When love is not enough!!

Written by FoxyT from the blog When love isn't enough! on 25 May 2010
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When love alone is not enough!!

Here’s my letter to you…

I’ve always thought it would be easy to just pack up your things and move on if a relationship you are in, just doesn’t work out. Always thought I can move on without looking back. Well, I guess I was wrong!!!

Do we still believe in soulmates? That there’s just that one person you were meant to meet and spend the rest of your life with? Is there such a person? Well, I thought I did find my soulmate… but I guess I was wrong!!!

I’m in a relationship with “the love of my life”. We went through so many ups and downs and somehow we are still together. But I ask myself one question, why are we putting so much energy into keeping our relationship together, than actually enjoying it? I thought being in love would be easy, fun… but I guess I was wrong!!!

Do you ever find your self trying to make something work, something you don’t really love or want anymore? Are there other people, couples, out there feeling the same feeling that I feel, going through what we are going through? Do they call this love, or are we just fooling ourselves?

I have so many questions and no answers. Maybe I’m starting to find myself, finding out exactly what makes me happy, what I can stand and what I can’t. Maybe I’m just being selfish and over-controlling. Just maybe, there is nothing wrong with me. The problem is you… or maybe our love is not enough!!! I hope I’m wrong…

But what do we do if the only thing that’s keeping us together is not enough? Do we move on and try to find something that would make us happy. Or are we happy being so miserable with each other? Someone sang: “I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else”, is that how we feel? I hope not…

How can we go back to what ever that we had? To see that spark in your eyes everytime you see me, to feel butterflies in my body everytime you walk past me. Why don’t you be my soulmate again? But maybe, just maybe, you’re asking yourself the same questions. Maybe you still love me… I hope I’m right…

21 Comments

kellogs
27 May 2010 11:00

shoo this is sad sad sad

nice
27 May 2010 11:27

Sad indeed.

maybe you are just in a "down" and you guys still love each other. It happens mostly I guess.

All relationship have that, feel like you and your friends are disconnecting until something gets the two of you back together again and you wonder how you drifted apart in the first place.

I also experience the same feelings with my relationship with God sometimes. Just like I am going through the motions where everything is just going right, I am praying and worshipping. life gets mellow and then boom something happens that gets me closer and all of a sudden my faith has a purpose.

Find things that will renew the relationship, and what you and him like to do together, what attracted you to him in the first place and what is it that makes you want to work things out. Choose to laugh at his jokes and silliness, support each other in all that you get into. Spend more time together, I wont suggest going away to not be with him as that will definetely mean the end of it.

Goodluck

FoxyT
27 May 2010 11:59

Thanx Nice!

I'll try to go back to what we had and what I felt before. But I think so many things have happened between us, so much so, that sometimes I just wonder if we really are meant for each other or not. I love my man, really I do, but one question i have is what do you do when love alone is not enough to get the relationship going?

mathata
27 May 2010 12:14

shem!

pele
27 May 2010 12:24

I am a true sucker for romance, sad indeed.

I need you to listen to TD JAKES CD/DVD about relationships it is a 6 parts sessions, where he talks about before enganging in marriage /relationship we have to complete ourselves first. I promise you, you will learn something from that guy whether you Christain or not. Your questions will be answered buy it or hire it.

All the best to both of you!!!

myname
27 May 2010 12:46

I wish there was formula. Maybe just maybe things wouldnt b so complicated like this.

Be strong FoxyT.

Strolicious
27 May 2010 13:01

dis is sad indeed,..be strong FoxyT...im also in this relationship dnt knw whether its going forward or backward...im really confuse

One and Only
27 May 2010 13:14

When love alone's not good enough, you cut your losses and move on with your life.

Don't expect the person you're involved with to make you happy, be happy on your own. "If you cannot find peace within yourself, you'll never find it anywhere else"

Lastly don't compromise yourself - you're all you've got.

myname
27 May 2010 13:25

WOW 1 & Only. I'm so impressed!

WOW! (clapping non stop)

Honestly i wasnt expecting this response.

realist
27 May 2010 13:34

Bottom line, what is it that you want in this relationship? If you can answer that then try and discuss it with your partner.

If you see its not going to work out then cut your losses like one and only said. One person cannot make things work out if the other partner is not prepared to also make it work.

GML
27 May 2010 13:40

I want to comment but I feel I shouldnt.

myname
27 May 2010 13:55

Come on GML, u know i dig ur replies.

Now take ur time & start typing...........

Gosiame1
27 May 2010 13:57

Fox, perhaps you and I are not getting what we need from our relationships.

My situation is slightly different because suddenly things that were not important back then are suddenly glaring me in the face. Such as the fact that he doesnt have money, that he didnt go far in his education and the fact that he's not communicative. I'm not sure I know how to deal with the consequences of my thoughts.

mathata
27 May 2010 14:42

yaaa! lerato le sleg maan.adopt puppy n move on.

ms.tebby
27 May 2010 14:58

shem, sory Foxy...you will be ok.some things just dont have an explanation inthis life
..adopt a puppy n move on >>>>kwa kwa kwa kwaaaa!

hi One & Only?

carino
27 May 2010 15:09

I dont think there's ever a time when love is not enough. When it is not enough.. I guess the best question to ask yourself would be. Is it love?

Best-Achiever
27 May 2010 15:14

Love alone Foxy will never be enough ... whether you are complete as an individual or not.

Love alone can only sustain you for a week at most, that's if you'll see each other in 3 days that week. Relationship needs more than love to work and in everything it takes two people, you alone can not do it ... You both need to be willing.

Communicate, with him, it wont help though if you are the only one seeing a problem.
Compromise when necessary as long as you dont loose yourself in that compromise.... ie you can compromise i soapie for him to watch soccer, there are repeats for soapies
Change - have the ability to change, ie relationships are just like your life there go through many stages, ie there'll be a time when you are both financial well and you can do whatever you do, whenever you want to and then recession will also kick be, adapt to the change, dont force things.
Know when to back off --- you real dont have to win every argument, sometime just agree to disagree
Support and Trust - There is no price in knowing that whatever you do, where ever you are there is someone who is behind you 100% like Malema was to Zuma, and when you also give him all the support that he needs often times he will come to you with anything, and when you say NO, he will believe you.
Do things together ... whenever you get a chance to do things together, please do so. make memories together, nothing beats going down the memory lane together and laugh about it ....

and Respect each other in every possible way that you can.

Sima
27 May 2010 16:32

Are there other people, couples, out there feeling the same feeling that I feel, going through what we are going through? Do they call this love, or are we just fooling ourselves?

Yes im one of them, you not alone, I think its love that makes us want to fix things, Or maybe is the fear of being alone, Its like no one will ever love you the same as your husband/boyfriend. Or you can't imagine your patner with someone else if you did breakup, thats love talking,

FoxyT
28 May 2010 07:39

Hey you guys!!!

I must admit, I'm so impressed with the replies that I got. It all seems so easy when people advice and give pointers on what to do, but its a different story when you are in the middle of it all.

1 n Only, you said: "you cut your losses and move on with your life."

Its hard coz we are both fighting to keep this thing going. If it was just me in that ring, believe me, I would have gave up along time ago. I think its most irritating when we fight/argue about small things. I cant even remember the last time we had an argument about something serious, its always the smallest things that you can think of. We some how always, and I mean always, get our wires crossed. He'd expect me to do/say this and I do the opposite but without realising that we are actually hurting each other in the process.

To Gosiame1: I think the problem with most relationships is that we grow up believing that love can conquer all. I believe that's why most women/men will stay in abusive relationships because the "love" their partners and after all that abuse, they are told how much they're "loved" by their abusers. (Sima, I agree with you 100%)

Mathata, adopting a puppy won't be a solution... kwakwakwa! I'll then have to make sure I pick up after it! Nope dearest, I'd rather work on this one untill all is well or move on.

Realist, what I want is this relationship is: understanding each other, laughter, be silly at times (go wild), be happy, complement each other, feel like melting everytime we look at each other, the kind of love that people feel when they see us together, and so much more! We used to have that...

Best-Achiever... you've said it all!

Cutie Pie
28 May 2010 08:41

Hi FoxyT

Your story is just the same as many thousand couples out there doll. I have a question though that I need to ask you. Are you guys staying together?

If so, that's exactly why. When you first move in with someone, you fight like cats and dogs in the 1st year. This is bcoz you are used to your own space and you are used to making your own decisions etc. When you visit each other on weekends you only get to see each other best side. But when you stay together each one of you show their true colours. The second year onwards gets much better, trust me.

Like other have said, you need to compromise sometimes, but never lose your principles and values. If you love each other, that's a very good foundation as that gives you a reason to fight for your relationship.

Depending on the issues youa re fighting about, I can't advise you to move on. All relationships go through hard times and you can't always run away from problems. No one said relationships are a bed of roses, they need maintanance.

Try to also pray with your B/F before you go to bed and spill you heart to GOD dear. I saw this bring me and fiance closer together.

When we first moved in together it was a battle I must say. But you learn to compromise along the way and it getsbetter. I realised that I'm close to my thirties and if I'm going to run away each time problems crop up, I'll be 70 and still be looking for MR Right. Mr Right has his own flaws just like me. I learnt to accept my man's flaws and just be happy that he was the ONLY one that decided to make an honest woman out of me. He was the ONLY one that decided to fulfil some of my wishes. He was the ONLY one that managed to accept my baggage and supported me in every aspect of my life etc...I can go on and on. The point I'm trying to make is that in the midst of our fights, I always looked back at this man with an abjective eye and look at what he has done for me and THANK GOD.

Its tiring to be in a stage whereby you don't know whether this person will come back the next morning....

ALL THE BEST GAL.

sthini
21 Jun 2010 11:59

Thats the problem with us people, a soul mate is not just a person u are intimate with/ a lover... Someone with whom one has a special, almost spiritual connection, it could be your best friend, a family member, etc. So erase what you have in your mind, and you will be happy.

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