Happy New Year dear bloggers!!! I wish you a fun-filled 2010, deep pockets (how are you going to pay for the fun??) and that you look as gorgeous as the models on Tommy Hilfiger's adverts....
Here it goes, my good (and not so good) New Year's wishes for Mzansi's celebs.
1) Khanyi Mbau -( she had to go first). I wish that she finds herself, her OWN rich man, not some model's sugar daddy or some poor woman in Venda's husband.I really wish she does, I feel sorry for her as she got used to the good life with OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY!!!
2)Kelly Khumalo - I wish that she acquires some class. For real now going around and beating people is sooo 1980's. With class she will take care of her body..like buying body butter to apply to her ashen knees, a good quality roll-on since darker-than-the-rest-of-you armpits are scary and other cosmetics in general.
3) Oskido - I wish uMahoota and Dj Sbu become good friends to you, not in words but in actions too. It will not hurt them and their pockets to take you on a shopping spree at the V&A Platinum mile, a spa day at the One&Only and a fabulous meal at one of their fancy resturants...You know you need new clothes and more honest friends.
4) Zola 7, Joost and..pity ndinembeko, I cannot disrespect old people especially if they are the president...but...-These men need pants with zippers, buttons or anything that closes really...
5) Terry Pheto - I wish for her a new bum. That big ass that you are pulling around looks like it belongs to Ma-Agnes. It is indirectly proportional (I have no other words to describe the inconsistency) to your face..
6) Winnie Khumalo - I will be going into the New Year with your song. I love you to bits and I wish that uKB must take you to wherever she reduced them DDD titties...Imagine ukuthi uzohlanya worse kanjani with peach-sized ones..
7) Thembi Seeti - Another person I absolutely love- mhle, she is talanted - I don't care what they have to say, the gal can act, dance and her singing is not that bad either. I wish for her to get a show targetting adults - she is 30-ntoni-ntoni..She can't be doing youth programs forever...can she now?
8) Dj Cleo - Such talent. I wish that he finds a hott artist to join his stable who is as talented, hard-working and committed as he is. A radio job would not hurt him either...
9) Bad-boy T - I wish that he gets a JOB..that is if he does not have one already. Kids don't eat empty words like 'I used to be famous, I used to do the breakfast show at Metro'...so please don't prolong the recession for your family unneccesarily.
10) Mandoza - I wish for you good, clean skin. Buti wam' , I wish that you go to Edgars and buy yourself some Clinique Man. Also, I wish that you frequent (I am sharing secrets here) the Verona Spa in Houghton. It is close by, discreet, you will feel like you have gone on holiday during your lunch hour and people will wonder why you always look fab..Please tuuu..
11) Tkzee- i wish for them another albumn. Phela badlale ngathi..This time thay must get Spikiri to produce for them, their songs need bass (if that is the word)..I mean doof-doof. they must listen to Nkamodira to get what I am talking about...Their CD sounds like a choir consisting of spranos only, no altos, no turners etc.
12) Bonang - Sisi go back to school. I mean you can't be thicker that CC Ravele. She was doing the same degree you are failing and she finished it in record time. Sies!!
Last but not least:
13) Shwashwi - My wish for Shwashi is that she/him/it gets a camera-person. I mean really now , we are doing more than enough multi-tasking by looking hottt and reading your articles. Do you really now expect us to look fab, read your articles and at the same time imagine what Amstel looks like peeing or puking on Khanyi Mbau's head or the floor of a night club or something ...really now that is stretching it too far..
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