Last Friday he took me to Sterns to chose a wedding ring of my own, he, on the same day told me to chose a house not more that E300 000 which has to be registered under my name. However, I am afraid to take all the things he gives me because I do not think I will be able to stay with him forever because of his children. He has told his mother and sisters about the problem and she suggested that he kicks out all of them, those who are working are to rent their flats while the others must come and stay with her at home, about 50ks from town.
Please help, I love this man but here is the problem. I failed to choose the wedding ring but have got the house already.

HELPPP MA BLOGGERS




293 Comments

philiswa
20 Oct 2009 11:25

I am sorry for such a long article, I am in seriose problem. Take it ma Bloggers. Cant wait to get your sides Please help

Cande
20 Oct 2009 11:30

let me guess, you are in Swaziland???

TheLady
20 Oct 2009 11:37

You are seeing the E3000 etc Cande?

Cande
20 Oct 2009 11:38

yes. lol

FK
20 Oct 2009 11:38

Are you blogging from SD?
When you were 26yrs old, you started dating a man who was 47yrs?
The man is 21yrs older than you?

FK
20 Oct 2009 11:40

Last question from me - Where is the mother of all these adults?

Cande
20 Oct 2009 11:43

How does a 50 yr old perform?

GML
20 Oct 2009 11:50

Well.

first you have to ask yourself how would you feel if your dad brought home a woman who is your age for you to call "mommy"

It is probably not easy for the kids because they feel threatened by you. because you are the same age and have a job. whereas they dont have jobs and are sponging off their dad. At the same time they may feel you will force their father to kick them out. You are a big threat to their perfect world dear.

how do you meet a 50 year old man at 29?

for me it doesnt make sense why this man would want to buy you your own house. have you discussed the living arrangements with him?
Is he going to move in with you?
Is he going to pay lobolo for you?
What will happen to his kids once you're married?
Will they move into your house with you?

If he does move in with you and he decides to leave his kids in the old house, who is going to maintain those kids?

What kind of a marriage contract will you be getting into? Choose the one that will leave you financially ok should he want to leave you.

So many things are missing from this story.
Where is the mother of his kids?
Are you going to have another child with him?
What does your 7 year old young man think of this man?
Is he happy with you getting married?

beckyre
20 Oct 2009 11:53

Philiswa i also think there are things which you didn't mention like GML has mentioned here and  how did you guyz meet?

cuz-cuz
20 Oct 2009 11:53

yah mabloggers she asked for help/advise nimunika ama21 questions yoh

TheLady
20 Oct 2009 11:54

Don't you guys pay lobola? The year is almost over.
Isn't a E300 000 a lil cheap? I think you are missing a zero there.

Tip..do not buy a ring from Sterns, get one custom made...maybe grandpa didn't include you on his will so enjoy the moolah now!!!

Sslave
20 Oct 2009 11:55

Mabloggers bathong.

TKSM
20 Oct 2009 11:55

GUYS!!!!!!! The poor chick needs adbvice man eish!!!!!!! Cande AND FK...go to BB LAND where are the update????????????Philiswa I will be back sisi neh?!

J-Girl
20 Oct 2009 11:56

KWA KWA KWA!!!!

Best-Achiever
20 Oct 2009 11:57

Eish.. im sorry i cant help ... im so disturb thinking about a 29 year old with a 50 year old man ... just thinking about my dad ...

Cande
20 Oct 2009 11:59

i also felt like a E300 000 house is kinda cheap, dont you wanna increase the house value a bid? extend the house and a ring from sterns? i see 3 step gold ring

baby e
20 Oct 2009 11:59

@ Cande LOL 
Last night i was browsing through Drum for the week. i am just wondering why are south african women so much into older guys. the presenter for forgive and forget the husband is in his late 40 and the girl is 27 and the husband daughter is 19. just wondering
Back to you - they are jealous that you are competition to them for their dad. it wont be easy girl

FK
20 Oct 2009 11:59

I do not think I will be able to stay with him forever because of his children

So what kind of advice do you need?  To help you end the relationship now or to help you tolerate his kids until you decide to leave him?

monchooza
20 Oct 2009 12:00

dear lady with a nkinga in her hands...

Firstly if you love this man then i dont see the problem...marry him so that you have grounds when it comes to his grown up kids.....since his grown ass kids dont want to vacate the premises...God knows why....let him buy you your own house and be with him there....and buy a gun and shoot the bustards if they come to your house.....since they dont like you you dont have to lick ass.,...give them the same sh!t treatment they give you..its not them you in a relationship with..its their father...and shem we all know..he is old so he needs all the tender love and care any old man needs...

nonzuzo
20 Oct 2009 12:00

guys, pls don't be judgemental......Wena Philiswa, get married to your man, buy that house, move in together and live those "kids" in the other house, daddy can always give them their allowances every month....

TKSM
20 Oct 2009 12:01

This is heading in the wrong direction---me thinks........where is ZOLX????????Anyone?

Best-Achiever
20 Oct 2009 12:05

Philiswa .. let me give you the side of those kids because in this story they are the only people i can relate with and sort-of think and feel the way they feel.

The elder one is older than you and you are the same age as the second one.
Their dad has been their provider, they havve been staying with their dada and i would think he didnt have any problem with that hence them staying with him even if they are working, their dad is getting the right salary to provide for them without anyone calculating, they are used to that, it has been like  that now

there you come, you have a son of your own(ok, im thinking it is not his), you are their same age and now  apart from trying to absord to this new additional member who also comes with another member, they know they wont have much say in what and what not to their daddy, now they need to live with the fact that their dad might have his whole attention to you and your son and to them it feel like you are a gold digger, they know that their dad do everything for them so obviously he also does everrything for you. you say they are working for big and paying comanies, i take it you are not ... so all they see is the girl who came to take their everything, fool their dad, gold digger, who will dig all the god from their dad and leave him poor and heartbroken!

GML
20 Oct 2009 12:07

Mina I'm asking these questions because the man's intentions dont seem true to me.

He buys you a house in your name and a ring. If he really is prepared to marry you he would sent his elders to yours.

Then you ould discuss living arrangements. These will determine whether you have to tolerate his kids or not. Or maybe he is planning to make it a family affair and move them in with you. Once you get clarity on this you will be in a better position to make an informed decision with regards to your future.

Toodecent
20 Oct 2009 12:07

dear lady with a nkinga in her hands...>>> CTFU ahahahahaha  Somethings never change..

Msoe
20 Oct 2009 12:08

Othi ngihleke ama-responses enu kuqala

WAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA.............................GAGAGAGA.......................GAGAAGGGA.................GAGAGAGA

Tholi
20 Oct 2009 12:08

((How does a 50 yr old perform?)) 
KWAKWAKWAKWAKWA!!! Cande, uyaloya wena!

((Tip..do not buy a ring from Sterns, get one custom made...maybe grandpa didn't include you on his will so enjoy the moolah now!!!))

Maybe Khanyi Mbau can help u in this case.

Gal, please! Do u really love this man or u love his money??????

Cande
20 Oct 2009 12:10

yes Monchooza she should just buy a gun a shoot the brats, and live happily ever after!

Msoe
20 Oct 2009 12:16

When people are getting married, dont the groom come to the bride's home to ask for her hand in marriage. He has introduced you to his elders but what did he introduce you as? Wena ke? Have you introduced him to your family? I think Philiswa you need to think if whether you would love him if he didnt have the money. Than when you get your unswer ask yourself if you love him enough to tolarate his kids. Im kinda thinking you let this man walk all over you and that results in his kids treating the way they do. Also the age gap is too much.

KeleFabulous
20 Oct 2009 12:17

i don't see what the problem here is really. as Monchoo said, you love him, he loves you. first make it legal, anyone can give you a ring these days and make all sorts of never to be fulfilled promises. get that house, the both of you move out and let those so called kids find someone else to sponge off of and leave them to grow up as dibotho cos clearly it looks like that's where they're headed. b.t.w as the wife you can be allowed to sponge off of him if you want, akere bare for better or worse for richer or poorer?
you will never find peace in that house dear. and your man will NEVER choose you over him so DON'T make him. i'm sure you also wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to come between you and your son, regardless of the circumstances behind. rather find your own space capiche?

zolx
20 Oct 2009 12:18

where is ZOLX????????Anyone?

i'm here ...why do you ask TKSM?

cleve
20 Oct 2009 12:21

Shoo guys you made a serious nkinga into a joke. kwa kwa kwa

Sesi don't worry shem.....................

I agree with BA because they probably think you are Khanyi Mbau, suck their daddy dry and then leave him broke and heartbroken like Mandla.

Girl marry the guy if you REALLY love him because the money might finish and what happens then??? Think about that because you don't know what the future holds. For now just move out of the house and buy your own house (with his money) and make sure you move in with him there

Freemale
20 Oct 2009 12:22

Eish.. im sorry i cant help ... im so disturb thinking about a 29 year old with a 50 year old man ... just thinking about my dad ...

@BA..
Kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa..............hihihihihihihihihi.....hayokhona BA..you go kill me wena yazi mara

monwy
20 Oct 2009 12:25

These adults shouldn't be staying with their old man...they should be ashamed of themselves...dnt they think the old man deserves some hapiness. i guess they mom is 8 feet under! right?

i would suggest that u ignore them as suggested by your man...spend more time kowenu and visit your man once or twice a week. once he buys u that house then u will live peacefully without his adult children interfering in your lives. take the house! i would reap everything he gives me...u didnt ask for those gifts at the end of the day

and what is important is that u are both inlove!

GML
20 Oct 2009 12:27

Please answer these questions and I will be able to tell you what i think.... Thank you in advance

for me it doesnt make sense why this man would want to buy you your own house. have you discussed the living arrangements with him?
Is he going to move in with you?
Is he going to pay lobolo for you?
What will happen to his kids once you're married?
Will they move into your house with you?

monchooza
20 Oct 2009 12:28

Chicken must be cuthed...mcuthe sisi

sponono
20 Oct 2009 12:31

LOL @ yo'alls questions..why mara...hawu try to solve the problem

Ok Philiswa....I think you are in a good space relationship wise..he loves you enough to even allow you to go home when the heat gets too much..and forget about the age gap  its just a number.and luckly his mother loves you and she's rite that he needs to tell them where to go, but its not easy for him coz he's always taken care of them..maybe you should tell him to call a family meet (without you first) and for him to explain how much happiness you have brought him and the fact that whether they like it or not he has made his decision to stick with you and that they should try to deal with that..(the 18yr old is just being an 18yr old dont take it to heart)...as for their comments, well in our culture they say "kulukhun emzini" meaning you have to deal with a whole lot of *bleep!* at your inlaws, except here its more like his real blood.so they feel like you're taking over their space  so just focus on the fact that he loves you wants to marry you and you are happy with him...if it gets too bad tell him to rather pay for a flat then to pay for your childs expensive school that way you'll be free of the ish at home  and he wont be commiting himself to a long term shool fees and what not...and he'll be able to visit and sleep over  and they wont bother you again...but dont give up on him because of these fools...(oh by teh way check out his will and make sure yo name is somewhere the...I mean you cant be shagged by such an old geezer and not get cent when he knocks off....coz they will be thrielled to get rid of you if that happens  so get yours in teh meantime   so there's my ten cents

zozoe
20 Oct 2009 12:32

tjo batho ba moo!

lady gaga
20 Oct 2009 12:34

u guys are so cruel sometimes, so many replies yet not even one from me.hai u know how to make a person feel useless bt i know it wasn't ur intention.....lol

im still gonna miss this for a while, im currently busy...be back later!

Strolicious
20 Oct 2009 12:36

unabo abazukulu?

Tholi
20 Oct 2009 12:41

Is he good looking????, coz if he's like my 50 year old father. he's really getting that mashwabana face.

felfel
20 Oct 2009 12:44

wow, this is something neh. I think deep inside u know wat u wanna do, sometimes advice from other people is not always necessary cos u are the one who is experiencing all this and u know best wat is good for u and ur tolerance levels.

kiki X
20 Oct 2009 12:50

lol, you guys are not really helping this sister......LOL

cuz-cuz
20 Oct 2009 12:52

what  is the exchange rand , i mean swaziland currency( what is the currency konje) to rand  or dollar? just curious. 

cuz-cuz
20 Oct 2009 12:54

meant exchange rate

TKSM
20 Oct 2009 13:01

philisiwe you sound like a grounded disciplined girl who just loves his 5o year old man......if you want to marry him do that.....as long as it makes you happy and its what you want to do. 

As for the kids....shame don't expect anything less than what they give you...remember phela this guy's older son is 30....so in his eyes daddy beat them at getting you and also kids generaly have a tendency to think that no one is better than their own mother and whoever the dad ends up with is the reason why it didn't work out with their mom.....In other words they blame you for their parents break up.......stay away from them.  The best thing this man could do for you is to buy you a house in your name.....keep it and build a future for your son.  This is what we call a starter pack...make sure you work hard to buy prepaid for rainy seasons......marry the guy but remember once you do decide to....WENA KHETHILE KHETHILE!!!!All the best shame.

Tshilo
20 Oct 2009 13:04

TKSM why do u ask about zolx,r u thinking about what im thinking

TKSM
20 Oct 2009 13:11

maybe LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Depends.....what are you thinking??

Tshilo
20 Oct 2009 13:16

thinking about an article of some months ago

Tholi
20 Oct 2009 13:19

((Isn't a E300 000 a lil cheap?)) 
kanti isn't this R300 000. if not how much in Rands?

maud
20 Oct 2009 13:28

iyoooo guys realy some things will never change, please remind me not to ask you for any advise , niyasheba ngomuntu uma nifuna

@strolicous- unabo abazukulu,  hayi please i dont think the writer is still round after all these questions? niyayibaxa into manithanda.

mina ke Sisi i will advise you.

firstly - the guy is almost twice your age, hejust like the feeling of being around you and plus wena uzomenza abe young and wena uzokugugisa

secondly, soon i performance yakhe izo ncipha  so sisi uzobulawa indlala very soon

Thirtly, you mentioned the things he has done or willing to do, he must just let go of his children and concetrate on you, but and only but, if  kulabantwana bakhe kukhona owomfana , make sure you keep him in the house you might need him.

still busy i will be back

cleve
20 Oct 2009 13:32

are  you thinking what i'm thinking

lady gaga
20 Oct 2009 13:41

where are u philiswa, say something gal or answer the questions and u'll get what u want.......................now ukuphi???

monwy
20 Oct 2009 13:44

Ey Monch....its been a while

Cande
20 Oct 2009 13:45

1 rand ==1 emalanjeni, so the difference is nothing!

Tholi
20 Oct 2009 13:45

>>are you thinking what i'm thinking<<

WHAT R U THINKING? CLEVE

Cody
20 Oct 2009 13:47

LOL! eish bloggers mare?

mstick
20 Oct 2009 13:50

Kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa ja neh........missed this:-)......guys eish lena mara

cleve
20 Oct 2009 13:59

WHAT R U THINKING? CLEVE

I
'm thinking the same thing that you and TKSM are thinking LOL

poshspice
20 Oct 2009 14:04

yhoooo, your old man lives with his children up to the age of 30.....that is a problem on its own......it would look even worse if it's you who pushes the father to kick them out.......qina ntombazane

I think Phili is in this for security and maybe she was dissappointed by guys of her age group....many women reach a stage of dating married men, old men and turning into lesbians due to their hearts being heartbroken by abontanga

J-Girl
20 Oct 2009 14:10

once again... tltltltltltltl!!!!!!!!!!!!1 eish mara, tlasik... hai i''m sure usisi has opted to go back to what her instincts told her initially... write to Sis Dolly

Lex
20 Oct 2009 14:11

Philiswa dali,marry your guy,move with him to the house registered in your name,get a custom made ring and take your son to the expensive school your future husband insists on.the fact that he is older than you is not a problem according to me,if you guys love each other,then that's what's important.

But you need to know what is going to happen after you guys get married,i.e. are his kids gonna stay at the old house or move in with you guys,and I would suggest you REFUSE when he says y'all stay under one roof (I doubt he would suggest that anyway coz he is aware of how they treat you akere).

mstick
20 Oct 2009 14:13

Dear Troubled Soul

I suggest you start taking alcohol for your problems, you can start with the light drinks your ciders i.e. Spin, brutal fruit etc....if the problem  persist start taking real beer the likes of Savannah, Hansa and so forth.....if that doesnt work start taking hot stuff i.e. Whisky, Jack Daniels, Johny Walker ect.....if the problem still persist increase the dosage in a month's time everyone in the house will be listening to you.

Good luck with all this

Regards
Mom Ruby

Cande
20 Oct 2009 14:28

LOL@ mstick

TKSM
20 Oct 2009 14:28

mstick...ROFLMBAO!!!!!!!!*1000

Tholi
20 Oct 2009 14:28

<<<<.....if that doesnt work start taking hot stuff i.e. Whisky, Jack Daniels, Johny Walker ect>>>>

Haybo Mstick, r u trying to kill Philiswa?

mstick
20 Oct 2009 14:32

tl tl tl tl tl tl tl.........no Tholi just trying to help here.....lol

myname
20 Oct 2009 14:35

Molweni, Good afternoon, Gooi dag, Ndimasiyari, Sanibonani, Dumelani, A vuxeni

I hope u doing well. Just wanna say "HALLA" 2 every1 & u r solemnly missed!

Take care of urselves & ur luved ones & may God bless u.

Ciau

poshspice
20 Oct 2009 14:36

Mstick....tl tl tl tl tl  oh my gosh, you are killing me.....

while you are at it....you might as well give her Alcohol Anonymous  digits....your solution will definitely drive her to being an alcoholic

myname
20 Oct 2009 14:41

Oh b4 i leave, 

Mapil sana just enjoy ur life, this is not a rehearsal......some1 once said this 2 me.

Msoe
20 Oct 2009 14:43

LMFAO.............mstick. Im sure u-sugar daddy would be able to afford i-Blue......

monchooza
20 Oct 2009 14:46

Monwy i am still khahleling and well hope you good too bro

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 14:47

Philiswa kanti wena ukuphi please nigga come back and answer all this questions no matter how ridiculous they might be but some bloggers are trying to find the core problem to this dilemma and you know that some people have teir ways of probbing. 

lol lol lol lol Mabloggers ni strongo man *with a face of a granny taking i snuff* tjo i give up

mathata
20 Oct 2009 14:48

honey you dont go anywhere,i used to have a same  problem,let them cut air with a knife.

im abroad with my husband,we have fabulous life,at this moment you dont have to let your men choose(blood is thicker than water) ignore them, if you want to die poor.. let them win,your child needs comes first.you need to do things fast.

ask him some money $20 000,so that if  he changes his mind,atleast you can invest the money or open some business.

make sure you have something in the bank,this old men you cant trust them sometimes,their sex drive is high like dogs.

at this moment give him sex like ther is no tomorrow,n put your demand on a table.

but sex will work for you,give him a call ,n ask him if  he can come n get it.

forget about those Rats,they are playing some games,they  can even go far to get girlfriend for their dad.

when you talk to your men ,dont mention them

good deals are hard one, dont forget that.

PS: one thing you can ask when you have sex........honey why cant  we get married at home affairs the rest will come later,for better for worse,make sure you thanx good sex

be strong.

HARAMBE24
20 Oct 2009 14:50

tjooo...and i thought i had drama

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 14:50

Mstick m in tears now u worse wena........ she must start with the light drinks...... i am in tears badly now....... tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl.....

monchooza
20 Oct 2009 14:51

Mstick she has to smoke...this thing they smoke in pretoria....what is it again????

Best-Achiever
20 Oct 2009 14:52

Tjo Mabloggers o dire eng ngwana o

Sslave
20 Oct 2009 14:53

Well said Mathathisto ke la leo.

Cody
20 Oct 2009 14:56

LMAO Mathata with dying poor.... some how when i saw that you responded, i thought you would tell her to go on with the relationship than die poor :-)

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 14:56

Nyaope Moncooza? lol

Tholi
20 Oct 2009 15:00

{Give him Sex like there's no tomorrow}
yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Mathata, do u want this grandpa to die of heart attack????

monchooza
20 Oct 2009 15:01

yes Nyaope...then you will have the strength to moer them brats onetime

TheLady
20 Oct 2009 15:04

Thatha Mathata..Philisiwe you got that dear? Screw him like there's no tomorrow , forget the ring and the kids, allow him to pay the expensive school fees, make sure he puts moola in your bank account LOL..problem solved hehe

TheLady
20 Oct 2009 15:05

Mathata-is your hubby way older than you?

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 15:07

Moers se kond!!!!!!! lol lol lol we are not in the mood of playing Sis Dolly. I think Khanyi Mbau would love this kind of dillema lol..... Bloggers you are classik sure

HARAMBE24
20 Oct 2009 15:07

Who am i to judge, i have slept with more man than i care to recall, but sister - there are deep emotions here and you must tread with care. I think you need to trust your man and go ease on him, your doubt about his ententions will be the only thing to ruin it all.

Take the house offer and move out of his house with the children, there is no way you and him can build a future with his spoiled brats around. The truth of the matter is that the kids must go and u need to be frank with him..who knows what they can plot against you since they hate you?

a friendly advice, your beauty does not count - if he loves you, he loves you...

zozoe
20 Oct 2009 15:09

Iyhoo this is worse

Tshilo
20 Oct 2009 15:10

Eish Mathata,ke mathata fela

mstick
20 Oct 2009 15:10

Mstick she has to smoke...this thing they smoke in pretoria....what is it again????

Nyaope iyana Moncho that will goe well with the alcohol.......quicker results

Sslave
20 Oct 2009 15:12

WOW H24... waiting for the bedroom tips as well.. we know your response is not complete..

Ngqesta
20 Oct 2009 15:14

Isn't a E300 000 a lil cheap? I think you are missing a zero there....ROFLMBAO.....yho TL you're the best...this is the second time you're crackinf me up today

mstick
20 Oct 2009 15:15

while you are at it....you might as well give her Alcohol Anonymous digits....your solution will definitely drive her to being an alcoholic

Poshspice lol...i'll do just that........Philiswa's got serious problems she must just resort to alcohol. Alcohol is the only friend who will really understand what she is going through, alcohol will ease the stress i'm telling you.....Alcohol its her only mutual friend at this stage

zozoe
20 Oct 2009 15:18

he he somebody says she(Philiswa) must act really fast coz the man might kick  the bucket anytime  and marry him in community of property  i dont believe this tjo!

HARAMBE24
20 Oct 2009 15:20

Sslave...LOL...I am on a sex break..LOL

mathata
20 Oct 2009 15:20

honey, this bloggers  im used to this,let them talk Lord with mercy will hear them n bless you.

age is nothing!when Graca f** madiba ther is any heart attack?

what kind of ppl are we?

statistics shows that people marry the opposite of what the were looking for in relationship,infact do we choose who we want to fall in love with?

yes you can fall for men of your age ,but it will take you years to pay that damn f** town house.
honey if men of your age they dont have what you are looking for...move on.d only thing that they knows they peeeeeeee babys n dump you  like a platform shoes  without a heel.

Sslave
20 Oct 2009 15:26

:-( at H24's break. lol

honey if men of your age they dont have what you are looking for...move on.d only thing that they knows they peeeeeeee babys n dump you like a platform shoes without a heel. kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa oh Thatas o a mpolaya girl!! Platform shoes without a heel? hai Mathata

mathata
20 Oct 2009 15:28

@The lady,yes my husband is older than me.

his politician ,but a year I make more money than him,do you realise i like to talk about money n business?

i know what im talking about.

Pooky
20 Oct 2009 15:29

mstick and matakes LMFAO

Tholi
20 Oct 2009 15:30

(((age is nothing!when Graca f** madiba ther is any heart attack?)))

kwakwakwakwakwakwaakakwa!! buuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! hahahahahaha!!!! wavele wangifinisha Mathata....hahahahaha!!!

Strolicious
20 Oct 2009 15:30

mstick ufuna ingane yabantui ibe isibotho

Cande
20 Oct 2009 15:42

OMW Mathata hahahhahahhahahhahha kwakwakwkakwkakwkakka 's huu wiii

Cande
20 Oct 2009 15:44

LMAO @ a platform shoe without a heel??hahahha

monchooza
20 Oct 2009 15:49

I love how we all came to the conclusion that the old mans kids are old brats..izitofu zamalahle, ama kelvinator, izinguga naboya..

mathata
20 Oct 2009 15:50

@PHELISWA,you need to be very  very very careful in life,  what kind of company you keep in life,so called friends.

your ex boyfriend  left you with a child,it shows that ppl are no reliable in life,just work hard for your child.

@cande,mense het te sleg!this is the only words i know in afrikaans.

philiswa
20 Oct 2009 15:55

'O dade wethu ngintjela ngosizi lwami nina uyangihleka'...I m reminded of one of the old songs by an OLD AfrIcan female artist I have forgotten least you make fun of me because the artist is sooooo old. LLLLOOOLLL. 
Thanx very much guys for the different responses I appreciate and take everything coz we differ in the way we view things. 
I am so sorry for the delay in responding to some of the questions u hav asked. Its a pity that I asked for help but there are some people who make fun of my problem, hiiiiii hiiiii (I am crying now) LOL. 

I will try to respond to all the questions not sure if it will be possible. 

Yes I love this man irregardless of the age gap not because he is rich or what. In fact he is not rich but knows how to treat a woman like a queen. I am no gold diggeer; at home we are far better than him economically but I love him the way he is. 
They mother married a friend of my man in 1995 unfortunatly her husband died in three years later, so I was told.
Having sex with an old man is the same as with some1of yo age gusy pliz!! 

The plan is he will check me in the house whenever he feels like but the fact will be it is MINE  even if he can die. I am not taking the children with me because he is buying me the house so to protect me from them. I believe they will stay in the three bedrom gvt house or they will go home in the bundus as their grandma has suggested.

He has two grandchildren aged 3 and one and haf years old their mother is pregnant with another child, they all have different fathers. 

I LOVE kids but not sure if I will have his own child, he wants us to have one but I havent yet decided. 

He is known at home, unfortnatley I do not have both parents but have a sister and brother both younger than me and we stay with our grandma from my fathers side. He will marry me, infact sewungicelie (asked for my hand in marriage) .  

I am not ready to take alcohol I have never taken it before. I knew that you will give me different suggestion, I appreciate but I will never ever take alcohol. 

Thanx guys still reading the other questions. Before I forget I am NOT from Swaziland plzzz.

mstick
20 Oct 2009 16:01

platform shoes without a heel.

Kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa....... dead........

Cande
20 Oct 2009 16:03

So can you explain the E currency please, which country are you @? what university does this man of yours work @?

maud
20 Oct 2009 16:03

@mathata- mense het te sleg, what does that mean manje,  yooo you guys are getting worse by day.

@Pheliswa - you are a very brave woman, you did not even try to block this article, bathi iyablokwa kanene, what ever,

Cody
20 Oct 2009 16:04

now she comes back when im about to go home......nc nc nc

oh and another thing, you made a mistake by saying "irregardless" instead of regardless love. there isnt such a word as irregardless incase you didnt make a mistake.

GML
20 Oct 2009 16:05

Thank you Philiswa.

I think you have found your answer.

The kids will not bother you which I'm guessing was your problem here.

however, I suggest that you make sure the house is yours so that should he die those kids cannot come back to claim your house as ifa labo.

Good luck dear.
 

lady gaga
20 Oct 2009 16:09

'O dade wethu ngintjela ngosizi lwami nina uyangihleka'...I m reminded of one of the old songs by an OLD AfrIcan female artist I have forgotten least you make fun of me because the artist is sooooo old. LLLLOOOLLL. 

heheheheh philiswa, i see u are very fond or obsessed of the word OLD, or maybe not the word but the OLD people. hai sisi uyangiqeda shame....lol
 

maud
20 Oct 2009 16:12

@Ladyg- my friend uthi miyamthanda (as mofokeng will say) 


so I was told.
Having sex with an old man is the same as with some1of yo age gusy pliz!!
by who, udlala ngawe lomuntu, you want to tell me that a guy of 23 years can run the same pace with a 45 year old man, soze shame

mathata
20 Oct 2009 16:13

who is gold digger? this words used by biiter ppl,n you are not.

Honey ....security for your child,that must be first thing in your mind.

Ek mathata i wont let anybody rock my world,stress kills,if you stress me ....,you stole exitement from my child.

PS.if you want to challenge someone in life.work hard n be successful.

Sasab
20 Oct 2009 16:19

the only thing u r interested in is money, stop lying to urself gal and leave madala alone, besides money what else do u c in the old man, can he really perform, i wonder, what does ur son call him?

mathata
20 Oct 2009 16:23

@GML,which house?that mother F** he must buy her a new house,that way the case will be closed.or this kids they will hunt her like they are ghost

pheliswa i like you but i think you dont know what you are getting yourself into,little knowledge can be dangerous sometimes

im not bragging but im little confused with your story.

mathata
20 Oct 2009 16:28

@sesabe ,if you are happy with a man who buys you sphahlo,let this lady be herself,

we heard those storys long time ago.if she want money,he want to F*,i dont see any problem.

who want to sell herself cheap?

mstick
20 Oct 2009 16:35

by who, udlala ngawe lomuntu, you want to tell me that a guy of 23 years can run the same pace with a 45 year old man, soze shame

he he he he huuuuuuuu....

mstick
20 Oct 2009 16:39

@sesabe ,if you are happy with a man who buys you sphahlo,let this lady be herself, 

Bolela ngwana mma......lol

Holiday
20 Oct 2009 16:49

Parental advisory from me:? its simple...suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwhich and dont talk too much he will chase all the kids and marry you on a spot. 

philiswa
20 Oct 2009 16:53


@ Candy.. I live in South Africa, you know that certain people here spaek SiSwati so I used find myself using the E. Do you believe me. 

@Cody- Thanks dear with the correction I think I made a mistake. Ta so much. 
@Lady Gaga-- Okkk
@Mta

mathata
20 Oct 2009 16:56

family is family,it will be like that.but she must  giveit to him,that night he must scream.. ke moxoxo o xabolang ka moxebelo x8

Mafresh
20 Oct 2009 16:58

Mathata wa tjhesa mosadi, o nkgopotsa Basotho ba Qwaqwa ba qoqang moqoqo o qabola moqebelo kwana Quthing.

Holiday
20 Oct 2009 17:02

@Philiswa U have learn a good lesson It is time that u learn not to tickle the beard of a big lion 50yrs is too big for you. Or maybe u has seen a window of opportunity & seized it???

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 17:03

Philiswa girl you made it back, i thought you were dead cracking from all this responces that our fellow bloggers have given you mara on a c'rius note read and listen and think hard wena girl uzoba strong.

philiswa
20 Oct 2009 17:03


@Mathata-- Alright. 

@Sasab- I swear it is not about his money. I love him he loves me too and that it is. I get anything I want at home save for a male friend because all the people who stay at home are my brothers no matter what. He showed me how to love and I am very happy with him. I have not yet told my son about him but he knows that when Im not on his Mkhulu's car Im driving a friend of mine's car. I think he is very young to understand who this person is. 

Thnks shem for all the comments. Ngyabonga Kakhulu. But I still insist I am no gold digger. I am employed, he is, he earns much more than myself but he has no problem with that. I truely love him.


Cande
20 Oct 2009 17:11

I live in South Africa, you know that certain people here spaek SiSwati so I used find myself using the E. Do you believe me

Ja i really  believe you

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 17:11

Good then wena girl if you are not a Mbau Digger, just marry him already..... Phalllizzz.

Cande
20 Oct 2009 17:13

I have not yet told my son about him but he knows that when Im not on his Mkhulu's car Im driving a friend of mine's car.

tl tl tl tlt, ya nhe. LOL!!!

mathata
20 Oct 2009 17:15

every human being want money,that is first security,even if you have money,that one im not buying it....no one is go go digging,but all of us we want it.

ppl we say ppl are gold diggers,when you look whos talking ,you find klepe klepe(kaizer chiefs) down there ,worse part  other leg it just torn.

zulus they say imbushile!

philiswa
20 Oct 2009 17:15

@Holiday--I fully concur with you on that I have learnt a lesson but that will not change the feelings I have for him. I suppose I saw the opportunity. Thanks for the parental advice.

@Prince bee--HI PB it was not like I regreted asking for helping I just went out to for a while onloy to find that the bloggers have responded to me. I have already read the responses and still continuing because I have to be very carefull when taking a decision.

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 17:17

Cande ku worse la.... mina i smell a mlilo *rolling ma eyes* kids of today are very advanced shem wena Philiswa you will be stunned as to what he knows......

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 17:20

Good love marry the man wena you two love each other and his kids and us the bloggers are not really important wena love..... MARRY HIM BEFORE KHANYI MBAU AKU SHAYA NGESTINA PLUS THATS HER AGE GROUP WENA LOVE....... MARRY HIM.

mathata
20 Oct 2009 17:22

@philiswa,be honest,im not judging you

Do you have a car? who bought it
place to stay... town house or flat?
how much in the bank?

did he buy some property for you?

old men are the most cheaters,they are full of promises

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 17:26

Lol Mathatha wena uza na pointers la and not judging lol lol.....

philiswa
20 Oct 2009 17:43

@Mathata,sure, dont worry I understand yo concerns!!! 
I dont have a car, before he gave me one I used to drive one of my late Dad's  sometimes Mom's car. I do have a place to stay, to be frank with u I stay at my parental home. I share a two beadroom with my brother 24 (Im the 1st born, then our younger sister who is 22)  where my brother. We all have shares of their properties
I have enough money in the bank to maintain my son, my sublings and myself not forgetting Gogo. 

He has just given me the R300 000 to buy a house for myself which will be registered under MY NAME phela. In short itoba yami lendlu no one will have a say on it. Nangifuna ngingalandza umntwana wami ngihlale naye. Kunjalo nje!!!!!

mathata
20 Oct 2009 17:44

Honey im happy for you,but you must know how to play  your game.

big men.......big  diamond ring ,paid off house,paid off car,no instalment,the only thing  is mashonisa with his name.

if he run away ,who is the winner? your Son

ther is no free luch in this planet.

 today i became mean mom .....oh TVSA

Prince Bee
20 Oct 2009 17:48

Wow mos girl you are actually set wena, it's just that in the article you were not very clear about your living arrangements but then like i said before marry the man and forget the rest those spoil brats will be forced to tolarate you by fire by force......

mathata
20 Oct 2009 17:54

take R100 000 to invest tech,invest it

you hubby make me sick!im sorry to say this.

i wish was me,i will shake him,like when you shake a car.

you know when you have sex ,you work hard,his kids gives you words,oh

atleast he gave you something,but who buys a house with 300 000

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 08:29

Philiswa ... like i said on my first response, im not on your side, im just on the other side because i cant help but think of a 29 year old with my father ....

Something is very Offish with your story, you said
He helps me pay for my son’s school fees, feeds and dresses him. He even suggested that I enroll him in one of the best schools in the country; I refused coz I feared that he will leave me and what will happen with my son thereafter.

Thi tells me that you or your family are not that as financial independent as you claimed on your first and last response, if you can take care of your son a you claim on your response, while would you fear what will happen when he leaves you because you can maintain that, thta's if you bank account real sneeze zeros

I have talked to my man and he pleaded with me to just ignore them because he will marry me. I love him and would love to spend the rest of my life with him but the problem is I do not think that I will be able to stay with his children

What i gather from this is, this man's children are his first priority and there is nothing you can do to help it, let me tell you this, ignoring something and being silent about something are two different things... You can not ignore the fact that those children are making fun of you or making snaks comments about you, and they will never stop because neither you aor their father is gonna do anything about it, you just gonna be silent about it ...it will eat you and kill you slowly. And my dear, wedding gown and ring only last for one day the whole marriage things that the day after, if you enter that marriage with proplems all over your head how are you gonna survive the rest of your llife?

Leading the way in making fun of me is his late brother’s 18 year old son who also calls be GOGO.
This happens a lot when there is umzukulu ekhaya who says gogo or mkhulu to your parents that you all end up calling your parent Mkhulu and Gogo, ekere you are doing that for uMzukulu, you said yourself your son calls this man Mkhulu, why dont you cry and tell him to say father? And if you go go out with someone's granddad be prepared to be a grandmother


and the story about you nd mom or dad's car it doesnt sound like the truth. and i fing this to be the truth I am mobile, he bought me a car and do almost everything for me

Wena Philiswa, if you are not at His house, you stay at your parental house with your siblings and granny BUT YOU DONT WANT THOSE CHILDREN TO STAY AT THEIR PARENTAL HOUSE how fair is that. all your siblings are over 20 if it not the right things for those children to stay with their dad it is also not right for you and your siblings to stay with your granny ... Maybe you need to do what you ask of them, leave magogo and rent a flat and see how it feels first!

let me honest with you ... If my dad was to marry again, i wouldnt take it well and it would worse if he were to marry a 29 year old, so i understand very well where those children stand.

Lex
21 Oct 2009 10:10

...

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 10:29

LOL @ Lex

La Dolce Vita
21 Oct 2009 10:31

Philiswa, i feel ur situation sisi,tshata indoda le...ign0re the children & if that duznt work buy nyaope neh...ne botile ungxile ude ubize ipaoa ifafa...we n they give u HELL do a XHOSA woman on them...moerele ku hell.

!stly umdala they must give respect regardless ye age ka daddy wabo, uzele ungumfazi siss thay gotta give u i dignity yakho.
AGE IS TRULY NOTHING BUT A NUMBER 5O or not...every0ne deserves love mna ndithi shine KUWE sana..
Get the ring,the house,the man,the family..keep ur head up
if that duzn't work...UZINYISE EZONJUBAGQA QHA..

One and Only
21 Oct 2009 10:35

Philiswa you have made a big mistake by stating your problem and ask for help in this forum, TVSA. Most of the bloggers here including yours truly are in their teen years if not toddlers.

You don't have to wonder why some are desperate, frustrated spinsters/ bachelors, they are simply immatured and a disgraced to their family trees. It saddens me when one makes fun of the other when in trouble. Inxeba lendoda alihlekwa.

When a white man talks about his family he means his wife, kids and pets but with us we mean brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles etc. As part of family those people are always gonna be there all the time.

I'm too young to give advice on the subject so I would suggest you speak to eldely members of both your families to try to resolve this matter.

lady gaga
21 Oct 2009 10:48

heheh yena yedwa, since when o le young to open dat big mouth of urs and talk sh***t but dnt worry we are not buying it shame and wena philiswa if u do then o tla ipona sesi

Tholi
21 Oct 2009 10:54

(((Philiswa you have made a big mistake by stating your problem and ask for help in this forum, TVSA. Most of the bloggers here including yours truly are in their teen years if not toddlers. )))

WOW! REALLY!!!!

One and Only
21 Oct 2009 10:57

See what I'm talking about Empress lady gaga is just attacking me for no reason so I'll assume its pms.

lady gaga you once accused me of thinking with my penis but looking at all your responses up to now I would say my penis would make a good partnernership with your vagina.



La Dolce Vita
21 Oct 2009 11:00

Catfight...i g0t Vaseline!!!!!

monchooza
21 Oct 2009 11:05

uyasihlanyela wena 1 & only..i teenager wuwe...your dodimaspala

HARAMBE24
21 Oct 2009 11:16

kwakwakwa...cat fight...love it

HARAMBE24
21 Oct 2009 11:16

kwakwakwa...cat fight...love it

cleve
21 Oct 2009 11:17

uyasihlanyela wena 1 & only..i teenager wuwe...your dodimaspala

kwa kwa kwa kwa @ Monchooza

Cody
21 Oct 2009 11:20

at home we are far better than him economically
I stay at my parental home. I share a two beadroom with my brother 24......
(kanthi? hai, lemme not ask further)


has promised to marry me before the end of the year. He has introduced me to his family (the elders)

infact sewungicelie (asked for my hand in marriage) .

I have not yet told my son about him but he knows that when Im not on his Mkhulu's car Im driving a friend of mine's car

(yazi your child is old enough to understand what is going on, if he was 3 i could understand. So what puzzels me is that, how does he not know about you and Mkhulu when he has already paid lobola for you and you leave with him? something doesnt add up)

He even suggested that I enroll him in one of the best schools in the country; I refused coz I feared that he will leave me and what will happen with my son thereafter.
I have enough money in the bank to maintain my son

(surely your son is not at the best school, hence Mkhulu suggested that you enrol him at the best school. i dont know what your definition of enough is, kodwa i think if you have enough you should be able to pay for your sons education should you and Mkhulu separate)

baby e
21 Oct 2009 11:21

i wont support it too if my dad was to marry another lady for that matter younger than my elder siblings. 

Ma bloggers i asked a question 
Why are South African young ladies aged around 25, 26, 27 getting married to 45 and above old rich guys who have kids 4 years younger than their step mothers? what are we teaching our kids? that everyting evolves around money. 
Mathata - what do you teach your kids? That money comes first in everything and that sex with a man old enought to be your grandfather as long as he provides its okay?
In my setswana culture, what used to happen is that when the wife passes on the dad could marry an older mature woman who will take care of the house hold. 
Philiswa - i personally would not approve of your relationship with my dad if i were those kids. gape we only getting your side of story so maybe there are other things you are not telling us. 

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 11:23

Thank you Cody ... and if Philiswa want those kids to move from their and rent she must also do the same! ..... eish if this was my father ... Only God knows....LOL

TKSM
21 Oct 2009 11:28

lady gaga you once accused me of thinking with my penis but looking at all your responses up to now I would say my penis would make a good partnernership with your vagina. 

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!Thata One and Only thata!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dali
21 Oct 2009 11:28

LMAO

ladyg pls dnt run away ansa yena nstena nw!

lol lol lol lol lol lol

Sips
21 Oct 2009 11:50

I suggest you start taking alcohol for your problems, you can start with the light drinks your ciders i.e. Spin, brutal fruit etc....if the problem persist start taking real beer the likes of Savannah, Hansa and so forth.....if that doesnt work start taking hot stuff i.e. Whisky, Jack Daniels, Johny Walker ect.....if the problem still persist increase the dosage in a month's time everyone in the house will be listening to you ......tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl @mtick am in tears...

its simple...suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwhich and dont talk too much tl tl tl tl 

Thatha mathata....All true

@Philiswa i think you've already made up your mind - but what you said about not telling your child about your man b/z u think he's too yound to understand what going on...not a good move gal - think you should start watching the sitcom Two and a Half Man 
Tshata indoda, get the big diamond ring ,paid off house,paid off car,no instalment,the only thing is mashonisa with his name Do exactly as mathata said - & don't forget Holiday's advice above and ride his dick like crazy...lol and plz don't get preggies... you really don't need to...


zozoe
21 Oct 2009 12:05

LOL

blueroze
21 Oct 2009 12:12

*pointing my index finga @ Philswa and shaking my head*
haaai no gal, kante why stori sa hao se sa tlhakane?

See what I'm talking about Empress lady gaga is just attacking me for no reason so I'll assume its pms.
kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa basadi!!! kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa bathong....wa mphetsa wena le dikarabo tsa hao


ladyg pls dnt run away ansa yena nstena nw! @dali kante o rata ntwa so??

Holiday
21 Oct 2009 13:36

Philiswa come back here...Don't ask Cody for an opinion on men, you wont like it.

Cande
21 Oct 2009 13:50

Thanx Cody, was wondering gore how do wealthy people live in a 2 bedroom house. And if this man of yours is not that rich would he just folk out R300000 for a house. And where on earth exaclty is this Philiswa . Swaziland? SA?? I still want to know why you mistakenly called Rands Emalanjeni's, that happened twice in your article. What university does this mkhulu work? I have soo many unanswered questions

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 13:55

ziyakuyeka lezingane Philiswa ...LOL

poshspice
21 Oct 2009 13:59

cande...your questions!! hhayi asazi.....why do you insist on knowing the university mkhulu works for...phela she wants to remain anonymous....

I agree with you she sounds Swazi...somewhere she wrote mladzeni or something to that effect

BA I'm with you on this one..some facts are missing here..

Cody
21 Oct 2009 14:00

...Don't ask Cody for an opinion on men, you wont like it

kwa kwa kwa kwa  LMAO!!!! why not Holiday?kanti what did i do?LOL

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 14:02

if she is in Swaziland, there is only one university there, UniSwaz

La Dolce Vita
21 Oct 2009 14:03

Dubiousness...nam I'm doubting ngoku...

Tholi
21 Oct 2009 14:10

Nami shame i wouldn't like my father to be *Chuthwad* by a 20 something lady.
i would shoot to kill!! i am telling u Phliswa 

TheLady
21 Oct 2009 14:15

Mina ngiphatheka kabi coz grandpa is getting you a bachelor flat...hayi no he must fak'imali.

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 14:18

How does one cudlle and kiss someone of their dad's age without feeling guilty... tjo...

Matha
21 Oct 2009 14:21

Philiswa i really feel sori for you, this people wont help you hope you win this battle, ngwana o sa lleng o swela tharing (a child who dont cry die in a womp) please dont take them serious. anyway how is zimbabwe?   

La Dolce Vita
21 Oct 2009 14:21

@ Tholi...tell me abt it!! All these heffa  tryna settle ppls daddy's & if I had 2 struggle 4 ilifa lam kungaphuma iiizidumbu I'm telling u sana...I'v invested 22 yrs apha...
@ baby e, 2 answer u darlie...young women all across the colour bar gt hitched 2 older men bcoz they feel older men r more reliable, have more respect and mayb some women just want that father figure around 4 them.I would marry a older man too..not 4 the money of coz but just 2 pick a more mature brain, decent conversation once in a while and apparentli thay treat their women like gold...

Cande
21 Oct 2009 14:24

LMAO @ bachelor Flat.. & Zimbabwe

mathata
21 Oct 2009 14:25

@Baby e,are you those kids at night stand at their father's door watching him snoring ?

if you are not happy with who is dating, that means you want to F**** him,hmmmm you want to be your mother's  surrogate?

Mafresh
21 Oct 2009 14:25

Viva comrade Tholi viva!!!!!!!!

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 14:31

a child who dont cry die in a womp

how can one hear that the child is crying in a womb? kanti doesnt a child who doesnt cry die on the backpack(imbeleko).... LOL

One and Only
21 Oct 2009 14:33

I am all for fun but can also adapt with the situation when it changes, if you cannot bring yourself to the level of the article on hand would it not be better not to comment than behave like a kaffir?

The author didn't say she has a problem with the age difference between her and her man but now it is being discussed.

People are never satisfied, ever! If your boyfriend is younger its a toyboy, if he's older umkhulu. If you have a big head they call you uJomo, if it's small they still complain.

Brother Monchooza I would like to reply you but some people are still alive today because death penalty was banished in SA.

mathata
21 Oct 2009 14:35

@Tholi,im not 20s,but honey i will torture him with sex,i will make sure i shake him like a wet towel.

the time you talk to him about  me......it will be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz on his ears.

i will go far to ask you if you giveit to him i will let it go!

But pheliswa,something is not right at all,but  dont let this men use you,some ppl they like to take advantage of ppl problems.

Cody
21 Oct 2009 14:35

Thanx Cody, was wondering gore how do wealthy people live in a 2 bedroom house

Exactly Cande that is what i was wondering, one thing i've noticed about personal articles is that, when the author sees that she is not getting responses she has been waiting for or the answers hit some never that makes her seem like somewhat a bad person (ofcourse no one likes to be seen as a bad person) , s/he resorts to add Robertsons to the article, which in turn creates distorted information, then all of a sunday the facts dont correlate...sad sad indeed, nc nc nc... indeed the truth does not mix with lies, rather tell the plain truth without robertsons, the story will still taste good, without the spices..

and now i have more questions....how on earth can you say you love a person and not see yourself not having his child? and how on earth can you say a person introduced you to elders and then turn to say you have been lobolwad? nna i thought being lobolwad and being introduced to the family are two different thing, or am i too old fashioned?


Nami shame i wouldn't like my father to be *Chuthwad* by a 20 something lady

LMAO! i spend hours trying to understand the word!! lol i must really get with the times!

La Dolce Vita
21 Oct 2009 14:36

Ey Best-Achiever...uyawachiever amajokes namhlanje...tltltltltltltltltlt i gotta pee yho

mathata
21 Oct 2009 14:38

oooooH one & only,LMAO

Tshd21
21 Oct 2009 14:41

LMAO  at amabloggers...

Philiswa, love comes in different packages sisi, some rich, poor, ugly, beautiful, young, old, you dig? You found yours, go for it... Every relationship has its issues, what matters is that you sit down with your partner and solve them in a way that will suit both of you.

You clearly want to marry the old man. Do that, get your house, and tell him that if he wants to come stay with you, he can, if he doesn't, then he can stay with his grown arse kids...

TheLady
21 Oct 2009 14:48

"@Baby e,are you those kids at night stand at their father's door watching him snoring ?" hehehehe...

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 14:48

rather tell the plain truth without robertsons, the story will still taste good, without the spices.. 

especial for diabetic bloggers and these day diabetes doesnt have age ...tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl

mathata
21 Oct 2009 14:52

how on earth can you say you love  a person and dont see yourself not having his child

Cody
,what ever you said so true but not 100%.BUT she doest want to do the  same mistake you done,have kids for someone who has four  baby   mamas.

so you must have kid  for someone to prove your love for him,bosephuma ha ba  fele.

Snoop dog, said more baby mama more drama ,trash,what d mother f** thinking?

felfel
21 Oct 2009 14:55

Why is Philiswa's financial status being analysed when her problem is clear, wealth is relative guys (mhlawumbi when u dont know any better).

Lex
21 Oct 2009 15:19

@ BA - How does one cudlle and kiss someone of their dad's age without feeling guilty... tjo... Shame ngwana batho,e yona taba ga o e tlhaloganye at all,LOL! More than anything tha is what you are questioning the most!

Cody
21 Oct 2009 15:19

she doest want to do the same mistake you done,have kids for someone who has four baby mamas.

mathata you see that is where you are wrong, my baby was not a mistake love, not a mistake believe you me it was not.

so you must have kid for someone to prove your love for him,bosephuma ha ba fele. 

LOL @ sephuma......Wrong again mathata, Philisiwe is still very very young and it would make sense to me (emphasis on the words "to me") that as a young woman you will like to get into a mirrage where you can build a family, kids included. But then again, maybe batho ba canada dont get into a marriage to build a family they are in it for the money.....

tracy
21 Oct 2009 15:24

I ve spent the last hour reading your replies, I see this place is still crazy anyway youguys go easy on her she needs advice you know how love is.
Philiswa wena just listen to Tshd21 its the better reply so far sorry I cant give you advice coz I m also against the age diff hope you get the house thou

realist
21 Oct 2009 15:25

Look at the responses of the born again and the self righteous and you will wonder why they call themselves Christians. They see right in themselves and wrong in others. It just makes you wonder.

mathata
21 Oct 2009 15:26

you go wrong5, i didnt say your child was mistake,pls dont say that.


yes thats  the problem,ppl make babys bcs they know we pay some tax,

you dont get into marriage to have kids,like dirathane,every person they get into marriage with their own deals.

baby e
21 Oct 2009 15:28

@ Mathata - wena o lwala waitse. ke ipotsa gore o godisa bana ba gago jang waitse.

zolx
21 Oct 2009 15:28

couples decide on whether they want kids or not even the young couples. Maybe the guy doesnt even want kids seeing as unabo abadala and grand-kids and there's nothing wrong with that.

Philiswa mntasekhaya since you have intentions of marrying your man - naye mos he wants you - do so and stay out of your man's kids. Kakade you wont be liked by everyone emzini and ke you're not there for them but your man. THey made it clear they dont like you and i dont think there's anything you can do to change that. Marry your man, love him and just be happy.

zolx
21 Oct 2009 15:30

Look at the responses of the born again and the self righteous and you will wonder why they call themselves Christians. They see right in themselves and wrong in others. It just makes you wonder. - ditto

zolx
21 Oct 2009 15:31

you dont get into marriage to have kids,like dirathane,every person they get into marriage with their own deals. - eggxactly

baby e
21 Oct 2009 15:33

@ Mathata again - i bet you will sleep with your own father for money .

mathata
21 Oct 2009 15:36

@BABY e,i raise my child not to be a follower.

i hate to lie ,bcs lies has short legs,im honest to myself,life is to short.

you like me or not,i know where im coming from.i hate to push life,you cant fight life with herbals.

im true to myself,im not faking to be mercy phakela

Best-Achiever
21 Oct 2009 15:39

ga ke tlhaloganye  ka nnete Lex!

baby e
21 Oct 2009 15:39

@ mathata who asked you if you are faking to be Mercy Phakela and if you are lying?

Sslave
21 Oct 2009 15:41

Leave Mercy out of this, tu ngiyalicela.

mathata
21 Oct 2009 15:45

Baby E,it will be you,why i you concern about other ppl business.dont you have important things to do?

Honey i intimidate every single penis with my hard work,i have my own F** money.

im not see me person,i know my roots.

PS.it doest mean bcs im on TVSA,you think im the person you think iam

mathata
21 Oct 2009 15:50

Baby e,you said you dont know how i raise my child,i will  take my dad to bed for money?

what im trying to say i cant be some one,you are into emotions than facts.

Cody
21 Oct 2009 15:51


Look at the responses of the born again and the self righteous and you will wonder why they call themselves Christians. They see right in themselves and wrong in others. It just makes you wonder.

Realist,
being a christian does not mean that you dont have "opinions" about what you think is right and what you think is wrong, you are also human. so please...

mathata
21 Oct 2009 15:53

@cody,LMAO.ompolayelang?

Cody
21 Oct 2009 15:53

LMAO at the mercy phakela bit!! huu wii! Baby e and mathata......keep them coming!!

realist
21 Oct 2009 15:53

Realist, being a christian does not mean that you dont have "opinions"
Even if they are judgemental?

mathata
21 Oct 2009 15:55

whos talking ?Cody is true that Tshwene ga iipone makopo.

Tshd21
21 Oct 2009 15:57

Look at the responses of the born again and the self righteous and you will wonder why they call themselves Christians. They see right in themselves and wrong in others. It just makes you wonder.
I agree with you Realist....

Realist, being a christian does not mean that you dont have "opinions" about what you think is right and what you think is wrong, you are also human. so please...
Cody, there is big difference between having an opinion, and judging other people where as you go out there or are always preaching  the opposite of what you are doing in the Cell blog.. Hypocricy at its best.

baby e
21 Oct 2009 15:57

@ mathata whatever darling. chao

nonzuzo
21 Oct 2009 15:58

realist......i agree with you yazi......

Sips
21 Oct 2009 15:58

Nami shame i wouldn't like my father to be *Chuthwad* by a 20 something lady. i would shoot to kill!! i am telling u Phliswa hahahahahahah @Tholi

Tholi...tell me abt it!! All these heffa tryna settle ppls daddy's & if I had 2 struggle 4 ilifa lam kungaphuma iiizidumbu I'm telling u sana...I'v invested 22 yrs apha...hahahahahahahah @La Dolce Vita

How does one cudlle and kiss someone of their dad's age without feeling guilty... tjo...LOL @BA...so uyamsizela uTata?? (you're feeling sorry for Tata??) 

You guys niyandihlekisa.... :-)

nice
21 Oct 2009 15:59

Look at the responses of the born again and the self righteous and you will wonder why they call themselves Christians. They see right in themselves and wrong in others. It just makes you wonder.

That approach to things is unfortunately what has made many people to stop going to church to fellowship because the Pastor is doing this and that, remember one thing realist when you confess and choose to follow Christ , ke joko ea hao, and your responsibilty and not what others do or say, it is your relationship with Christ and ultimately God that you should be looking at and not other people's relationships.

Questioning dubious facts, is not anti-Christ, questioning dubious behaviour is not anti-Christ, there are a lot of facts that dont add up with the story and things that I personally wont approve of myself, to think of my 70 year old dad going out with people that are my age, and questioning that is not being self righteous.

I know that as Christians we are warned of what we say, and what we laugh at. We are ought to watch out to ensure that people dont fall into sin because of what we do, but that does not mean that one has to tolerate and accept whatever people throw at them just because they are Christians, and be afraid to voice their opinions just because they follow Christ's teaching. No realist it does not work like that, never has been and never will

Agreed that people as well should learn to back up their questions and still exercise grace and be gentle, and that does not at all imply that they should not question and where possible bring people back to order when they are walking on the wrong path.

baby e
21 Oct 2009 16:07

@ mathata emotions - you so too explaining yourself is it really your life or you are in a shell and slowly breaking?????

One and Only
21 Oct 2009 16:08

Religion should not be judged based on its followers but on its doctrines, what one christian does does not represent the behaviour/ views of all christians.

No matter how experienced the driver is, if the car is of low quality he will have accidents.

Sips
21 Oct 2009 16:09

i hate to lie ,bcs lies has short legs YHO!!! mathata really??? ...... you hate to lie....Wow!!!

maud
21 Oct 2009 16:11

mmm, its a pity guys i dont have energy today, i have noted few people i would have loved to put them in their places , just for you  Philiswa,  but i promise one day i will revenge  for you.

ucale impi eliwa abafazi usemncane, i cant be long , but i will be back

baby e
21 Oct 2009 16:11

@ Nice well put girl.

nonzuzo
21 Oct 2009 16:14

i dont think realist is judging religion but she is actually judging the followers themselves because we all know that as Christians we are not supposed to judge but that is what was done to Philiswa. 

I mean as a Christian you are supposed to help out your fellow beings whenever you can but can you as an honest Christian say that, that is what you did for Philiswa since she requested the help. Can you honestly say that when Philiswa goes home today she will feel so much better because so and so who is a Christian gave her the help she needed.

Cande
21 Oct 2009 16:19

bye peeps, Tis nice speaking to you Thata's *wink* . Love each other unconditionally *mcwaah*

mathata
21 Oct 2009 16:20

@sips,yes why will i tell someone im dentist, skirlek they see me at Shoprite?

Cody
21 Oct 2009 16:20

You are right Tshd21 when you say.........."there is big difference between having an opinion, and judging"

"questioning behaviour" and "voicing your opinion" regarding an issue at hand is certainly not being judgmental, it simply means you have an opinion regarding a subject, christianity does not say, dont have opinions, i guess with this article,  there are people who are for the behaviour and those who are not. therefore opinions will be raise by both parties..........seein things according to your own view is not being judgemental........if we said, you are a slut, you are bitch, you are a gold digger, now that is being judgemental and i dont recall any christian saying those words....

anyway, there is  a thin line between judgement and opinion, so we will never agree to what statement is judgemental and what statement is an opinion....as in life we dont view things the same

Sips
21 Oct 2009 16:22

That approach to things is unfortunately what has made many people to stop going to church to fellowship because the Pastor is doing this and that, remember one thing realist when you confess and choose to follow Christ , ke joko ea hao, and your responsibilty and not what others do or say, it is your relationship with Christ and ultimately God that you should be looking at and not other people's relationships.

Questioning dubious facts, is not anti-Christ, questioning dubious behaviour is not anti-Christ, there are a lot of facts that dont add up with the story and things that I personally wont approve of myself, to think of my 70 year old dad going out with people that are my age, and questioning that is not being self righteous.

I know that as Christians we are warned of what we say, and what we laugh at. We are ought to watch out to ensure that people dont fall into sin because of what we do, but that does not mean that one has to tolerate and accept whatever people throw at them just because they are Christians, and be afraid to voice their opinions just because they follow Christ's teaching. No realist it does not work like that, never has been and never will

Agreed that people as well should learn to back up their questions and still exercise grace and be gentle, and that does not at all imply that they should not question and where possible bring people back to order when they are walking on the wrong path.
  100% true nice

Cody
21 Oct 2009 16:24

nice.......couldnt have said it better

mathata
21 Oct 2009 16:25

@cody,im sorry if i  was  judgemental,you know i love you mos!

Cody
21 Oct 2009 16:26

LMAO Mathata, you were not judgmental you were stating your opinion

mathata
21 Oct 2009 16:30

@sips ,your father is 70?maybe if he f** 20s  women that means he want to die happy.

GML
21 Oct 2009 16:35

WEll I personally think asking questions is better than advising people. Simply because sometimes asking the right questions can get the person to think about stuff without you telling them.

Example. I asked these questions belowfor me it doesnt make sense why this man would want to buy you your own house. have you discussed the living arrangements with him?
Is he going to move in with you?
What will happen to his kids once you're married?
Will they move into your house with you?

She answered them below.
The plan is he will check me in the house whenever he feels like but the fact will be it is MINE even if he can die. I am not taking the children with me because he is buying me the house so to protect me from them. I believe they will stay in the three bedrom gvt house or they will go home in the bundus as their grandma has suggested.

Just by asking questions she was able to answer herself re her dilemma.  That way she knows that she wants to do and has always known. she just wanted confirmation. Her problem was that she doesnt think the R/ship would last because of his kids. Now she knows that the kids wont be a problem. Problem solved. She came up with the answer herself.

Sometimes bloggers need to avoid putting emotions in there and realise that help comes in different ways. here it comes in a form of questioning and scruitinizing. She will probably get worse from the community she will live in.


I rest....

Tshd21
21 Oct 2009 16:36

Cody...

I agree with what One & Only said on the Never Apologise article... Tshwene ga e ek e ipona makopo indeed.

I still agree with Realist. Some christians project a certain behaviour when on the cell blog but then on other blogs, do the opposite of what they say.  What people should do is stop being hypocrites by being *themselves* on other articles, but then wearing  their "christian clothes"  when among fellow brothers and sisters.

Bottom line, be the christian you say you are...

philiswa
21 Oct 2009 16:38

Hi everyone. 

I am so sorry once again for the delay in logging in, I was working in the field for the whole day. Hope you will accept my apology dear maBloggers. Please do, I know that this was the case even yesterday. Again I will try to react to all the questions and suggestions you hav given me. 

So let me start reading; in appreciation.

mathata
21 Oct 2009 16:39

hm.

is time to watch porn!

mathata
21 Oct 2009 16:40

philswa... hai leena!

J-Girl
21 Oct 2009 16:59

is Philiswa okay? Philiswa never apologise for having problems sisi...
infact I dont trust this Philiswa figure, I think its one of the bloggers trying to pull a fast one on us

philiswa
21 Oct 2009 17:11

@Best achiever, Thi tells me that you or your family are not that as financial independent as you claimed on your first and last response, if you can take care of your son a you claim on your response, while would you fear what will happen when he leaves you because you can maintain that, thta's if you bank account real sneeze zeros-- I have enough money to pay his school fees but not in the school he wants me to enrol him at, it is too expensive. I think he is doing it to see me happy. Realy I can cater for him. 
 Im not sure of the numbver of universities in Swaziland but the one you are refering to should be UNISWA.

And my dear, wedding gown and ring only last for one day the whole marriage things that the day after, if you enter that marriage with proplems all over your head how are you gonna survive the rest of your llife? -- I understand you very clear, but that is the exact challenge I have which is why I have decided to share it wth u guys. 

OK.. Yes I do have a house at home and stay with gogo and the others. HE suggested that I stayed with him because home is faraway from work. Upon realising that things were not smooth there he decided to give me the car so that I can go home whenever I wanted. I cant leave gogo alone but I ma failing to tolerate them. Im in love with their father and they know that he loves me something they cannot change.

@One and Only...Senitfukelani manje yenbonine. Mine bengitsi ngifubal lusito. I am happy with the responces because I ASKED for the bloggers views but at times the responses are toooooo.....

@ Cody..Not that he has already paid lobola, NO. He is known at home and SEWUNGICELILE, its that I am not sure how to explain it so that you can understand. Normally when someone has done that he give out a cow that is in some cultures. This is almost the same as being engaged to someone. I am not yet ready to tell my son about him but planning to do so before I get married. 

That gvnt house Cody and he has to be at the premises almost every time. He have a big house back home which is far from town. Understand????

@ Matha - Why Zim nje????????

philiswa
21 Oct 2009 17:27

@Baby E and Mathata --- whats happening now kani, a fight no that must not happen, instead we must share our views. Pease guys.

@ Maud...Ehhhhhhhh!!!!

La Dolce Vita
21 Oct 2009 21:22

Yaqala inkathazo and ize nawe sisi wase Swazini...

realist
22 Oct 2009 06:35

Cody, the article asked for help and all you did was stating your opinions and not help. Was it not better if you did not respond to the article since you did not help in providing solutions?

Look at mathatha’s responses. She offered solutions to the author even though she used the colorful language. Look past the colorful language and you will get the point put across.

Look at the following responses and tell me if they were judgmental,
Tshd21 10/21/2009 8:41:28 PM

mathata
TKSM 10/20/2009 7:01:15 PM

sponono 10/20/2009 6:31:27 PM

monchooza 10/20/2009 6:00:23 PM,
nonzuzo 10/20/2009 6:00:35 PM
KeleFabulous 10/20/2009 6:17:05 PM

@ Nice: Whole heartedly agree.

dont think realist is judging religion but she is actually judging the followers themselves because we all know that as Christians we are not supposed to judge but that is what was done to Philiswa.
Precisely

Some christians project a certain behaviour when on the cell blog but then on other blogs, do the opposite of what they say. What people should do is stop being hypocrites by being *themselves* on other articles, but then wearing their "christian clothes" when among fellow brothers and sisters.
My point exactly.

realist
22 Oct 2009 06:51

Questioning dubious facts, is not anti-Christ, questioning dubious behaviour is not anti-Christ, there are a lot of facts that dont add up with the story and things that I personally wont approve of myself, to think of my 70 year old dad going out with people that are my age, and questioning that is not being self righteous.
I withdraw my earlier post because of this statement. I no longer whole heartedly agree with you because of the above statement.
What is wrong with what you have just said? Let me ask you a question. Do you believe in such a thing called LOVE? Be honest with your answer please.


One and Only
22 Oct 2009 07:47

Illhi

Ar raḥmni r-raḥm Iyyka na'budu wa iyyka nasta'n ihdin ṣ-ṣirṭ al-mustaqm sirṭ al-laḏna an'amta 'alayhim ġayril maġḍbi 'alayhim walḍ ḍlln.

Ameen.

baby e
22 Oct 2009 07:58

Mathata i love some porn too.

baby e
22 Oct 2009 08:04

Love doesnt ask why. 
its speaks from the heart 

Cody
22 Oct 2009 08:54

I agree with what One & Only said on the Never Apologise article... Tshwene ga e ek e ipona makopo indeed.

I still agree with Realist. Some christians project a certain behaviour when on the cell blog but then on other blogs, do the opposite of what they say. What people should do is stop being hypocrites by being *themselves* on other articles, but then wearing their "christian clothes" when among fellow brothers and sisters.

Bottom line, be the christian you say you are...

Tshd21 my love, it is good for you to agree with realist, i never expected you to change your  opinion,i was simply giving you my view on what i view as judgment and an opinion. and i still maintain being a christian does not mean that you dont have your own opinions of your own and what you think is right and what you think is wrong.........and nna i know what i and who i am therefore i am not pretending to be anyone, i dont need to prove to anyone how much of a christian i am, I do have my own views about life in general, if being a good christian means that you shouldn't question certain behaviours or you have to agree to every behaviour, then it simply means I will never ever be the christian people want me to be, because i will always have opinions about certain issues and if i dont understand i will ask questions. therefore i will be judged accordingly...

nice
22 Oct 2009 08:57

realist, yes I do believe in love.

Like baby e said it does not ask why and all that, but the difference in years between two people that are in this relationship does raise eyebrows. 

When people separate for whatever reasons and there are kids involved, accepting a second mom/dad has its challenges, but when the "mamncane" is someone my age I will question their intentions , i.e. my dad's and the potential "mamcane".

Cody
22 Oct 2009 09:50

Cody, the article asked for help and all you did was stating your opinions and not help. Was it not better if you did not respond to the article since you did not help in providing solutions? 

okay realist,fair enough i did not give solutions according to you, and now that we agree that the statements were opinions, i am happy.  i revisisted my own responses (which i think you should as well), and saw that i never passed judgement. In order for me to provide solutions, i need to understand certain things that dont make sense to me in order to give sound advise. I am sure nobody has the same approach as mine when it comes to  issues, so cant i just do it my way? all i wanted was clarity from the author and she provided me with just that and i am happy about it. (I am speaking for myself here)


Look at mathatha’s responses. She offered solutions to the author even though she used the colorful language.

I will not deny that Mathata took her own angle and approach to deal with the issue, which is what suits her, and i dont have a problem with that. i think I have known her long enough to understand the way she speaks (the colourful language,LMAO), and i happen to understand all those colours very well. Mathata and i are not the same people, we dont have the same beliefs, of which i cannot force her to have the same values and beliefs as mine, i cannot think like her and approach issues the same way she does. and i dont have to agree with her to conclude that she gave the right solutions. If you feel that she gave the best advises and other people gave the wrong advises then, honestly i cannot be against you.

Look at the following responses and tell me if they were judgmental, 

althought i am puzzeled as to why i should look at those responses and give a conclusion why they are deemed as non-judgemental is beyond me.  I never said anyone was judgemental. 

so now, in those responses i can conclude that, there are people who are for the behaviour stipulated in the article, and they are those who are not for the behaviour, so i think everybody should be given a chance to be at the side they want to be, it makes a good healthy debate and it shows that people have different values and different approaches to issues.  so cant anyone agree to disagree on this matter and not be seen as....what the word again...righteous?

like GML said, Sometimes bloggers need to avoid putting emotions in there and realise that help comes in different ways. here it comes in a form of questioning and scruitinizing

and again where she said

WEll I personally think asking questions is better than advising people. Simply because sometimes asking the right questions can get the person to think about stuff without you telling them.

I agree with here 101% 

JadaPinkett
22 Oct 2009 09:54

@!Tholi.................angithandi ngoKhanyi Mbawu

GML, cHEESA, Cody, TKSM, mathata  nabanye .......i'm missing u guyz en i luv u all

One & oNLY........I Miss ur unique en being difficult to the others

Best-Achiever
22 Oct 2009 10:10

Nna i would like to know the name that can be given to a person

who would agree to everything anyone says? no questions, no view, niks.

blueroze
22 Oct 2009 10:25

Nna i would like to know the name that can be given to a person

who would agree to everything anyone says? no questions, no view, niks

setlaela/setlatla/isidenge/fool/bloodyfool

Best-Achiever
22 Oct 2009 10:27

lol blueroze ... and sure no one want to be called that yet  ....

Cody
22 Oct 2009 10:31

kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa!! LMAO!! BA and Blueroze

Cody
22 Oct 2009 10:36

Hi JP!!!! mcwa mcwa....you were missed gal!!

Tholi
22 Oct 2009 10:47

((@!Tholi.................angithandi ngoKhanyi Mbawu))
hahahahahaha!!! JP, she's the only one who can help in this. she knows how to open them (legs) and get a Lamboghini and a town house...lol

mstick
22 Oct 2009 10:53

lady gaga you once accused me of thinking with my penis but looking at all your responses up to now I would say my penis would make a good partnernership with your vagina. 

LOL.......mara 1 & O

mstick
22 Oct 2009 10:54

i cannot blv this article is still very active

lady gaga
22 Oct 2009 11:16

@mstick - u know i just loled at that, i didn't even want to waste my time with shim.

i just cant imagine this foolish man inside me, bcs i dnt think he will be having any idea about what shim's doing.ok case closed!

nonzuzo
22 Oct 2009 11:27

BA if an old woman (as old as your mother) comes to your house with a baby on her back and begs for you to help her. 

As a Christian, do you suddenly imagine your own mother with a kid that young and start to ask questions about why she has a baby at such an old age or do you just give her the help she needs??

Just a question nje.....

Best-Achiever
22 Oct 2009 11:35

@Nonzuzo


I think you wanted something that can relate to Philiswa's story but you couldnt get you... because even after i have answered you, you wont have satisfaction you are looking for ....

I will give that mama and the child the help they need. But if that mama tells me she wants to marry the child she is carrying and need my help on that regarding the siblings or even parents of that child not giving her blessing to marry their child, then i'd ask questions.

Tholi
22 Oct 2009 11:46

@nointerest (Nonzuzo), i know i'm not BA, as u say an old woman. we black people are so respectful of elders we don't ask questions even if u see the need of answers. but we just don't , thats the way it is ma love. 

but when a pesron as young as your age comes with a baby begs for help. yes u ask her ,,where is a baby father?, why did u brake up?, do u still love him? what happened? why did u choose to have a baby at your age? r u working? why did u drop off @ school? 

My opinion, anyway!

nonzuzo
22 Oct 2009 11:46

I actually chose a different story on purpose....

But if that mama tells me she wants to marry the child she is carrying and need my help on that regarding the siblings or even parents of that child not giving her blessing to marry their child, then i'd ask questions. 

Why ask questions coz you know very well that you don't agree with what that woman would be doing, all you have to say is "No, i won't help you because it doesn't sit right with me and leave it at that". 

I don't think what you said about imagining your father with a 29 year old helped uPhiliswa coz i'm sure it made her feel like she is doing a very bad thing yet she said that they love each other and she is not in it for the money.

All you could have said to Philiswa is that you won't be able to help her coz you don't like what she is doing and leave it there.

I am not saying don't have an opinion but i think as Christians we have to be extra careful of whether what we say or do will not harm or hurt the next person.

Green.arrow
22 Oct 2009 11:49

"But if that mama tells me she wants to marry the child she is carrying ........then i'd ask questions."
t'LOL....u dragged me out my closet with this one BA....

Cody
22 Oct 2009 11:52

i think its time for an article. a sourced article that is cause i dont have time to right

mstick
22 Oct 2009 11:54

bcs i dnt think he will be having any idea about what shim's doing.ok case closed!

aowa case closed ka nnete ngwane$o ye yona e palet$e bo mma go rena

Lex
22 Oct 2009 11:55

eish I wanted to comment but because of the interesting responses,I've forgotten what I wanted to say.Valid points raised here,I just wish that sometimes the bloggers could be more sensitive to the 'problem/person'.I am not saying one should agree with something if they think it is wrong,but the way some people respond to issues,haai...

Cody
22 Oct 2009 12:01

BA if an old woman (as old as your mother) comes to your house with a baby on her back and begs for you to help her.

As a Christian, do you suddenly imagine your own mother with a kid that young and start to ask questions about why she has a baby at such an old age or do you just give her the help she needs??

Just a question nje.....


kodwa nzu, your senario is not relative to the situation at hand this is completely a different thing. maybe if you state what kind of help the woman needs, i am sure it will have more substance...

just advise nje.....

GML
22 Oct 2009 12:06

@nonzuzo

I would ask  my mother questions if she came with a baby n her back.

1. How did you manage that when you have already went through menopause?
2. Were we (sisters and I) not enough trouble that you had to go looking for more?
3. Couldnt you wait for us to give you grand babies if you really wanted a little one?
4. uzom ondla ngani lomtwana manje ngoba nomsebenzi angeke usa'wuthole?
5. Ma? bo'cabangeni.
6. Do you realise that should you die now this child is going to be our responsibility?
7. Do you know how stressful it is to maintain uThobile now at 17 wena uzo nomunye ke futhi. hai man.
8. Lendoda yona icabangeni nayo nigugile kanje. Then i would laugh and my older sister would say unghlaki phela isign yokuguga phela le.

But I would still help her out anyway.

My mother and I have the most honest relationship. She is the type of person who says things as they are and doesn't hold back, whether you like it or not. I have adopted that from her and she will understand what why i ask all these wuestions.

mathata
22 Oct 2009 12:08

guys is 4morning, ga ke tshweye ga ke tshweye le gaale....i mean DIARRHOEA is just f* me.

at this moment i cant take it,ko peita xaa!

nonzuzo
22 Oct 2009 12:15

Cody i used ugogo ofuna ukudla because i want to bring a sense of sensitivity to other people's problem. 

Inkinga yami is that i just wish us Christians (especially born again) could be the Jesus' of this world yazi, i just wish we could stop acting all pure and innocent and just help our fellow human beings up when they need help, instead of asking questions and judging.

If uPhiliswa had an opportunity of going to someone's house for help based on these comments, who do you think she will go to?? The people who asked her the most questions or the people who just told her what to do?

We have people from our own families committing suicide and addicted to alcohol, whilst we are there as Christians and they don't feel comfortable enough to come to us with problems coz they know we are going to ask questions and judge them.

Questions should rather come later usumsizile umuntu if you are that curious...

nonzuzo
22 Oct 2009 12:16

LOL Mathata.....what did you eat last night?

Mathaz
22 Oct 2009 12:25

"In life, no matter how much good there is you can always find something bad if you look for it. You can develop an eye for the good or you can develop a critical eye. Scripture says, "To the pure all things are pure." If you can't ever see anything right, you drive down the freeway and only see the traffic, construction and potholes and never the beauty, if you only see the scratch on the floor and never the amazing house, if you never see what people do right and only what they do wrong, it's time to clean your window; the way you view life. 

When we let a critical spirit rise up and start magnifying the wrong things and think thoughts like, "Why do they dress like that? What's their problem? If I were them, I wouldn't do that", our spirit is being polluted and we're hurting ourselves in the long run. When we are critical and judgmental, we are sowing seeds for others to be critical and judgmental back towards us. God longs to continually bless us and take us higher and higher in all aspects of life, but we have to make sure we're doing our part by keeping our heart pure, our mouth free of gossip and our minds free of judgment. Make a decision not to be a faultfinder because that can keep you from your destiny. Just as one develops a habit of seeing the worst, you can train yourself to see the best in others. There is good in every situation". 

Source:  Joel Osteen

BigMama
22 Oct 2009 12:35

@nonzuzo........Thank you so much, l really did not want to reply but l have to give it to you gal. You said it like a pro. At certain times people must learn to help without digging for information. Too many unccessary questions can get one confused and end up giving the wrong information. this isn't a courtroom so the less questions asked the less time you spend on trying to help. You are star darling.

Best-Achiever
22 Oct 2009 13:08

Sorry Nonzuzo .. i was busy with something ...

If you read my first reply i did tell uPhiliswa ukuthi i can not help here and did state why because i felt she need to know how those children are feeling hence them making funny comments about her .... funny coments are hurting her so she might as well know the source, maybe understanding the source will help her deal with those comments in a more profound way.

And my other questions rose after she commented and said, if she is not at their house she is at her house with the whole of her family members, yet she is wondering how those children are still leaving with their dad, she is doing it why cant they do it.

so Nonzuzo tell me, if i come to you and tell you that i want to kill myself, wouldnt you want to know why i want to do, try to understand the source and they try to help me?

Cody
22 Oct 2009 13:13

Cody i used ugogo ofuna ukudla

bcos of this  "BA if an old woman (as old as your mother) comes to your house with a baby on her back and begs for you to help her. "


okay nonzu, its just that i didnt see that on your sentence or the senario,this means you left it out by mistake.

Mina i still say the problem lies with not understaning concepts the same way,if the understanding was the same...we would not have this argument....so its very unfortunate that as people we will understand things the same way....with this one its the misunderstanding between...judgment and opinion, of which is understandable because there is a thin line between the concepts.....just like there is a thin line between being meek and being a walk-over.

however i agree with you when you say as christians we must be able to help people. but like i said, we are different we are entitled to have different approaches to issues.  

nonzuzo
22 Oct 2009 14:29

BA- I definitely will not ask you why you want to kill yourself because nje nothing is won't killing yourself for so i won't even want to know why you want to kill yourself coz that will not help me in helping you. at that time i will be dealing with one problem and one problem only, that of you wanting to kill yourself. 

If a person wants to kill themselves because they have HIV, if I ask them why they want to kill themselves and they tell me, am I going to cure them? No, so knowing the reason at that stage won't help me, because i am going to give the same advice no matter what the cause of it is.

I would rather tell/show you that person the blessings God has given them and what they can still achieve (non material) regardless of what you are going through and there's a God i know who has been there for me and can also be there for them no matter what. 

My point sisi, bekungukuthi. Asking questions pushes the person in need back and they will never come back to you for help coz they know you'll start judging them with your questions and it shouldn't be like that especially if you are a Christian coz one of our duties is to help wherever we can and whenever we are needed to.

Cody
22 Oct 2009 14:34

i fail to understand how asking a person a question in order to get where they are coming from amounts to judging...

mathata
22 Oct 2009 14:41

Amen

Best-Achiever
22 Oct 2009 14:51

Nonzuzo .. please enlighten me ...  so you will just tell me dont kill yourself BA you are blessed, and when me being BA, i ask you if im blessed why do i have to suffer like this, what will you say ... you'll continue telling me im blessed ... you wil not want to know what is happening so you can reason with me in a different direction that might even help me realize that im indeed blessed? do you think it will make sense to me when you just tell me im blessed and dont tackle the problem at all.

i mean i have come to you after much thought of killing myself as the best solution then and wena you dont even know what imgoing through, you dont even try to reason with me, then you just tell me not to do it .... with absolute no understanding. 

Nonzuzo ... how will ever know things if we dont ask?  If asking is judgemental, will you just look at your friend who just got arrested and not ask them because that is judging?

mathata
22 Oct 2009 14:54

if a person want to kill herself.. LET IT BE,worms are starving.

Tshd21
22 Oct 2009 15:19

There is nothing wrong with asking a question..... How you ask that question is important, however....

Just out of interest, BA, how are you tackling the problem if you tell  a person, a number of times, that thinking about their problems makes you put your father in the place of their partner, because of their age. (figuratively writing as this is not the exact way you put it)

You are basically saying  that it disgusts you to think that a 29-year-old is sleeping with "your 50-year-old father".  The only reason you are not saying it out loud is because of the christian standard you have created for yourself on TVSA. You are thinking it, but don't want to say it out loud??? Correct me if am wrong... since I am assuming here

If you can't help someone, just say so, and then move on.

Nonzuzo, thank you for the examples you used, they were on point. The sooner people just admit their mistakes and move on, as we are all humans and err, the better.  Being a christian does not mean you don't make mistakes, I know, I am also a christian, and when I am wrong, I admit my mistakes and move on.

Philiswa, did you get the answers you were looking for??

Cande
22 Oct 2009 15:26

LOL@ the starving worms

realist
23 Oct 2009 06:19

@Cody, Thank you for stating your views on this subject and for being dignified in responding to my questions. Much respect for you.

@ nonzuzo, When you good you good. You have hit the nail on the coffin.
@ Tshd21, Valid points you have raised there and I concur with all of them.

Enough said from me about this subject.

Best-Achiever
23 Oct 2009 07:55

@Tshd21 ....
You are thinking it, but don't want to say it out loud??? Correct me if am wrong

You are wrong sisi, This doesnt disgust me, It scares Me. I said on my very first comment that i wont be able to Help Philiswa, then on my second comment i explained why i cant help her, Then comments after her comments were merely questions seeking for clarity because she was contradicting herself.

The only reason you are not saying it out loud is because of the christian standard you have created for yourself on TVSA.
what are christian standards? how does one create them?

And yes any older man makes me think of my dad because he is about their age ...

zozoe
23 Oct 2009 08:13

tjo yah neh

Cody
23 Oct 2009 09:03

bathong is this still going on?

you know sometimes i dont understand people, not that i am standing up on the same side.

You are basically saying that it disgusts you to think that a 29-year-old is sleeping with "your 50-year-old father

The only problem i have with this is people putting words in other people's mouth. phela there are so many words that could have been used here, like "shock" she is shocked. but then again, even if she did not say disgust and didn't say it out loud, she is correct for doing that,it will mean she respects Philiswa. akere if your mother asks you do something that irritates you, you will not say it out loud that you dont want to do it or your  mother irritates you, why? because you respect them enough to know that you just cant use some words with them.

nna from her responses, i gathered that, BA put herself in those kids shoes,so it was good that she gave Philiswa another side to the story, and trying make her feel what those kids are feeling....so,maybe if Philiswa could understand how those feel she will be able to deal with the problem effectively..

and nonzu, asking questions is not putting someone down, the psychologists i have been to do use the same method of asking you questions so that you can come to a conclusion  your own without forcing information down your throut. ecause usually when you are not in a situation which you feel is not favouring you, you dont think rationally, you only concerntrate on your pain and not try and see another side of the story.

(BA is not a psychologist kodwa she saw that method working for her.) and she is not wrong for imagining her dad having a girlfriend half her age because it simply does not sit right with her. So please guys being a christian does not mean you dont have opinions, or you have to agree with everything. We have have different values in life which constitudes to different views about issues and different opinions. so please just let it go now

Cody
23 Oct 2009 09:07

Realist, oskhokho saan, i really have a lot of respect for you, you were not attacking, you dealt with the issue like an adult, and you did not put words in my mouth or assume things, you just took my words exactly as I said them. 

Even you Nonzuzo.

BigMama
23 Oct 2009 09:07

l love it when you debate like this bloggers, keep it up ladies and gents.

Best-Achiever
23 Oct 2009 09:15

Thank you Cody .. at least someone in here understands me!....

zozoe
23 Oct 2009 09:50

jah neh, haai le  ya e beha

Ms. Jay
23 Oct 2009 09:58

285 and still going......

Tshd21
23 Oct 2009 14:17

Tshd21: Correct me if am wrong... since I am assuming here......

BA: You are wrong sisi, This doesnt disgust me, It scares Me....

Thank you for clearing that out sisi.

PS: Am seriously wondering who put words in someone else's mouth now...



mathata
23 Oct 2009 14:28

is pay day today.

La Dolce Vita
23 Oct 2009 15:01

Triple L0l @ Mathatha...wt a anti-climax yerrr!!

BigMama
23 Oct 2009 15:16

@Tshd21........hahahaha at wondering who puts words in someone else's mouth.....enjoy the weekend bloggers.

@mathata......Fosho, today is pay day.

Lex
23 Oct 2009 15:30

Same here Tshd21,I'm wondering who is putting words into another's mouth.This article is very interesting and the responses as well,just had to come here again. I'm also gonna put my name on the list of those who say we should be sensitive to the plight of others and the manner in which questions are asked.Some of these articles or should I rather say most of the articles are 'Sis Dolly' typa articles but we can learn a lot from them because you may find that one of us has a similar problem but they are afraid of putting it up here for fear of BEING EATEN ALIVE BY SOME BLOGGERS.It's a fact that some of mabloggers can be quiet insensitive.

Lekker naweek julle.

Cody
23 Oct 2009 15:34

,I'm wondering who is putting words into another's mouth.

LOL Me too guys..nc nc nc, some people mare...nc nc nc lol

Sis Dolly
23 Oct 2009 17:00

Can ya'll stop using my name is vain please. Everytime someone wants to make an example 'Sis Dolly' is dragged in. All I'm asking is respect for my name. Thank you lol

La Dolce Vita
24 Oct 2009 13:53

Multiple lolirisation ku Sis Dolly!!


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