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How Far Does Love Expect You To Go?

Written by Segololo from the blog Oh Moments on 20 Sep 2010
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The mystery called LOVE requires a lot from everyone that chooses to participate in its intricate and often hard to fathom rules. But in the name of it, some stay in harsh and crude relationships. 

Is Love a choice? Do people choose to “be in love” or is it an uncontrollable steam train that takes over and goes through all sorts of tunnels and beautiful valleys? Is there “the one” or a series of “the ones” that come into our lives to teach us about ourselves? And does “the one” find you or are you supposed to search for them? Is the person you love the choice? 

I know that the LOVE topic has been discussed to death, however I find myself pondering these questions as I look at those I know that are physically abused in relationships and sight the reason “I love him”. I have heard of a lady that is a relationship that she will be signing a marriage registry for in about 8 weeks. The man does not work, has never worked and she supports him and their 3 sons. She has been his punching bag for years – and has gotten brave enough to hit her in front of the kids. 

children watching



The family has told her that they will not be involved in the marriage celebrations due to what she has been enduring. She has made peace with this and will carry on with the wedding and relationship with no family support. What choices has she made for her life and her children? She feels at peace with the relationship because she says “I love him” 

What kind of love does she believe in? does love have to hurt, demean and torment? Has he shown her “love” in what the world believes to be love – kind, soft, trusting, respectful and supportive? What kind of lOVE lessons are their children getting as they witness the “love” she has or feels over her own safety and their sanity? 

I have heard of people that expressed love is in jealousy.. Is that the fuel to LOVE? Is being overly cautious of the other person’s dealings a way to express love? I know of people that genuinely believe that if they do not get donderred by their partner, it means they are not loved? Could this be the leasson’s they took from their homes as they experienced their parents moering each other in the name of love? 

lovely couple



What does love and loving mean to you? Did you choose the person you are with or do you feel that love chose this person? What does this person bring to your relationship that makes you feel LOVE? What struggle would you not be a part of that would make you believe that you are NOT loved if the person you loved crossed that line?



12 Comments

GML
20 Sep 2010 13:51

I'm pretty sure it's not suppose to hurt.

It needs a lot of work though. It's like a plant that need to be watered etc

carino
20 Sep 2010 14:00

Hey Segs...

Before I read... I personally don't think real love comes with expectations. 

Now lemme read...

blueroze
20 Sep 2010 15:04

If it is real, then there is no doubt

blueroze
20 Sep 2010 15:11

Pink Speedo Hunk on the right *dead never to rise again* MODIMO!!!!

zozoe
20 Sep 2010 15:17

LOL Blueroze

fruity
20 Sep 2010 15:40

I used to believe that love is this uncontrollable and overwhelming feeling that leave  you feeling all warm and fussy inside. I have experienced that kind of  'love' . Along the way, you find that in life sh*t happens and the warm and fuzzy feelings disappear, and you are now stuck with this person, those who know about this kind is called "falling out of love". 

Recently I have made a decision to love someone. He has been pursuing me for so long and we had since become close, friendship kinda close. He is the kind of guy that I swore to never date, in terms of looks and structure. But he makes me feel good, like I am the most beautiful woman on the planet. He treats me very good and when I am with him, I can totally be me, all the selfish and crazy bits, he likes and accepts. 

I remember when I kissed him for the first time, it was sooo weird, it was like I am detached from myself, as if I could see myself kissing him/ as if I was not involved in the kissing, weird!  We have since had some crazy and passionate kisses that left me yearning for more and I can comfortably say that I am learning to love him and it feels really good. 

So at this point and time I can say that love is a choice!!! You choose to stay in/with love or to walk away from it.



fruity
20 Sep 2010 15:45

those who know about this kind is called "falling out of love".

Meant those who know about this calls it falling out of love.

I sometimes ask mysel this question, seeing that I decided to love him, will I one day wake up and decide Not to love him? Guess only time will tell.

BM
21 Sep 2010 08:47

agree with you fruity love is a decision.

I am happy and shaking at the same time this morning, the guy i have been dating on-and off for the past 3yrs just asked me yesterday if i am willing to take the relationship to the next level.
 I was a bit lost when he said that, as we have been together for a while, we fight a lot, get back together , make-up sex and all, so i really was not expecting  what he asked me yesterday. 
He said he wants me to be his property and him mine  forever, and i was like what the heck? and he  bowed down and asked me to marry him, damn i didnt expect this from him at all, he is a selfish bastards when he likes but very loving and we talk about every detail of our lives most of time when we are together, but never about marriage, marrying him has just got me so shocked i told him i will think about it.

We both bullies, we love the same thigngs like food, entertainment and music, when the is a fight between us(not fists people), we both dont back down, i will walk out or him and we will spend 2days and get back with each other, the only time we had a very huge fight it lasted about a month , and i was struggling, he tells me he was too.
 So Segs  to answer your questions i will say everythign about us is very differrent and very emotinal all the time. And the is one thing we both dont love doing is hurting each other, we alwasy analyse what happened after a fight and we will talk about and whoever started it , should apologise. 
I love him very much but marrying him is not something i want for now, i need to realise most of my dreams alone and maybe if it really is true love, we will marry in 3yrs down the line.

if women can complete themselves(meaning you ahve to know yourself, be happy by who you are, be independant enough to handle life alone) first before rushing in serious relationships or engagements just ot make their man happy, maybe we have a chance of everlasting love, not meaning the will be no up and downs. 
we as woman should never settle for less, if a man is happy to hit you, swear at you, hurt you all the time know that he is not the person for you. let's put our selves first and then all else will follow.

Love is something else yazi. wow that is a speech....

nice
21 Sep 2010 09:51

Love is that warm fuzzy feeling that you get when you see the person you are in love with, that little shock and wide smile when you see them. The feeling of love is not a choice, it is a feeling that overwhelms each one of us now and again, induced by a lot of things.........................looks, the way the person you are in love treats you, money, status, posessions...............whatever it is good and bad that gets you to have the feeling.

You dont choose to be in love, once you have the love you choose whether or not to be in a relationship with the person you love, with the hope that love will grow and never fade away, but unfortunately the feeling does go away and you have to keep on nurturing it.

Once you have decided to be in relationship because of the love you had initially, then you have to work on making sure the love doesnt fade and it grows, we all choose what we can tolerate and not tolerate in a relationship that began because of love.

To me, being cheated may be a big deal, but not to a next person and that applies to any kind of abuse, emotional or physical. If the person is prepared to make the relationship that she is in, by choice, work at all costs.....it shall be at all costs including their own life..........the partner will beat you to death, or infect you with an incurable disease ...........either way it will still cost you your life and if that is what you are prepared to give for the sake of making yourrelationship work so be it!

I am at the point where I believe in unconditional love, yes you fall in love, you feel the love...........based on certain conditions that you place on the feeling then you establish a relationship. This relationship will have all types and kinds of conditions.

machinjiri
21 Sep 2010 10:14

true love daz not hurt, i hope ur frnd knows whst she is doing segs, coz if he is abusing her now what makes her think he wil stop when they get married. Am in a complicated relationship but to tell u the truth am happy in this relationship, the dude respects me he helps wherever he fls his help is needed, he tells me to trust hm wth all my probs

machinjiri
21 Sep 2010 10:27

when i dont have money for lunch i do tell hm and he asks me if i need the money or if he can bring me lunch, when i want lunch i do tell hm when am broke i just tell hm to bring the money i'll buy my lunch. He asks me abt my boys all the time. We spend the whole day chatting via smses and he gives me his attention when i want it. men r supposed to protect uus

zozoe
21 Sep 2010 13:09

I AM STILL LEARNING


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