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Don't call me by her name...

Written by FoxyT from the blog I'm not your EX... on 30 May 2011
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Ok, I’m having one of those days….

After breaking it off with the father of my son last year, I realized it was time that I had to get back in the game and see what the world could offer me next. I started seeing some one a few months back and it has been great. He was involved with someone else when we first met but it was one of those long distance relationships. He ended it and we never looked back!

Having said all that… I have one dilemma! Last night when he was half asleep he called me by his ex’s name… I didn’t believe my ears at first but I asked him what he had called me and he said it again for the second time. Then he apologized and said he didn’t know what had caused it. I mean I love the guy and everything else about him. And I’ve always believed that he felt the same way about me.

Am I reading too much into this or is there something fishy about the whole thing? Why would he call some woman’s name…his ex noggal…when he’s sleeping on my bed?

54 Comments

GML
30 May 2011 11:50

Last night when he was half asleep he called me by his ex’s name…

he was half asleep....

FoxyT
30 May 2011 12:00

I'd say half asleep coz it was in the middle of the night and we were in bed already.

Vandimerwe
30 May 2011 12:00

i dont think u a reading too much into this....................... open ur eyes gal

Favoured
30 May 2011 12:06

The General
30 May 2011 12:10

Surely he was sleeping, cause I would never call a girl with another girl's name no matter how much I love/loved that girl

poshspice
30 May 2011 12:11

My view is that she is still in his mind...He's been thinking about her a lot or they are talking to each other.. It should concern you....probe him about it...compare what he says with his behavior and make a decision.

It could be he was just thinking about her but still committed to you, its harmless or
It could be he misses her and considering being with her again or already they are in contact...

But she is definitely in his mind! find out why!

Green.arrow
30 May 2011 12:15

But she is definitely in his mind! find out why!...Yupp!

Relationships!

FoxyT
30 May 2011 12:18

I must admit, I also think about my previous partner as well... but for it to get to that point whereby he has to call his name just worries me! Is he comparing notes? Does he miss her?

GML
30 May 2011 12:22

Ask him that....

babye
30 May 2011 12:22

I stand to be corrected, we mostly dream about people who we think of before we sleep. like Posh said he could be thinking about her.

Mrs Chix
30 May 2011 12:26

it might mean nothing dear some pple talk in their sleep, he might have been thinking of her but it does always mean that he misses her

carino
30 May 2011 12:36

Whose name???? It's clear - there isn't any other way of explaining it. He has been thinking about her and that is why. Just think about how he would react if you'd call out some guy's name in bed? He would freak...But I still don't think it would mean he wants to go back to her or leave you or anything. She's been in his mind and maybe you did something that reminded him of her, or there's something you didn't do that she would've done. Shem. RELATIONSHIPS!!

S.K
30 May 2011 12:39

I agree with babye,the things u think about before u sleep sometimes do come as dreams or whatsoever. He was thinking about her. It might be harmless but she was on his mind. I also tink about someone but I NEVER call someone by their names. It should concern u.

Ask him about and do follow up!!!!!

poshspice
30 May 2011 12:49

GA "Relationships!"
Carino "Shem. RELATIONSHIPS!!

tltltltlt this is enough to make one stay away from relationships, add the saying 'amadoda'!!!!

GML
30 May 2011 12:50

They have a history, its only normal that he may be thinking about her.

He may have not called you by her name- he may have just called out her name and you happen to hear him. Remember before we reach REM (Rapid eye movement) sleep we are in a trans (sp). Meaning, we arent really responsible for sudden movements or what we say.

ntoko
30 May 2011 12:57

Lolest guys ay ay relationships shem....

One and Only
30 May 2011 13:00

FoxyT it is said that when a person is asleep, he's as good as dead meaning that they are not aware of what is happening. So if you're gonna ask him about it what do you expect him to say?

Why would he call some woman’s name…his ex noggal…when he’s sleeping on my bed?
So the problem here is that he was sleeping on your bed? Maybe nje futhi nalowo mbhede isikebhe!

I talk a lot in my sleep and all the women who had asked what I was saying are now my exes. I wish that he dumps you as well for when you ask him this nonsense.

Green.arrow
30 May 2011 13:01

lol Posh...heish...even the ones that are smooth sailing require so much work!!!.....to be as smooth sailing and to remain like that. Too much hard work....

Snuca Babe
30 May 2011 13:02

Kick some BUTT Foxy

ntoko
30 May 2011 13:06

Foxy.T when i thought my situation was worse ,he likes to give examples regarding his current galfriend and his x's a min he mention them he piss me off big tym feel like smack him down on Monday he said: "U gals like to pick up small things for instance, he dnt notice anything at sum stage his galfriend was complaining since he never said anything about her hairstlye the gal was moaning since he never compliment her nails and eyelashes......he ruined my day and i had to come clean i told him how i felt honestly it makes me feel like an intruder if he is so into her what he wants from me....So gal u r not alone we all face different situations regarding relationship never let the whole thing affect how u feel about him just watch him closely though

Sdakamiswa
30 May 2011 13:07

This is bad , he wants her back badly , its so bad he's dreaming and calling out her name....... R U N

poshspice
30 May 2011 13:09

lol O&O so it wouldn't bother you if your missus after your weekends away from each other,comes back calling her ex in her sleep owamkhipha kuyena...

maddie
30 May 2011 13:13

u said they were in a long distance relationship, am imagining they were not seeing each other that much and he still calls her in his sleep wow.

the 2 of u moved on too soon.

anyway mina am just worried about the way we go about having kids with people we're not even sure we gonna spend the our lives with.

nowadays it's like we have a kid/kids and break up a month later, it's just too casual considering the innocent lives involved

The_critisizer
30 May 2011 13:13

Dump him....!!!

One and Only
30 May 2011 13:26

Why is it that women are always suspicious and thinking that men are cheating? I'm sure you have gone through his phone several times and couldn't find anything suggesting that he's cheating now you gonna use this lame excuse to pick up a fight!

Asking him is pointless as you already made up your made and whatever he's gonna to say will be unacceptable to you, so why don't you just dump him as I'm sure some man-less women are there will treat him better.

Lucky me my girlfriend knows I don't want to be ask *bleep!* like, where are you? why are you not answering your phone? who's phoning you at 23h00, who's photo's this on your phone etc. You ask me any of these I end the relationship, period.

Green.arrow
30 May 2011 13:26

never let the whole thing affect how u feel about him...ha e...all or nothing Ntoko!
as posh said earlier on
But she is definitely in his mind! find out why!...communicate communicate communicate....lest you suffer in silence, at the very least.

Green.arrow
30 May 2011 13:28

anyway mina am just worried about the way we go about having kids with people we're not even sure we gonna spend the our lives with.
nowadays it's like we have a kid/kids and break up a month later, it's just too casual considering the innocent lives involved
yeah maddie, its become such a norm its scary...

VusiK
30 May 2011 13:32

Everybody ... including you has a history ... Get over it! He slipped ... and apologised ... The only trouble that's going to emerge rom this episode is going to be caused by you! Hi gang ... I've been having chest pains for a week ... and out of commission...

VusiK
30 May 2011 13:39

Some people are not in as good control of their conscious & unconscious spaces as others of us are .... I would never be i your man's situation ... but he is ... I've witnessed people make stupid mistake from stupid mistakes like these ... He has a past ... How are you going to handle the day he hits the right spot on you and you call out someone name ... and it's not his? Any *ish happens to this great relationship you claim to be in ... will be your fault ... don't blame him .... or are you lying to yourself that it is as great as it is ... if you suspect a lot out of nothing? You want to cause an issue of something ... catch him cheating first ...

Sdakamiswa
30 May 2011 13:46

It is natural when things like this happen we assume the worst.. it could only spell trouble nothing else Last night I dreamt about a female colleague that I found out a few months ago was not well and in hospital.. At some point I remember thinking to myself and wondering how she was doing.. Now I do not know what could have triggered me dreaming about her last night. I shudder to think what my girlfriend would say/think had I mumbled the girls name in my sleep worse of all is we had a fight last night.. Okay lets think about this for a moment, does this mean I want the poor sickly girl? This is someone I worked with a few years ago who is happily married with 3 kids **puzzled** how does the sub-conscious mind work**

Green.arrow
30 May 2011 13:51

hee Vuss...askies bout your chest, hope you are recovering?

But does it hurt to ask your patner gore who is that they were talking about or calling out in their sleep???...its just a question, when you dont ask you formulate stories and that is even wors. Foxy hun...ask him nicely and be honest about how him saying his ex's name in his sleep disturbed you.

Cutie Pie
30 May 2011 13:59

@ Foxy - Look love, don't dump your man yet. Like everyone has said, we have a past. Before I got married, I was in a terrible relationship, got into some transactions I shouldn't have with that person. After our break up I knew I would never ever be with him again. To say I hated him was an understatement. Unfortunately we had to communicate in order to sort out the transactions we got into together. We used to talk every 2 days. I was stressed by the whole thing and wished it was over.

Every night I used to think/dream about solutions to these issues. I do beleive that at some point I did mention my ex's name in my sleep. Not becaused I missed him (it was quite the opposite), but there was just a lot that we had to sort out together before we can move on with our lives.

Before jumping the gun, talk to your man and understand where he's coming from. Its possible that there is some baggage of some sort that he has not yet discussed with you that's bugging him.

VusiK
30 May 2011 15:46

@G.A. Would not bother me in the slightest ... Everyone has history, and a past ... I would let them know to their situation and implore them to control their utterances ... their thoughts are their own ... I only react to actions ... not opinons

Llu
30 May 2011 16:31

My ex fiancé and I were arguing nd in the mist of it all I heard a sharp voice saying “SOSO PLEASE!!!” (Soso is the ex) then there was a moment of silence, both our eyes where glued on each other (with little miss thing’s mouth wide open) … It has been 3.5 years since Soso nd I broke up nd I really had no idea where this was all coming from… “Did u just….did u??” shame he couldn’t finish the question, I felt so bad nd I started crying nd saying I don’t know why I did that nd I really had no idea why I did that… how does the sub-conscious mind work** really Sda how does it work??

VusiK
30 May 2011 16:37

@Liu ... Soso could trigger an intense stresser ... so when he is really getting irritated ... his argument defaults to Soso...

VusiK
31 May 2011 09:26

Simple rules save relationships ...

If you are guessing / supposing / presuming ... You are destroying your relationship by yourself ... & will always blame others for the result ...

Rely on facts and what you can prove. The only thing you have proven is that he has a past, ignore that past if you intend to be his future, he's not dragging it along ... you are!

Ntlewame2
31 May 2011 09:38

we were relaxing beautifully on a couch a week ago; between the cosyness and conversation I called him by my ex's name..........luckily when asked who that is I said " Eish this guy at work has been irritating me so much today"..................I love my current and my ex pisses me off......

So let go.........unless something else pops up

Vesa
31 May 2011 09:43

Should-a, could-a, would-a....haai ngeke! Playing the guessing game is a futile excercise and often times the mind will always assume the worst!!

You've asked him why he mentioned the name, and he answered. Now it's all upon you to accept his answer as it is, or start looking for things.....and that will be the beginning of the end of the relationship.

TheLady
31 May 2011 09:50

I always have to stop myself from calling bf's name in bed coz the name than comes to mind is ex's...and funny that when I really think about it he didn't do anything exciting ekameleni-I have no clue why. And we broke up 3 years ago. That didn't happen with the recent ex-why now?

Ntlewame2
31 May 2011 09:54

I must just reminder to use the English name for my ex in future....till this wears off

VusiK
31 May 2011 09:58

@Ntlewame2 ... You're up to mischief if you consciously call his name ... and have to switch to other versions of his identity .... You're actually wasting your man's time, and he will find out whether you're playing him against the memory of your ex ... or not ...

Ntlewame2
31 May 2011 10:00

Let me steal your blog FoxyT:

We have been together for 2 months-' seems like a year because of how quickly we became close .......*taking the final step soon*.......

why did i have to make him delete/change his ex- (for more than a year he claims) as honeyB on his phone?............he claims it means nothing.....
..i told hm i think he still hopes for a reconcilliation which he laughed off and said its actually the other way round...

I hope he's really over her since we may have to spend the rest of our lives together........

Ntlewame2
31 May 2011 10:06

@VusiK......now that I think about it............after 4yrs he's the first guy im able to love back since my ex..........maybe my mind was linking to the past .....

...........(we were relaxing beautifuly on the couch)...
i managed to boldly tell my ex that we must accept that we have moved on...few days ago.....*shuuu* goodwork (since he's been popping in and out for these yrs)

VusiK
31 May 2011 10:07

@Ntlewame2 ... I still think you're full of mischief and full of *ish in the relationship ... Methinks he has no ex issues .... you however, per your responses ... definitely do! You are an ex-issue in motion!

Ntlewame2
31 May 2011 10:48

tl! tl! tl!

VusiK
31 May 2011 13:06

lol

VusiK
01 Jun 2011 15:50

Hey FoxyT ... How did you resolve to deal with this issue?

Sifuna Ukwazi!!!

FoxyT
02 Jun 2011 07:19

Hi VusiK... He still says he doesn't know how it happend, so there isn't much I can do about it! I decided to just let it go but still keeping my eyes open for anything funny.

I love the guy and I don't want this to mess up what we had. I just have to accept that he has a past and things like that do happen sometimes... but e seng ho nna! Thank you guys for your comments, it made me look at the situation differently.

babygal
06 Jun 2011 12:11

this comes from a gal whose been told she talks while sleeping - i've been told i talk while i'm sleeping, i dont remember doing it, let alone what i have been saying, so dont make a fuss about it, he does not remember period!!!

VusiK
06 Jun 2011 12:37

@FoxyT

I suggest you concentrate your energy on the good and not the possibility of the bad ... too many relationships die because of the insecurities of the other partner instead of the strength of the relationship ...

If he's messing around, chances are very great you will know ... If you imagine him messing around, the odds of you manifesting it and driving him into the arms of another woman are even greater than those of him going off and cheating by himself. ...

I can tell you this with absolute authority ... No man finds insecurity in his partner attractive ... The instant you become insecure, you are prompting him to find a more secure place to go and be secure with ...

Vandimerwe
06 Jun 2011 12:42

well said VusiK...............

caro
06 Jun 2011 13:23

lol he's being doing a lot of thinking bout this chick coz we usually have dreams bout wat happened more especially if it ws part of our lives 4 long or still is.

bezu
06 Jun 2011 13:41

hi guys, I think and feel that we don't choose what to dream or not to dream so give the poor guy a break,,,!If he's good to you dont let such stupid dream worry you or destroy something beautiful,,, we dont get over someone over night -so its only natural that he would still think about this girl but that does not mean he wants her back and if he did I'm sure he can go back to her - the fact that he is with you means thats where he wants to be so just enjoy the moment and forget the rest!!!

Just becoz u r with someone does not mean you will dream or think about that person only!!!

VusiK
06 Jun 2011 14:24

Just becoz u r with someone does not mean you will dream or think about that person only!!!

..... Lalela o'ntanga bakho!

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